Millennial women are 'worried,' 'ashamed' of out-earning boyfriends and husbands

[haxartus]

My girlfriend earns like 20% more than me.
I really don't see this as a problem, how could it be ? Maybe if she was earning 3 times as much it would create some imbalance, but that would be the case if I was making 3 times as much as well. People just create relationships with other people in the same income bracket.

[Deleted]

seems like its problem with his laziness and lack of desire to get something out of like. let me guess he probably wanted to spend all day in front of tv with beer in his hand while she wanted to see places and get something out of life.

He earned an average income and she made something like 3 times the average (she is very career driven).

[Super Kami Dende]

My Ex used to earn more than me. Yet I saved more than her and paid for a lot more of out living expenses.

How would that be in this situation? Since I would technically be supporting more even though earning less?

[Spectral]

I would also like to see that tbh, but you are probably on to something about the last part, if there is no need for more money, i doubt that there would be any conflict over it.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking - when a couple is fully funded and any additional money basically feels like a bonus, I doubt there's going to be a lot of conflict or insecurity around money. If I make enough to easily provide for both of us, I'm not going to feel emasculated by my wife getting a kickass job. But if we're struggling and I feel like I can't pull my weight? Well, yeah, that'd take a toll.

The other part that I think isn't accounted for here is status. I would guess that many of the instances of the woman earning more (given current demographic realities) are cases where the woman is college educated and the man doesn't. The result of this is that in addition to earnings disparity, the man also has lower social status, which almost certainly stings and drives a wedge between people.

If both members of the couple are basically doing pretty well and both have high status jobs (let's say a male scientist that makes $75K and a female project manager making $100K), is there still a problem? I'm guessing not, but haven't seen it studied.

Another problem, which is probably going to be an unpopular sentiment, is that in my experience, a large number of people that are "climbers" at work are just assholes. If you're putting two climbers together and one succeeded and the other failed, there's going to be strife.

[Allybeboba]

I wish my wife made more money than me. But I am not a Millennial either and neither is my wife.

[prwraith]

In other news my girlfriend outearns me working at the same company. I'm a salaried manager. She's an hourly trainer.....

#life

[alt-ithist]

I'll never understand idiots who feel that way. I'm an RN and my wife being a corporate lawyer makes way more then me and I couldn't be prouder. I could never do her job, just not built that way. She is absolutely ruthless in court, something I could never be, though in her case I often find it a turn on. Went back to medical school a couple years ago and even when I'm done she will still make shit ton more then me, but not for a single moment has she ever made me feel that it was "her" money. Could be due to us being together so long, way before either of us had careers and we supported each other towards our goals.

[Mizix]

Another problem, which is probably going to be an unpopular sentiment, is that in my experience, a large number of people that are "climbers" at work are just assholes. If you're putting two climbers together and one succeeded and the other failed, there's going to be strife.

Think this is a crucial aspect: people like that are highly competitive individuals and might not be able to switch the competition off at home.

[Shiny212]

Yeah I think that's a self conscious control thing.

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Didn't imply that, just saying in the circles I have ran around never saw anyone complained. I would think guys who feel insecure would be the older generation and not so much problem of the younger generation since they are more open minded in general.

What you think though, isn't that important. Here's an article that has copious amounts of research behind it and you dismiss it with anecdotes. It's a tad silly to even speak out then.

[pfbe]

I guess the odd thing here is that such things as "boyfriend" and "husband" still exist for that generation, instead of being outmoded concepts.

It doesn't matter, in any case. They're worried and ashamed... and so what? Either they swallow their fears, go look for someone else or give up on romantic relationships. Whatever the outcome, it's as important as what brand of fast food I decide to eat today.

No, really, imagine men started coming out complaining about women being terrible at calculus. Or terrible at finding their way around a map. So what? I'm not relying on the missus to navigate the woods (kek). These women who outearn the men they date, they already earn enough to not be relying on someone else to pay for their shit, so at most it's a feefees thing, and feefees are just not that important :/

[Dzartovian]

"in their sample, dissatisfaction increased, and could lead to divorce, "once a woman started to earn more than her husband.""

There you have the hypergamy situation. What can you really expect when the vast majority of society has a value system that is monetary-based?
If a women earns more then her male partner, biological kicks in and she will most likely go look for someone who earns more then her.
At this point its not like marriage matters anyway, where money issues are the most likely case for divorce anyway.

Doesn't women complaining that they are earning more then their partners, reinforce sexist gender roles? That in order for the man to be worth something he has to bring in more money? Comparing single or unmarried millennial women to wives who have been married and may/may not have had kids is a very large spectrum and doesn't take into account (In my opinion, the most important factors) the upbringing, culture and world-view of individual people.

If women earn more then men, who gives a shit. If they don't like that their partner earns less, then dump him and move on. It's not like there's any emotional significance if your willing to end a relationship over money in the first place.

TLDR: Nobody cares, people who have a value system based on money will never be satisfied regardless of gender, call it greed or whatever.

[Spectral]

I guess the odd thing here is that such things as "boyfriend" and "husband" still exist for that generation, instead of being outmoded concepts.

Could you elaborate?

...so at most it's a feefees thing, and feefees are just not that important :/

This is about as wrong as wrong can get in romantic relationships.

[pfbe]

Could you elaborate?

I could.

This is about as wrong as wrong can get in romantic relationships.

Yes, I can also reply to posts with vague disagreements. /shrug

[Spectral]

I could.

Yes, I can also reply to posts with vague disagreements. /shrug

OK, you're pretty uninteresting I suppose.

[Wrecktangle]

My gf makes literally over double what I make (and I do pretty well), but she's older and an all-star at what she does though.

It actually causes some issues because she still wants me to "be the man", and pay for stuff (she spends plenty of money on me), but if you turn it to %'s it's like 30% of my income, and like 11% of hers the last time I did a budget with her. If we ever were to get married I'd obviously benefit, but she's fucking nuts. Not sure I'll survive.

[kamuimac]

He earned an average income and she made something like 3 times the average (she is very career driven).

so it wasnt about $ - it was just mismatched relationship from get go - carrier driven woman would never settle for lazy ambitionless bum - regardless of how much $ each of they woudl make.

it was personality problem not earnings problem.

[Deleted]

so it wasnt about $ - it was just mismatched relationship from get go - carrier driven woman would never settle for lazy ambitionless bum - regardless of how much $ each of they woudl make.

it was personality problem not earnings problem.

Well, he isnt a lazy bum. He's just the average guy that works full time and earns an average income.

But I just wanted to show that women also, just like men, have certain feelings about the income imbalance. Hence why women prefer not to "downdate".

[zenkai]

What you think though, isn't that important. Here's an article that has copious amounts of research behind it and you dismiss it with anecdotes. It's a tad silly to even speak out then.

How the research was conducted is a major factor, you blindly believe everything you read huh?

[Spectral]

How the research was conducted is a major factor, you blindly believe everything you read huh?

I don't really see any reason to doubt the claim that the divorce rate is higher for couples that have a higher earning woman than man.

As mentioned upthread, I suspect that this is a more complicated story than "people are upset when their partner makes more" and that breaking it out by income brackets and status would be a more fully story, but I don't really see why I'd question the base claim much at all.

[zenkai]

I don't really see any reason to doubt the claim that the divorce rate is higher for couples that have a higher earning woman than man.

As mentioned upthread, I suspect that this is a more complicated story than "people are upset when their partner makes more" and that breaking it out by income brackets and status would be a more fully story, but I don't really see why I'd question the base claim much at all.

But is it higher among millennials? The divorce could also be from women who feel their man should be making more than them.