Should I be Worried----- GF hitting up a dude

[Stelio Kontos]

Let's not forget how much the world has changed. He's right. People have more responsibility than ever.

Different responsibilities, perhaps, certainly not the same responsibility or pressure to make a family.

[Deleted]

Id treat him like he's her best mate and not like he's competition, would say something along the lines of "look dude, I know you guys are best friends and all but can you cool it on how much you text her please? It is more or less constant" but I'd speak to your gf about it first, girls hate it when you do that kinda stuff behind their back, especially with their best friends

[Hiitsdj]

Different responsibilities, perhaps, certainly not the same responsibility or pressure to make a family.

Back then, you could push a wagon around, or chop wood for enough money to make a living. Now you could flip burgers for 10 hours a day, and still not make enough to pay rent. Of course you aren't being pressured into making a family, when most people can't afford to fend for them selves without assistance from fellow taxpayers.

[Kapadons]

Id treat him like he's her best mate and not like he's competition, would say something along the lines of "look dude, I know you guys are best friends and all but can you cool it on how much you text her please? It is more or less constant" but I'd speak to your gf about it first, girls hate it when you do that kinda stuff behind their back, especially with their best friends

Guys can't be friends with girls. Every guy wants to fuck his girl that is a friend. Even if he doesn't actively pursue it, if given the oppurtunity, he would do it.

[Hiitsdj]

Guys can't be friends with girls. Every guy wants to fuck his girl that is a friend. Even if he doesn't actively pursue it, if given the oppurtunity, he would do it.

Yep, it's a major problem.. all our girl needs to do is have 1 drink more than she can handle, and it's done. I would personally take these matters into my hands, and discuss it with the guy face-to-face.

[Wildtree]

As a fellow Californian, OP is not possessive. The phrase "my girl" is used frequently here to denote one's significant other without meaning anything possessive or chauvinistic. It might seem weird to a European.

I can assure you, this is not limited to California, or even to the USA. This is a very wide spread, very common term, and around the block for god knows how long.....
Small glimpse in History....

1964: The Temptations - My Girl
Temptations were Motown artists, and Motown was a Detroit company. There would be a lot more examples, this is just one...

My Girl / My Man - same difference, same context. Again, used for ages probably, with no chauvinistic or possessive intent to it.

[Rotted]

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Your 12 right?

You're a virgin right?[/QUOTE]

I can only assume your failure of a quote was aimed at me, but don't worry you dont need to say anything else, you reply tells me all I need to know little man

[Stelio Kontos]

Back then, you could push a wagon around, or chop wood for enough money to make a living. Now you could flip burgers for 10 hours a day, and still not make enough to pay rent. Of course you aren't being pressured into making a family, when most people can't afford to fend for them selves without assistance from fellow taxpayers.

And hence my point about people being able to handle marriage and family much earlier back in the day.

I know way too many male friends who spent their 20s just drinking, playing video games, and bringing on the Bropocalypse. Anecdotal, I know, but it's by no means uncommon if you look at news sources.

Adolescence has been extended well into the 20s.

[papajohn4]

Talk with a friend you trust and put his phone contract in your phone with a girl name. Start texting with him(her) and look happy about it. Try to act like you want to hide your phone...let her do the first step of asking you what you are doing and why. Then act cool and say I thought it was ok to chat with "friends", e.t.c.

There are 2 possible results

1) She will get jealous and after a good "fight"(with words of course) she will respect you more and she will be occupied in how to keep your relation instead of texting with others(typical woman behaviour)
2) She is already bored of you but she don't want to leave because you will think she is bad. In that case she will take advantage of this situation to leave you, but only because she has already decided that and waiting for the "correct" time to do that.(so in that case, screw her, find a better one that she likes you)

I gathered from the nonsense that you are in college. If that is so, dump her ass ASAP. So many horny sluts in college. Your goal shouldn't be to wife one but to smash out as many as possible.

cool, Don Juan...you know you can also piss with your dick right? On a serious note, your goal is your goal, some people have different goals...besides that, you did not left any for us chief

[jazen]

+10 internets

What the hell did I just read?


That was worse than a twilight novel. Please clean it up for future readers.

OT : Stop being a woman. Is the chick coming home with you at the end of the day? Then she is your girlfriend until she doesn't. And if she leaves you for him, who the fuck cares. 7 billion people on the planet, find one that doesn't need attention from another guy and doesn't make you feel so insecure.

I gathered from the nonsense that you are in college. If that is so, dump her ass ASAP. So many horny sluts in college. Your goal shouldn't be to wife one but to smash out as many as possible.

[Maconi]

You reek of insecurity and if you don't watch it your girl will catch drift of it and dump you because of your actions, not because of this other guy.

You can't hide her away and/or keep every single guy away from her (the better catch she is, the more guys that will come onto her). You have to be confident and trust her to turn down any guys that make advances on her (unless you're with her when a guy makes a blatant pass at her, that's when you assert yourself with an "Excuse me, she's with me, move along." or etc.). It's not your job to police her texts or to do shit like reveal that the other guy liked her.

Communication is key (confident, healthy communication, not complaining). Worry about the relationship between the two of you and everything else will fall into place.

[Deleted]

You're a virgin right?

I can only assume your failure of a quote was aimed at me, but don't worry you dont need to say anything else, you reply tells me all I need to know little man[/QUOTE]

How so? Did you not date much in your High School or Uni years?

Its ok to admit you spent all your younger years in your moms basement instead of socializing and partying with society.

[Wildtree]

And hence my point about people being able to handle marriage and family much earlier back in the day.

I know way too many male friends who spent their 20s just drinking, playing video games, and bringing on the Bropocalypse. Anecdotal, I know, but it's by no means uncommon if you look at news sources.

Adolescence has been extended well into the 20s.

It's not THAT anecdotal really... If it was, it wouldn't be an issue, but it obviously is one.
Let's look at it with some rational logic thought..

A day has 24 hours. Some of them are filled with sleep, some of them are (hopefully I have to add) filled with necessities like work/school/chores.
Now there's a certain amount of hours left for leisure purpose. If one spends that with nothing else, or just with a lot of that time with nothing else than video games, that person falls behind. A lot behind even.
Knowledge, Education, Information, Social Interaction, all these things don't just happen during the times when one works or is school. They happen even more so during the leisure times. Some happen only during these times. But certainly not on a video game. One can twist it how they please. It's all but a bunch of made up excuses.
Anecdotal is, when I look at myself.
At the age of 18, I've entered a business field, which is considered a dream job throughout the decades of the modern times. I worked in the music business, particularly concert business. I've got into this field through social contacts that happened in the leisure times.. Worked my way up the ladder there, from stage hand, to roadie, to concert promoter. By the time I was 20, I've seen hundreds of bands, and artists. I was used to be around the greatest stars of the music industry. I didn't get starstruck, those people were to me just another person. Which helped me extremely in getting to know the PERSON, and not the musician. I've constantly widened my horizon. Seen many countries. Made tons and tons of friends. Enjoyed life to the fullest, by combining work with hobby/passion. By the time I was 22, I've had worked my way all the way up, and held oversight and responsibility for multi-day festivals with up to 150.000 visitors in total, and a staff of over 100 people to coordinate.
At the height of the career, I've made another decision. I've met a woman, and fell deeply in love with her. I knew I wanted to be with her, and that I could not do to the extend, if I kept my job. The music business and relationships very very seldom work well together. So I chose her... A year later I was married to her, and another 1 1/2 years later we've had a love child.
So by the time I was 24, I've had a shitload of experiences collected, most average person won't accumulate in a whole lifetime. And certainly not, when they waste their younger days as a late teen and early twenties on a video game.

[Stelio Kontos]

It's not THAT anecdotal really... If it was, it wouldn't be an issue, but it obviously is one.
Let's look at it with some rational logic thought..

A day has 24 hours. Some of them are filled with sleep, some of them are (hopefully I have to add) filled with necessities like work/school/chores.
Now there's a certain amount of hours left for leisure purpose. If one spends that with nothing else, or just with a lot of that time with nothing else than video games, that person falls behind. A lot behind even.
Knowledge, Education, Information, Social Interaction, all these things don't just happen during the times when one works or is school. They happen even more so during the leisure times. Some happen only during these times. But certainly not on a video game. One can twist it how they please. It's all but a bunch of made up excuses.
Anecdotal is, when I look at myself.
At the age of 18, I've entered a business field, which is considered a dream job throughout the decades of the modern times. I worked in the music business, particularly concert business. I've got into this field through social contacts that happened in the leisure times.. Worked my way up the ladder there, from stage hand, to roadie, to concert promoter. By the time I was 20, I've seen hundreds of bands, and artists. I was used to be around the greatest stars of the music industry. I didn't get starstruck, those people were to me just another person. Which helped me extremely in getting to know the PERSON, and not the musician. I've constantly widened my horizon. Seen many countries. Made tons and tons of friends. Enjoyed life to the fullest, by combining work with hobby/passion. By the time I was 22, I've had worked my way all the way up, and held oversight and responsibility for multi-day festivals with up to 150.000 visitors in total, and a staff of over 100 people to coordinate.
At the height of the career, I've made another decision. I've met a woman, and fell deeply in love with her. I knew I wanted to be with her, and that I could not do to the extend, if I kept my job. The music business and relationships very very seldom work well together. So I chose her... A year later I was married to her, and another 1 1/2 years later we've had a love child.
So by the time I was 24, I've had a shitload of experiences collected, most average person won't accumulate in a whole lifetime. And certainly not, when they waste their younger days as a late teen and early twenties on a video game.

Quality post from a Triple A poster. No sarcasm.

So many guys are wasting their lives when they should be out there doing what you and others are doing, pursuing what they want to do, instead of whiling away on video games. Games have their place, I don't think they should never be played, but I think a lot of people use them as a replacement for actually going out and living an interesting, fulfilling life.

[Pull My Finger]

2 options:
1. Dump her.
2. Tell this guy that she's your girlfriend, now you have 2 other options:
-1. He stopped texting, etc. It's ok.
-2. He's still hitting her. Hit him...

Where's the "hit her" option?

@OP, either talk to her and sort it out in one way or the other, or stop caring altogether. You're so uptight. Doing it wrong.

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It's not THAT anecdotal really... If it was, it wouldn't be an issue, but it obviously is one.
Let's look at it with some rational logic thought..

A day has 24 hours. Some of them are filled with sleep, some of them are (hopefully I have to add) filled with necessities like work/school/chores.
Now there's a certain amount of hours left for leisure purpose. If one spends that with nothing else, or just with a lot of that time with nothing else than video games, that person falls behind. A lot behind even.
Knowledge, Education, Information, Social Interaction, all these things don't just happen during the times when one works or is school. They happen even more so during the leisure times. Some happen only during these times.

Terrible mindset. Oh, I've got some time off from all the stupid bullshit my life consists of. Better do something responsible and important, and always remain vigilant - relaxation might lurk around the next corner!

[Kurioxan]

Ah, the good old sense of propriety.

Different cases (without over complication) that apply to situations like this:

-She loves you, she stays with you even if she flirts with him time to time, people do this all the time, it means nothing, normal human interaction.
-She loves/is interested in both, she is undecided or wants both, will take a bit to decide what to do, an experimentation time, also normal, respect it.
-She loves him and not you, she decides whom to be with, happens a lot and drags in many cases because she might not want to hurt you.
(all this options also apply to you if you were to meet a new girl)

Your options:
-Dont accept that people are free to chose who they want, if it makes you uncomfortable, leave.
-Accept that she is free just as you are and be alright with it, she is still with you after all (even if she were to flirt with the guy or do more than that someday)
-Talk with her, not us, about this issue, less confusing though, just ask what does she want, accept it and stay, dont and leave.
-believe in what she says and stop being insecure, if it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt, nothing you can do. RL isnt a romcom.

Simple really... people tend to over complicate relationships way too much, then again its cultural expectations that mess with people's heads.

And at any stage of your life, but especially in college, its a time of experimentation, people are having fun finding themselves and what they like or want, things are unstable and you really shouldnt have any expectations about it, if she comes to you, she cares for you enough to do so.

[Deleted]

This is one thing I don't get about women.

When a woman hangs out with a male friend or even her ex bf, her current bf is supposed to be fine with it or she'll say he's jealous, insecure and controlling BUT when a guy hangs out with a girl or his ex gf, he's a cheating asshole as far as his current gf is concerned.

[Stelio Kontos]

This is one thing I don't get about women.

When a woman hangs out with a male friend or even her ex bf, her current bf is supposed to be fine with it or she'll say he's jealous and insecure BUT when a guy hangs out with a girl or his ex gf, he's a cheating asshole as far as his current gf is concerned.

That's a generalization going both ways. Individual men and women can both be very different on that issue.

[RicardoZ]

Sounds like too much stress. Get out of there, it's not going to end well. When it comes down to you vs. a friend, the friend will win every time.

[drwelfare]

She is or will be sleeping with the guy, position yourself for an exit that will be to your advantage. When you are ready get everything you want, cut her off, exit and break all ties with her then write her off as a loss, do this in one day in one quick motion.