Girlfriend lives with a bunch of guys

[Eazy]

What does not trusting going to do when one of those guys tries to do anything bad to her?

He'll be more prepared to kick those guys a$$es, it's obvious.

If you do not trust her you should not be in a relationship with her.

You simply wasn't in a relationship yet, or you just found a one girlfriend and you're still with her.
You cannot trust someone in 100%.
If you do, then you're a fool. Nothing is certain.

[The Casualty]

He'll be more prepared to kick those guys a$$es, it's obvious.

You cannot trust someone in 100%.

I am seriously hoping that this was a sarcastic post, otherwise you missed my point completely.

[Eazy]

I am seriously hoping that this was a sarcastic post, otherwise you missed my point completely.

No, I mean that.


If you wanna know if she's going to betray you then just ask how she'd feel if you'd live with 4/5 girls.

[The Casualty]

No, I mean that.


If you wanna know if she's going to betray you then just ask how she'd feel if you'd live with 4/5 girls.

Let me explain then. So she's in this situation. Regardless of how much or how little you trust a person, they are going to do what they are going to do. You can trust a person 0% (don't know why you are with them, but w/e), and unless you are with them literally 24/7, they can find a way to sneak off with someone else. The only thing trust/mistrust is going to change is your peace of mind and a good night's sleep.

And beat their ass? Seriously? That is high school drama.

See my above posts. I have yet to have a guy try to beat my ass - granted, I'm in a committed relationship these days and I don't cheat, so, its probably unlikely to ever happen.

Would be funny to see the guy show up at my place back in the day though.

*Bzzzz*
Uh hello?
Yeah, is my girlfriend up there?
Yeah, but she's tied up at the minute...you know, cause she really is tied u...look, I get why you might not find this funny, but trust me if you were anyone else, this whole exchange would be hilarious.
Dude, let me in so I can kick your ass.
Yeah, no, I'm more of a top.

[Deleted]

If you do not trust her you should not be in a relationship with her.

Im not sure if I agree with that, it's not always about trust. If my boyfriend was living with 4 girls, I sure wouldn't like that even if I trusted him completely. It would just make me too uncomfortable and there is no reason to test relationships by putting unnecessary pressure on them. Relationships are also about compromises.

[M00]

My ex had 2 male housemates at her university. We were together for about 2 years. I trusted her 100%. Turns out she was fucking one of them without my knowledge for most of the time we were going out. End result, I don't trust anyone anymore.

[Pull My Finger]

They're definitely engineering her all the time!

[ptwonline]

No way would I be ok with it, especially since I assume we are talking about young men here. Young men often have bad judgement whether due to inexperience, hormonal urges, drugs, etc. Furthermore, most of their friends are also likely to be male and so the lone woman could be more exposed to even more young men, and unfortunately the risk that entails.

And of course if it's a younger woman then there's always going to be again judgement issues, hormonal issues, possiblly having their judgement impaired by some substance, and so on. Especially whern it's a long distance relationship and so intimate contact is going to be few and far between and temptations everywhere...including right at hand.

IMO it's just asking for trouble.

[Stir]

i know it was a lot easier to fuck my female roommates who were already there and naked in a shower than it was to go out and find someone to fuck
accessibility makes a difference in every single facet of life.

trust and naivete overlap
you can trust that she isn't fucking someone 100% of the time she's away
it's naive to believe nothing is going on with her and 4 male roommates. unless she's double bagger fugly, they'd fuck her and the first time you have an argument, they'll be there to hit it

To your first point: Actually, no. That's not true at all. Accessibility only matters if you're willing to cheat in the first place. If you don't want to cheat, you won't cheat. And if you can be persuaded, or fall to temptation, then that just means that you're not being very sincere. If you agree to be in a relationship, then that means that you agree to being with that person; devoted to that person as that person is devoted to you. That is the romantic relationship. If you then cheat, then that just means you shouldn't be in a relationship because you're simply not willing to be in such a commitment.

As for the second point: Maybe that is what you would do. I would most definitely not. I trust my partner not to, either. If I couldn't trust my partner to be as faithful and loyal as I am, then I am not seeing the point of the relationship.
I don't need to be jealous, and I don't need to be on my guard. Because the moment I feel I DO need to be on my guard is the moment I stopped trusting my partner. And without that trust, a relationship can not happen.

[ptwonline]

To your first point: Actually, no. That's not true at all. Accessibility only matters if you're willing to cheat in the first place. If you don't want to cheat, you won't cheat. And if you can be persuaded, or fall to temptation, then that just means that you're not being very sincere. If you agree to be in a relationship, then that means that you agree to being with that person; devoted to that person as that person is devoted to you. That is the romantic relationship. If you then cheat, then that just means you shouldn't be in a relationship because you're simply not willing to be in such a commitment.

As for the second point: Maybe that is what you would do. I would most definitely not. I trust my partner not to, either. If I couldn't trust my partner to be as faithful and loyal as I am, then I am not seeing the point of the relationship.
I don't need to be jealous, and I don't need to be on my guard. Because the moment I feel I DO need to be on my guard is the moment I stopped trusting my partner. And without that trust, a relationship can not happen.

When people talk about "trust" in think most of us have a up to a reasonable point in mind. We're all human. We all have our weaknesses. A girl who would never, ever cheat on her boyriend in normal circumstances may eventually fall to temptation in an exceptional circumstance. You know, like being so far away from her BF, without sex or companionship for a long periods time, with others around merrily having sex, and surrounded by men close at hand.

We're humans, not robots.

[Mhyroth]

To your first point: Actually, no. That's not true at all. Accessibility only matters if you're willing to cheat in the first place. If you don't want to cheat, you won't cheat. And if you can be persuaded, or fall to temptation, then that just means that you're not being very sincere. If you agree to be in a relationship, then that means that you agree to being with that person; devoted to that person as that person is devoted to you. That is the romantic relationship. If you then cheat, then that just means you shouldn't be in a relationship because you're simply not willing to be in such a commitment.

As for the second point: Maybe that is what you would do. I would most definitely not. I trust my partner not to, either. If I couldn't trust my partner to be as faithful and loyal as I am, then I am not seeing the point of the relationship.
I don't need to be jealous, and I don't need to be on my guard. Because the moment I feel I DO need to be on my guard is the moment I stopped trusting my partner. And without that trust, a relationship can not happen.

Your first part is NOT always true.
I've been in a relationship for 4 years, lived together with a women and she cheated on me. So she didn't agree to that "commitment" or just "forgot" to tell me she jumped on another guy ? NO, it's the temptation young people have to explore and try new things out. Although she never ever complained about anything in our relationship and talking about things was the 1st priority.
To answer the OP: just be careful, young people don't always know their limits.

[Deleted]

If trust is not an issue, why would it make you uncomfortable?

Because to me cheating means much more than just sleeping with someone. Im not ok and comfortable with a lot of things. And my BF living with other girls around hes age is one of them unless it's hes sisters or cousins or something.

[anyaka21]

I guess it really depends on how she is with the situation, meaning is she comfortable with it, as it sounds like she has little control over who has has as roomies.

Thus, if you come out against this and she's perfectly happy, then you look like a douche. But then if she likes because she gets doted on by them, and maybe getting some play on the side, then your relationship was doomed anyways.

Best thing as a guy you could probably say is...."I'm not completely comfortable with this arraingment, but are allowed to make your own decisions and I trust you." Or something like that.

[Kathandira]

I find people who say no way are interesting. So you are effectively saying that you do not trust your S.O. around other men when you are not around.

You do know that you can't really shelter your S.O. from the world around them? An affair is just as likely to happen at the office as it is in a home shared with roommates.

If they are going to cheat, they will do it. Putting them in a place surrounded by what ever they are attracted to will either entice them if they are unfaithful, or if anything, it will prove that they are loyal. If you are insecure, or what ever, consider it a test of faithfulness.

[pucGG]

What makes you not like the situation?

I've seen the most faithful girls have a fallout (cheat). I believe we have primal instincts that urge us to mate if we're presented with suitable ... suitors (lack of a better word).
3 criterias are required for even the most trusty of partners to crack up on their significant other, and if these 3 criterias are met multiple times (I wager it's about 100% sure to happen over the course of an education, and very likely over the course of a semester) people are likely to fuck eachother.
The criterias are

1: Being away from your partner for extended periods of time
2: Getting to know someone else very intimately, and constantly spending time with them
3: Alchohol (not even necessary if the 2 others are met, just sort of a kickstarter)

If I was single, living with 4 girls sounds like a dream. I'd be fucking everyone of them. But I'm not single, so if that offer came up I would not even hesitate to shut it down.

[Pony Soldier]

It's all about trust but in a situation like this is a bit different, unless you or her know them to be respectable people. If I had a girlfriend and she was living with a bunch of guys I'd be fine with it but I wouldn't like it very much. Not because I wouldn't trust my girlfriend but because you don't know any of those guys or what kind of people they are so they could do anything to her and that's what would make me worried especially if it's more than 1 guy. If she says she knows all of them and they are great people then I probably wouldn't worry about anything too much but I'd still would also like to meet them and get to know them for myself. Who knows I might even make friends with them. She'd be the same way if I were living with a bunch of girls so I'd say there's nothing wrong with being a little protective about it.

[Stir]

Your first part is NOT always true.
I've been in a relationship for 4 years, lived together with a women and she cheated on me. So she didn't agree to that "commitment" or just "forgot" to tell me she jumped on another guy ? NO, it's the temptation young people have to explore and try new things out. Although she never ever complained about anything in our relationship and talking about things was the 1st priority.
To answer the OP: just be careful, young people don't always know their limits.

And I disagree. Being tempted is a choice. Anything like 'I couldn't help it; I was tempted' is bull. You make a choice.

Your first part is NOT always true.
I've been in a relationship for 4 years, lived together with a women and she cheated on me. So she didn't agree to that "commitment" or just "forgot" to tell me she jumped on another guy ? NO, it's the temptation young people have to explore and try new things out. Although she never ever complained about anything in our relationship and talking about things was the 1st priority.
To answer the OP: just be careful, young people don't always know their limits.

And this is why we invented 'masturbation' and 'porn.'

[bufferunderrun]

What if your girlfriend lived in an apartment with 4 guys. Would you be fine with that?

In case you didn't see my clarification on page 11 i edit this post
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Wow, this thread really went off-track.

To clear some things out.
We been together for 3 years.
We live 450km/280miles apart cause she's studying and i pretty much need a job there to be able to move there. Working on it.
She don't drink, nor will she ever.
She did not know she would live with 4 guys (now 5 btw) and has no control over who moves in.
She has not given me any reason to doubt her, quite the contrary.
I trust her fully and i'm like 95% fine with her living with a bunch of guys.

Someone stated before that they wouldn't like the guys to get an eyeful and i think thats the problem.
Also, as someone earlier in this thread said. Shit is gray, not black or white!

The thread did however serve it's purpose. I now know how many that would be fine with it and not. Thank you.

mmm your age? is that any sort of college/university situation?

btw from my experience this situation is bad from many pov, especially the distance and the fact that you have been together for 3year

[JimPaladin]

I wouldn't like it, myself.

Not because I wouldn't trust my girlfriend, but because I wouldn't trust the other guys. Not that I'd think they'd like, rape her or try to make advances on her or anything, but just because they'd probably eyeball her a bunch and creep out on her.

Which, for the record is very hypocritical of me because I'd totally be doing the same thing in their position.

[tiporispit]

After reading some of these comments, she sounds like a good time. Is there room for a 5th male roommate?