Gift bags on dates

[Xargoth6634]

Pretty creepy, imo. Who buys someone lingerie on a first date?

[Endus]

I don't want to in any way come off like I'm defending this asshole, because this shit is super-creepy and weird, and more than a little misogynistic. However, I wanted to take issue with one line from the unfortunate gal who wrote this;

I told him that not all online daters want to jump into bed right away. I told him that I have self-respect.

This is an attitude that belongs in the 1950s, and no later. It's beyond outdated. It's like acting shocked that a woman might have a hemline about her calf, or dare to show some bare shoulder. Sex isn't a burden placed on women by men, and it isn't something that should cause any loss of "respect", whether by others and certainly not yourself. I'm not saying you SHOULD jump in bed with a guy (or gal) on the first date, if you're not sure yet, but if you DO want to jump their bones, and they're game too, have at it. You're attracted to each other, and comfortable enough to jump into physical intimacy. That's literally all it means.

The whole attitude there is presenting sex as some burden women take on in service to men, and that a woman with "self-respect" will only take on that burden in exchange for the right amount of relationship "security". It's not a healthy view of sex. If you don't want to have sex with a dude (or a lady), just don't have sex with them. Don't say "I can't, because I have self-respect". Just be honest that you're not comfortable with that, or you don't find them attractive, or whatever.

[Deleted]

He could have bought her a nice swimsuit, and ask her to go swimming with him the next time. He'd still see her in the same kind of garments, it would have been less creepy to her, who knows where it would have gone from there on.

I'd be pretty weirded out if a dude gave me panties on our first date, I'd ask him what he had planned for our first date. Maybe it wasn't his intention to have sex on the first date, but who would ever think this is a good idea? Unless it's a tinder sex date.

[xGLxAnubis]

Uh why? Why would she make this up? That's a sexist take on this.

How is claiming the story sounds made up, sexist? Asking for a friend.

[Flutterguy]

A bold move, but the guy obviously misread his date. Neither are in the wrong here. They're just not a fit for each other.

[Deleted]

At 41, she really just should've been glad it was in a gift bag.

[Sorshen]

Uh why? Why would she make this up? That's a sexist take on this.

You're always intentionally daft? Or just when posting drivel threads?

[zenkai]

Sounds like a load of bullshit to me. Really artificial sounding story.

^This and it was a boring story, MMO is now a shitty blog site.

[ItachiZaku]

She felt empowered, yet stomped out in a hissy and wanted to cry? lol Fake story is fake.

- - - Updated - - -

Also, she doesn't say if she paid or not. I'm sure this is her normal MO to get free food.

[Vargulf the Happy Husky]

im with Nancy.

problem is, this or something similar has probably worked for Todd in the past, so he assumed. But you know what assuming does...0

BUT on a good note: a small gift on a first date may not have been a bad thing. say for example Todd had gone to bath and body works and been like "Hey nancy, i was in B&B getting some candles for my study room, and i noticed this very nice hand lotion. I thought it smelled nice so i bought a bottle for you as a gift."

That's solid. Todd may have gotten laid using that strategy.

[Tennis]

At 41, she really just should've been glad it was in a gift bag.

So 41 year olds should be desperate is what you're saying?

[Deleted]

So 41 year olds should be desperate is what you're saying?

I'm saying 41-year olds who make up extremely fake-looking attention whore articles who complain that god forbid someone got them a gift have a reason to be desperate and that's themselves.

She'll stay desperate.

[SupBrah]

I'm saying 41-year olds who make up extremely fake-looking attention whore articles who complain that god forbid someone got them a gift have a reason to be desperate and that's themselves.

She'll stay desperate.

You can definitely get a good idea as to why she's 41 and single just by reading that article.

[Revi]

I don't think there's any problem worth discussing in that arc of a story. He made a cringy move, got rejected. She went on a date, didn't like his advance, went home.

There's nothing malicious or denegrating about what he did. He tried to be flirty and direct and he failed, and she was free to choose whether or not it was something she wanted.

[Docturphil]

Assuming the details of this scenario are true, yeah that's inappropriate. The only reason it would ever be appropriate to bring lingerie as a gift for a first date is if it was made pretty clear that the primary purpose of meeting up in real life was sexual in nature. Usually you're not at that point by the first date.

[Mistame]

Uh why? Why would she make this up? That's a sexist take on this.

That's not how that word works.

I don't want to in any way come off like I'm defending this asshole, because this shit is super-creepy and weird, and more than a little misogynistic. However, I wanted to take issue with one line from the unfortunate gal who wrote this;

Not sure "misogynistic" is the right word here. Hell, even if he came right out and said, "I want to fuck you and then not hear from you again", that might be sexist but it wouldn't necessarily be misogyny. In either case, you would have to qualify the claim. Only wanting to have sex with a woman is neither "sexist" nor "misogynistic", inherently. I mean, I've met women that were sexy as hell but as soon as they started talking my mind walked out the door.

This is an attitude that belongs in the 1950s, and no later. It's beyond outdated. It's like acting shocked that a woman might have a hemline about her calf, or dare to show some bare shoulder. Sex isn't a burden placed on women by men, and it isn't something that should cause any loss of "respect", whether by others and certainly not yourself. I'm not saying you SHOULD jump in bed with a guy (or gal) on the first date, if you're not sure yet, but if you DO want to jump their bones, and they're game too, have at it. You're attracted to each other, and comfortable enough to jump into physical intimacy. That's literally all it means.

The whole attitude there is presenting sex as some burden women take on in service to men, and that a woman with "self-respect" will only take on that burden in exchange for the right amount of relationship "security". It's not a healthy view of sex. If you don't want to have sex with a dude (or a lady), just don't have sex with them. Don't say "I can't, because I have self-respect". Just be honest that you're not comfortable with that, or you don't find them attractive, or whatever.

I agree completely. I've never supported any "moral" attachment to sex and the fact that so many people still do is irritating as hell. If she's interested in a casual encounter, there's nothing wrong with it. If she's not, that's fine, too. But there's also nothing inherently wrong with hinting at or asking if she's interested in such an encounter. Her taking offense at the suggestion is pretty stupid, especially at her age.