(Are you single would you go on a date with me?) What works on you?

[Thoughtcrime]

I don't understand.

Why are you in a thread about "what works on you", when you don't even want to have anything... being worked... on you?

I don't really respond to people like that anymore and take anything they say with a grain of salt. In western society most normal people are the same, if they make eye contact for more than a couple of seconds and smile; say hello. There's nothing creepy, or annoying, or weird about that. If someone finds that to be the case, that's on them as an individual and it shouldn't be taken as the rule, this is what social awkwardness is. The reason I say take it with a grain of salt is because outside of some very specific cultural reasons if they are attracted to the person initiating the conversation with them, they won't find it creepy or annoying or weird despite what they may say on the internet; it's as simple as that.

[Azadina]

My ring usually guards me from people trying to disrupt my grocery shopping Another thing is, that when I go to the store, I already know what I'm going to buy, so I'm in and out pretty quick. Sometimes I wonder if I should take something else too, but anyway, there's not a whole lot of time for anyone to try to approach.

When I'm browsing clothes, I have no timetable of any sort, unlike with just buying groceries.

[Azadina]

Quite surely you mean obnoxious and delusional, right?

OT: I'm more of the "Friendship and maybe more" kind and I'm not interested in straight up dating, experimented with it (both asking and being asked out) and I dont like the dynamic. I can't avoid it entirely but I try to avoid social activities where this tends to happen, dissapointing someone is never fun and too often you're the metaphorical bad guy all the sudden when you do.

Hay Vievs! Wanna go have some chocolate cake?

Does that work?

[Video Games]

annnd you just identified yourself as garbage that isn't worth talking to either way

You sure are hostile. Do you need a friend?

[derpkitteh]

I don't understand.

Why are you in a thread about "what works on you", when you don't even want to have anything... being worked... on you?

You don't wanna fuck, or date. You also don't have male friends except for two. What would be the point of just being straight forward to you? Just for your own convenience that you can immediately tell guys to gtfo?

well, it's a hypothetical for me. if i did want to date, i'm not exactly picky, only aggressive would get on my nerves. that's what i said.

i just mentioned as an aside that i don't actually want anything like that.

also, i don't try to keep up friendships anymore, but i used to have more guy "friends", but it was in highschool and i wasn't quite as outspoken about this kind of thing back then. and yeah, that secret achievement type thing? that's a real issue. it's not a game, it's just aggravating.

[derpkitteh]

That's my fet...weak spot!

Yes, always

chocolate cake related fetish?

that reminds me of an internet relic.

[Metallourlante]

On topic Celista pretty much hit the nail on the head. If you're trying to meet someone in any location at least pay attention to what that person is doing before attempting to interact with them. If in a grocery store pay attention to what they're buying...in a bar what they're drinking...or even online pay attention to what they consider important and address those things first.

So wait and lurk in the shadow while watching what they're doing, buying or drinking. What's the word...stalking them? I'm kidding of course but it was the first thing I thought when I read this part.

[derpkitteh]

I see myself as being pretty vanilla.....mixing very well with chocolate and strawberry delicacies.

Add assorted flavours to taste.

there's oh-so many assorted flavors down the rabbit hole. so many new cravings to be discovered if you just go deep enough.

but yeah, i love mixing vanilla and chocolate ice cream and stirring it into soft serve.

[Fencers]

Seriously is there a terrible place to ask YOU out?

Yes, when I am clearly busy doing something. Working out, having a meal, on my way to the restroom, doing yardwork, etc.

Is there a good place to ask you out, what has worked before?

Best times; while hanging out and clearly relaxing. That is when people are most open to conversation. Such as when I am lounging in the park, sitting at the bar, sitting by the lake front, etc.

I met my husband at a company party. I was in fact hanging out by the bar, getting a drink. Someone struck up a conversation with me and my husband approached the bar for a drink. And he joined in the conversation and got my attention.

What is a bad way to approach you, and do you have any stories about any hits or misses?

When I am with my children. I did not have kids for a long time though. Now that I do have kids, this is #1 the worst and most inappropriate (for various reasons) occasion I can imagine to approach a woman.

Also anything crass- like calling me a MILF or remarking on my butt or something. Anything about sex can be tricky- you have to certain I am attracted to you for it to work and even then it's not the best approach.

If not romance how about making friends?

Just have a normal conversation with people that is not demeaning or an obvious means to an end ('I am only talking to you because I want a BJ').

[PhantasmagoriaX]

If you dont have a bleeding edge achievement dont talk to me (LOLJK)

But on another note, I usually met all my ex's and current BF through my hobbies. So OP I think you should meet people that you have things in common with.

[Garnier Fructis]

Blunt is probably the only thing that works on me. Because I am really fucking oblivious when it comes to these things, and I only realize months or years later that someone liked me or was asking me out.

[Sunseeker]

Blunt is probably the only thing that works on me. Because I am really fucking oblivious when it comes to these things, and I only realize months or years later that someone liked me or was asking me out.

Same. I'm terrible at telling when someone is hitting on me (and in retrospect, there have been times) or even "hinting" at something in general, I just don't process that way.

For me in the past it's usually been a spur of the moment thing. I see someone I find attractive who has similar interests (we're in the same store, buying the same things) and I chat them up, make a decision if I want to move this into a friendship or a relationship and then act on it. But I don't ever reduce things from a relationship down to a friendship. It's too awkward for me. If I've made the decision I'm sexually interested in someone I'm not good at un-thinking that. Sometimes friendships have turned into relationships, but they've almost always ended poorly.

[kasuke06]

well for me, I prefer actions to pick up lines. You know, punch a thing, throw a heavy object at me, make a demonstration of martial/gaming skill. But don't try being all subtle, I tend to take things at face value. If you're going to try a pick up line, be blunt. I'm the kind of guy who gets hit by a bus and gets up, because he wasn't paying attention.

Supposedly I get hit on by girls with alarming frequency. Bounces right off because they generally try to be very subtle about it. At least when guys hit on me, they're direct about it.

[Deleted]

Well the date must happen before you ask for it, as in you already are at some place by individual interest. Then you realize you share that interest and naturally can interact with each other..

[Doctor Amadeus]

Quite surely you mean obnoxious and delusional, right?

OT: I'm more of the "Friendship and maybe more" kind and I'm not interested in straight up dating, experimented with it (both asking and being asked out) and I dont like the dynamic. I can't avoid it entirely but I try to avoid social activities where this tends to happen, rejecting someone is never fun and too often you're the metaphorical bad guy all the sudden when you do.

Love this comment, yes every mans dream turning lesbians straight is obnoxious and immature..


But I feel you on the asking not been asked often enough either, but yeah, I am an introvert and find personal stuff with others exhausting.

- - - Updated - - -

Yes, when I am clearly busy doing something. Working out, having a meal, on my way to the restroom, doing yardwork, etc.

Best times; while hanging out and clearly relaxing. That is when people are most open to conversation. Such as when I am lounging in the park, sitting at the bar, sitting by the lake front, etc.

I met my husband at a company party. I was in fact hanging out by the bar, getting a drink. Someone struck up a conversation with me and my husband approached the bar for a drink. And he joined in the conversation and got my attention.

When I am with my children. I did not have kids for a long time though. Now that I do have kids, this is #1 the worst and most inappropriate (for various reasons) occasion I can imagine to approach a woman.

Also anything crass- like calling me a MILF or remarking on my butt or something. Anything about sex can be tricky- you have to certain I am attracted to you for it to work and even then it's not the best approach.

Just have a normal conversation with people that is not demeaning or an obvious means to an end ('I am only talking to you because I want a BJ').

Wow good information again, maybe things haven't changed as much as people try to pretend when it comes to dating or asking anybody out. Some might pay money for this information, and others might say it is common sense.

Maybe it's just good sense and too many who lack that is what has changed. Thanks for the breakdown.

- - - Updated - - -

Blunt is probably the only thing that works on me. Because I am really fucking oblivious when it comes to these things, and I only realize months or years later that someone liked me or was asking me out.

Yeah I am blunt when asking women out, mostly because I am very self conscious when it comes to someone I am attracted to. It's not me being cocky or overly confident at all, just nerves.

I think approaching someone is the most difficult, so for men the burden is on us to pretty much put ourselves out there, I think it takes bigger balls to take rejection, smile, learn what you can and move on.

[Drsolders]

Fast and aggressive. A strong woman who knows what she wants and is confident enough to go after it is a massive turn on for me, so when my current girlfriend pulled it off I would probably had said yes to anything she asked.

I mean obviously there are bad times. For example, I had a girl approach me once, drunk off her ass hitting on me the moment my girlfriend(at the time) had left for a moment to go to the bathroom.

[Aoyi]

In general, the times I've successfully been asked out, the girls were confident and flirtatious. I've had a few that were a bit too try-hard with it and a couple that just didn't pick a good time to talk to me.

[McFuu]

I'm usually the one to make the first move if I see someone smile when I go out for a drink now and then or at the gym. Gay lads here always seem to be waiting to get hit on so I've rarely been approached,but when I've had a guy come talk to me a smile and a flirtatious sense of humor are instant winners in my book.

A terrible way I have been approached before was at a party and in the first few opening lines this guy had cracked a joke about deporting me, kept calling me "slumdog millionaire", and kept mentioning how I don't look what I sound like due to my accent. Now I have a dark sense of humor and can appreciate even terrorist jokes when I have built up a rapport with someone, but not when I have just met them. He was nice enough to apologize later and I chalked it up to alcohol but yeah that wasn't going to go anywhere.

I'm not gay, but when dudes hit on me, I usually play along for a few seconds before I break it to them I'm not gay. I honestly don't know how gay people find anyone with the exception of at gay bars. But I've been out at clubs and been hit on before and I'll usually throw a little flirt back before I say, "sorry bro.". Usually buy them a drink and make a new friend. When I lived in NC I had a solid group of 5 gay guys I'd go out too clubs and bars with because of this. Unfortunately NC is pretty Bible belt so it's pretty ballsy for any kind of public making the first move. They just appreciated that I didn't tell at them or get violent, I've seen that happen when I'd go out with them.

[Fencers]

Wow good information again, maybe things haven't changed as much as people try to pretend when it comes to dating or asking anybody out. Some might pay money for this information, and others might say it is common sense.

Maybe it's just good sense and too many who lack that is what has changed. Thanks for the breakdown.

I do not think much of the contemporary reportage of millennial dating/hooking up/marriage difficulty and newfangled apps are entirely truthful. It's mostly click bait shit.

Anecdotally, I know many single and non-married persons. Never once have have such people expressed concern for the modern day dating scene out of sync with the same things we worried about in the 80s when I was young.

I do not think human relations have changed too much from the 1940s or so. We are more open minded than in the past perhaps- but men and women are mostly still meeting, dating, hooking- up and so on in the same way as for a long time.

[ramjb]

So I'm (a man) blessed by being hot, and get all the hookup I can handle + more from right swipes on Tinder.

But I have a lot of male friends who aren't super hot, can't stand out from the crowd and Tinder doesn't work for them. I've always wondered what advice to give them.

Their problem is not that they're bad with women, they just don't know where to find them. They work in comp sci, finance, engineering, government departments mainly and their workplaces are just a sea of male faces. The only girls they see on the street are shop assistants and receptionists. I tell them go ahead, ask them out, but a lot want a long-term relationship and have higher standards (i.e. I didn't graduate cumma sum laude to marry a checkout assistant). Eh, to me a bang's a bang, and you've got to value women by looks.

So what advice can I give my middling male brethren. Where can they meet a semi-qualified, smart lady to date? They don't like pubs/bars/nightclubs either.