Why is virgin shaming a thing?

[Granyala]

Go look at the data for life outcomes for people from unmarried parents, particularly boys. They fare much worse than people whose parents form stable families.

As s/o who has witnessed a divorce and lots of marriage drama first hand, I can only say that marriage is no guarantee for a proper environment in which a child can develop.

[Freighter]

Sex may be fun, but sex is also attached to dangers (STDs, psychological traumas of failed relationships, unwanted pregnancies).
Sure, modern medicine can mitigate those dangers but they are still there, so drive responsibly.

I fail to understand how this is related to misusing sex...

[Eninya]

I lost my virginity pretty damn young, and was exposed to sexual stuff even younger. :s

Thankfully, no one ended up pregnant. Kids are dumb and sex education in the U.S. is depressingly bad or nonexistent in some places. Teen pregnancy is a lot higher than it should be, and it doesn't help that society thinks guys should run out and lose their virginity as soon as possible as some rite of passage. Sadly, knowing what is involved or can result from sex isn't taken into consideration.

[Burgerberg]

I lost my virginity pretty damn young, and was exposed to sexual stuff even younger. :s

No brony is going to lose their virginity like that.

[Felya]

If you don't pop your "cherry" it starts to grow teeth, for men it results in a creature coming out of your ass to kill people. I saw a couple of documentaries about it:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2274570/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/

[Swizzington]

If you don't pop your "cherry" it starts to grow teeth, for men it results in a creature coming out of your ass to kill people. I saw a couple of documentaries about it:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2274570/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780622/

What the fuck

[Deleted]

I think it's a bigger thing among WoW players and nerds in general, at least in my experience. None of my friends (mostly not people you'd consider nerds) really talked about such things, nor did they care. There was no boasting or pointless chatter about something that didn't involve them. I lost mine bit later than is the "norm" these days, even though I was great with girls from very young age. For long period of my time I was surrounded by many pretty girls and made out with many.

Sex I didn't have as much interest in, nor did I really care for girls much until at later age. During my younger years, girls were simply part of maintaining status of sorts and they were far better friends than most of the guys.

Sex only entered the equation when I first fell in love and I've never fallen for a local (Finnish girl), which is good as there are some people, who experiment with sex without love later on and find that there's no fulfillment in it. Physical or otherwise. Only time I've encountered virgin shaming in any shape or form was among WoW players, who tried to hide their nerdy natures and be like the "cool party kids". They were bullied so hard for other reasons that they tried to make sure there was at least someone beneath them in the food chain.

I was exposed to sex and things related to it from very young age, even though I didn't participate until later time. So it wasn't that I didn't know what to do or how to do it, I just didn't think it was something I'd like to do unless it felt right. Seeing teen pregnancies and how their lives got screwed at such young age, may have influenced things a bit too.

There shouldn't be any outside pressure towards people who want to go their own way. Going to have sex for the first time just to "pop your cherry" is just waste of time.

[Deleted]

Why is virgin shaming a thing? Well there are two major reasons:
1. Because some people are idiots and they will mock whatever is different from their view to make themselves feel superior.
2. Because some people are in a group of people from 1 and, to feel included, they also mock others not sharing the view of the group to be included in the group.

That's it. Nothing else. It's the same as mocking someone for having a tattoo or a piercing or wearing something you find odd.

[Extremity]

I think the virgin shaming itself is a part of the problem, sort of a self-causing issue. It leads to further self esteem problems and, worst of all, entirely over-hyping sex. I remember before my first time I had "sex" on this insanely high pedestal like... I don't really know how to explain it, but it just seemed like a much bigger, more complex thing than it actually turned out to be. All the worries and "what ifs" vanished pretty quickly when I lost my virginity and I remember that one of my first thoughts during was "this is it?" -- not that it was bad or unenjoyable by any means, but I guess I just realized in an instant that it was just... well, normal. That I'd hyped the shit out of it and made it a much bigger deal than it was. I remember thinking back to the times I could have lost my virginity beforehand and passed on or even avoided the opportunity due to being nervous or scared I'd do something wrong and wishing I'd just gone for it now because it just wasn't such a big deal. There really was this moment of clarity where everything sort of "clicked" and I realized how much I'd overthought the entire thing for years.

So yeah, maybe it's just me but I think people being trolled or "virgin shamed" can contribute to the problem itself and cause them to overthink/hype things even more. My best advice is to just go for it - if you have an opportunity and it's with somebody you like and/or are attracted to, just do it. Suck it up, ignore the nervousness, ignore the "what ifs", ignore the "am i the right size" worries, ignore all of it. Chances are that whatever self-esteem related worries you have are pretty common and that your partner has just as many. You're going to do it eventually, you're going to have the same feelings then, so just get it over with because I promise that as soon as you do you'll realize how normal and instinctive it really is.

I don't mean go out and bang the first person you have the slightest opportunity with just for the sake of it, I'm just saying to take advantage of the next opportunity you get with somebody that you WANT to sleep with. If you have trouble finding that person, just... stop stressing it. I know it's a cliche but confidence is everything, and when you're terrified of sex or even avoid physical contact or are visibly nervous/anxious when it happens or is suggested, people can tell. Just do your best to keep telling yourself that it's something almost every single person that's lived has done, and it's not going to go horribly wrong for you; you're just not that special!

[rogoth]

Living beings are obsessed with sex.

aside from dolphins we are the only known mammals currently in existence that have sex for pleasure, the rest of the known species in existence do so to further their species and keep them form becoming extinct alongside the biological need to do so.

[Deleted]

It has nothing to do with confidence, I'd just never approach a woman with the intent of having intercourse. Oo
I may approach her if she's intellectually stimulating and we can have good conversations etc. but for sex? Nope.

So you don't approach women, because you have no interest in sex? But before that I said we all have an inherent desire for sex and you said "of course", but that you wouldn't do it because you have no hope of sex ever happening anyway. If that is not "having no confidence", then what is?

- - - Updated - - -

aside from dolphins we are the only known mammals currently in existence that have sex for pleasure, the rest of the known species in existence do so to further their species and keep them form becoming extinct alongside the biological need to do so.

How do we know they are not having sex for pleasure? How would we know? I'm sure they have orgasms. Sure, sex is from an evolutionary standpoint meant to be for reproduction, for the survival of the species, but the reason we do it in the first place is because it is pleasurable. So we and animals have sex cause it feels good, the reproduction thing is just what happens when the way to reproduce is fun. If it was painful to come then nobody would do it and we would die out. If there was no feeling at all, then we would still have no reason to do it. It needs to be pleasurable.

[Tico]

Considered weird by who?
Why do other people get to decide what is right or wrong about your body? (except for medical reasons)

The most important question about this thread.

[Granyala]

So you don't approach women, because you have no interest in sex? But before that I said we all have an inherent desire for sex and you said "of course", but that you wouldn't do it because you have no hope of sex ever happening anyway. If that is not "having no confidence", then what is?

I never said that I have no interest. The interest is not strong enough to be a factor in whether I approach a woman or not.
To be blunt: when I am out there, among people, sex isn't really in my mind because my brain is occupied with processing other data.
I'd need a quiet and romantic setting to even start thinking about it.

As for the confidence thing: two completely separate issues that are not linked.
I have no problem approaching the other gender but I only do it on a professional basis b/c so far I haven't met any woman that would be interested in my private life.

[glowzone]

Well some of us are just lightspeed ugly.

[Spectral]

Marriage isn't a requirement to have a stable family...

As s/o who has witnessed a divorce and lots of marriage drama first hand, I can only say that marriage is no guarantee for a proper environment in which a child can develop.

The odds aren't even close though - married couples stick together at much higher rates than the unmarried.

[Deleted]

I never said that I have no interest. The interest is not strong enough to be a factor in whether I approach a woman or not.
To be blunt: when I am out there, among people, sex isn't really in my mind because my brain is occupied with processing other data.
I'd need a quiet and romantic setting to even start thinking about it.

As for the confidence thing: two completely separate issues that are not linked.
I have no problem approaching the other gender but I only do it on a professional basis b/c so far I haven't met any woman that would be interested in my private life.

Approaching women to hit on them and approaching them professionally are two entirely different things. You really do seem to have low confidence if you think no woman you've ever met had any interest in your life.

[glowzone]

Stop going for women out of your league. Plenty of women on your level will put out.

Don't act like you're my wingman...how could you possibly know?

[Deleted]

Stop going for women out of your league. Plenty of women on your level will put out.

Why would you lower your standards just to get laid? That's stupid, if you are not attracted, then you are not attracted. "Out of your league" is kind of nonsense anyway these days.

[glowzone]

I know and are friends with women, with many of them being, well, not the best looking. They hookup with men on their level. It's not that hard, but men seem to put their expectations too high.

My point was..you don't know how I look nor what type of women I hit on.
I don't know why you think you can just randomly give me advice to aim lower.

The only hard requirements I have are pretty much "not be insanely fat" and "don't have stds".
The rest is up for debate. What, you think I call myself ugly and go after models?

[Deleted]

but men seem to put their expectations too high (looks-wise).

The irony of this coming from a woman.

Yeah, if you're a 3, don't expect to bang a 10, but you can approach women that are slightly more attractive than you with enough confidence. If you're a 6 or a 7, with enough skill you can get an 8, 9 or even a 10. It can be hard, but not impossible.

One thing I find very interesting is that really hot women will often be alone, because too many guys are too scared of approaching them, because they think they are out of his league. But all it takes sometimes is some confidence.