Unbiased advice.

[Tmbryant91]

Looking for some unbiased advice.

Me and my step dad work together at this cleaning company, but we don't get along at all. He's always complaining about random stuff like me not doing my job/looking like I care when he's the one that's always getting complaints.

Last night it happened again. We get to our second to last stop and it's a very small place. His job for this place is to blow the dirt off the sidewalk and change the 3 bags. He takes 2 bags, gets the blower and starts working. I notice that the first 2 needed to be changes so I threw another bag by the 3rd trash can for him to change but of course he completely ignores it. I get done driving over all the trash and go to pick up the bags but I don't change the last bag simply because I want to show him how he does me with the most random things. Throw the bags away, pick him up and drive by the trash can for him to change and he starts flipping about how it's my job and blah blah blah (he doesn't speak good english and I wasn't really paying him any attention). So we argue while I'm driving to the next place and he's talking about I'm spoiled (I think) and how he's getting ready to move out (him and my mom live with me) soon. Now this is like the 5th/6th time this has happened and I've always bit my tongue but I flipped this time. I quickly put him in his place and tell him he needs to leave right when he walks through the door.

Finally get back to the apartment and for some reason he didn't think I was serious because he went and took a shower. After he walked out of the bathroom he went to their room and locked the door... so I sent him a text saying "you have until 6 to be out <3". Started hearing him pack up immediately. My mom finally woke up and tried to get us to talk but all he did was make stuff up and all I did was shoot him right back down. Before he left he said that he sent my boss a text saying that he's been telling my boss that I haven't been showing up for work and etc.

So I sent my boss a text saying that in the past year I've only missed work once (I overslept at my father's house) but I won't get a reply till sometime this afternoon. My question is should I just quit this job? My boss isn't able to do anything and I really don't think I can stand working with him anymore especially after hearing him say he's always thinking about fighting me. It's not that I'm scared it's just that I know regardless of who wins we will both be fired and probably arrested leaving our stops uncleaned getting the company in trouble.


Sorry for all the rambling... probably could have shorted it but this just happened and the only thing going through my head is my fist knocking out his teeth..

and I'm asking on here because everyone I've talked to about this (friends/family) just tell me that if he touches me he has a much bigger problem -.-

[Terarus]

Kinda a weird situation, if it was me, i would of just changed it myself and went on with my day.

[Tmbryant91]

I normally do but I'm getting tired by how he feels how he can half-ass and expect me to do it for him. The trash bag thing just happened tonight but there have been some nights when he's did absolutely nothing and I've had to do my job and his.

[GKLeatherCraft]

I think you did the right thing, you cannot keep making up for someone elses shortcomings, even something as simple as changing a bag, i think you took the proper steps there, in regards to quitting your job, are there any other companies you could work for? Because incase he does "attack" you on a job, or things get too heated and you fight, that could ruin your reputation, and noone wants "that guy with the anger issues" to come near their stuff, if you get what i mean

[Deleted]

If he's harassing you, that's a problem you have, you need to tell your boss that he is harassing you, your boss has to do something about it, you're his employee.

If it gets serious talk to your boss and tell him you're gona call the cops or something. I wouldn't do anything extreme but tbh if you can't find any job other than that one then don't just quit, try your best to keep it and ignore your step father.

[Tmbryant91]

I've tried talking to my boss and he hasn't been able to do anything.

I'm looking up jobs now but so far I'm not qualified for anything.. The way I see it either I'm getting fired for allegedly not showing up for work or my step dad will for driving the truck without a license.

[bbr]

Find other work,. or get schooling - or find a place that will hire you and give you schooling.

Talk to the boss stating you want an assignment away from your stepdad.
Thre's, well, a ton of things to do,, depends how old you are,.. I get the impression you're still living with your parents?

[Tmbryant91]

I'm 20 and I'm starting school in the Spring.

[select20]

All great advice from others, but if you really feel like digging and doing a little psychology I'll put my 2cents in. Anytime someone acts out of balance, either extremely happy or extremely pissy all the time, there is something driving it, something under the surface. Balance between the two is considered normal. OF course we all like happy people but Anger on the other hand will drive people away. Now, Anger is a natural reaction to something not going the way you want it to go. The key, when helping people with Anger issues, if figuring out what is driving them to this emotion.

This is easy to determine if this is a recent thing. Has he always been this way toward you? or is this new, maybe 2 years or less? If it's two years or less, it could be a more simple solution to figuring it out and fixing it. Generally, if it's over two years, the person with the problem has let something fester for too long. Now they have created habits that any little thing that comes along will make them angry or pissy. The key thing to remember with someone with the long term problem of getting angry easily, is that the Anger all comes from one place, one un-dealt with situation and everything else just branches off of it. You can try to either get to the root of the problem, which is hard, or take each instance one by one till you get to the root.

An example would be, if one of the reasons he gets angry is because he thinks you don't do you job well. Ask him why he thinks you don't do you job well and what you can do to fix it. Whether you doing your job well is legitimate or not (sounds to me like you're an upstanding employee), for some reason in his mind it's a problem that needs to be dealt with. Then just find things and break them down. This of course takes patience because working through the example I gave might take more than one approach or more than one 'talk' if you will.

Two pieces of advice when working with someone like this. 1st bit, you need patience and care. Generally coming from the son to a dad hurts the male ego, and asking mom to work through this with him would work better if he knows you care about him. 2nd bit of advice that many many in this profession don't like but find out that it's an excellent rule of thumb, is that remember that a "Soft answer turneth away wrath." Does that come from the bible? Yes, but regardless of your religious or nonreligious stance, this is a must rule to follow when dealing with Angry people.

Ok yeah, was more than "2cents" but I have a heart for people with Anger issues because underneath is a good person. There is just something driving them out of balance. Reason we see this with husband and dads is because there is a natural instinct in a father to protect and provide for his family. What comes with that is sacrifice. Example to that would be, the costs of a family prevents Dad during his young years to have that nice sports car or kids breaking his nice things. Dad sacrifices these things but never gets recognition for it or appreciation and this has been the root of many an angry father.

Anyways, long post, good luck with everything.

Sincerely,

Former Man with extreme Anger issues that now helps others with this problem and other emotional imbalances.

**there is no way to turn this into a tl:dr version.**

[Seani]

This sounds like this situation is just going to get worse. Your a young guy at 20, if you get in a fight with this guy, you run the risk of being put in jail and having him garnish your wages for a very long time. Trust me the cops will side with him every time if its your word against him. My advise is to make sure your work arrival times are recorded, and that you and your employer are on the same page on this situation. Tell him there is a conflict of interest with your stepfather, and you would like some space if that can be accommodated. Basically, make sure that you have something on paper that says you tried to resolve this conflict, so that if he does try something and you defend yourself you don't look like bad guy. If he gets violent in your home call the cops, they might not do anything but give you both a verbal warning. If they give him a verbal warning and he starts a fight with you, and you defend yourself they will have to charge him.

[Tmbryant91]

if he knows you care about him.

I honestly don't care for him. I told him that the first time I ever met him.


When all 3 of us were talking this morning I asked him what don't I do and the only thing he kept saying was everything. He couldn't get me 1 example.

He's literally made because for some reason he can't understand that me and my moms checks go to bills just like his do. In his world he does everything while me and my mom splurge. He pretty much said that he wanted out of bills to focus on his music career that isn't going to happen since it's just him yelling in auto-tune.

---------- Post added 2012-08-25 at 09:41 PM ----------

This sounds like this situation is just going to get worse. Your a young guy at 20, if you get in a fight with this guy, you run the risk of being put in jail and having him garnish your wages for a very long time. Trust me the cops will side with him every time if its your word against him. My advise is to make sure your work arrival times are recorded, and that you and your employer are on the same page on this situation. Tell him there is a conflict of interest with your stepfather, and you would like some space if that can be accommodated. Basically, make sure that you have something on paper that says you tried to resolve this conflict, so that if he does try something and you defend yourself you don't look like bad guy. If he gets violent in your home call the cops, they might not do anything but give you both a verbal warning. If they give him a verbal warning and he starts a fight with you, and you defend yourself they will have to charge him.

He already had/has an assault charge. This was at his last job where he worked with my mom but from what I was told he got mad over a joke and hit the guy from behind with something (pole/piece of wood). Would that help me in anyway if he tries something?

[Seani]

I honestly don't care for him. I told him that the first time I ever met him.


When all 3 of us were talking this morning I asked him what don't I do and the only thing he kept saying was everything. He couldn't get me 1 example.

He's literally made because for some reason he can't understand that me and my moms checks go to bills just like his do. In his world he does everything while me and my mom splurge. He pretty much said that he wanted out of bills to focus on his music career that isn't going to happen since it's just him yelling in auto-tune.

---------- Post added 2012-08-25 at 09:41 PM ----------



He already had/has an assault charge. This was at his last job where he worked with my mom but from what I was told he got mad over a joke and hit the guy from behind with something (pole/piece of wood). Would that help me in anyway if he tries something?

Absolutely, and if this guy is unstable and he has threatened you or someone else and you see it there are alot of things you can do. Probably the easiest is to file an order of protection. Even if the order is not approved, you always have the paper work to say, 'I was fearful of my safety, so I took actions to reduce the risk of a confrontation.' His prior assault charge will make it much easier for you to successfully obtain an order of protection. Definitely tell your boss that you have concerns for your safety because of his prior assault. He will probably ask you to fill out a form of some type, if your in California ask to fill out an "Order to Prohibit Workplace Violence." At the very least you can file a complaint, and have a paper trail saying you tried to avoid violence.

[select20]

Absolutely, and if this guy is unstable and he has threatened you or someone else and you see it there are alot of things you can do. Probably the easiest is to file an order of protection. Even if the order is not approved, you always have the paper work to say, 'I was fearful of my safety, so I took actions to reduce the risk of a confrontation.' His prior assault charge will make it much easier for you to successfully obtain an order of protection. Definitely tell your boss that you have concerns for your safety because of his prior assault. He will probably ask you to fill out a form of some type, if your in California ask to fill out an "Order to Prohibit Workplace Violence." At the very least you can file a complaint, and have a paper trail saying you tried to avoid violence.

Great advice. If he's to the point where he's threatening people, he is unstable, like Seani said, and it's a waste of time trying to talk to him at the family level without professional help. At this point you need someone with Authority to set him straight and if he was willing, it would take a year or more of sitting down with a social worker or psychologist to get him on the right track.

But again, piggy backing off of Seani, your best bet is to start your own paper trail with the authorities/boss/etc.

[Tmbryant91]

Okay. Thanks for all the advice.

[Illintent420]

Kick his ass when off the clock. Then hell know to not try it at work. Cant get fired for doing something on your own time

[Blood Fox]

Kick his ass when off the clock. Then hell know to not try it at work. Cant get fired for doing something on your own time

yes, yes you can. and its never good to solve violence with more violence.

Op: You have some Great advice here, If I were you I'd sit him down sometime just y ou and him and try to talk it out, don't get angry just speak logically.

ohh and if you told him you didn't lie him form the start im sure thats part of his problem.