Just not the same anymore

[FusedMass]

Sometimes it is a great experience if you can easily fall in love. Then a month or few weeks later. One of the party gets bored for lack of a better word. I found that giving in too early. (I.E. saying I love you everyday) can actually remove the sincerity of it. If you hold out on your feelings. Playing a little hard to get. It attracts greater interest then just giving yourself away.

It sounds to me that he wants to keep chasing whatever is easiest and he does not mean what he says. That's sad but if he does not know what good thing hes missing out on. Perhaps try to tell him you have a friend that wants to take you out. Use his jealously against him. Do not flat out saying your seeing another guy. Just pretend like you are and when you talk about it keep it short to make him wonder.

Either he does care and will come back to you. Or he is just chasing woman after woman in that case you really do not need him.

[Deleted]

Still not what we're talking here. Do you even read the quotes you answer to?

You mean that love itself isn't enough?


I almost forgot for a moment that most people don't enter relationships for love.

Sorry.

You have fun with meaningless relationships then.

I'm really starting to hope that the large hadron collider really does create a black hole at the center of the Earth.

[Bwutty]

Hey guys.. saw my topic is still running and.. I haven't updated you on it..

Two days ago he wanted to go to a disco with me but I was under the weather so I told him I can't, but he can still go if he wants (we were going out with common "friends"). So he did. Last night I got a text from a girl that went with them (it was a pretty large company), with an attached picture.

It was him making out with some random girl at that disco. He didn't know there are any pictures of this.

I'm done with him.

Thank you all for your time and great advices, sorry to have wasted them.

♥

[Wisermage]

Let me take a wild stab at this.

When he says "I can't give you everything you deserve" = I want to bang this other chick I met the other day.

When he says "I'm sorry, I mad a mistake and can't live without you" = that other girl wasn't that great or she dumped me so you suddenly look good again.

Sorry but I think he is just coming back to you until the next person that catches his eye comes along. If he says at some point "I think I'm gay" then the cycle is repeating itself again and he wants to bang someone else. Because when that doesn't work out he suddenly won't be gay anymore and want you back again!!!

I think thats enough wisdom for one day!!

[Skippy88]

Bwutty saw the update and original message. Sounds like he is a player and you made the right choice by moving on. Good luck.

[Lenonis]

You mean that love itself isn't enough?

You are an interesting one.

Love itself is very simple. But relationships are not. Two people can love each other with all their hearts and still not be able to make a relationship work.

Life isn't a fairy tale. Love doesn't conquer all.

It's a shame I'm too late to chime in on the OP -- it's obvious the guy was a dud and she was being clouded by her feelings. It's a shame she had to find out the way she did, but it's far better she found out sooner rather than later.

Just remember this -- learn from your past, don't live in it.

[Deleted]

You are an interesting one.

Love itself is very simple. But relationships are not. Two people can love each other with all their hearts and still not be able to make a relationship work.

Life isn't a fairy tale. Love doesn't conquer all.

That's because we let reality get in the way, especially in hard times like these. People put survival and their own goals above being happy.

It's not surprising that so many people are depressed.

So yeah, if people want to be unhappy that's up to them. And relationships are as complicated as you make them. People tend to have baggage they never let go or unrealistic expectations etc.

[Thodrin]

Well since we don't know who you are, or who he is. All the advice people give you is total bullshit. Put on your big girl pants and go make that decision yourself.

[Lenonis]

That's because we let reality get in the way, especially in hard times like these. People put survival and their own goals above being happy.

It's not surprising that so many people are depressed.

So yeah, if people want to be unhappy that's up to them. And relationships are as complicated as you make them. People tend to have baggage they never let go or unrealistic expectations etc.

Yeaaaaaaah...so I'm going to have to agree with an earlier poster and say that I think you've seen too many rom-coms.

If you have to ignore reality to make a relationship work, there is something fundamentally wrong there.

And you are brushing over all of the external factors that can influence a relationship. It's incredibly naive to just assume that relationships can be put into a box of your own making and never get affected by anything outside of that box.

EDIT -- I suppose I should point out in fairness that I'm a hard core realist. Telling me that I need to ignore reality and just will relationships into working because that's how it works is just anathema to me. It's not how I function, but when you talk about relationships and emotion, people work different. I still maintain, however, that if you have to ignore reality to make a relationship work there is something broken there.

[Deleted]

Yeaaaaaaah...so I'm going to have to agree with an earlier poster and say that I think you've seen too many rom-coms.

If you have to ignore reality to make a relationship work, there is something fundamentally wrong there.

And you are brushing over all of the external factors that can influence a relationship. It's incredibly naive to just assume that relationships can be put into a box of your own making and never get affected by anything outside of that box.

I don't like rom-coms.

I like sex though. But sex without love is meaningless.

So maybe I am just different than you maybe? I'm sorry if you can't handle that.

If you want love, then you will make it work somehow. There is such a thing as compatibility as well. You can find someone who is compatible.

As for reality, I'll give you an example: children. A lot of women want children. So they are attracted to men who can provide for them even if they don't actually like those men. In time these people realise that they never even liked each other.

Human beings always seem to have to learn things the hard way it seems. It's unfortunate.

So being unhappy is complicated? Not really. People are oftentimes too pressured by outside expectations to see clearly.

[Lenonis]

But sex without love is meaningless.

That's very person dependent. Sex is a biological drive. And "meaning" is somewhat nebulous. Sex without love can be satisfying in a primal carnal way, but certainly not in an emotional way.

So maybe I am just different than you maybe? I'm sorry if you can't handle that.

Not sure if you saw my edit before you posted this, but I already acknowledged this as the likely source of our different views.

If you want love, then you will make it work somehow. There is such a thing as compatibility as well. You can find someone who is compatible.

The problem is that in the context of the OP this argument falls apart. Two specific people can't always just make it work because they love each other. Sure, one person can find love and compatibility, but it's not always easy to see that right off the bat...and by the time it's become apparent the emotions involved can make if very difficult to know whether to stay or go find someone who is compatible with you.

People are oftentimes too pressured by outside expectations to see clearly.

Well that's true. But....that kinda contradicts what you said earlier.

[Deleted]

That's very person dependent. Sex is a biological drive. And "meaning" is somewhat nebulous. Sex without love can be satisfying in a primal carnal way, but certainly not in an emotional way.

Sure, one person can find love and compatibility, but it's not always easy to see that right off the bat...and by the time it's become apparent the emotions involved can make if very difficult to know whether to stay or go find someone who is compatible with you.

It's not easy but it's better to break the cycle than hope for change that won't happen. People might feel that there's nothing better out there but in a world with so many people, there's a good chance if you look.

Maybe I was too vague when I said love, but people can find someone who loves them back. Sometimes you have to be realistic about it and treat it like a science.

Live and learn. Obviously I have a different point of view but I find that people have relationships often for the wrong reasons (like simply not wanting to be single) and it just ends badly because people invest emotions in a lie, which to be honest, is their own fault, or maybe they just didn't know any better.

[Lenonis]

It's not easy but it's better to break the cycle than hope for change that won't happen. People might feel that there's nothing better out there but in a world with so many people, there's a good chance if you look.

Maybe I was too vague when I said love, but people can find someone who loves them back. Sometimes you have to be realistic about it and treat it like a science.

Live and learn. Obviously I have a different point of view but I find that people have relationships often for the wrong reasons (like simply not wanting to be single) and it just ends badly because people invest emotions in a lie, which to be honest, is their own fault, or maybe they just didn't know any better.

Ah...well this I agree with.

[Sealed]

That's because we let reality get in the way

That might just be the funniest thing I've read in a long while. Damn that pesky reality, always getting in the way !

[Powerogue]

It'll never stay the same. That lovey dovey feeling for the first few months faded, and it always will. If that fleeting feeling is all you have between you two, you never had much.

It sounds like he's addicted to that same feeling, and once he stops getting it from you, he'll instantly dump you for any other random woman that shows interest in him.