Views on punnishment for a child

[Deleted]

Its how i was raised and i turned out fine. I wasn't beaten or hit out of anger but disciplined. My sister doesn't do that with her kids. They don't listen to her or their dad so someone had to step in and make them right.

My parents never hit me, apart from the occasional pedagogical tap, hurting a child is wrong, it might have worked out for you, but dig in the past of most criminals, psychopats, pedophiles, ... and you'll find different degrees of "physical discipline". (I don't mean to say that you belong to one of the groups I mentioned)

[Deleted]

My Partner is a school teacher of years 1 to 2 *(5-7yr old) and they are some children that have never been disciplined like i used to get as a child (big fat whack on the arse, no computer games etc etc). These children have so far turned out to be either horrible little bullys, or vindictive and cocksure children

Having worked in the field as well I can't but agree. Lack of discipline is one of the worst "acceptable" things to do to a child.

[Trunksee]

It works on young children if they know why they are being spanked, on older children it is a recipe for disaster though.

Agreed. I wouldnt slap a ten year old but a 3 to 7 if it were a boy i would my daughter is a girl so ill be saying go see your mother or wait till mom gets home. Its legal to spank a child as long as no physical damage is done in my state. Things change with age of the child. I just wondered people thoughts as ive never seen as many out of control undisciplined kifs as i do now a days.

[Shennanigans]

Teach your children consequences, loss of privlages ect. Reward good behavior, lead by example. Violence only teaches violence.

[Masark]

I use words and figure stuff out without violence.

Except when dealing with children apparently.

The next time a pro-corporal-punishment person screws up something at work, they should be taken over their boss's knee and thwacked soundly so they learn not to do that again.

[Deleted]

As much as you want to and believe me I would have liked it too and I dont even have children but worked in kindergarten and at summer camps, that is a no-no.
Physical punishment is simply wrong. Revoke their iPad, allowance, saturday candy, ground them whatever hurts in a non-harmful way.
Actually violating human rights is not the proper way no matter how unharmful it may seem with a slap or spanking.
Speaking in general here, if it comes to that one should not be a parent in the first place.

And when they say no and go about doing their way as normal? Do you restrain them using physical violence? Violence is fine in small measures, even raising your voice counts as being violent.

[Bearshield]

Having worked in the field as well I can't but agree. Lack of discipline is one of the worst "acceptable" things to do to a child.

I agree completely, but spanking is not the only way to discipline a child. It's the easiest for an angry parent, but that doesn't make it the only or best way.

[Deleted]

Nobody is saying you should punch them as hard as you can in the mouth. A firm slap on the ass is all that is needed, and causes nothing but a red spot for a few minutes.

As long as you stop doing that when they reach the age you can talk to them rationally (around the age of 9-10 I think).
Hitting them past their teens would only result in very difficult and somethimes violent adolescents. And eventually, they grow strong enough to hit back, and they will, unless you beat the absolute crap out of them, but then they just don't hit you back out of fear, not out of respect.

[Deleted]

Sometimes violence works, if you caught your kid playing with matches do you let him/her burn itself or give them a slap on the arse to teach them fire = bad and painful? A slap on the arse does no long term damage at all, its the sick bastards that beat their kids that are the problem.

That's really all there is to say.
Can't paint everything with the same brush.
Beating your son with a stick detaches him from reality as someone said, a little slap on the hand, rising your voice when necessary, it's absolutely harmless and at times necessary.

[Trunksee]

I was spanked as a kid...I remember it was more the fear of getting hit then it actually hurting
If we were really bad (me and my brother) we would get the wooden spoon which stung a little more but we were never hit to the point of abuse by any means...we hit each other harder during fights lol

Exactly the way i felt. It became fear of punnishment so you behaved.

[Deleted]

Teach your children consequences, loss of privates ect. Reward good behavior, lead by example. Violence only teaches violence.

Quoted for truth.

[Paloro]

My parents never hit me, apart from the occasional pedagogical tap, hurting a child is wrong, it might have worked out for you, but dig in the past of most criminals, psychopats, pedophiles, ... and you'll find different degrees of "physical discipline". (I don't mean to say that you belong to one of the groups I mentioned)

The key word there is degree. I'm pretty sure most people saying that nothing is wrong with a spanking don't intend to make it happen on a daily basis.

My thoughts is that discipline is 100% necessary. The form that it comes in can vary, but that also greatly varies on the child and his/her personality.

[Deleted]

Teach your children consequences, loss of privates ect. Reward good behavior, lead by example. Violence only teaches violence.

Castration is taking it too far!

[Deleted]

As much as you want to and believe me I would have liked it too and I dont even have children but worked in kindergarten and at summer camps, that is a no-no.
Physical punishment is simply wrong. Revoke their iPad, allowance, saturday candy, ground them. Whatever hurts in a non-harmful way.
Actually violating human rights is not the proper way no matter how unharmful it may seem with a slap or spanking.
Speaking in general here, if it comes to that one should not be a parent in the first place.

A little slap on the hand is not "violating human rights".
And you obviously haven't been around kids that answer to your "no more iPad" with a loud and square "fuck off!"

[Trunksee]

Well then. What can I say. You turned out great, ahem.

Making 100k a year. Married for 10 years. Happy life, never been arrested never any use of drugs, actually like my parents, yea id say im pretty good.

[Bakis]

And when they say no and go about doing their way as normal? Do you restrain them using physical violence? Violence is fine in small measures, even raising your voice counts as being violent.

Huh by what standards?

[Deleted]

The key word there is degree. I'm pretty sure most people saying that nothing is wrong with a spanking don't intend to make it happen on a daily basis.

My thoughts is that discipline is 100% necessary. The form that it comes in can vary, but that also greatly varies on the child and his/her personality.

I agree, the occasional slap won't do any harm, but only if they are in danger of hurting themselves or others (like running on the street without looking, touching the bottem of an iron,...).
It becomes a problem when the occasional slap isn't an exception, but a rule, their are ways of disciplining a child without the need for pshysical violence.

[S2omegaS2]

I guess people don't realize there is a difference between a parent that gets pissed off and starts beating their children and one that punishes with spanking (not even hard...its like the equivalent of giving a high five to the butt) and then continues loving their children.
The second case does exist...

[Hyve]

Children are much more prone to their natural animal instincts as punishments, such as pain, then perhaps things like grounding, or having stuff taken from them. They don't really understand those mechanics of society, so smacking a child is the most efficient method of instilling respect and discipline.

Of course, you sound like a reasonable parent, so you know there is a difference between smacking a kid on the legs, and punching them to the floor with an upper cut. Never damage your child, but just a firm enough smack so it registers with them.

A lot of people are against smacking children, but I think it is naive to ignore a natural mechanic that is prevalent in other species, and was the foundation of our successes as a species. We learn not to do things by pain, and as an Adult with a fully developed mind, we understand the concept of pain without the need to register it physically.

Take the Hob on your oven as an example. As an Adult, you understand that it is Hot, you understand that Heat is, and how badly it'll hurt if you touch it. A child though, doesn't, but if the Child did touch the hob while it was on, they wouldn't ever do it again!

I'm not suggesting you scald your child on the Hob of course, what I am saying though, is if you register misbehaviour with pain, they'll learn not to misbehave. Remember; Children don't have the same concepts as adults. Adults can understand rationality, logic and purpose, a Child doesn't, so trying to be rational with a Child is about as futile as trying to turn a Potato into Gold.

Edit;

As they grow older, and their understanding of personal responsibility and punishment becomes more evolved, you can make their issues their responsibility, but remember to be stern.

If you are going to take something from them as a punishment, see it through to the end, no matter what they do. As someone who was in a lot of trouble as a Kid & Teenager, whenever I behaved good and had my punishments reduced, it reinforced the fact that I can do what I want, then bullshit my way out of it.

Don't let your child become the asshole at the back of the bus who makes everyones life hell, but also don't let your child become the nervous wreck who is bullied. Ensure you have respect for each other, let them learn from their mistakes and try to guide them, but never act as if you own them.

The one thing I hate in parents, and hated from my own, was their belief that I was a section of their life, as if they had the right to rule everything I did, as if I was some of extension of themselves. Let your child run their own life, but ensure when that times comes, they're a respectable and well rounded individual.

[Bakis]

A little slap on the hand is not "violating human rights".
And you obviously haven't been around kids that answer to your "no more iPad" with a loud and square "fuck off!"

Stick your asumptions someplace else bitte

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Guess people who were brought up with physical punishment have no problem with dealing with their children in the same way.
Point is, not all of us were and we turned out just fine. Given that, wonder what should be considered the best solution.
I can only guess that "bad" parents have a larger need to discipline their children with force than proper parents.. this will sting.