Looking for some guidance on this situation

[Belloc]

He's the only one doing mind games, and breaking plans. Did you read the OP?

Uh... did YOU read the OP? Because she's the one cancelling plans and doing the mind games, not the OP...

[Berengil]

Uh... did YOU read the OP? Because she's the one cancelling plans and doing the mind games, not the OP...

Yeah, Linadra's response kind of tripped me out. It's blatantly obvious who's at fault here.

[Azadina]

I dunno. Being cold so early on, when this is the time of most infatuation, is kinda giving alarm bells...

Well, we have a story of only 3 days. Monday and Tuesday, and today. And she has had an explanation for those, but he doesn't want to believe it. It's some detective work to figure out someone isn't interested in few days. People have bad times longer than that.

Yeah, Linadra's response kind of tripped me out. It's blatantly obvious who's at fault here.

Prove to me she has lied. The OP apparently hasn't been able to either. Her explanations are sound until you do.

[Poppincaps]

It's not hard to see that she's no longer interested. You're obsessing with why she isn't instead of just accepting it. Be an adult and tell her the very next time you see her that it isn't working out and that you should both move on.



Also, many luls. If you think that's binding, wait until you encounter a real problem.

Umm I didn't ask you guys why she's no longer interested. I'm not obsessed with that at all, because I haven't done anything wrong. Not yet at least. Also, I understand that working with an ex isn't the biggest deal in the world, but it's still a pain in the ass.

Yes, you don't know. But you right away assumed she's lying, and now want to dump her based on your guess? If you cared about her, you wouldn't suspect her of lying straight up, you'd listen to the reasons she gave. You didn't listen, so ask yourself; do you care about her, or just yourself?

I didn't right away assume she was lying. I felt she was lying due to me perceiving reluctance to the plans we made. As for your question, I, like any mentally healthy person, care about myself first and foremost. I will not sacrifice someone else's happiness for my own, but I put my happiness everything else. Do I care about this girl? Yeah. I don't get into relationships with people I don't care about. Especially not one where I know she's going to be shipping out in a year.

He's the only one doing mind games, and breaking plans. Did you read the OP?

...I am not doing any mind games whatsoever. I have been completely clear with my intentions. Also, I didn't break any of the plans... Did you read the OP?

[Crissi]

Well, we have a story of only 3 days. Monday and Tuesday, and today. And she has had an explanation for those, but he doesn't want to believe it. It's some detective work to figure out someone isn't interested in few days. People have bad times longer than that.

Sure, but unless its something super super major, its generally not enough to overcome the infatuation stage that occurs in the first few weeks of a relationship. So either somehting super bad happened (in which case he should ask her next time he sees her), or she's not nearly as into him as he is into her.

[Poppincaps]

I dunno. Being cold so early on, when this is the time of most infatuation, is kinda giving alarm bells...

Which is kinda why I'm at this point. She's gonna be shipping out to the Air Force in a year, and if the chemistry isn't strong now, then I worry that if we stick together it's going to get a whole lot worse with long distance factored in.

[Crissi]

Which is kinda why I'm at this point. She's gonna be shipping out to the Air Force in a year, and if the chemistry isn't strong now, then I worry that if we stick together it's going to get a whole lot worse with long distance factored in.

LD absolutely requires regular, honest communication. If you're not having that now, then its absolutely going to get worse when she ships out. Up to you if you wanna work it out or not though.

[Azadina]

...I am not doing any mind games whatsoever. I have been completely clear with my intentions. Also, I didn't break any of the plans... Did you read the OP?

Yes, yes I did.

At this point I'm pretty annoyed because I feel like she doesn't care and I now am acting like I care too much even though I don't so I plan on dumping her today. She texts me this morning about how she feels super sick and she can't hang out at all. From all the reluctance I've gotten from her I feel like this is bullshit but I can't really call her on it so I tell her to feel better. I tell my mom about all this because she knows the girl and she gives me a different perspective and proposes that perhaps it's all coincidences and she does care.

So, I am now conflicted. I work with this girl and she's already told everyone at work that we're dating so I can't get a clean break. I kinda like her but the chemistry has been a little off lately and I don't want to waste anymore time on her if she's not interested, but now I'm not entirely sure that she isn't interested anymore. I was planning on texting her tomorrow and seeing if she's feeling better and if she is, if she's working tomorrow. Then, I'd ask her in person how she feels, but I wonder if its even worth it.

This is all your mind games. You have no proof that you're right either. Even your mom disagreed with your diagnosis so far. And the bolded part, what's that? Would you like to word it different? Plan to break up? Does that satisfy you if it's worded that way?

[NED funded]

Never been a fan of long distance relationships.


What I would recommend is to seriously reconsider the relationship. If its not a serious thing then just dump her.

[Grym]

Tell her you know she is busy, and tell her to contact you once she is free.

Then stop initiating contacts with her, wait for her to respond. If she doesn't respond after a month, write her off.

[Poppincaps]

Yes, yes I did.



This is all your mind games. You have no proof that you're right either. Even your mom disagreed with your diagnosis so far. And the bolded part, what's that? Would you like to word it different? Plan to break up? Does that satisfy you if it's worded that way?

....Mind games are manipulating someone or stringing them along. Breaking up with someone isn't a mind game. If it was my intention to break up with her in order for her to miss me, then I suppose that would be the case, but honestly if I break up with her it'll be for good. You still haven't explained how I broke any plans whatsoever. Because I haven't.

I also didn't say that I was right. I even asked specifically what you guys thought on the topic. You've just been on some weird crusade the entire time.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

LD absolutely requires regular, honest communication. If you're not having that now, then its absolutely going to get worse when she ships out. Up to you if you wanna work it out or not though.

Yeah, go with this. Consistent communication is needed else it doesn't end very well. Been a victim of this somewhat sorta ish.

[Azadina]

....Mind games are manipulating someone or stringing them along. Breaking up with someone isn't a mind game. If it was my intention to break up with her in order for her to miss me, then I suppose that would be the case, but honestly if I break up with her it'll be for good. You still haven't explained how I broke any plans whatsoever. Because I haven't.

I also didn't say that I was right. I even asked specifically what you guys thought on the topic. You've just been on some weird crusade the entire time.

You haven't explained at which point I said it. I was specifically talking of your plans to break up. I even worded it again in last post for you to be happy about, but no.

It's a crusade the minute someone doesn't buy your assumptions based on guesses and literally few days of events? She's given the explanations, you wrote them in the OP yourself. You are not believing them, that's on you. I have no reason to believe she's lying, in favor of your wild guess.

I didn't right away assume she was lying. I felt she was lying due to me perceiving reluctance to the plans we made. As for your question, I, like any mentally healthy person, care about myself first and foremost. I will not sacrifice someone else's happiness for my own, but I put my happiness everything else. Do I care about this girl? Yeah. I don't get into relationships with people I don't care about. Especially not one where I know she's going to be shipping out in a year.

Also, this part. It was a complete waste of time to rant about her alleged shady behaviour, if you've already decided on some other reason why you don't want to continue. What was the point?

[Poppincaps]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm gonna let things settle and then we'll see how things go on Sunday.

[Wikko]

You haven't explained at which point I said it. I was specifically talking of your plans to break up. I even worded it again in last post for you to be happy about, but no.

It's a crusade the minute someone doesn't buy your assumptions based on guesses and literally few days of events? She's given the explanations, you wrote them in the OP yourself. You are not believing them, that's on you. I have no reason to believe she's lying, in favor of your wild guess.



Also, this part. It was a complete waste of time to rant about her alleged shady behaviour, if you've already decided on some other reason why you don't want to continue. What was the point?

Dont know if you're being dense in purpose but you seem to have a problem with your reading. It's clear that he meant in the last paragraph that he cares for her enough that he's willing to make it work long distance

[Azadina]

Dont know if you're being dense in purpose but you seem to have a problem with your reading. It's clear that he meant in the last paragraph that he cares for her enough that he's willing to make it work long distance

I think you might be having reading problems. He cares about her so much, that after few days of events he already suspects her of lying, even though so far the explanations seem perfectly reasonable. Some caring.

Especially not one where I know she's going to be shipping out in a year.

And where do you find willingness to make it work long distance? That there? It spells exactly the opposite of what you suggest. I mean, what text are you reading exactly? Do you put his words through MGTOW translator, that turns it the opposite?

[Wikko]

Umm I didn't ask you guys why she's no longer interested. I'm not obsessed with that at all, because I haven't done anything wrong. Not yet at least. Also, I understand that working with an ex isn't the biggest deal in the world, but it's still a pain in the ass.



I didn't right away assume she was lying. I felt she was lying due to me perceiving reluctance to the plans we made. As for your question, I, like any mentally healthy person, care about myself first and foremost. I will not sacrifice someone else's happiness for my own, but I put my happiness everything else. Do I care about this girl? Yeah. I don't get into relationships with people I don't care about. Especially not one where I know she's going to be shipping out in a year.



...I am not doing any mind games whatsoever. I have been completely clear with my intentions. Also, I didn't break any of the plans... Did you read the OP?

If you can't understand what that means then you're either mentally handicapped or trolling

infracted - minor flaming

[Azadina]

If you can't understand what that means then you're either mentally handicapped or trolling

That claim is not very credible after suspecting her of lying as first resort, then considering dumping her. Close the MGTOW sites and read the OP again.

[zenkai]

One sided stories never work for good dating advice.

[dextersmith]

At this point I'm pretty annoyed because I feel like she doesn't care and I now am acting like I care too much even though I don't so I plan on dumping her today. She texts me this morning about how she feels super sick and she can't hang out at all. From all the reluctance I've gotten from her I feel like this is bullshit but I can't really call her on it so I tell her to feel better. I tell my mom about all this because she knows the girl and she gives me a different perspective and proposes that perhaps it's all coincidences and she does care.

Your frustration and asking strangers here says you care a lot.

So, I have three questions for you guys. 1. Do you guys feel like she's actually lost interest or she's actually just been really busy? 2. If you do think she's lost interest should I just text her tomorrow and end it or approach her in person and see what's really up? 3. If we do break up, how do you propose I keep it so that we can maintain a healthy work relationship?

Lol, maintain a healthy work relationship after a break up text. Are you in grade 8?