Idk how to feel. Battle of logics.

[Damsbo]

I'm gonna make it short. Like, really short.
I met a girl at a party at my university, went home with her, slept, woke up, felt as if I'd known her for years.
I'm a gamer (duh), so is she, I play guitar in a band, so does she, I hate girly drinks so I only drink beer, so does she - I listen to oldschool rock n rool, so does she. I love old movies, so does she, I smoke X brand, so does she, I sleep late, so does she, my favorite food is steak with whatever and gravy, so is hers. - You get it...
We got in a relationship quite recently, and I thought; why not get all the awkward stuff outta the way.. Like (how many have you been with etc...) - I should mention I'm in my mid twenties, and she is 2 years younger.

To the thing! A couple of months ago she was in a bad place, had given up on life; given up on love. Reason: Her 4 ex boyfriends had all hit her (even set fire to her knees, scars and what not.. longer story, wont share), so she neeeded comfort. A douchebag from her class (I know him, he's an asshole) slept with her a couple of times, 1-2 month before I met her. And I just cant get this out of my head.. I'm no saint, I mean; I've been with a lot of girls compared to her being with guys - 1:5 ratio. I understand why she would need this, but I just cant think rationally. No matter the logics I put together, my brain focusses otherwise.

I feel like such an asshole, because I have done so much worse.. She has never asked me about my past, she says "I know you and how you are now, I dont care how you used to be, me and you now, is all that matters". Fuck me! I wish I could think that way, but instead; I feel like Tom Cruise in Minority Report, linking stuff together to find clues - to find out whether or not this is going somewhere or not. And the only one who is fucking stuff up is me, because I cant get this douchebag out of my head! Screwing up my own happiness if you will.

It's not a question as much as it is an analyzis.. What the hell is wrong with me; do you know the feeling? What can I do/think to make this go away? Will it go away?

[WretchedSimmons]

Find a way to let it go. If you can't, then end the relationship now. Why are you trying to actively sabotage it? Don't argue with me and say that you aren't, because you are. Is she with you now? Isn't that what matters? You'll never have complete closure from douchebaggery in your chicks past. Never. Just take a step back dude, it's ok

[Deleted]

Yoru feeling is jealousy cause you obviously like this girl. The reason you probably are obsessing over it a bit is cause you actually know the guy. But there is nothing you can do to change her history, and this guy *is* in the past. If you think that there is a future in this relationship you have to let it go and stop looking for "clues" and checking on her otherwise you will just become one of the controlling evil boyfriends that she's had before. Just accept her for who she is and treat this other guy like one of her scars. Sounds like she has it right with focusing on the now, so try to learn from her.

[Catta]

Like with a warm toilet seat - its best to enjoy it without thinking about it...

[shise]

You can be what you want to think of.

[Damsbo]

All answers a logics; I've thought of it all, but "negative" thoughts overcome.. When I see this guy, I have to stop my entire body from walking, talking etc; to just hate him entirely. Even though my logics tells me "He kept her from hurting herself, when she was about to give up. I should hug him". But he's just such a douche! Let me explain.
He's the type at a party, even though music is on, and everybody is talking about something; he sits with his headphones on, listening to his own "rap" and knocking his head back and forth <-- true story. I just wanna punch him in the face, and call his mom telling her her son got educated on life just now.

Arg! I get my girlfriend, but this guy... *See title of topic*

[Judge Malthred]

Going off what you describe, you sound like a jealous controller type. You talk about 'getting the awkward stuff out of the way' i.e. how many people she has slept with. Seriously? You talk about it like it is standard procedure to divulge your history. It isn't, to most people. The fact that you needed to know, and now that you do are over-come with jealousy should be red flags on her part to GTFO.

Will it go away? I doubt it. I don't believe that people can change on a fundamental level, they can only learn to control their impulses/reactions. So you might be able to deal with it at some point, deep down it will always nag at you in some way.

And if knowing about past relationships puts you in this state of mind that you openly admit is wrong and you feel like an asshole then the best advice I can think of for someone like you is DON'T ASK - ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS ANYWAY. The only thing that needs to be divulged at the start of a romantic relationship is STD's as that can directly effect you. That's all you need to know about their past, additional information is to be given out at their discretion.

[v2prwsmb45yhuq3wj23vpjk]

She's fucking lying to you. The odds of her liking exactly what you like are very poor, but that's not even what makes me think she's lying. What makes me think she's lying is her story about her 4 ex boyfriends beating her up.

[Tinykong]

No matter how many men she's been with (even if you're number 37):

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."

Clerks

[Damsbo]

Going off what you describe, you sound like a jealous controller type. You talk about 'getting the awkward stuff out of the way' i.e. how many people she has slept with. Seriously? You talk about it like it is standard procedure to divulge your history. It isn't, to most people. The fact that you needed to know, and now that you do are over-come with jealousy should be red flags on her part to GTFO.

Will it go away? I doubt it. I don't believe that people can change on a fundamental level, they can only learn to control their impulses/reactions. So you might be able to deal with it at some point, deep down it will always nag at you in some way.

And if knowing about past relationships puts you in this state of mind that you openly admit is wrong and you feel like an asshole then the best advice I can think of for someone like you is DON'T ASK - ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS ANYWAY. The only thing that needs to be divulged at the start of a romantic relationship is STD's as that can directly effect you. That's all you need to know about their past, additional information is to be given out at their discretion.

She's from the big city, and I'm from the contryside. I think this has something to do with me asking her tbh - Where I come from there is a 100% guarantee the girl you date, have slept with one you know; since.. Well who else, really. So this just helps find out what type she is - So it was more of a "general" question. I dont care about the other guys she's been with it. It's just that I have a face for this 1 guy + he's an asshole. Wouldnt say im jealous unless I have a reason to be, so far I havn't gotten one - I've only asked how she could go for that type and to me, since the diffrence is so huge. Which is where I got my answer; despriped in the "intro" if you will.

[Judge Malthred]

She's from the big city, and I'm from the contryside. I think this has something to do with me asking her tbh - Where I come from there is a 100% guarantee the girl you date, have slept with one you know; since.. Well who else, really. So this just helps find out what type she is - So it was more of a "general" question. I dont care about the other guys she's been with it. It's just that I have a face for this 1 guy + he's an asshole. Wouldnt say im jealous unless I have a reason to be, so far I havn't gotten one - I've only asked how she could go for that type and to me, since the diffrence is so huge. Which is where I got my answer; despriped in the "intro" if you will.

I am from a small town myself but IMO it doesn't make a difference. I was in a similar situation with a girlfriend who was with a total douche-bag prior to being with me, and the guy guilt tripped her etc while she was with me. I wanted to break his face, and was going to at one point but she asked me to leave him alone. It irked me that I would see him treating her negatively at school and that I promised not to intervene, but at the end of the day she was with me, and that's all that mattered. Why waste energy on him when I could spend it on her.

There seems to be a lot more going on in your situation, but if you main concern is she was with an asshole and you have to see him... focus on the fact she is with you not him and he is probably jealous of you.

[Deleted]

Wouldnt say im jealous unless I have a reason to be, so far I havn't gotten one

Sorry to say but your entire problem here stems from jealousy :P

[Murlek]

Sounds like ujelly

[Deleted]

I'd snap and punch them out if it were true, but it's almost certainly not.

She'd have gone to the police, there'd be hospital reports etc etc. It's not true.

Luckily I've only been with one woman and we're engaged, so I've no idea how you must feel. Just try and work it out internally, and take it slow. Like a glacier.

[Damsbo]

I am from a small town myself but IMO it doesn't make a difference. I was in a similar situation with a girlfriend who was with a total douche-bag prior to being with me, and the guy guilt tripped her etc while she was with me. I wanted to break his face, and was going to at one point but she asked me to leave him alone. It irked me that I would see him treating her negatively at school and that I promised not to intervene, but at the end of the day she was with me, and that's all that mattered. Why waste energy on him when I could spend it on her.

There seems to be a lot more going on in your situation, but if you main concern is she was with an asshole and you have to see him... focus on the fact she is with you not him and he is probably jealous of you.

Thank you for the positive response, I kow this is how I'm suppose to feel. I was expecting more of a "Why does it bother you now, in the big city, when it didnt on the contryside." kind of asnwer ^^. To answer that, I suppose I have my prejudice towards the big city, and everything being more.. For lack of better words "loose". Beisdes, I've never been with a girlfriend that hasnt cheated on me, and neither has she (boyfriend in this case). So we both know how it feels, and wouldn't do that to a person "one" cares about - so we've agreed.

To the people thinking (and I can understand why, given the short version) I'm jealous and supposively aggresive; I can assure you I'm just an idiot. And the only fights I've ever been in, is me on the receiving end, getting punched whilst saying "come on guys *punched* this is childish *punched*, cant you at least *punched* try to use your words? *punched*. You hit like a *punched* girl, look I still have my teeth *punched*. Finally *punched* the police *run away*"

[Deleted]

Jealous doesnt mean aggressive. If you weren't jealous of this guy sleeping with your gf in the past you wouldnt want to kill him whenever you see him. I'd understand wanting to hurt someone that physically hurt your gf but from what you are telling us all this guy did was get some with a willing partner months ago. Just get over your jealousy and you'll be in a better place with your gf and your own sanity.