Complicated old girl / new girl situation

[Lilcheeks]

If I was your girlfriend and read this, I'd dump you in a second. Do her a favor.

[Crucialus]

May I ask how old you two are? Albeit I might be reading it differently than you intended, you two sound pretty young and inexperienced, especially when you mentioned that you met the girls at school. (I might be very wrong, and if I am, my apologies)

Thing is, that passionate "so in-love" feeling that first draws two persons together doesn't last forever, no. From personal experience I can tell that it often leads to something else, a less intense "love" (I guess you can call it that) and attachment, which is what keeps two persons together in the long run. From your OP, I can't tell if you understand this and don't feel attached to your girlfriend at all (likely, since you flirted with another) or if you don't realize that you can be with your girlfriend without always feeling in-love.

[Deleted]

May I ask how old you two are? Albeit I might be reading it differently than you intended, you two sound pretty young and inexperienced, especially when you mentioned that you met the girls at school. (I might be very wrong, and if I am, my apologies)

I'm 26. my girlfriend is 22 and girl#2 which i know from school is 25 ... so we know each other for about 11 years now ...


I just talked to girl#2 and was kind of astonished.
I asked her how she interpreted our texting and if she thought that it was flirting ... and she said "no".
Well, she also said that she wouldn't write such texts to other men, it's only because we know each other that well.
i told her that i felt as it was flirting and we agreed that it might have been flirting, but there are no more feelings coming from her than simply good friendship.
she had absolutely no idea of how my gf reacted on seeing the texts...

i also told her about me feeling insecure about whether or not the relationship with my gf will last.
actually i didn't tell her of the feelings i have for her... i know i might shouldn't hide that from her, but i felt it was better if she thinks that i'm not interested in her (in that specific way). this way i simply have to deal with it that she doesn't seem to have an interest in me and forget having a relationship with her... makes things alot simpler. friendship with girl#2 seems to return to normal ...

next i will talk to my gf, i'll ask her what she thought when she saw the texts and reacted the way she did ... when i finally get to know that i'll know what to do next ...

Thing is, that passionate "so in-love" feeling that first draws two persons together doesn't last forever, no. From personal experience I can tell that it often leads to something else, a less intense "love" (I guess you can call it that) and attachment, which is what keeps two persons together in the long run. From your OP, I can't tell if you understand this and don't feel attached to your girlfriend at all (likely, since you flirted with another) or if you don't realize that you can be with your girlfriend without always feeling in-love.

of course there is no more "so in-love" like you describe it. i can't say for sure if i'm still in love with her (that's where the problem began) but i still feel attached to her.

what exactly is flirting ? as it turns out i have a completely different view of "flirting" than girl#2 does, obviously ... i'm curious how my gf thinks about it ... i guess she too thought that it was flirting, that would explain her reaction but maybe we two too have a different view on flirting ...

fact is: after talking to girl#2 a great weight was lifted from me and it feels good.

i'm really glad that there is such a thing as online community. a room full of people you've never encountered before that will be blunt but honest when it comes to such situations as mine. friends will always take my side when talking about that stuff, but people that i don't know give useful input. thanks for that.

[Purlina]

Flirting depends on your intentions when you sent the text....

You said you find girl number 2 attractive, when you sent the text what was your goal or purpose for doing so?

Honestly when you said that the love is gone I think that you are just bored of your current girlfriend and want to "Try something new". This is not a bad thing per say, you are still young.

Also when girl #2 said she didn't think it was flirting she basically said she isn't interested in a relationship with you (At this moment).

[Deleted]

i don't think that there was a purpose for flirting ... as i already stated: it just happened ... i guess i enjoyed it in a fun kind of way.
when you say that i might be bored ... well, i guess that's true ... i'm 26 years old and i'm in my 3rd long term relation ship atm ... inside my head the thought lingers that i might don't want to stop making experience with my 3rd relationship ... so i guess i simply don't want to "settle down" right now, which might be the explanation for the purposeless flirting i'm doing ...

[Purlina]

Okay so you are not ready to settle down but your girlfriend wants to, this can cause tension between the both of you.

Eventually you have to let her know that you are not willing to settle down just yet. The worst thing you could do is to string her along and let her think that you are going to marry her, when in reality you don't want to.

This is not going to be an easy discussion for the both of you. Get ready for some tears / yelling

[Deleted]

i use every single chance to let her know that i'm not ready ... but she continues to convince me otherwise ... that's one of the things that annoy me the most ...