Views on punnishment for a child

[Bearshield]

Actually its not. I cant tell you how many times my mom did that to me between the ages of four and ten. My mom hit me with whatever was in her hand. I was mature enough to understand i got hit for a reason. I was a disciplined resposible kid because of it.

I get so sick of reading this garbage, it's all over the FB memes too. Spanking or not spanking does not make a kid well behaved or more responsible. I grew up to be a responsible adult because my parents spent time with me and talked to me and taught me things, not because I was spanked as a child. My younger brother was spanked as a kid too, and he dropped out of school, got into drugs, and bounced from job to job until his late 20's. Spanking is not the only way to discipline a child and it's not even necessarily the most effective way. You could beat your kid daily and if you don't take the time to teach them anything, they will never learn anything from it. I do believe that sometimes a spanking is warranted, but it's ridiculous to think that it's the wonder drug for bad behavior.

[Deleted]

I was hit by my father often as a child i was told, i have no memory of it - but my mother also had a wooden spoon to discipline me with, all though she rarely used it.

My advice is thus, be extremely careful with violence towards a child - i say this not to cover your ass, but to caution you against the ramifications of it. Some children will grow used to it, others will not understand it.

The only time i would ever hit one of my own prospective children is when they hurt another person, so as to show the pain they've inflicted and to see if there as ever keen to deal it out again. Obviously i believe in understanding and talking with a child, but there young and often won't understand the concepts involved yet.

But talking why it was bad > non violent punishments > shouting (the bark is often worse than the bite for them) > minor violence (a smack on the bottom, firm but not to give lasting harm but rather a sting). > Adoption, the last was a joke by the way!

[Orlong]

Any punishment that doesnt make the child fear getting it again is ineffective. If a kid knows that when he steals a candy bar the only punishment is a "time out" sitting in the corner for 5 minutes, he will think its a fair tradeoff for a candy bar. If he knows he is going to get a wooden spoon slap on the ass he probably wont steal it next time. It worked for me when I was a kid and all of my friends as well.

[Raptor With a Saber]

Discipline is important, but drilling kids is just wrong

Its how i was raised and i turned out fine. I wasn't beaten or hit out of anger but disciplined. My sister doesn't do that with her kids. They don't listen to her or their dad so someone had to step in and make them right.

[S2omegaS2]

I was spanked as a kid...I remember it was more the fear of getting hit then it actually hurting
If we were really bad (me and my brother) we would get the wooden spoon which stung a little more but we were never hit to the point of abuse by any means...we hit each other harder during fights lol

[Bearshield]

Any punishment that doesnt make the child fear getting it again is ineffective. If a kid knows that when he steals a candy bar the only punishment is a "time out" sitting in the corner for 5 minutes, he will think its a fair tradeoff for a candy bar. If he knows he is going to get a wooden spoon slap on the ass he probably wont steal it next time. It worked for me when I was a kid and all of my friends as well.

If you teach your kid values and honesty in the first place, they wont steal. And I don't know about you, but I got spanked for everything under the sun as a kid and it didn't change my behavior. (of course, I wasn't a thief either...) Now on the other hand, what would be an effective punishment in your example would be taking the child back to the store they stole the candy from, making them admit to it and pay the store back from their own money. Now you have taught them that stealing is both wrong and embarassing.

[Orlong]

Discipline is important, but drilling kids is just wrong

Nobody is saying you should punch them as hard as you can in the mouth. A firm slap on the ass is all that is needed, and causes nothing but a red spot for a few minutes.

[Zandalarian Paladin]

So this past year me and my wife had our first child. Now that she just turned one it got me to thinking about disciplining her. Was wondering about everyones views. I am a firm believer in strong parents. Parents who when a kid does something wrong they know they are in for it. I like the idea of a minute in timeout per age while the child is calm. If they get up time restarts. I also believe in physical punishment for certain things. I see nothi.g wrong with a slap on the behind hand or light smack on the mouth if your kid bites. I love the idea if a kid acts up in a store the put everything down and we are going to the car. The fear in a kids eyes when they hear that is priceless as they just figured out "Oh crap, shouldnt have done that."

What do other people think?
The only parenting i really cant stand are the do nothing parents who think their kid is their own individual and let the run wild. I would love to smack some sense into those people.

By doing this, you're basically asking your kid to answer back to you. I agree with the timeout, and with the back to the car method. But I strongly disagree with violence. It simply shows that you don't know how to handle your kid.

A strong discipline =/= violence. In fact, if you act psychologically with them (like the corner and back to the car method), they'll simply learn that by going against you, they lose. But if you hit them, they'll see this either as a game (try to hit me if you can!) or be traumatized by it. Also don't forget that your kid is not you; if it worked for you, it doesn't mean it'll work for him. Try to understand how your kid work and adapt from there on.

[Pull My Finger]

Actually its not. I cant tell you how many times my mom did that to me between the ages of four and ten. My mom hit me with whatever was in her hand. I was mature enough to understand i got hit for a reason. I was a disciplined resposible kid because of it.

Well then. What can I say. You turned out great, ahem.

[Deleted]

Seriously? Hitting children? That's weak and abominable, violence will only create more violence. Sure parent's should set up good limits and teach their child what is good and wrong, but to smack a child is just wrong in my opinion, (in Sweden it's illegal to cause any kind of harm to a child). The ones who don't get a so good life, both career and social conditions in adulthood, are often the ones who got hit by their parents or lived under other bad circumstances.

Judging from what OP said I don't think he is suited for having a child, if he enjoys seeing fear in a child's eyes and wants "to smack sense into those people". I think OP need to get some sense in his mind.

See this is something I'm very torn on personally; while I'd normally agree that violence begets violence, as a kid I pretty much got a hiding any time I stepped out of line, yet I've not turned out as a violent hooligan (you'll have to take my word for that). At the same time one of the kids I was at at school with, came from a far softer home where his mum put him in the corner for a "timeout", served time a few years back for GBH.

I think it depends more on the reasoning behind why they're being punished over the method of punishment (at least my parents always made sure I knew why I was getting a slipper across the back side), but hey I'm also not a parent so what do I know?

I guess if you apply the rule of "explaining why" then physical violence shouldn't be needed, but then there are some kids who are extremely stubborn, I know I was - I would deliberately push the boundaries to see how far I could go and that always ended up with me getting a slap

I guess I should point out that although I got a serious thrashing as a kid, I would never consider going futher than a smack on the arse for discipline, anything more than that is never necessary!

[GreatOak]

Any violence against children is despicable. It does nothing but detach your child and get them in a state of mind where violence becomes acceptable

[holyfist]

There is very big difference between punishing bad behavior and trying to hurt a kid. Mild slap,or spanking won't hurt child but will make him remember it much more than denying TV for a week. Also this should be last resort...if you believe your kid is so bad that he deserve physical punishment often then you have big problem.
Verbal communication with child and spending time with him can prevent most of this because in majority of times kid act badly merely to get attention of his parents.

[redsunrising15]

I'm grateful my parents disciplined me when I was young, it's definitely a necessity for establishment of authority. I was spanked age 4-12, then they told me I was too old for physical punishment. I don't understand why some people label something like a spanking child abuse -- however -- make a point to never discipline your child when you're angry. Don't vary punishments for the same crime, it confuses the child. Make the child know you you aren't all-bad. Random acts of complete forgiveness (pardon with no punishment) are amazing. Lastly, there are some times when looking that child straight in the eye and saying "I'm disappointed in you" are worse than a dozen spankings.

[Deleted]

Whatever you do. Do not turn to physical punishment.
My father did that a lot and by the end it turn really bad.
I haven't talked to him in over a year and i probaly won't in a very long time.

Get him to feel guilty instead. Get him to feel like he did something bad emotionally instead.

Guilting can be just as bad if not worse abuse than hitting your children. Former just scars the inside worse.

[Deleted]

By doing this, you're basically asking your kid to answer back to you. I agree with the timeout, and with the back to the car method. But I strongly disagree with violence. It simply shows that you don't know how to handle your kid.

A strong discipline =/= violence. In fact, if you act psychologically with them (like the corner and back to the car method), they'll simply learn that by going against you, they lose. But if you hit them, they'll see this either as a game (try to hit me if you can!) or be traumatized by it. Also don't forget that your kid is not you; if it worked for you, it doesn't mean it'll work for him. Try to understand how your kid work and adapt from there on.

Sometimes violence works, if you caught your kid playing with matches do you let him/her burn itself or give them a slap on the arse to teach them fire = bad and painful? A slap on the arse does no long term damage at all, its the sick bastards that beat their kids that are the problem.

[Raptor With a Saber]

Any violence against children is despicable. It does nothing but detach your child and get them in a state of mind where violence becomes acceptable

[video=youtube;ONNRfflggBg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRf

That is so not true. I was spanked as a kid for doing stuff wrong. I am not a murderer or a crazy man now. I don't get in fights or anything either when confronted with an issue with a coworker or person. I use words and figure stuff out without violence.

[Deleted]

My Partner is a school teacher of years 1 to 2 *(5-7yr old) and they are some children that have never been disciplined like i used to get as a child (big fat whack on the arse, no computer games etc etc). These children have so far turned out to be either horrible little bullys, or vindictive and cocksure children, the children whose parents understand why they are naughty are the ones who do discipline them, and they do their work and are just your average nice child.

When i am a parent, i will definately apply the take and smack that was once applied to me and my brother, public humiliation also worked wonders and i NEVER acted up in shops because of it.

Being strict may make you seem like a baddy, but they will quickly learn that your rules are set for a reason, and if you are rewarding of good behaviour, they will be good.

[Deleted]

Its how i was raised and i turned out fine. I wasn't beaten or hit out of anger but disciplined. My sister doesn't do that with her kids. They don't listen to her or their dad so someone had to step in and make them right.

See, this is were the issues begin to arise in trying to discuss this topic. Everybody usually "turns out fine" based on their experience, but as we all know, that is anecdotal and can't be used to substantiate a discussion.

[Deleted]

A little slap on the hand as punishment for doing something wrong is not violence and shouldn't be seeing as such. It's like rising your voice really. Obviously only when necessary.
There is nothing wrong with that.
Most people that shout OMG VIOLENCE are generally speaking out of their arse and don't understand the difference between a tiny slap on the hand and a full strength punch in the face.

[Bakis]

I also believe in physical punishment for certain things

As much as you want to and believe me I would have liked it too and I dont even have children but worked in kindergarten and at summer camps, that is a no-no.
Physical punishment is simply wrong. Revoke their iPad, allowance, saturday candy, ground them. Whatever hurts in a non-harmful way.
Actually violating human rights is not the proper way no matter how unharmful it may seem with a slap or spanking.
Speaking in general here, if it comes to that one should not be a parent in the first place.