A Ruinous Childhood.

[nanook12]

TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TONES OF INCEST AND UNDERAGE SEX. During the age of 11-12 my mother, 32 at the time, started dating a 17 year old high school student. Even at the age of 11-12 I knew that the relationship was illegal, and it was strange having a male figure dating my mom that was old enough to be my brother. After the male figure turned 18 him and my mother married, and I had a 18 year old stepfather when I was barely 12 years old. Their relationship lasted about 3-4 years and was rocky as hell. There was several physical abuses toward myself and my mother as well as lots of poverty, and I caught and heard them having sex several times. My stepfather even flaunted it to me that he was "boning my mom" several times over the years. Looking back now, it feels like I was cucked by my mom and an older brother.

After their divorce my mother became an out call stripper because she was single with three with kids. She wore revealing clothes around the house and I was age 14-15 during this time and had started high school. In high school and middle school I was extremely shy and socially awkward. It was so bad that even when other male friends or teachers tried to talk to me I would completely freeze. The most I could do was nod or shake my head in agreement or disagreement. If the opposite sex tried to speak to me, I would horribly fumble out random words unrelated to the conversation, freeze and stare, or walk away at a brisk pace. At this same time period my hormones were completely out of control. Sometimes masturbating 4-6 times a day. I wanted nothing more than to experience sex and affection with a fellow female student. Knowing that there was no way I was going to get a girl to talk to me due to my severe social shyness problems, I developed an attraction toward my mother. I started spying on her getting dressed and masturbated to thoughts about her. I made several attempts towards my mom. Even as far as flat out telling her face to face that "I wanted to have sex with her" when I was around age 17-18. I ended up staying a virgin all throughout high school, and the experience damaged me a lot. I now have very low confidence talking to the opposite sex, depression, inferiority and masculinity issues.

Reflecting on the whole ordeal, I now realize how important sex and affection is for a young male at those crucial stages of development. Accordingly, I think consensual incest between an adult and an underage child in cases similar to mine. My mom was practically cucking me with someone young enough to be my older brother. Then she started stripping and revealing herself around the house to a teenager with hormones raging. Since I was so shy and socially awkward during that period I feel like if my mom would have help sexually satisfy my urges, then I would have less issues with masculinity, depression, and confidence today.

Now I am 32 and still in love with my mother sexually. I still live at home and I have made several advances toward her over the years, but I am shut down every time. Looking back, I guess the worst part of it is that she was willing to sleep with someone old enough to be my brother, but not me. I makes me feel very hurt, unwanted, and inadequate like my own mother doesn't love me. She also knows that I still struggle with female relationships and have never had a serious girlfriend, yet she still denies me access to her to ease my suffering, depression, and loneliness.

TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS TONES OF INCEST AND UNDERAGE SEX. During the age of 11-12 my mother, 32 at the time, started dating a 17 year old high school student. Even at the age of 11-12 I knew that the relationship was illegal, and it was strange having a male figure dating my mom that was old enough to be my brother. After the male figure turned 18 him and my mother married, and I had a 18 year old stepfather when I was barely 12 years old. Their relationship lasted about 3-4 years and was rocky as hell. There was several physical abuses toward myself and my mother as well as lots of poverty, and I caught and heard them having sex several times. My stepfather even flaunted it to me that he was "boning my mom" several times over the years. Looking back now, it feels like I was cucked by my mom and an older brother.

After their divorce my mother became an out call stripper because she was single with three with kids. She wore revealing clothes around the house and I was age 14-15 during this time and had started high school. In high school and middle school I was extremely shy and socially awkward. It was so bad that even when other male friends or teachers tried to talk to me I would completely freeze. The most I could do was nod or shake my head in agreement or disagreement. If the opposite sex tried to speak to me, I would horribly fumble out random words unrelated to the conversation, freeze and stare, or walk away at a brisk pace. At this same time period my hormones were completely out of control. Sometimes masturbating 4-6 times a day. I wanted nothing more than to experience sex and affection with a fellow female student. Knowing that there was no way I was going to get a girl to talk to me due to my severe social shyness problems, I developed an attraction toward my mother. I started spying on her getting dressed and masturbated to thoughts about her. I made several attempts towards my mom. Even as far as flat out telling her face to face that "I wanted to have sex with her" when I was around age 17-18. I ended up staying a virgin all throughout high school, and the experience damaged me a lot. I now have very low confidence talking to the opposite sex, depression, inferiority and masculinity issues.

Reflecting on the whole ordeal, I now realize how important sex and affection is for a young male at those crucial stages of development. Accordingly, I think consensual incest between an adult and an underage child in cases similar to mine. My mom was practically cucking me with someone young enough to be my older brother. Then she started stripping and revealing herself around the house to a teenager with hormones raging. Since I was so shy and socially awkward during that period I feel like if my mom would have help sexually satisfy my urges, then I would have less issues with masculinity, depression, and confidence today.

Now I am 32 and still in love with my mother sexually. I still live at home and I have made several advances toward her over the years, but I am shut down every time. Looking back, I guess the worst part of it is that she was willing to sleep with someone old enough to be my brother, but not me. I makes me feel very hurt, unwanted, and inadequate like my own mother doesn't love me. She also knows that I still struggle with female relationships and have never had a serious girlfriend, yet she still denies me access to her to ease my suffering, depression, and loneliness.

My childhood and life is a complete atrocity. I don't even know where to begin to start healing.

Now I am aware that this is massively controversial, and there is no way this would be accepted or decriminalized in our modern era; however, in the far flung future, (100 to 200 years) cases such as mine may people may see that it is possible for incest to be beneficial between a parent and child. Analyzing myself upon my own thoughts about all this, I am not sure if I just have an extremely open mind, extremely wrapped mind, or both.

[Deleted]

My advice? Leave that shit behind. Still living at home when your situation with your mom is that complicated is like a former alcoholic living in a brewery.

[Bling]

LOL another day in the trailer park

[nanook12]

My advice? Leave that shit behind. Still living at home when your situation with your mom is that complicated is like a former alcoholic living in a brewery.

I have to finish college. It is the only chance at a future I have. No one can afford to live off of minimum wage where I live. Plus I am not going to throw away years of hark work. I will suffer for a few more years then move out. Hopefully I can abstain from hanging myself for that long.

- - - Updated - - -

LOL another day in the trailer park

No joke. Poverty will fuck you up. Stay away from that shit at all costs.

[Gilgemesh]

Find a therapist.

[nanook12]

Find a therapist.

Too expensive.

[Rhokzor]

I don't think you know what cuckolding is.

inigomontoya.jpg

Also,

Too expensive.

If you spend a little time and effort looking, there are programs to help you out there.

[Gilgemesh]

Too expensive.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/finding-therapy

There is help. And there are people who will help even the poorest of individuals.

[Sykol]

So to sum up your post. You are saying you are 32 years old who still lives with parents & wants to have sex with your mom?

I don't know how to respond to this...

Isn't this the life story of every MMO-C mod?

[Deleted]

Im not a a doctor or therapist, take this as it is.

Your experience comes from the absence of your dad.

Boys first love is thier mom and girls first love is thier dad. This is just innocent and on a emotional level. It's very important for children, to get throu this process. It tells us how men and woman are and how to be in a relationship with them. Also that, if dad or mom leaves, kids will take over and share the responsabilty. It seems like you got stuck in this process and you developed some sort of obsessive interest during your puberty.

People also develops different fetishs during puberty, as they simple gets obsessed by a feeling they had.

Women with daddy issue tends to be dismissive and having diffuculty commiting to functional guys(as "bad" guys reminds them of thier dad). Men with daddy issue tends to suffer from terrible low confidence and from low confidence, they use thier enourmous masculine energy on obsessive thought and mental illness.

There is nothing other than just facing it. Move on and start meeting women.

[nanook12]

So to sum up your post. You are saying you are 32 years old who still lives with parents & wants to have sex with your mom?

I don't know how to respond to this...

Yes, I want to have sex with her, but I feel it is generally more than that. I love her, I generally want to be close to her, but she denies me. It hurts, and leads to more depression, loneliness, and other mental problems.

[Crissi]

This kind of thing is for therapists, not mmoc.

Closing