Like this girl, what to do?

[bringitback]

Ive known this girl since 10th grade (8 years ago). She dated my friend for the past 6, they just broke up after he treated her like shit and secretly cheated on her the whole time. Her and I have been hanging out since they ended it a few months ago. Eventually we started hooking up, and hanging out alot. We get along great, the sex is awesome, we like all the same shit blah blah blah. Anyway eventually I tell her the random sexing is great, but I want more from her. She keeps saying shit like she wants to be together but she is still hurting over her ex, and doesn't want to rush things with us and ruin it. Says she doesn't want our relationship to be the "rebound". I like her alot and could see myself with her for a long time. Shes the first female who I feel like could be my best friend. I want to give her space, and i have been giving her ALOT of space.

A while ago I make an ass out of myself at the bar with her, get jealous, say some rude shit, and we dont talk for 2 weeks. I text her yesterday afternoon saying i was sorry and I miss her company. She randomly comes over after she gets off work that night and we have an awesome hook up, afterwards we watch an episode of game of thrones and just talk for a while. Again she says she wants to be together but she just needs more time.

I have never had anything but one night stands since high school. I enjoyed being alone and had alot of fun, but would like to start a new stage of life, as im about to graduate and start a career. With this girl, I am completely lost. One one hand I want to encourage her to go out and get laid and party so she can hurry up and get over her ex. But on the other hand, I feel like if im not enough for her now then I never will be. I just dont know if I should continue to back off, or if I should push her to be serous about us.

[Reg]

In before "Bros before hos"

Tough to move from fuck buddy to relationship without one or the other taking a hit.

[Deleted]

She doesent want it to be a rebound but isnt it already? you're having sex, some sort of relationship though not quite, and pretty fast ( from what i read ) it may not have the lable "steady" on it but yeahhh... i assume your friend doesent mind you dating her, or the other way around, and you're sure she doesent have feelings for the guy anymore? if all of thats a no, i guess there's nothing you can do but wait.

[vizzle]

I don't think it's been enough time yet to say she's lying to you. How many months exactly have you guys been at this stage?

[rated]

Your recent relationship with her is already a rebound. She could be using you to forget her ex and to get over her last relationship or she could be sincere with what she's saying to you. I don't know the chick so I can't tell you which one it is, but its for sure worth finding out before you commit yourself.

At this point I would try not to get too emotionally invested. If you want to keep fucking her..go for it, but keep it casual and make sure she is on the same page with you in that regard. You don't want to go all in just to find out she WAS using you...protect yourself bro

[bringitback]

She and my friend have been broken up for about 4 months. We have been messing around for about 2 months. We have known each other for so long its not like we just met, I think that makes things harder too. I know she still loves my friend, they have a kid and were together 6 or so years, but he is a total piece of shit and i think she does really want to be over him but just isnt yet. She may just be using me, It has crossed my mind so I am trying to keep everything in perspective.

And just for the record i am not a bad friend. The guy she was with, him and I have been friends since we were in diapers. He has been so bad to the girl over the years that imo he has no claim to her at all. He did shit like banging some skank the night she had his kid, bringing girls home when she was sleeping in their bedroom ect. Putting hands on her, all the shit people like me just wont stand for.

[vizzle]

She and my friend have been broken up for about 4 months. We have been messing around for about 2 months. We have known each other for so long its not like we just met, I think that makes things harder too. I know she still loves my friend, they have a kid and were together 6 or so years, but he is a total piece of shit and i think she does really want to be over him but just isnt yet. She may just be using me, It has crossed my mind so I am trying to keep everything in perspective.

And just for the record i am not a bad friend. The guy she was with, him and I have been friends since we were in diapers. He has been so bad to the girl over the years that imo he has no claim to her at all. He did shit like banging some skank the night she had his kid, bringing girls home when she was sleeping in their bedroom ect. Putting hands on her, all the shit people like me just wont stand for.

First off, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life but... ...do you really want to step in and become that kid's stepdad? Think about it before you do anything more with this girl, because if you succeed that's what's going to happen. Do you want to raise another man's kid?

On topic, I think you should maybe keep doing what you're doing for a few more months; 2 months isn't that long. Maybe after 6 months or so, if you still feel the same way about her, you should give her some sort of ultimatum and if she still doesn't want anything more than hookups with you, tell her you're going to move on since you want something "more".

[Ace192]

First off, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life but... ...do you really want to step in and become that kid's stepdad? Think about it before you do anything more with this girl, because if you succeed that's what's going to happen. Do you want to raise another man's kid?

On topic, I think you should maybe keep doing what you're doing for a few more months; 2 months isn't that long. Maybe after 6 months or so, if you still feel the same way about her, you should give her some sort of ultimatum and if she still doesn't want anything more than hookups with you, tell her you're going to move on since you want something "more".

The fact that anyone would recommend that an "ultimatum" be issued, is enough for you to be done with this girl (not calling you out Vizzle). Whenever an ultimatum or the thought of dropping one, or better yet the situation escalates for there to be a need of one, is the moment that the relationship isn't worth it. The fact that we would need to suggest that you drop one on her is enough for me to tell you that it's probably not going to work. Sure you like her, but she doesn't sound like she needs you in the way you need her. The kid, as much as I hate to say it, is going to be a big issue as well. It sounds like a clusterfuck ready to turn into a bigger clusterfuck if you decide to take it further.

[Gandrake]

dont you think things are going to be weird with your friend when you tell him you're banging his kids mom

honestly, its just something i'd leave alone since, from the sounds of it, you have already had sex

edit: actually if hes such a piece of shit why is he your friend anyway? someone like that definitely wouldn't be any friend of mine.

[raechuul]

Sounds like a great girl, but:

1) you said you're about to graduate and start a career. My guess is that you're 21-25. Are you ready to start your first "serious" relationship with a girl who has a child already?
2) this other guy sounds like an asshole, and if number 1 is not a problem: you do realize if he has any visitation/custody rights with this child, he'll be intertwined with you and her forever?

I'm about to graduate also, 21 y.o. female and I cannot WAIT to have children... but I couldn't start dating someone that had kids already at this age. :/

[iadamson]

1) That's your friends old girl - You're a bad friend.
2) Bros before hoes, even if he treated her like shit etc.
3) She probably only started hooking up with you to piss off her ex, cuz hes ur friend.
4) Sounds like a bar star, you probably had a right to be jealous.

Over all your relationship started from a bad space and will end in one as well.

Using girls around your friend circle is over all a beta male thing to do. As you did not need to leave your comfort zone to approach her or anything.

Your game consists of lying and waiting, like a snake.

[Deleted]

Sounds like a great girl, but:

1) you said you're about to graduate and start a career. My guess is that you're 21-25. Are you ready to start your first "serious" relationship with a girl who has a child already?
2) this other guy sounds like an asshole, and if number 1 is not a problem: you do realize if he has any visitation/custody rights with this child, he'll be intertwined with you and her forever?

I'm about to graduate also, 21 y.o. female and I cannot WAIT to have children... but I couldn't start dating someone that had kids already at this age. :/

Why not though? he's probably going to be a lot more mature than the guys at 21-25 you'd possibly be with. besides most guys at that age dont even want kids. you seem like you're very eager to have one.

[Soisoisoi]

1) That's your friends old girl - You're a bad friend.
2) Bros before hoes, even if he treated her like shit etc.

I'm sorry, but if any of my "bros" treated someone like that I wouldn't even class them as such.


OT:
OP, finish your education first. She's probably rebounding and much more than normal because she wants someone to look after the kid with her. Don't go there, at least not yet.

[Deleted]

Sounds like you have some awesome friends.

[Deleted]

I'm surprised that after all she went trough she's behaving this way, having sex with his friend he knew since 1.... sorry but thats disgusting.
Even if he treated her wrong, do you really have to be with her in this way? i mean it just sounds sick
Someone asks you how did you 2 met?

Well she was in a relationship with my childhood friend for 6years then broke up and me and her were friends with benefits for a while
she also has a kid thats not mine but my friends... now i'm with her.
I'm surprised a woman with a kid behaves this way. its immature and distastefull, what kind of example are you setting when someone is skanking around with baby daddy's friend?

[Deleted]

She was with him for 6 years and it's only been 4 months since they broke up. Give it more time, I'd say at least another 2-3 months. If she still says the same then I'd cut your losses and move on. You could also try backing off a bit (ie. see each other a bit less, no sex) and let her find out whether she misses having you around - might help her make up her mind a bit faster. You could also ask her how much time she thinks she needs to move on from that guy. It's likely she will say she doesn't know (which you should accept as a valid answer) but it's worth a shot.

[iadamson]

I'm sorry, but if any of my "bros" treated someone like that I wouldn't even class them as such.


OT:
OP, finish your education first. She's probably rebounding and much more than normal because she wants someone to look after the kid with her. Don't go there, at least not yet.

Everyone makes mistakes, I mean he was his friend during the whole relationship, said nothing and did nothing. (about his friend)
To say its because he treated her like shit is the reason for taking his girl... that doesn't hold any water... He would have done something sooner if he actually cared.
Sounds like hes jumping on an opportunity he know he wouldn't have.

Plus remember your getting one side of the story, I can almost guarantee she's not innocent either.
Two sides to every coin mate, your foolish to take ones perspective, when hes clearly going to want approval for the relationship he desires.
(leaving out information, not knowing all of it himself, exaggeration, etc.)

[Soisoisoi]

Everyone makes mistakes, I mean he was his friend during the whole relationship, said nothing and did nothing. (about his friend)
To say its because he treated her like shit is the reason for taking his girl... that doesn't hold any water... He would have done something sooner if he actually cared.
Sounds like hes jumping on an opportunity he know he wouldn't have.

Plus remember your getting one side of the story, I can almost guarantee she's not innocent either.
Two sides to every coin mate, your foolish to take ones perspective, when hes clearly going to want approval for the relationship he desires.
(leaving out information, not knowing all of it himself, exaggeration, etc.)

Oh of course, I don't argue against that, I was just saying that the bro argument holds no value in that situation, at least for me.

[Magemaer]

1-Don't take rests.
2-If you're good enough no girl is gonna miss any ex. Why would you miss something bad or mediocre if you have something awesome? Focus on being awesome.
3-Giving space is for metro guys, weak guys. Be a cave man and win. Girls secretly want to be owned by real man, not to be eternally hanging out with "modern man".

[Deleted]

Giving space is for metro guys, weak guys. Be a cave man and win. Girls secretly want to be owned by real man..

I have to lol.