girlfriend.....issues

[Deleted]

Just asking for a bit of help from you all to prove a point. I live with my girlfriend and our kids and virtually every night her friends either stay on our sofa or leave 5mins before we go to bed, we are literally getting one evening a week on our own and that's only when i make sure it happens. So today I approached her and said that we need more time to ourselves, that i understand she wants to she her friends and i have no problem with that but I want 3 evenings a week when it is just the 2 of us. She argues with this proposal and 2 hours later we've had a huge argument mainly about old shit that doesnt matter anymore and she has stormed out to go stay at a mates house.

So the question is very simple. Does the MMOC community think that the 3 evenings per week I asked for is a reasonable request?

[Kaj392]

A few free evenings with just the 2 of you is very reasonable. Friends shouldn't come over EVERY night and normal people wouldn't come over every night anyway.

But yeah...This is different for some people who love having others around them.

[Belize]

I think she might want to reconsider her priorities. I mean, 3 nights isn't exactly all that demanding.

[Darsithis]

Moved to off-topic

Please check the forum before posting

OT: I think you're absolutely correct. A shared home is not necessarily the place to always hang out with one side of your friends and prevent you from having both your quality time together and your quality time alone. While devoting one evening a night to a shared "date" night is a common thing, that doesn't mean all of the rest of the evenings have to be filled with friends that stay way too late.

You should put your foot down. Not on her, but on the friends and say "Hey, I need to get to bed soon and I have things I have to do first, so we'll see you another time". Nothing they have going on is so important that is all has to be done that evening.

[vazar_da_priest]

the fact you guys actually have friends sleep over with kids in the house is pretty irresponsible.

if anything they should only visit once a week.

you guys should knock it off with that nonsense.

[vep]

Based on what you said, I think you both are too young and to immature to handle this. Especially with kids.

On topic: I agree with you, screw a girlfriend you can't spend time with.

[Kaga]

I thought this might be a metaphor to you hanging out on vent all night till you go to bed, and the missus complaining.

Kinda my situation.

And no, you're not unreasonable, but you both need to comprimise.

[Darsithis]

Based on what you said, I think you both are too young and to immature to handle this. Especially with kids.

On topic: I agree with you, screw a girlfriend you can't spend time with.

How so? How is the OP too young and immature to ask his partner to set aside quality time? We do that, too. We set aside a night (changes a lot as he is in school trying to nail down a new career) where we do something, even if it is just cuddling up for a movie. He's being mature about it. She is not.

[Xiorin]

That is a very reasonable request. It would drive me crazy if I was in your situation.

[Deleted]

if she enjoys being so much with ur friends, then u got a problem, maybe you are boring.

[vizzle]

3 nights a week is hardly much... she's being totally unreasonable, and the fact that you have to fight might show that she doesn't feel as strongly about you as you think she does.

[crawdaddy029]

Just asking for a bit of help from you all to prove a point. I live with my girlfriend and our kids and virtually every night her friends either stay on our sofa or leave 5mins before we go to bed, we are literally getting one evening a week on our own and that's only when i make sure it happens. So today I approached her and said that we need more time to ourselves, that i understand she wants to she her friends and i have no problem with that but I want 3 evenings a week when it is just the 2 of us. She argues with this proposal and 2 hours later we've had a huge argument mainly about old shit that doesnt matter anymore and she has stormed out to go stay at a mates house.

So the question is very simple. Does the MMOC community think that the 3 evenings per week I asked for is a reasonable request?

I am going to go ahead and vote no and it has nothing to do with your request being acceptable or not but because it was not acceptable to the one you asked it to. Its great to find out well in advance who the crazy bitches are before going any further. According to your story she is a crazy bitch. Time to get out while you can.

[Outcry]

This is very strange. She seems a bit immature. I would suggest remaining firm on this.

[Jeleh]

Your girlfriend clearly needs to learn how to compromise, the proposal you put forward is more than reasonable, clearly she has issues.

[Deleted]

ty all for the responses, glad i'm not going crazy was starting to think i was.

[Darsithis]

I'm surprised at the people that think this is unreasonable. It's unreasonable to expect time with your partner? That's part of a relationship, and so is compromise.

[Letmesleep]

Of course it's reasonable to ask for 3 nights, and for her bum friends not to spend their lives on your sofa, but you're missing the point. She's not spending time with you because you have "old shit that doesn't matter". It obviously DOES matter to her. You clearly have unresolved arguments or long standing issues that are being ignored. That's your real problem. You need to talk those out with her ASAP, and if you're not able to make good headway with just the two of you, bring in a very trusted neutral friend or family member. I'd say couples counseling is extremely beneficial, but I have don't really think you'll seek that, which is why I suggest a trusted friend. Sometimes when arguments get way out of hand, things are being misinterpreted. It can help to have someone mature there to just keep things civil and productive. Trust me, you won't be such a dick with someone watching.

[blackblade]

It's also viable that she doesn't know how to tell her friends that they can't come hang out today, and either isn't telling you this (out of pride or fear of appearing weak-willed) or isn't really considering your stance.

Try this. monitor the process:
Who's at fault? Is she inviting people over, or are people inviting themselves over.
If she's inviting people over, try an incentive to get her to give you some space.
If people are inviting themselves over, that's an entirely different problem. (one that you may not be able to fix by talking with her, but may have to work with the friends directly.)

[crawdaddy029]

I'm surprised at the people that think this is unreasonable. It's unreasonable to expect time with your partner? That's part of a relationship, and so is compromise.

I at least explained why.

[Deleted]

It sounds to me like you got kids too young and your girlfriend can't handle the pressure and rensposibilities. It sounds like she is missing the old days of hanging out and doesn't really want to work for your situation.

I can't give any advice as I haven't been in your position. But my opinion is that, if ofcourse you can handle it, you should offer to hold the kids for one night a week so she can have a girls night. No I don't propose anything filthy, just go out with her friends and be back at home at a reasonable hour. Maybe she ll chill with the seeing her friends everyday then.