Friend Drama

[Lizl]

So here's the story:

I'm in a guild, that was created by my best friend IRL, that for the most part is consisted of me, him, and one of his other friends. Since our guild is very small, our raiding consists of pugging, usually ran by us.

Recently, a person that we used to play with came back to wow after a 6 month break, so we invited him to the guild, and helped him do stuff, but he didn't enjoy the pace of the guild, so he planned to get into a raiding guild once his gear was up-to-date. As time goes on, said person ends up leaving the guild on one of his characters, which kind of sets my friend (the guild leader) off. Now, my friend is an instigator, I'm not even going to try to downplay it. He can be aggressive, rude, blunt, and if things don't go his way, he tends to shut down.

Now, let me clarify something, I've been this person's friend for over 6 years. I've always been a passive person when dealing with him, and despite the fact that he can be an aggressive person, he's never really done things that truly pissed me off, it's more that I have to deal with him being spiteful and rude to other people.

So he kind of begins to treat the person in question kind of badly, getting upset by things that he does, that wouldn't normally set my friend off, and keeps on telling me that he's "tired of (person)" and that he's tempted to kick him from our guild several times. Eventually, in order to save a bear run (invis+mass rez) the person in question leaves our guild in order to join his new one to gain access to mass rez. When my friend finds this out, he proceeds to kick every one of this person's characters from the guild, because "if he's so fond of this new guild, then he can have all of his characters in it" Me, not wanting to be caught in between this, didn't say anything to my friend, but continued to do stuff with the person (raids, randoms,etc) because, I still enjoyed playing with this person, but I felt as if my friend was making me choose between this person and him, which I didn't appreciate.

A week goes by, after he kicked the person in question from the guild, and he tells me that he wasn't ever mad at the person, even telling me that i can invite him back to the guild, which I didn't do, because almost all of his characters joined his raiding guild, so I think everything is okay, and ask him if he wants to do a raid with this person and I later this week. He says he will, and until today, I didn't get around to putting a raid together. When I decide to put one together, I call him up to tell him that we're going to do a raid, and he asks if the person in question is coming, and I say yes, and he's like "okay I'll be on in a second"

So I put the raid group together, and build the group around him, avoiding getting people who share his token, (I had to have denied 10 hunters from the raid, he's a warrior) but the person in question wants to invite a guildie of his, who's a hunter. So I ask my friend if that's okay, and he's tells me no, so I tell the person in question to tell the hunter he can't go, and the person tells me that he doesn't want to be a dick to his guild, so my friend is like "oh so he can be a dick to us but not his guild" and I'm like "IF it comes down to it, I'll just hand the token to you, I mean, I'll lose my credibility, but If you want me to, I'll do it" and he doesn't really say anything. When the person in question invites the hunter, my friend inspects him, and is like "this hunter's gear is crap, I'm not coming unless you boot this hunter" I didn't want to instigate a fight with anyone, and I was trying to keep everyone happy, so I didn't want to boot the hunter, but since he wouldn't re enter the raid, I decided to continue forming this decently put together group, while still arguing this with him.

Eventually he's like to me "you do not want to get on my bad side, trust me". Completely fed up with the drama he was causing, I left the guild, and he proceeds to kick all of my other characters from the guild, remove me from real ID, and he whispers to me "don't expect me to invite you back, and you're not going to Blizzcon with me" and I reply with "I can live with that" so he says "picking someone you barely know over a rl friend is a smart move" so I reply with, "You're the one who threw the bitch fit and made me choose.", but he already had me on ignore.

Let me clarify a few things: I didn't choose this person over him, I simply got tired of the way he was acting, so I left the guild. Also, this wasn't the first time he threw a princess fit, but it was the first time I truly acted against him. Despite this, he always told me that I should never piss him off, because he holds grudges forever, so I always figured I was going to get tired of him pulling shit like this, and piss him off.

Anyways, I wanted to rant/hear what people thought of this. I don't mind being told I'm wrong in this situation, even though I personally don't think I am.

(Also, I know this is leaning towards being on topic, but since it's more of the situation than being about the game, I felt as if putting it in off-topic would be most prudent.)

[antigravitydogs]

Sounds like your rl friend takes this game too seriously. Either that, or being a Guild leader got to his head a bit. Someone who revokes his invite to blizzcon due to a token in wow is extremely pathetic, imo. You're better off without him.

[Deleted]

Maybe you should go by his house call him a pussy kick his ass or you should go to Blizzcon with some1 else, cause a friend that does not see his own mistakes and drama he causes is not worth knowing

[dippinsawse]

If you have some way to contact and talk with him, you should really try explaining how you felt about the entire situation. He really seems to value friendships and also appears desperate to keep people within his influence, so I'm sure that he would prefer to keep you in his life. However desirable that may be for you, I feel that you at least need to get it off your chest why you took this stand. Hopefully you can get it out in an honest and sincere way and have him understand that his behavior was unacceptable, but also that it can it shouldn't put such a strain on your friendship with him if he doesn't use it as a tool.

[Brashen42]

The friend in question needs to chill out and listen to some whale music or something.

Seriously, you did all you could to placate the situation - as far as I can tell you were as neutral as you could be, which is something I always found to be a good quality when organising raids.

You could attempt to contact him, but judging from your description, I think that would play right into his hands.

Another option is to leave it for a couple of days, If he comes to you, then you can likely have a more productive discussion.

[Deleted]

Your friend is a complete asshole to be fair.

Sounds like you have to tip toe around this guy all the time so that he doesn't get upset and he takes the game way to serious...Your trying to put a pug together and he's complaining because there are people in the group that share his token? tell him to grow up.

[Lizl]

The friend in question needs to chill out and listen to some whale music or something.

Seriously, you did all you could to placate the situation - as far as I can tell you were as neutral as you could be, which is something I always found to be a good quality when organising raids.

You could attempt to contact him, but judging from your description, I think that would play right into his hands.

Another option is to leave it for a couple of days, If he comes to you, then you can likely have a more productive discussion.

It might be because I'm upset that I gave a harsher-than-needed description of him, but as far as the situation goes, I always try to give an unbiased analysis of a situation, especially when I want people's input on it. I mean, I'm sure that he'd give a differing story of the situation, but if you were to ask a neutral party about what happened, I'm sure they'd give a very similar story to mine.

Don't get me wrong, he has some good qualities, but he can also be a huge pain in the ass to deal with. There's a reason that he's been my friend for over 6 years. Now one could also say that it wasn't him and his good qualities that made the friendship last, but my patience and MY good qualities that made it last, but in the end it wouldn't make a difference.

I figured that i was going to let him talk to me first, but I am also concerned that he won't be willing to get off of his high horse and make the first move. I'm not the first friend he's completely stopped talking to, but there's 2 ways to look at this:
1) He was never fond of this person, it was more out of pity that he was friend with this person. I'm certain that he holds me in higher regard than this person.
2) This friend also didn't do anything against him to set him off, my friend just got tired of dealing with this person that he disliked.

I want him to know that he's not going to get to me by acting like this, but I'm not going to speak to him until he contacts me, so it's kind of an immature circle.

*Also* as a clarification, he bought a blizzcon ticket for me, because I couldn't afford to go and we wanted to go this year. I know it kind of sounds bad like that, but he didn't purchase them recently, so it wasn't like he bought them then I did something mean to him. I've also done enough nice things for him, though, not in the same realm of monetary value. It was smaller stuff, like farming archaeology and getting him Zin'rokh.

[Deleted]

im surprised your still being nice to your guild mates, might just be me but since wrath started all the guils ive been in have been drama-ridden, even when i went to join my old tbc guild, that too had caught some drama, which made it not fun.

I just went to starting my own guilds and (thankfully) quit raiding.

[Brashen42]

It might be because I'm upset that I gave a harsher-than-needed description of him, but as far as the situation goes, I always try to give an unbiased analysis of a situation, especially when I want people's input on it. I mean, I'm sure that he'd give a differing story of the situation, but if you were to ask a neutral party about what happened, I'm sure they'd give a very similar story to mine.

Don't get me wrong, he has some good qualities, but he can also be a huge pain in the ass to deal with. There's a reason that he's been my friend for over 6 years. Now one could also say that it wasn't him and his good qualities that made the friendship last, but my patience and MY good qualities that made it last, but in the end it wouldn't make a difference.

I figured that i was going to let him talk to me first, but I am also concerned that he won't be willing to get off of his high horse and make the first move. I'm not the first friend he's completely stopped talking to, but there's 2 ways to look at this:
1) He was never fond of this person, it was more out of pity that he was friend with this person. I'm certain that he holds me in higher regard than this person.
2) This friend also didn't do anything against him to set him off, my friend just got tired of dealing with this person that he disliked.

I want him to know that he's not going to get to me by acting like this, but I'm not going to speak to him until he contacts me, so it's kind of an immature circle.

*Also* as a clarification, he bought a blizzcon ticket for me, because I couldn't afford to go and we wanted to go this year. I know it kind of sounds bad like that, but he didn't purchase them recently, so it wasn't like he bought them then I did something mean to him. I've also done enough nice things for him, though, not in the same realm of monetary value. It was smaller stuff, like farming archaeology and getting him Zin'rokh.

If he truly considers you his friend, then this will sort itself out, I am sure of that.

Friends do fall out from time to time - I've had it on a few occasions, some have been close friends, others long term work colleagues.

Each time it got sorted out and it in some cases bred new respect for not backing down during the argument.

[Rotted]

hes a douche for obv reason

but he knew from the start your friend was planning to leave and this whole "situation" is just ott. you all need to grow up really

OT your also a douche for saying youd just pass the token to your mate regardless ...

[Deleted]

I'd say you're better off without him, he sounds like a massive douche and a terrible friend.

[Gritalian]

Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend. Relationships are about compromises and it seems like the only person who ever compromises is you. The one minute you decide not to give him 80% of the pie he goes ape shit and removes you instantly from his life? Fuck him.

I know it'll be hard, but don't you go running back trying to make shit right with him. You weren't they one acting an ass. He's the one who needs to learn the hard way. It's going to suck. When bad shit happens suddenly, it's hard to make peace with it, but if you actually want to be long time friends for years down the road, then he needs man up and make the compromise by seeking you out. If he can't do that, then all you really are is a friend of convenience and he really has no ounce of love/respect for you. May be hard to come to that realization, but in the long run it's best to move on without someone like that in your life.

"With friends like that, who needs enemies?"

[rol3x]

You made the right choice, better off without that guy. It never ceases to amaze me how people can act with their supposed friends when a game is involved.

[Deleted]

Short answer - Fuck him.

Long answer - Fuuuuuuuck him.

You don't need drama-causing people like this in your life.. From personal experiences I would say he has never really been your friend. He's just using you.

If you want him in your life, my guess is; One week from now you will be best friends.. 2 months from now something similar will happen and he will "hate" you.. one week later you will be best friends again.. welcome to endless loop.. and then at some point you will find out, every single time it happened (and probably also while you are "friends") he's been talking shit behind your back.. If you want this, by all means be my guest..

I know it's harsh, but I've seen shit like this happen to friends or myself a gazillion times.

---------- Post added 2011-09-17 at 12:06 PM ----------

I know it'll be hard, but don't you go running back trying to make shit right with him. You weren't they one acting an ass. He's the one who needs to learn the hard way.

Agree, but theese people don't learn the hard way.. They just find another "friend" to use..

[goki]

Pull down your pants, check the content, is it an out-plug or in-plug?

My point being that male break ups is the gayest, absolute gayest thing on earth, you have known this guy for 6 years and you break up? Lmao I have done some bad shit with/to my friends but we get over it, why? Cause we dicks in our pants. Stop being dramatic, give him a call and roll over bitches in hot RP cosplay @ blizzcon.

[Sundae]

I honestly have a friend a bit similar to your own.. She had always been this way but within the few recent years it's gotten quite a bit.. worse. To the point that myself and many of her other friends had stopped talking to her for several months at a time until she would cool off. (Horrible mistake on our parts.)
If anything AT ALL did not play into her favour and whoever had caused it, no matter how little or insignificant it may be, we were always to expect a shitstorm of horrible things from her, such as harassment to the point of stalking, things being stolen, physical fights, constant arguments and of course, bad-mouthing/meaningless gossip. Eventually, she'd come back and say that she was sorry and that she 'had changed' and all become friends again.

About a year and a half ago, I ended up getting married and moving away but before it had happened she started a fight over a silly picture on Facebook, said fight lasted almost the entire year I was married but eventually she came around again, did the same routine. However, I told her not to ever expect us to be close again and to this day, we aren't which I enjoy very much and have advised our group of friends to do the same as well seeing as they're still constantly bitching and moaning about the various things she does to them and how she treats them all.

Anyway, my point is, I think you can still be 'friends' with this person if you're mature enough to do so and keep yourself from becoming overly close to said person. Just don't bother getting involved in any of their petty, little frustrations over silly things. Take his 'friendship' in small doses and leave it at that or simply forget he even exists. Eventually, any other friends he may have will start dropping like flies, he may then realise what his actions have caused.

Or suggest that he get some professional help.~

I hope this may help you a bit, please excuse my own rant in that bit though.. D;

[Fraza]

*Also* as a clarification, he bought a blizzcon ticket for me, because I couldn't afford to go and we wanted to go this year. I know it kind of sounds bad like that, but he didn't purchase them recently, so it wasn't like he bought them then I did something mean to him. I've also done enough nice things for him, though, not in the same realm of monetary value. It was smaller stuff, like farming archaeology and getting him Zin'rokh.

You need not to be a kiss-ass because he bought you blizzcon tickets. I like my friends to be honest with me, whether it's good or bad. He obviously needs people like you to support him, which makes it his loss, honestly. You can do better.

[Lefuu]

tl;dr version?

Mod Warning: Post more constructively!

[Deleted]

Your friend sounds like an incredible waste of space to be honest, what were you doing with him for so long I wonder?

[Deleted]

I'm glad I quit WoW.