Food For Thought: The Friend Zone

[Skizzit]

It exists, but I think guys blow it out of proportion. If you are interested in a girl and never let her know, that is on you. If you are interested in a girl, let her know and she says she is not interested in you in that way and you stick around only because you think you can change her mind, that is also on you. Be her friend, but look elsewhere for romance.

The only form of "friend zone" that is actually on the girl is those rare females who know fully well that a guy liked them and strings them along for the attention knowing full well she will never go any further.

Just man the hell up and tell her how you feel. She may reject you, but it is better then not knowing. I speak from experience. I had a huge crush on this girl I was friends with and finally told her and got shot down. Sure, it sucked for awhile and was hard to be around her but I got over it eventually. I was able to stay good friends with her but let go of my infatuation and was able to meet someone else who was interested in me.

p.s. female friends often have friends they are willing to set you up with.

[Deleted]

also, being foreward =/= being a douche. Some women just need the strong hint. its also totally possible to escape th friendzone with a friendship intact if you manage to find someone else who you care for even more.

Well, damn, i didn't word it properly; "forward" was the word i was looking for.

[Crissi]

Well, damn, i didn't word it properly; "forward" was the word i was looking for.

Is ok. Apparantly I didnt spell it right ;D

[Destruktion]

From what I understand, the Friend Zone is a place for guys who court girls but do not make a move on them. The girl assumes that because no move was made, the guy is not sexually interested in her and is interested only in friendship. As a result, she loses any sexual interest in him.

It is possible to leave the Friend Zone, but very difficult to do. Making a move doesn't work at this stage of the game; removing oneself completely and totally from the company of the girl is your best chance at a "reset."

[Gandrake]

Well, there is a lot of controversy surrounding the topic. It's present, even before the first post.

First and foremost, I think that the friend zone, is a concept that is only relevant to men who are just looking to get laid or guys who are looking for a specific kind of tuna, instead of any fish in the sea.

For those that get around, it's just a point where they are not going to get anything without investing an undesirable amount effort, and for the other, he is interested in the female, she knows and has rejected him, but he does not know how to accept how something so right could just be so wrong, that she didn't want it.

It's likely that there are a few variables in the latter, and I am mostly speaking in extremes.

Honestly, I don't think it's very complicated or confusing concept. It's just exaggerated and overused by young children who have discovered that they are not silver-tongued devils who can convince females, against their better judgment, to strip naked and start doing the nasty by just looking at them.

[Windfury]

To me it seems like guys who complain about the friend zone are mostly guys who are having trouble respecting that she's not interested and are trying to use a nice guy act to get her to change her mind. To me the 'friend zone' complaints are pretty closely associated with the whole 'nice guy' thing, but that's probably a whole other discussion.

[Coombs]

Men usually get put into the friend zone when they aren't losers. If you want a woman to fall for you just get a shitty job and play xbox all day. Then the chick will love you forever.

[muto]

Men usually get put into the friend zone when they aren't losers. If you want a woman to fall for you just get a shitty job and play xbox all day. Then the chick will love you forever.

Sooooooo true.

Nice guys finish last.


I'm not adjusting my ego to "asshole" level just to get a girl, nope not happening.

[Deleted]

I'm not lowering my ego to "asshole" level just to get a girl, nope not happening.

Why would you have to lower yourself to "asshole" level to do that? :s

[Crissi]

Sooooooo true.

Nice guys finish last.


I'm not lowering my ego to "asshole" level just to get a girl, nope not happening.

Not true, unless the girl is a total stuck up bitch who will floozy aorund the first chance she gets.

However, nice doesnt mean not forward. You can be nice AND make sure the girl knows you're interested. Really sick of the steotype that all girls want are jerks.

[PizzaSHARK]

Trying to not act like an obvious douche who just wants one thing =/= coward.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, sugar.

Be honest with the girl, and be honest with yourself - you want to fuck her. It's okay! You're both adults, you can handle the truth.

There might (or might not) be anything beyond that desire to bend her backwards over the table, but you're lying to her and you're lying to yourself if you're pretending you're talking to her and being her friend but don't want to fuck her.

[muto]

Not true, unless the girl is a total stuck up bitch who will floozy aorund the first chance she gets.

However, nice doesnt mean not forward. You can be nice AND make sure the girl knows you're interested. Really sick of the steotype that all girls want are jerks.

Not all. That's why I said nice guys finish last, because it seems more girls are with butt heads than with nice guys, so if I have to wait forever for the girl who wants a nice guy, I will.

[Nilinor]

Here is my personal experience on the subject:

Recently I read an article that in simple terms said that guys and girls cannot be "truly" just friends, while a woman's mind may think that is just the case, the guy is always there just because there is a small chance that he could get sex. I believe this is a crock of shit for the following reason. I have many girl friends, all of which are just that, my friends. I am in a stable relationship with someone who really loves me, and I really love her. Most of my other female friends have bf's and fiances as well, and im pretty much friend of the family. I have no sexual urges for any of them, and only some of them I was attracted to in the beginning, but never really worked out after I found out we probably wouldn't be good together (my best friend and I could NEVER EVER be together, we are to much alike, which is a bad thing :P )

As for the friendzoned thing in the way I think it means, being nice is great, I think being nice is better then being an asshat all the time. But unless you let the other person know how you feel, not hint at it all the time, that person wont know. Reason? EVERYONE IS NICE! When your working your nice to your customers, when your shopping you hold the door open for people behind you, people pick things up for other people, say please, thank you, offer to help someone who is shorter to get something off the shelf. How are people going to distinguish your nice-ness as being "I like you a lot" from general nice-ness? Yes, you are a bit closer because your their friend, but at the same time, they have tons of other friends who do the same things, unless you speak up your just another one of the group.

Very rarely its the "I like you as a friend, but not as a bf" routine, many people with perceived friendzones never even tell the person they are attracted to that they like them, and feel betrayed when said person gets a bf. At which point the guy breaks down and pours his feelings a lot of the time when its to late. At which point the girl he likes feels awkward and thinks the guy is a bit creepy. If you just kept your mouth shut after she goes out with a different guy, you probably wouldn't have burnt the bridge down. Now this isn't to say this is what always happens, in any of the cases, but it happens enough. There is always the chance, dont just throw everything out and make an ass of yourself because you got to emotional from your failure to tell someone what you felt, thats a surefire way to fuck everything up.

In short, the friendzone exists, because the person MAKES it exist, you just need to let your feelings known from the start if your truly into the person, OR when you realize that you like the person that way. Not every person knows they like someone from the start, but even still when you think you start liking someone let them know, if your afraid it will ruin everything, tell them that too.. "Hey, I have been thinking lately that I might actually like you as more then friends" and see a response, its best to get it early, because if they dont, its still enough to back away without to much emotional commitment and just be friends. There are many ways to do things, just have to do it. The worst thing you can do is wait, and build a dam of emotions that break and flood out.

[PizzaSHARK]

Not all. That's why I said nice guys finish last, because it seems more girls are with butt heads than with nice guys, so if I have to wait forever for the girl who wants a nice guy, I will.

Just means you got a lot of learning to do, brotato. Ladies want a man, not a doormat.

[Deleted]

If you get friend zoned it means you were too passive. You didnt escalate. You didn't make yourself sexually interesting to her.

Basically you were a coward.

You don't need to be an asshole to get girls, you just need to be assertive. Girls don't want a pussy lapdog that talks about their emotional problems with them, they want a man that is interesting and exciting and has two testicles.

[PizzaSHARK]

If you get friend zoned it means you were too passive. You didnt escalate. You didn't make yourself sexually interesting to her.

Basically you were a coward.

You don't need to be an asshole to get girls, you just need to be assertive. Girls don't want a pussy lapdog that talks about their emotional problems with them, they want a man that is interesting and exciting and has two testicles.

In other words, they want a person, not a yes-man. For me, it's the same thing - I'm just not going to be interested in a woman (sexually/romantically, anyway) that has no spine or self-confidence. It's perfectly okay to disagree with your partner or partner-to-be on things; in fact, I'd find it incredibly boring if my partner always agreed with me.

[muto]

Just means you got a lot of learning to do, brotato. Ladies want a man, not a doormat.

So by that logic:

man = asshole/butt head
doormat = nice guy


Interesting..

[PizzaSHARK]

So by that logic:

man = asshole/butt head
doormat = nice guy


Interesting..

No.

Man = confident, outgoing, has a personality
Doormat = self-conscious, terrified of rejection, always agrees with everything the girl says

Like I said man, you got some learning to do. It's not a bad thing, I was there once myself. But you'll learn faster if you break the idea that "girls always go for assholes." They don't; they go for people, and sometimes people can turn out to be assholes. But sometimes people can turn out to be pretty great, too.

Just wait for Kerath to find this thread and she'll pretty much smash you with the hammer of knowledge on the subject.

[Deleted]

So by that logic:

man = asshole/butt head
doormat = nice guy

Interesting..

O_o

what makes you think one would have to behave like an asshole to be boyfriend material?

[PizzaSHARK]

O_o

what makes you think one would have to behave like an asshole to be boyfriend material?

Well, he's obviously a nice guy, right? And the girls never go for him, right? Therefore, the girls don't like nice guys, which means that they go for assholes!

Flawless. Logic.