Recent Blue Posts
Recent Forum Posts
Unfortunately one of the Olympic divers has been disqualified because he couldn't find a pound for the locker
"When one door closes, another door opens."
I knew I shouldn't have wasted money on this car.
The last person to question my masculinity got a face-full of piping hot lavender tea.
Bought womens multi-vitamins by mistake.
Now I'm late for work because suddenly every piece of clothing I own is making me look fat. I like this!
I like writing my eights on their sides.
It's infinitely better.
I was walking with my Husky this morning when we were approached by a strange looking fellow.
"That dog would make me a lovely coat!" He evilly laughed whilst rubbing his hands together.
"I doubt it mate" I replied, "he's never even used a sewing machine."
The Olympics have completely changed the perception of Britain on the world stage.
Two weeks ago the world thought we were shit at sport but great at music...
Every so often, I tell myself I should cut down on my drinking.
Then I realise I'm no where near drunk enough to be having this conversation with myself yet.
New Blonde coloured bleach
Its 3x thicker
If I have 5 bananas in one hand and 10 oranges in the other...
Why wasn't I given a bag?
Bloodsail Admiral
Because of our lack of clean clothes, my wife decided to put on the washing machine.
Now she looks ridiculous!
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every six months about it.
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the guy on my back."
I was walking along the street with my wife when this blonde approached me "Dave?" she enquired "remember me, we went back to my place after the nightclub a few weeks ago?"
Had I had any other occupation other than a taxi driver I don't think i'd have talked my way out of that one.
I was planting some flowers in my garden ground today when I pulled out a worm.
"Will you just get on with planting them and stop the ridiculous dance moves," shouted my wife.
Last edited by flak; 2012-08-19 at 04:04 PM .
My wife woke me up this morning and said, "Your alarm is going off."
"Fuck it," I mumbled, "I'll get up in 10 minutes."
"That's not a very good idea, is it?" she said, "Your alarm is set for a reason."
"Okay," I shouted, "I'm getting up now!"
"Too late," she replied, looking out of the window, "Your car has just been stolen."
Overly happy people really annoy me.
I'm moving back to Cloud Eight.
"Lisa from down the street just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone," I said to my wife.
"That's great," she beamed, "so what did she have?"
"One of those Blackberry curves I think."
An ex-citing performance isnt good.
When its in your divorce papers.
Posting Permissions
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts