A little advice on this..

[Munk]

You HAVE T0 move in with her for at least a year before you decide to marry her, you'll see sides if her you never have seen. If all goes well, go for it. Your mom you'd probably be more ok with the marriage if you commit to living with her for a year as well.

I would again assert that this is not needed for a successful marriage and can negatively impact said relationship and chances of a successful long-term marriage.

Truth is you dont need to know every disgusting, nasty or un-coothe thing your future husband or wife does. Whats important is that you not lose sight of the love you share and always do your best to treat them with the respect they deserve as your husband/wife.

You are right, you will learn things but those things are in no way truly important to a successful marriage.

[tielknight]

A scientific survey of over 1,000 married men and women in the United States of America found those who moved in with a lover before engagement or marriage reported significantly lower quality marriages and a greater possibility for splitting up than other couples. About 20 percent of those who cohabited before getting engaged had since suggested divorce - compared with only 12 percent of those who only moved in together after getting engaged and 10 percent who did not cohabit prior to the wedding bells.

That is sourced from a article that also states

The participants, aged between 18 and 34, had been married ten years or fewer and were questioned about their relationship satisfaction, dedication to one another, level of negative communication and sexual satisfaction.

Which are very specific circumstances, and are more likely to be inaccurate when compared to a wider range.

The whole bit is here http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukne...-divorced.html

Long story short, if both of you feel comfortable enough, emotionally and financially i would say, go for it. Before you do get married though, be sure to have a talk about what being married means to the both of you.

[sizzlinsauce]

your parents shouldn't be the complete decider on who you marry. sounds to me like your mother just doesn't want to lose her boy to another woman just yet.

[KeirAdish]

i still think 22 is too soon. do you both have stable jobs? im in the same situation as you, except that i dont intent do marry anytime soon. im 24 and getting my majors.

My parents got married at 20 - 20, still together too this day, my older brother is 21, I'm 18, my little sister is 13, and my parents are still together and happy to this day...
The age isn't what makes it "too soon" or in this case "too young" its the maturity level, if they are immature then its too soon, if its a moderate or better maturity level then its all good...


@OP - When my parents got married my father loved my mother so much that he essentially told his parents it was him and her, or no him at all.
The next few years his family treated her like crap hoping she'd leave him because they didn't like her, they eventually got over it and got to know her and grew to like her though...

I say, tell your mother how it is, and that she can either be a part of your life or not at all, Part of being a grown up is making your own choices, and if your not going to do what you think is right because she says no then she is probably right that you shouldn't...
So sit your mother down talk to her, hear everything she has to say, and then explain to her how its going to be, because once she sees she can keep from "losing" you then she will do anything in her power to keep from "losing" you for as long as she can.

[Gudder]

In foreign land we give many farm animal to get bless. Maybe mother would like goat or cow? Where I come from marriage is arranged so blessing not matter, maybe you try this? If anything do what mother say, Mama ain't been wrong yet and I'm living proof so take that for what it's worth!

[sugarlily]

Aw, well grats on the wonderful relationship with the nice gf & *hugs *comfort in regards to Mother.

Sincerely, keep your cool & approach this in the most mature & level-headed manner as you can possibly manage. I know you will anyway, but just in case Mother pushes you/your buttons, watch yourself. She might try to pin a bad reaction from you on your gf or something petty like that. Sorry if I am assuming too much about your Mother, but you understand ^^

Privately & alone with your Dad, tell him you need a serious talk with him about this issue. Make it somewhere where nobody (Mother) could walk in on it or feel threatened etc.
Really open up with your Dad & ask his advice. He knows your Mom even better than you do, & may have gleaned some info over the past 2 yrs regarding anything your Mother feels about your GF.

Tell Dad you won't put him in the middle or anything like that, you just want his advice & that you respect his opinions.

Now, plan to sit down with Mother & ask her directly what her issues are. This time, make it in her home where Dad may or may not overhear you both. Let him know the day & time you PLAN this talk with Mother. Tell Mom that you love her, respect her etc. Tell her again what a healthy happy relationship you have with GF & have had with her for 2 yrs.

Tell her how you've been able to have this healthy relationship directly b/c of the way Dad & Mother raised you. Give them credit for making you a smart, happy, thoughtful man who has good life & relationship habits in place. Explain what you see in your future, what your GF sees in hers & what you both see & plan together as a couple.

Have you & GF talked about your future together? Children? If you both want them or not? How you'll raise them; discipline, religion, schools, what freedoms & choices they will or won't have & what age they are allowed to do X,Y,Z etc etc. Talked about where you want to live? Rent & save up to buy a home someday or just always rent? Where will you live? Will you travel? How does the money get handled? Who will handle it? Shared accounts? Is it Ok to have a shared acct but also each have a private acct too? Savings in shared acct is for...? How will you split up Holidays & which Family to visit, your or hers? Want pets? etc etc etc etc.....

I mean damn, there are SO many infinite things that go into relationships & hopefully you & GF have talked seriously about even a few of these. Use that to help show Mother the real picture of You & GF's life together so far. Explain that you know no couple is perfect & that even in arguments you & GF handle it with maturity & fairness for each other & the good of the relationship. I sincerely hope all of this is true, BTW! ^^

Then point blank ask Mother DIRECTLY what she has an issue with; is it your age? or something tangible, not some baseless, flimsy answer like "that's now who I imagined you with.." You need direct, substantiated, justified reasons. Press her for both her reasons & explanations. Some Mothers have a hard time seeing ANYBODY "take away" their son. Some Mothers never feel anyone is "good enough".

But hurting you, her Son, by attacking your GF, who you claim to be happy with to the point of seeing yourself with her FOREVER, possibly having her GRANDCHILDREN with, your Mother needs to either find in her heart her own happiness for You as her Son & let go of her adult child before she alienates you to the point of possibly damaging the relationship between you & Mom. She's a grown woman, deep down she knows this day will come & she hasn't yet let herself face it, even just imagining it, to learn to be ok with it. That is a selfish & even destructive, unrealistic form of love; its based only on what she gets out of it, not what you both derive from a Mother-Son relationship.

She's already put a stress in your life about this, tell her you don't want to hurt her & you know she doesnt want to hurt you either but that you both need to come to terms with this disagreement about the rest of your life. Avoid this deteriorating into anything other than constructive debating.

If it even starts to get out of control, ask Dad to come in and/or just say "This is getting out of control & last thing I want is anger or hurt between us. Let's drop this for today, we will have to come back to it another day. We need to agree that keeping it civil & constructive is VERY important, right?"
Then leave in a kind manner. Never leave any debates about this in an angry state.

TL;DR is she an overbearing clingy Mother who doesn't want ANYONE to 'take her son away' or does she have something to base this dislike on that you might not want to share on this thread?

Remind her that your love for her as your Mother will never be made less by you loving your wife.

Geez, I sure hope things turn out for the best! ^^
<3

[Colmadero]

Thanks so much for the support everybody! Anybody got something to add?

[vitalic]

First off, respect your elders. Talk to your mom and try to understand why she feels so passionate about this. Maybe she can see something that you cannot, maybe she's just being crazy, but you need to hear her out and try to understand. Second, my opinion of course, there's no reason to be married until you're thinking about settling down and having children. Marriage is a contract to stay together and raise kids together no matter how much you grow to despise one another. Like others have said, marriage does not equal love. Honestly at your age, I hate to say this but it is based on personal experience, you really don't know how to spot a keeper. You're going to be changing and learning a great deal over the next 5-10 years man. Anyways, all based on my own experiences so who knows. Best of luck to you.

[Borfl]

First off I have to say I'm happy for the two of ye.

Secondly I wouldn't take my parents word into consideration at all when it comes to someone I'd seriously consider spending the rest of my life with. It's not their decision to make.

Thirdly, now this is a long stretch, but I think your mom doesn't want to let go of you just yet. Maybe she has issues with letting go, I don't know. Again this is a real long stretch, but it's a possibility.

[Abe]

-Insert cheesy comment here-
Forget your mother for a moment!
You love her. She loves you. Go for it. GG.