Childfree.

[Deleted]

If you don't want to have kids, find someone with the same mindset and made it known before it gets serious. I know people who do not want kids and they live a carefree life. They would travel around the world and not feel tied down. I'm sure you're not the only one to feel that way. But it is intriguing that you stated, "I didn't choose to be born..." do you hate your life or something?

Nope, I like being alive. But if I weren't born, I wouldn't know, and nothing would be lost from it. I have heard some say that they wouldn't want to have been born. Obviously people can change their mind, and I'm not saying I'm unable to change my mind, I'm just very convinced, and always have been throughout my life, that I won't have kids.

Some parents get kids to carry on their genes and legacy, that's their reason. Not because they like the kids themselves. Or because it's a status thing, or, it's just what people do, or how life is. Doesn't it sound a bit...resigned to you?

[FireBorne]

Trying to explain the joys of parenthood to a person not interested is like trying to explain being married to your single friends, you can try all you want but the feeling is really indescribable. Did I enjoy the 5 vacations a year, the sex anytime and anywhere, drinking as much beer as I wanted when I wanted, and just the general freedom of not doing anything if I felt like it that day...of course but now I enjoy spending every second with my daughter and I would never trade the time we spend together for anything in exisitence. I know that may sound corny but if you have kids you'll understand.

[Eneath]

I don't want children either and when I say so to other people, they tell me I will change my mind.
That is a possibility of course, but the way they say it, it sounds like it's a sure thing.

I don't feel like I am responsable enough, maybe because I don't want to, to raise a kid.
My mother works in a kindergarten and I see parents there that probably shouldn't be parents at all, who can't accecpt it if their child isn't perfect, isn't a prodigy, has problems with learning or other things or whatever. In my opinion, some people just don't realise what they're getting into when they're having kids, the responsabilities, the time they need to put in it, the things they have to give up. Where I'm standing now, I don't want to be responsable in that way for another human being and to give up so much. Maybe children are worth it, with what all you get back for it, but at the moment, I'm am not convinced of this, and just because it's the norm to go to school, get a nice job, find a nice guy/girl and have children, doesn't mean it should be that way.
This is how I sometimes feel when the issue comes up. I don't want children, my decision, nobody can make me. If someone doesn't like it, well, maybe I don't like hir/her decisions, but I'm not nagging about it everytime it comes up either and I would appreciate it people around me could sometimes just let it go.

Sorry for this, maybe I'm whining a bit, but I read the OP and I just had to get this off my chest.

[Kerath]

There are other options rather than surgery, thats one option you cannot fix if you regret it later. At 23 your mind and body are still maturing, you will not be the same person in 10 years time. If you still feel the same way at 30 ish, fine, go ahead and do it.

Agree with RICH here - I'm 29 and don't want children, but having options is not a bad thing.
I may change my mind in 5 years time (I doubt it, but I don't have a crystal ball so who knows?) so would not consider any surgical options. Just in case.

[Spectral]

I have never heard of people that look down on people that don't want any kids. If you don't want kids, don't make em. I don't think anyone should make kiddies in this screwed world anyway.

I don't know that I've experienced anyone looking down on the choice, but I get a lot of people insisting that I'll change my mind later. This is remarkably insulting, really no different than if I were to tell someone, "you might enjoy your child now, but you'll wish it didn't exist later". Saying "you might change your mind" is rather pointless, but at least true; insisting that it's an inevitably is downright absurd.

[fatgoku]

lmao....the idea that everyone should have kids is ruining this world. overpopulation...GG

Im not having kids either, I like having money. Besides, Ill always be a big kid myself.

[Deleted]

Rest assured, you will hear the 'just wait and you'll probably change your mind' for a long long time. Both my girlfriend and myself have been hearing it for a good 10 years now, ever since we've realized that we don't want kids, ever. We haven't been together for 10 years, we had both decided that before met, and we actually talked about it before getting into a serious relationship since it would've been a dealbreaker for me (and, as it turned out, for her as well).

That aside, 23 is, as others have said, a bit too young to start talking about a biological clock ticking. From what I've read, and seen in my group of friends, that generally starts at about 28-30. 23 is actually considered pretty young to have a child amongst my friends and family, though that probably depends where on the 'social ladder' your friends and family is situated (I know it sounds horrible, but nonetheless it's mostly true, here in the Netherlands anyway).

It's just a choice you have to make, and once people realize your mind is made up they are usually fine with it as well, some (specially parents) might take a while to get used to it though.
Also don't forget, if you're not sure you want them, and regret it when you have them for whatever reason (peer pressure comes to mind first and foremost), it's not just your life that gets screwed up but also that of the child, who hasn't had a choice in it at all! Personally I would say that if you're in doubt everyone will be better off that you don't have kids. The world doesn't need more people to survive (quite the contrary) and at least here in Europe kids aren't essential when you get older, that's what you've been paying taxes and saving money for all your life.

Having no children opens up lots of possibilities, and we're loving it! We both have a decent job, nothing amazing but a bit above average wages. We go on a far away vacation (SE-Asia / Africe / S-America) at least once/year, usually an in-Europe vacation as well. We go out for dinner at least once a week, we can eat and drink what we want, buy books /DVD's and whatnot whenever we want.
Compared to our friends with kids the things we can afford are just amazing, most people don't seem to realize how much time and money you can save by having no children

Thanks for the post! I'm not saying my biological clock is ticking, but that's a reason I gues, sorry if I cocked up with that in the OP. I don't know if I'm just unlucky then, I grew up with most of my classmates (the female ones) being all head over heels for "WHen I have kids <insert some future thing here>" or "I love kids, they're so cute, can't whait!" very consistantly, and they actively thought me odd for shaking my head and not thinking the same. It's almost the same now both with people I know IRL, and strangers I meet IRL that I for some reason get into chat with.

[fatgoku]

Nope, I like being alive. But if I weren't born, I wouldn't know, and nothing would be lost from it. I have heard some say that they wouldn't want to have been born. Obviously people can change their mind, and I'm not saying I'm unable to change my mind, I'm just very convinced, and always have been throughout my life, that I won't have kids.

Some parents get kids to carry on their genes and legacy, that's their reason. Not because they like the kids themselves. Or because it's a status thing, or, it's just what people do, or how life is. Doesn't it sound a bit...resigned to you?

The same people saying "you should have kids cuz thats the way things are" are the same people with the mindset "black people shouldint mingle with white people cuz thats the way things are"

stupid people.

[Azmaria]

Nothing wrong with not wanting kids besides your still young. You should focus more on getting other things done like finishing school if you haven't already, getting a good stable job and a house. I myself don't want children but that mostly because I work with about 42 of them everyday -.-

[Deleted]

Nothing irritates me more in this world than kids.

I'll pass on having one of those around me 24/7.

[Deleted]

Trying to explain the joys of parenthood to a person not interested is like trying to explain being married to your single friends, you can try all you want but the feeling is really indescribable. Did I enjoy the 5 vacations a year, the sex anytime and anywhere, drinking as much beer as I wanted when I wanted, and just the general freedom of not doing anything if I felt like it that day...of course but now I enjoy spending every second with my daughter and I would never trade the time we spend together for anything in exisitence. I know that may sound corny but if you have kids you'll understand.

Well, I'm happy for you, and I'm not actually beyond seeing other people's perspective. No I cannot say I understand it, but I respect it. What I don't understand or have issues respecting, is why parents sometimes have this..."I/we know better then you" mentality. I know me and myself better then you, don't I get a say?

[Symphonic]

OP, do you plan on having the ... hibbidy-jibbidy... ever? If you do then you should plan on knowing the risk. If you really don't want kids you'll get a procedure done.

[Tzalix]

"The 10 seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of the 10 years you have to pretend to like football." -Charlie Harper, Two and a Half Men

I know that I have no desire to have kids. It may change in the future, but I'm pretty sure it won't. I do not have the patience or commitment to raise a child, or the temper for it, really.

Don't listen to what other people tell you that you "should" do and "need" to do. If you don't want to have kids, don't have any.

[vindicatorx]

I'm 34 and have no kids and would prefer not to have any. My brother who is 8 years younger than me has one that is near 3. I watch my nephew once a month about and while I find him to be more interesting than I originally thought he would be I haven't changed my feelings on having kids. Main reason is I guess you could say I am selfish, I don't really want to ever not be able to just drop everything walk away and start again. I like being able to go see my friend from college on a random weekend because nothing is holding me back. Yes, I'm sure someday I will look back and wonder how my life would be different if I had them, but, I don't think my life would be more enjoyable with them.

[Stir]

From what I know, while they are a lot of work, require effort and devotion and may cause negative feelings, if you ever have the privilege of holding your own child in your hands, the little thing you gave birth to, the outside part of you.. Believe me, You won't be thinking how messy he/she is, how expensive would be to raise a child or how you're losing your freedom.

Just because you'd like to stand out and "not agree with every stupid person's urges" doesn't mean you should put yourself in such position. A truly free person is the one who is not bound by ANYTHING, including forbidding yourself certain ideas and feelings. If you want to be free and spend all the time you have for yourself, fine, but don't just shelf the whole "settling down, having a partner, having kids" to pursue a career forever.

Your brain changes when you're expecting children. Permanently. It's all fine and dandy that you hold this position, but some people simply DO NOT WANT THIS.

I don't want children. I'm twenty-eight years old, I've taken care of children, and while I know that if I were an expecting parent I would be giddy (because, you know, biology), that does not mean that I have to conform to other people's opinions on how I should lead my life.

People like you are what people like me are getting so annoyed about. We don't want children, DEAL WITH IT. Stop asking us when we have children, and stop trying to impose your opinion on us if we say we don't want any.

I'm also not saying I can't ever change my mind. I don't think anyone is stating that. But just accept the answer that, at the moment, we do not want children, and it seems that this non-desire is permanent, or at least persistent. Period.

Honestly: If you're in a long-term relationship, all sorts of people will ask the question: 'When will you be having kids?' As if we're expected to! Not even as if; even asking this implies that we ARE expected to. That, somehow, it is our duty to produce more humans. Well; it isn't. There's more than enough people who want to have children. There's more than enough people to continue the overpopulation of this planet.

The way I feel now is: I will have children in the event that I survive an apocalyptic event that destroys much of humanity. And I'll be a loving, caring parent to those children, of course; that's not even obligatory. But the way things are, having children offers nothing of benefit (right up till the point where you have them, and hormones kick in, of course... But biology does not equal free choice. You can't choose to love your children), so I'm not going to start.

Just respect that already, will you? I'm not trying to tell you that you shouldn't have children, after all.

[fatgoku]

Well, I'm happy for you, and I'm not actually beyond seeing other people's perspective. No I cannot say I understand it, but I respect it. What I don't understand or have issues respecting, is why parents sometimes have this..."I/we know better then you" mentality. I know me and myself better then you, don't I get a say?

Return them with "Oh trust me, you will LOVE the old folks home!" with the same mentality.

[Letmesleep]

I like kids, but don't particularly want any of my own. I think it's hard to find a good woman who doesn't want any. I'm satisfied to just hang out and babysit my nieces and nephews. While I've always been amazing with kids and would be a great father, I simply don't feel the need. I enjoy freedom. I value freedom. I've seen how it literally sucked up my friends' lives once they started procreating. I barely see those people anymore. They aren't bad for doing so, I respect their commitment and dedication to the decision they made. Parents SHOULD be around for their family, and everything else, including friends, should come second. I personally would rather have more time to spend with a significant other than to be doing time outs and changing diapers. There's just no real appeal for me. If anything, I'd adopt.

[Rork]

23 years old is waaaaaaaay too yong to say never ... just sayin'

[Spectral]

OP, do you plan on having the ... hibbidy-jibbidy... ever? If you do then you should plan on knowing the risk. If you really don't want kids you'll get a procedure done.

RU-486 handles this nicely without closing down any options.

---------- Post added 2012-06-25 at 10:24 AM ----------

Trying to explain the joys of parenthood to a person not interested is like trying to explain being married to your single friends, you can try all you want but the feeling is really indescribable. Did I enjoy the 5 vacations a year, the sex anytime and anywhere, drinking as much beer as I wanted when I wanted, and just the general freedom of not doing anything if I felt like it that day...of course but now I enjoy spending every second with my daughter and I would never trade the time we spend together for anything in exisitence. I know that may sound corny but if you have kids you'll understand.

Do people that say things like this realize they sound smug?

[Deleted]

If you don't want kids you shouldn't take kids. There's a chance you'll really adore them once you got them but there's also the chance you'll think.. "Bleh, told you so.." and that won't be fun for either you or the kids. Just don't "bother" with it untill you really want them yourself, don't let your environment make that decision for you because thát will most likely ruin your life in some way.