Hypothetical. An alien ship crashes on Earth.

[Deleted]

Hypothetical. A very large and severely damaged alien ship enters Earth's atmosphere and enters a slow, controlled but decaying orbit and is estimated to crash somewhere in Eastern Europe (omg not America?! ) like Transylvania. The technology on board could boost our technology centuries ahead, not to mention be an edge for whoever secures it, against the opponents.

It's clearly seen by everyone the globe, the news talk about it 24/7, etc etc etc. Mass hysteria, etc.

Would the global powers mount a fast offensive to secure the site ahead of the others? I mean I can imagine Russia rushing everything its got to secure it ahead of NATO, and NATO doing the same. Would there be a conflict over it considering the stakes are pretty high?

Would Russia and China not do anything like that but demand equal rights to investigate the crash? Would they be accepted?

[The Penguin]

It could be the start of WWIII if not handled properly.


If it came down to a USA vs. Russia vs. China scenario with the current administration, it'd likely roll out like this. We would arrive at the same time, but for diplomatic reasons; Obama would cave and ask Putin nicely to let us have the leavings, which would promptly be ignored. He'd then do the Oliver Twist thing and be like "Please sir, I want some more." which would likewise be ignored. China would kiss Putin's butt, yet secretly they would hack into Russia's databases to steal the technology. China would then build second rate reproductions of the technology that is effective, but not as durable. The USA would be it's primary importer of course.

Empty-handed, until his Nixon styled trade deal with China; Obama returns to his executive pulpit where he breaths a sigh of relief that he is unable to drop any lower in the eyes of the world's stage. Emboldened by the fact that he's secure in the numbers his think-tanks give him; Obama suffers little.

Feeling so secured, our glorious leader as a consequence ignores the world state and goes back to his preferred element of class warfare and riveting speeches on racial and social injustice. While this happens Fox News and The Blaze rage like madmen from the Y2K scare about the coming "End of All!".

This Twilight's Hammer like dogma will likely be stated by Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh (who may or may not die from a heart attack or a double cheeseburger). Meanwhile Obama will be lauded and praised by the remainder of the Media for using diplomacy to avert a World War. O'Rielly writes another book called "Killing Putin". It's a best seller (or so he says)!

There would be a disparaging "Bush!" or "Dubyah!" reference from the media to confuse and outrage the common man, while drumming up fears of war with Russia and China. These fears ironically would be well founded, but for the wrong reasons as will be seen later.

While the deliverer of the many anti-Bush message could be anyone, I would lay odds that it would be made main-stream and funded by the Sultans of Cellulite at some point as Flab Four, Rosanne, Candy Crowley, Elijah Cummings, and Michael Moore rave about it until their combined perspiration and gas emissions increased the green-house effect to levels not seen since the ALF show aired.

This time honored practice would then be followed up with another round of ever witty and ever predictable Donald Trump bashing, along with another discourse on climate change. Al Gore dances as someone else finally buys his book, and he breaks out his "Celebrate Good times" record.

Now. Whilst all of this is happening, Mr. Putin does three things. He injects himself with nanites that make him effectively ageless. Now ageless Putin then prepares a Death Star, and builds a suit of Lex Luthor styled power armor for himself. Putin then annexes Alaska the same way he did Crimea, except he leads the charge himself in his power-armor.

USA does nothing. Obama reasons that the territory really should belong to Russia since it was connected to Russia at one point. A majority of the people who could enlist and prevent this war decide World of Warcraft and Facebook posts are too important, and so they too ignore the growing concerns and shift in world power. They do not vote, and they do not care. ..Until China hacks WoW. Then it's WAR!! War is lost when Putin creates a WoW themed Matrix for the American Gamer, with Chris Metzen as it's architect and overmind. Agents in the image of Ghostcrawler serve as GMs / Agents. Blissful, Americans go to sleep as they can now live in WoW forever.

The Emperor (Putin prolly) protects.

/the end



By contrast.. IF we had a Republican President, there would likely be technologies stolen by all three nations. They would test these technologies in a series of hostilities like the warfare off the coast of Alaska, but all parties would acquiesce that any reported fatalities were simply "Friendly fire" or a gross misunderstanding, and go with the false dialogue that the technology should be shared with the world. Each would seek to push their agenda in an unending cold war, that ends when Earth is destroyed by the sun.


In either scenario, Kang and Kodos would laugh at the Earthlings from space, pleased that shooting down Zoidberg has had the intended effect.



As a closing remark, if you considered any of this reply as serious or "the bashing of political parties" like say Hellboy/Scrapbot likes to claim, you really are reading too hard into what is a humor driven parody and spoof of real world / fictional events, and just fishing for infractions or CoC violations. Should be obvious with the Kang / Kodos statement, but some people never get it.


This is all hypothetical mind you.

[AeneasBK]

'There was an extensive annex based upon the one of the UFOs had crashed in Northern Germany right near the Baltic sea. It had crashed very near where the Russian and British zones came together. This was a disk that was 30 meters across in diameter and 5 meters thick. It crashed, and the British army retrieved it with the British Engineer Battallion. And they somehow learned how to take the object apart. They were able to get inside of it and they learned somehow to break it down into, pie, wedge-shaped pieces and they hauled those pieces away on what were called lowboy trucks. And they hauled them away and I understood that they were actually turned over to the Americans. This was a crash and in, in the object were small bodies. Approximately 12 of them. They were small grey creatures with large heads.'

'Robert Dean - The Assessment'

[The Penguin]

Made some edits and embellishments to my post. That was fun to write. xD

[Super Kami Dende]

I'm pretty sure it would be a battle between Atheists and Non-Atheists to begin with. Would like be Multiple attacks to try and destroy it straight up as it would go directly against religious Dogma.

Once that dust settled I'm sure the countries that were left would kill enough of eachother off until 1 country was left standing.

[Deleted]

I'm pretty sure it would be a battle between Atheists and Non-Atheists to begin with. Would like be Multiple attacks to try and destroy it straight up as it would go directly against religious Dogma.

Once that dust settled I'm sure the countries that were left would kill enough of eachother off until 1 country was left standing.

Nah, pretty sure that's the only thing that wouldn't happen.

[Deleted]

Would Russia and China you mean 2 people will decide the president of Russia and president of China farm animals don t decide anything

[Super Kami Dende]

Nah, pretty sure that's the only thing that wouldn't happen.

The Only thing? What about everyone holding hands and singing?

[haxartus]

What is going to happen is that the technology will require so much scientific research that an international effort would be required to analyze it. If a country steals it, any country, it will be useless and nobody will benefit from it.

[Soeroah]

Made some edits and embellishments to my post. That was fun to write. xD

Was amusing. The "until Earth is destroyed by the sun" gave me the mental image of the sun being fed up with our **** and just flaring us to death, though.

[Neyze]

snip

.wow

The impressive part is that took you ~10 minutes to write. You sir have a wild, dare I say brilliant mind, and I hope you put it to good use and do well in life.

That's all I have to say.

[Inequs]

I'm pretty sure it would be a battle between Atheists and Non-Atheists to begin with. Would like be Multiple attacks to try and destroy it straight up as it would go directly against religious Dogma.

Once that dust settled I'm sure the countries that were left would kill enough of eachother off until 1 country was left standing.

Nah, pretty sure that's the only thing that wouldn't happen.

You'd be amazed how zealots react when their "Truth" is confronted with undeniable fact.
Kinda like a far worse version of the good old fasioned book burning.

[Ranualf]

Be all American about it- Lock n load boys - where`s there`s one, there`s more...

The value to science would literally be priceless, however science is funded by money... Which mean he who has the largest wallet may get the largest slice of pie.
But the best solution would be to have a group of world scientists assembled to investigate it and publish joint findings, yes it going to take time - no Harry potter wands and swish - flick- TADA we now have an endless energy supply and hypersonic deep space flight capabilities...

On a religious gaming experience, we would say "see commander Sheppard knew all along, and you didnt fking listen", then we could sing, dance hold hands and say "TOLD YOU SO!".. cue outbreak of a new alien religious cults.. (sorry i`m a cynic).

[haxartus]

The value to science would literally be priceless, however science is funded by money... Which mean he who has the largest wallet may get the largest slice of pie.

Oh you mean the European Union.

[Neufab]

You'd be amazed how zealots react when their "Truth" is confronted with undeniable fact.
Kinda like a far worse version of the good old fasioned book burning.

I believe most of those are busy in Iraq/Syria right now.

[Darksoldierr]

If its NATO territory, Russia wouldn't do anything, China couldn't as they are too far away. If its not a NATO country, then it would be a free for all between Russia and NATO

I think, a more interesting question would be, what if it drops in Afghanistan/Pakistan/India triangle. It is close to both China and Russia, they can use the "we have to defend our borders/citizens card" for securing it, Afghanistan has NATO forces is in it, which is obvious sphere of interest of America while Pakistan and India both has access to nuclear weapons. That would be a game played worth watching

[artemishunter1]

You'd be amazed how zealots react when their "Truth" is confronted with undeniable fact.
Kinda like a far worse version of the good old fasioned book burning.

What truth? What religion has claimed there is no life in outer space? Hell, an alien can be the best thing that ever happen to religion as bringing in christ's teaching to infadels of space will unify all the religion and the human race.

[Deleted]

What would happen is that the world and its governments would collectively shit themselves and do something stupid.

First response would probably be an attempt to contact the alien ship. Once that inevitably fails it will be seen as a hostile action and wild speculation about harmful pathogens, chemicals, weapons etc would ensue and some daft cunt would come to the conclusion that the best response is to destroy the ship before it crash and infect us with hypothetical dangers. If that doesn't kill the ship(Most likely wouldn't since they are advanced enough to get here) the world realizes that everyone is in deep shit because those aliens probably wouldn't recognize one nations actions separately from the rest of us. So... now we're all forced to cooperate and again the same daft cunts who ordered the ship to be destroyed suggest we all gather our military power near the crash site and prepare to destroy whatever is left of the ship or comes out of it. We'd probably succeed in destroying this damaged ship and its injured crew and we'd start a galactic war with a civilization thousands if not millions of years more advanced than us.

And that's how we die.

[Independent voter]

We do share Antarctica. Maybe we could share the alien tech? I think so.

Then united, we build ships and spread fear and terror across the galaxy, leaving whole planets burning in our wake.

[breadisfunny]

if it's a draenei ship hopefully we burn it before their evil can spread.