Is it wrong for me to be annoyed by this?

[Deleted]

So i'm going to start of by giving you a bit of back story. At this moment im 16 years old and have 3 siblings all of which are younger than me, for the past 3 years my dad has been suffering through depression (kinda) and it is starting to get on my nerves (hear my out).

3 years ago my dad had an editing job which he had had for the last 15 years, it payed well and supported us well as a family in my eyes, my mum even stopped working so she could look after my and my siblings. As of 3 or so years ago my dad has quit that job ever since my mum retrained as a midwife and perused a job in research (a midwife is someone who delivers babys), i guess he was kinda inspired by what she had done and how much she enjoyed her new job (his friends from his old job had quit so he was not enjoying it, beginning to get depressed and have a small drinking problem) she continues to do it to this day. So my dad took a while to decide what to retrain as (my mum was kinda forced into working alot so we could still have enough money while my dad did not work), he settled on being a teacher. He started a course in teaching and after about 6 months of doing that it made him depressed and he quit that (even though he had already payed alot of money for it), he again took a while off doing nothing and after a while he decided he wanted to peruse his teaching dream again, it took the people about 4 months to be able to get him back on the course from where he left off and he only had to pay a little bit to finish it, during this time i noticed that he was very sad and drank a bit more than usual.

About 6 months later he finished his course and he has recently started a job in a primary school, he has finale achieved what he was trying to do for almost 2 years and guess what; he hated this job. It was teaching 5 year olds and when he would get home he would just complain about it, this kinda ticked me off since he just gave us 2 or so years of having to struggle to pay bills for a job he hated more than his editing one. Ever since he started his new job i have noticed that i rarely see him when he had not had something to drink, at times like midday he would be drinking a beer and by the end of the night he would be getting really weird.

As of about 1 month ago our dog got ran over and 2 weeks ago my grandfather (on my dads side) died, this did not help his situation and i often see him with teary eyes, i feel really bad for him. Today i found out that he quit his job. He said that he might go and volunteer somewhere and possibly have a better time than at his old jobs. I feel really bad for him but then i look at my mum that is working all the time and i kinda get annoyed at him, he drinks everyday and this does not help at all, i wonder if he didn't spend so much time feeling sorry for himself he could get himself together and realize that a job is not supposed to be fun.

Am i right it thinking like this or am i just being selfish, any help would be appreciated.

PS: also any advise about what i can do to help me dad would also be nice

[Arenis]

YOU should get to job to help finance your own clothes.
YOUR DAD should get professional help for his psychological problem and maybe even for his alcohol consumption.

[Payday]

Get a job and start taking on more leadership around the house to make him feel like he's worthless. It might work, unless he actually is worthless. Either way it's win win for you though.

[Tommy T]

You should try looking for a job. Even if it's a saturday job getting a £150 a month or so. Stay at school. Do well. Go to University in a couple of years and move out. Don't shut your parents off by any means but you need to think of yourself as well.

[Deleted]

YOU should get to job to help finance your own clothes.

Im 16 in London and ive got exams coming up. Pretty hard to get a job around here. I don't think my dad is worthless by any means, i love him he is my dad it is just a little hard to through this with him.

[Tommy T]

Im 16 in London and ive got exams coming up. Pretty hard to get a job around here.

Understandable.

Keep looking though. Are you at college doing A Levels or are you still in secondary school?

[Deleted]

Im in year 11 atm, mock exams in 1 week :/. How would i look for a job around here, i have never really tried but it interests me.

[Deleted]

Im in year 11 atm, mock exams in 1 week :/. How would i look for a job around here, i have never really tried but it interests me.

Your 16, in the final year of secondary school and don't know how to look for a job?

And you think interests factor in for a job at 16?

Hah, this is glorious!

[Payday]

Finding a job as a kid is pretty easy, at least it was for me and everyone else I've ever known that wanted a job at a young age.

[Tommy T]

Your 16, in the final year of secondary school and don't know how to look for a job?

And you think interests factor in for a job at 16?

Hah, this is glorious!

You're putting words into his mouth now. Where did he say any of that? He says he's interested in finding a job.

@OP

Best bet is to hand CVs round your local retailers. Most of them accept Saturday staff (if they have vacancies)

[Payday]

Your putting words into his mouth now.

Hardly. Actually, not really at all.

[Deleted]

Your putting words into his mouth now.

Well, correct me if wrong but his dad is going through depression, retrained into a job he hates, lost his pet, and lost his father and the kid thinks he has the right to bitch because he was out of work for a bit?

If he wanted money, he should learn to get a job and not go to forums and bitch.

Indeed.co.uk, go there and apply to various posts - Simple.

[Deleted]

Wow that's really not what i said at all. I'm not bitching about my dad i'm just asking if what i'm saying is reasonable and what i can do to help him stop drinking and get him out of depression.

[Tommy T]

Well, correct me if wrong but his dad is going through depression, retrained into a job he hates, lost his pet, and lost his father and the kid thinks he has the right to bitch because he was out of work for a bit?

If he wanted money, he should learn to get a job and not go to forums and bitch.

Indeed.co.uk, go there and apply to various posts - Simple.

My apologies. Misinterpreted your previous post.

[Deleted]

Wow that's really not what i said at all. I'm not bitching about my dad i'm just asking if what i'm saying is reasonable and what i can do to help him stop drinking and get him out of depression.

Alright man, i apologize - that was harsh what i said, but the post reeked of entitlement to me.

1) Go the website i linked, there should be hundreds of vacancies around your area easily - It's just a numbers game.
2) Try and drag your father to the GP, if he won't go speak with him and plea for his case - He might take some convincing, but it'll be worth it.
3) Perhaps look into funding from education, i know grants and scholarships are available it just takes effort to pursue them.

Some of what you said is justified, but it's also insensitive - Some people take years to recover, and this entire situation would upset anyone.

Best of luck.

[Deleted]

Thanks for the post, i hope you understand how i feel. i did not dedicate very long to write that and i'm not really sure how it came off but it's mainly asking how to help him, i'm not trying say he is bad and i know how hard this is for him i just want to try to improve my situation, it would be nice to see him not drinking for a while and it is really worrying me atm, other people dads don't drink that much and i just feel a little weird when he is drunk around me.

[RicardoZ]

I stopped reading once I realized that midwives still exist, or at least the term midwife does. That was enough to consider myself recompensed for the time it took to click, load, and read that far.

[Prae]

Im in year 11 atm, mock exams in 1 week :/. How would i look for a job around here, i have never really tried but it interests me.

Getting a job is one of the easiest things you can do in life so long as you don't think you are too good for anything. Apply everywhere.

[dextersmith]

So your dad lost his dad, the dog, confidence, and is developing a drinking problem. All you have to say is get over it, where my monies? because all this annoys you and grown ups should not find joy or satisfaction in their work.

I don't want to help or give advice to self-centered, selfish, ungrateful [expletives] but I will say you don't deserve him. This post must be fake. The next generation makes me so proud!

[Deleted]

I can't understand why so many posters in this thread believe that the OP is disrespectful towards his father.

The OP requests look reasonable to me: he does not want anything but the most basic things, and he looks concerned over his father.

His father looks to me as an alcoholic who has fallen into depression. A man who quits his job and fails to give his family any income for a long period. A man who starts training, drops it, take it again and then finally finds the job he chose just to leave it soon after.

I am sure he has many redeeming qualities but honestly I can not think much of him. Sorry. I must confess that I somehow can not think much of people having many children without the money to support them all. (I know that this opinion of mine is unpopular, and I do not expect everyone to agree...)

My advice: if you are into school, and in a "busy" period (e.g. exams), do not get a job unless you really need it. Neglecting school so that you can earn a small amount of cash is tempting, but in the long run affects you badly. Take a job only if you can reasonably handle it at a lower priority task than school.

Of course, you should try to help your father. I think that what your father really needs is to find a new reason to carry on, so that he can exit from his depression. In any case, do not make him feel guilty by saying angry things like "you are hurting mother", "you are selfish", and similar because one does not exit depression with more stress.

And no, I do not think it is wrong to feel a bit annoyed by your situation.

Good luck.