Raidleading without getting angry - Need tips on how to do it

[Glyphtics]

Have an open call-out policy. If player A thinks that player B is doing shit wrong, then let them say it. When I used to Raid Lead, I made it so it was an open discussion, there's nothing worse for a group than having one person take charge, and stopping anyone else from speaking out. If someone gets called out, then that person is less likely to do it again, if they continue to do it; bench them. Easy.

[Aryev]

Raid leader here,

2/7HC 10m

I get high all the time when it's raid time. ALL. THE. TIME. (Don't get me wrong, I don't incapacitate myself, only enough to play the game yet be in a very good mood)

People who raid lead have their class and encounter figured out. You are not fumbling and missing CD's/abilities or whatever while dodging or carrying out encounter mechanics. At this point the fight is super easy, so being high won't affect your game at all.

[Skatehead]

Every RL I've had is angry basically all the time during raids, honestly if they aren't I feel like they aren't serious about it. Managing other people in a video game while trying to push hard modes WILL make you angry, because people will always mess up. If you guys are doing hard modes, your raiders should be pretty used to verbal abuse by now, and if they are over the age of 12, should be expecting to get yelled at when they do stuff wrong. So let the anger out but make sure it had direction because if you start frothing at the mouth and throwing around slurs, you change from a good RL to a dick that nobody will like.

Also from my experience, the number one cause of rage and subsequent burn-out is shouldering too much of the burden. Staying competitive while calling things out and watching everyone else is an extreme amount of pressure to put on yourself. So get the other officers or pick one of your raiders you know is good to help out, it will reduce your rage by 50% at least. Also if your rage is still out of control keep something handy to beat the crap out of like stress balls, a bunch a pillows or a stack of cloths. Walls, your computer, desk and other people are very bad choices though.

[PHsname]

I'm GM and RL of my raid. We do raid 10m, though, so you probably have a lot more random derp'ing and retardation to deal with than we do, though.

I used to be the angry asshole in raid, but we were all friends. I kind of just took the role of the bad guy who called people out on mistakes and told them to play better. It started to get a little more out of control as time went on and t12 started getting closer and closer with no Sinestra in sight, and it started getting really bad.

Even when I was at my worst, though, I contrasted that persona by just letting my raid take jibes at and make fun of me all they wanted. During pulls, except maybe for the first few seconds after the start of one, we're serious business, and I'll say some mean things to make sure people are playing properly. In between and outside of raids, my entire guild likes to make fun of me, pull pranks, etc.

It helps keep things light in the guild, and ensures that my raiders know I'm srsbsns only during the actual raid, and that none of what I say, as demeaning and mean as they may be, are legitimate personal attacks. That sounds a little weird, but it works for me and us as a whole.

I did cut down on that, and I tend to be a lot more immediately forgiving. I don't yell or name call during raids anymore. Funnily enough, our focus and performance has improved significantly since I started cooling it. I honestly just stopped caring so much for our performance with regards to other guilds and US/world ranks, and just started focusing on getting ourselves off the ground and not playing stupidly. Having a tenser raid atmosphere will cause frustration to build up more quickly, which can cause your players to lose focus.

I don't hand hold, though. I still call out mistakes and let people know they've made them.

(In case it adds any credibility to what I wrote, we're 6/7 HM in 10m and ended 9/13 HM in t11)

[lethargik]

Hey guys! First of all, some background on the situation;

I'm in a 25man guild, and we are currently 5/7 HC (fingers crossed for 6/7 HC on Sunday), and I am the ranged DPS officer in my guild. I assist with raidleading and I am the general "handholder" in raids. What I mean with this is that I call things out on mumble, like things that are coming up in the encounter (2 seconds till meteors spawn!), or things that need to be dealt with quickly (Need help on spiderlings on left side!) and things like that. The out of combat raidleading is mostly done by our GM (the replacing of people, setting up the raid, making sure the tactics are set, etc). General decisions during raids, such as what boss to go for, loot disputes etc, are mostly dealt with in /o by myself, the GM and the other 2 officers in the guild.

Now, whenever we raid and things don't go as smoothly, I have over the past few months become quite aggressive in the way I react and in the way I speak/sound over mumble. I don't yell, but I whine. A lot. During this time, on more than two occasions, I have even gone as far as to alt+F4 and stay logged out for 10 minutes in order to prevent me from saying/doing things I know I would regret. I know this is because of some personal events that has been going on during the past half year or so that cause me to not handle pressure and stress very well (which I will not go into here, because that is a totally different subject), but I feel that I want to continue to raid and raidlead, because that is something I love doing and it helps me keep my mind of real-life things that I cannot do anything about anyway.

It is bad for the moral of the raid to for me to keep whining, and I don't want to spoil the evening of 24 other people. What I am hoping some of you might be able to help with is a way - or ways - to be able to raidlead without getting worked up when things go well. Perhaps some new way of looking at things, a new way to deal with situations, or just something as simple as having a glass of wine. Anything you do / would do to ease stress and pressure of raidleading would be greatly appreciated.

what specifically causes you to become irritated? is it people's incompetence? greedy people?

[Trispec]

If you had something go really badly in your life like you said that is just pushing you over the edge in game, hand over the position until you're ready in my opinion.

[kudrel]

While i was raid leading i was a cool headed person and only got pissed to someone who(on our first attempt) called my MT(hes mine because i brought him into the guild. we had a policy that if you brought him in your guild spot is on the line) a fing piece of shit who should just kill himself because he sucks so much......... gay.... boytoy.....other attacks. Then i mute him, i tell him in a calm to start out with everyone who has your headphone loud please turn me down. HOW Fing dare you speak to my tank that way you selfish entitlded princess how about you take your dads dick out of your mouth long enough to look at the world and know that you have no right to speak to anyone the way you did this is a game to play and have fun.............. asshole.....U$^$%.....^$# I will be removing you from my raid group permently and i will talk to the other officers about how we should deal with you. good bye
i later removed him, we grabed one more dps and cleared ToC that night.
-OP a good way to deal with stress is to get to the root of why you are mad? are mad because of the wipes? well wipes are part of progression. are you made because you have so much to do and the game is no longer fun and more of a chore where your semi-dreading to come online because of the bitching that will start? then it is time to have someone take over your job or, at least part.
Leading a raid is stressful i know just remember keep your head so other people can keep focused on the raid, what i did is said at the end of raid, ****** you messed up to **** 6 time this can not happen again fix this problem and be ready to not make the same mistake next time.

[ishootblanks]

Stress balls. Keep a couple near the computer.

Just trust me.

I tried that too and just ended up getting epididymitis...

[Coar]

Make a pandora account, and fill it with christmas music stations, only thing I listen to during raids to not get angry

[Deleted]

Hey guys! First of all, some background on the situation;

I'm in a 25man guild, and we are currently 5/7 HC (fingers crossed for 6/7 HC on Sunday), and I am the ranged DPS officer in my guild. I assist with raidleading and I am the general "handholder" in raids. What I mean with this is that I call things out on mumble, like things that are coming up in the encounter (2 seconds till meteors spawn!), or things that need to be dealt with quickly (Need help on spiderlings on left side!) and things like that. The out of combat raidleading is mostly done by our GM (the replacing of people, setting up the raid, making sure the tactics are set, etc). General decisions during raids, such as what boss to go for, loot disputes etc, are mostly dealt with in /o by myself, the GM and the other 2 officers in the guild.

Now, whenever we raid and things don't go as smoothly, I have over the past few months become quite aggressive in the way I react and in the way I speak/sound over mumble. I don't yell, but I whine. A lot. During this time, on more than two occasions, I have even gone as far as to alt+F4 and stay logged out for 10 minutes in order to prevent me from saying/doing things I know I would regret. I know this is because of some personal events that has been going on during the past half year or so that cause me to not handle pressure and stress very well (which I will not go into here, because that is a totally different subject), but I feel that I want to continue to raid and raidlead, because that is something I love doing and it helps me keep my mind of real-life things that I cannot do anything about anyway.

It is bad for the moral of the raid to for me to keep whining, and I don't want to spoil the evening of 24 other people. What I am hoping some of you might be able to help with is a way - or ways - to be able to raidlead without getting worked up when things go well. Perhaps some new way of looking at things, a new way to deal with situations, or just something as simple as having a glass of wine. Anything you do / would do to ease stress and pressure of raidleading would be greatly appreciated.

First off: I assume you're playing with friends and people you've known for a while, before you hop in remind yourself of the fact that you care about these people, then remind yourself of the fact that the race is over and there's no stress for you. You are free to decide when you want to down Ragnaros and screwing up is no problem! Rome was not built in one day right? On wipes instead of whining/raging try and come up with something else to vent your frustration. Also come up with something nice for your raid team like "When someone makes a terrible mistake more than 5x he pays for repairs or gathers mats for the next feats etc. etc." We used to have something called SPS (Slack Per Second) and if someone got a lot of it we all /rolled and whoever got the highest roll was allowed to make him/her (the one that got a lot of SPS as a result of screwing up all the time) boost an alt or something.

[huilun02]

If your raids full of idiots and they keep repeating mistakes, you've got the right to whine

If they're not but you still get angry easily maybe have a quick clean marijuana or something, before you raid

Not trying to suggest drugs. Its good if its for the betterment of your raid. Maybe you could keep in mind its just a game and your playing with people not robots

If nothing works you're better off not raidleading at all

[Imposter]

19 minute masterbation breaks every 2 hours.

[Beeflord]

Now, whenever we raid and things don't go as smoothly, I have over the past few months become quite aggressive in the way I react and in the way I speak/sound over mumble. I don't yell, but I whine. A lot.

I am usually a relaxed guy but due to my parents model I just couldn't handle stress too well including the stress leading raids but I found two very good solutions for me: Exercise and meditation.
There are many ways to learn meditation and many somewhat different spiritual concepts behind it but for me personal the pragmatic approach from the book "The Power of Now" from Eckhard Tolle really worked wonders. Nowadays I feel like there is nothing life can throw at me that I can't handle well which obviously raises the quality of living. And I'm by no means a spiritual person I am a naturalist which is considered to be the most radically scientific view of the world.
On another note I strongly disagree with most of the things said in this thread especially people claiming it is a good idea to humiliate people in front of the group as neuroscience has shown that there is almost nothing else that will make people that angry and angry raiders aren't focused on raiding. What will actually help you focus your attention is meditation. I also think getting angry just shows everyone around you who isn't delusional that you cant handle stress well because thats just the facts. I hope your ability to see which answers are helpful is as good as your self-awareness :P

[Dedweight]

It's not possible. Getting angry kills bosses. Just look at Troxed from <War Ensemble> if you don't believe me.

http://www.troxed.com/soundboard.php

God do I miss Troxed, the occasional PuG I did with him in BC when they all were on Illidan. Good times.

Anyways, I wouldn't use him as an example really. From what I remember he only really raged when he was in raids with his guild(and things went wrong), beyond that he was actually a pretty decent guy.

To the OP, I'd say if you get to that point just take your headset off and take a breather for a minute or two. That or if you have pets they can do wonders to lower your stress/annoyance levels at times like that.

[Deleted]

If you can't keep yourself from whining, just make a new channel for you and one of the officers, or just use /o and whine in there (although make sure they know it's just to get rid of your aggressions) we have quite a lot of whining in /o during raid nights. but it's just to vent about what went wrong instead of getting a bad atmosphere on TS.

[Duilliath]

Why are you whining in the first place? Someone makes a mistake? Or someone keeps making a mistake? Raid team can't match your expectations? You got too much to handle (sounds like it at least) and it's stressing you out?

Figure out that bit and then set out to remedy it if you want improvement.

Additionally, don't take RL into the game. You're playing this to have fun and relax a bit. By stressing out over stuff in game from RL tension, you're not actually relieving any of the tension. Furthermore, despite what people said, I see little reason for an angry whiny guy as raid leader. That doesn't mean you don't occasionally have legitimate reason to (raid keeps faceplanting on the same AoE over and over when you one-shotted that boss last week would be an exceptional time to get right-royally-pissed), but I find people will do better when they are
1) having fun
2) relaxed
3) not -as- worried about making a mistake.

By worrying less about making the mistake, it's not as likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Deleted]

Dont listen to anyone who says being angry is an acceptable way to deal with raiding. It's not fine or acceptable. If someone in the room yelled at me for standing in the fire I would probably punch them for being a douchebag.

If you stood in the fire and I yelled at you for it and called you a dickhead, you would immediately get pissy at me and defensive, and you would be right to do so. If you stood in the fire, and I said "youre in the fire, move away" and you yelled at me, then you would be in the wrong and I would have to put you in your place.

You need to remove yourself from situations that stress you out or make you rage, and you need to find a way to relieve the stress. Pets are amazing for that, or using a punchbag. I dont have pets or a punchbag so I used to stab the hell out of a big packing box in my spare room instead, its far less painful than punching walls or doors.

When you get stressed or depressed you lose your sense of perspective. You feel vindicated in being angry or complaining, whilst almost everyone else will resent you for it. It's great that you have realised there is a problem, now you either need to stop raid leading and chill out and enjoy the game again, or you need to stop raiding until your stress/anxiety has dropped off a bit.

I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression about 2 months ago after having an emotional breakdown at work and an anxiety attack on the bus on the way home, and it was having a massive affect on my job and my customers, purely because I was being a total dick and I didnt even realise it was happening.

If you feel angry or that you are gonna start whining litterally just turn off your mic or stop talking. If you must do something then beat the hell out of your sofa or throw a cussion at the floor - anything to relieve the tension. Then carry on raiding like it didnt happen.

If you really cant raid without stressing out then you litterally need to stop trying to assist raids or you need to quit for a while.

[Beeflord]

I did cut down on that, and I tend to be a lot more immediately forgiving. I don't yell or name call during raids anymore. Funnily enough, our focus and performance has improved significantly since I started cooling it. I honestly just stopped caring so much for our performance with regards to other guilds and US/world ranks, and just started focusing on getting ourselves off the ground and not playing stupidly. Having a tenser raid atmosphere will cause frustration to build up more quickly, which can cause your players to lose focus.

Not caring too much for perfomance is actually part of the meditation I was mentioning earlier. As long as you let your (in our society typically overgrown) ego take control of yourself you will be angry and unhappy. The raidleaders I had that were the most angry and aggressive were the ones that felt extreme competition with other raids and were extremely focused on results but these aren't effective strategies as it will shift the attention away from raiding and most people are already motivated to contribute to a group without anyone yelling at them and they loose that motivation when you treat them badly or when there is an unfriendly atmosphere. In business this typically ends with employers not trying anymore to do well they will just take their paychecks or even sabotage your business. And in WoW you dont even have paychecks to motivate anyone. What you want is a positive atmosphere where everyone feels that everybody is giving their best for the group.

[Deleted]

Either mute Mumble, or have a push to talk key far away, so you at least can pause to think before starting a whine.

[Deleted]

Anger management classes.

Or what seems most advisable in this scenario - quitting the game if it's making you rage.