A call for help.

[Punchbag]

Hello MMO-Champion.

To begin with, I need to explain a little backstory about some previous threads. To save anyone who likes to look at previous post histories, i'll link here that I have approached the online community about various issues before.

Two and a half years ago I posted the following: http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...ne-this-before When I got to 17 stone.

Two years after that, I didn't get anywhere and posted: http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...to-lose-weight

Now to update myself.

In four days time it will be a year of not quitting smoking. That to me is an excellent bonus and its probably the one thing I hold proud about myself. The rest of me, not so good. After that second post my weight increased massively to 25 stone (350pounds or 158Kilos.) That was a colossal size and I think my waist then was around 57 inches.

Now, due to changing of housing arrangements and other things, I've had to start riding a bicycle to work and back everyday. Thats 5-6 days a week for about 30 minutes riding in total. And due to an attempt to start eating a little healthier, I've managed to go from 25 stone in August to 20 and a half stone current day (288pounds and 130Kilos respectively) Everyone keeps trying to tell me that frankly thats a massive achievement. It isn't.

I haven't stopped my overeating. I still comfort eat and gorge in secret. Granted it isn't as -much- but i've leveled out the dramatic weight loss now, meaning I haven't actually lost anymore weight for over a month and a half. It's stayed quite stationary, which is a good and bad thing (I haven't gone back but haven't gone forwards.)

Now to switch focus again, two years ago i posted the following thread about Depression: http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...-Too-emotional

At the time, I had no interest in even thinking I was Depressed. I've never thought I had a good enough reason to be depressed, and despite over the last few years family, friends even work colleagues telling me I was depressed I learned to hide any negative emotions I had behind a 'Poker face' at work so people would think I wasn't. I probably even convinced myself I wasn't. I raise this point because I decided to visit the Doctor after my parents once more suggested I was Depressed. I then proceeded to lie to the Doctor and make out what negative emotions I felt light-hearted and insignificant - The same as I do everyday at work. I've been back to the Doctor twice since the first time (That was beginning of December) and each time i've proceeded to not tell the entire truth, giving them enough information to think i'm not wasting their time.

Before I continue with that, I want to switch focus quickly to women and relationships. Now obviously, since my size increase and my increase of negative emotions and lack of self-worth, coupled with maturity i've come to realize that the basic attraction is very important in 'Pulling a women', so to speak. I'm not bashing this nor am I condemning, it is simply a basic sub-conscious human instinct to assess somebody you meet for the first time, to make that initial judgement on how they look. Its something every person has because it goes back to the cavemen days of finding a 'suitable mate' (For example, women with hourglass figures were considered more 'Fertile', but I digress.) That initial judgement sometimes can also reflect on how that person will respond and treat you, and having read some testimonials of people who have lost the same quantities of weight as I have - They seemed surprised at how strangers were nicer to them now they were thinner. Again, im not attacking this basic human need - Its an instinct.

So whats the point of all this? I want help. I keep lying to my Doctor, I'm completely unmotivated to loose weight now that I know that any potential partner I might have (If i was thin) I'd know wouldn't look twice at me if I was the size I am now. That upsets me more than it should, but perhaps its because of my negative mindset. Self-esteem has gone through the floor these days, and I barely exit the house aside from work. And finally, I know this is all my fault, but perhaps if people here can share their stories - Or offer any advice to help change a completely negative mindset, i'd be most appreciative.

TL;DR: If you have any advice about how you have successfully changed your life around from morbidly obese to healthy, or have experienced it - I'd like to hear it. Because I am at a complete effing' loss here now.

EDIT: To add further clarity to the TL;DR, as not everyone may see my reply further down

My issue isn't lack of knowledge on -how- to lose weight, Its more getting the motivation to actually do the losing of weight, and how you guys achieved the want to do it. My main issue is the addiction to overeating, how did you overcome that?

[Stelio Kontos]

Well, I have some experience with this. I've fought weight issues myself for years due to hypothyroidism and my own lack of giving a damn about my health. Getting myself in good shape has been hell so far, and I'm not there yet.

For the dieting, my best experience was cutting out carbs and sugar as much as I can. I do like something similar to the paleo diet, namely lean meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and seeds. No bread, no dairy, and of course no starchy or processed things. It's not set in stone, mind you, I usually cheat a little on the weekends, when I go to the pub for a burger or some fish and chips.

You want to eat a lot of protein. I prefer chicken and turkey, eating beef rarely.

Your weight's at a point where you can and should start some exercise. You want cardio, yes, but you'll get great results if you do some weights as well. Muscle burns fat, so building muscle can help you fight the fat still left to lose. Starts off small a couple times a week, and go up as you can.

Now, depression....you should get checked for clinical depression. If you are diagnosed with that, you might need meds to help. If it's emotional depression brought on by stress or bad feelings, I got no good advice for that. A positive outlook goes a long way, but that's something I struggle with, so I have no good advice for it, bud.

As for women, yes, initial physical appearance plays a part. As it does for men. I'm going to assume you wouldn't be attracted to a woman that weighed as much as you do, right? It's the pretty or shapely ones that catch your eye, right? Now, from what I've read, women are a lot more forgiving of men's bodyshape than men are generally with women's bodies. Keep losing what you can, but more importantly, keep yourself clean and well-groomed, and dressed in a style befitting you, and a lot of women can overlook some extra weight. Of special importance is a positive outlook and confidence. Even if you're in perfect shape, few women will want to have a relationship with a man who is not confident or that is constantly unhappy.

You have a physical battle ahead of you, but the bigger battle is inside your head. Instead of focusing on the end of the long road, every day focus on the small steps you can take that day. Small steps, every day, and before you know it, you won't be looking down the road, you'll be at your destination.

[Flura]

continue riding a bicycle to lose weight or do some running or swimming

it doesnt go from 1 day to another, you have to work hard and if you have your weight where you feel comfortable start doing some martial arts to raise your self-esteem

if you dont have a pet/dog, go to a animal shelter and take one for a walk, makes you feel better

its not what others think of you, its what you think of yourself everything other comes automatically

there are 8 billion people on earth you cant be friend with everyone, if someone is stupid....you know fuck it, you are better than them

[Anakso]

At my heaviest I was 120kgs and am currently 100kgs, my lowest was 92kgs. I dieted from 120 - 92 but lost motivation and slowly climbed up, I'm trying to start dieting again but so far unsuccessfully.
So I'm not the best but I'll just detail what worked for me and hopefully some of it will help you

I guess diet wise it was really the usual stuff, I replaced soft drinks with water. I allowed my self to only have 1 glass of not water a day and it was usually orange juice, but I also allowed my self 1 cheat day a week which I sometimes skipped if I was feeling motivated to keep going. I still exercised on the cheat day and avoided eating too much but ate the not so healthy things.
The food was mostly fish or meat with vegetables as a side for dinner with a yogurt or a lean ham wrap for lunch/breakfast. Main thing is to just watch the calories and make sure you're not eating too many, I limited my self to 1550 a day and usually managed under 1400 but sometimes went a bit over but don't let that discourage you. (caloriecount.com is a good site for that)

For exercise I has two methods.
One, the simplest one to explain was an app called fitness pro or something like that but there are plenty that do the same thing, choose a work out on it and it has a voice that goes through the reps and exercises. I'd do that a few times a week but only 15 minutes each day.
The other was an exercise bike. I've found this to be the easiest way to exercise and quite effective at causing weight loss. (combined with a healthy diet) I did at least an hour on this a day four days a week but sometimes more.

The main problem I found previously with exercising was boredom, and this is where it gets kind of specific to me, to over come that boredom I originally tried watching regular TV shows but found I was too aware I was exercising and my mind kept wandering while watching. So then I tried watching some Korean variety shows I liked on it and due to the fact I had to read while exercising this kept my mind from wandering and proved successful, if you have the same problem as me I'd recommend watching shows that require subtitles while exercising.

That's how I did it, and it was easy right up until the point I lost motivation so I guess the main problem I have at the moment is motivation.

Also moved this to Sports and Fitness as it's more appropriate here and you'll get better responses.

[Deleted]

Yeah I was the same as you in terms of weight, I decided about a year and a half ago after my fiancé and SO of 10 years left me that it was time to start losing weight and focusing on making myself happy. I started reading everything about methods of exercise to lose weight (cardio vs weight lifting) and decided that I didn't really just want to "thin down" and at least have a bit of a bulked frame so I choose to start weight lifting but also because I hate running haha, it felt 10 times easier to do 4 sets of 10 reps then it did to run a half mile in my opinion! Reading all of this also got me thinking that the diet seems overall more important than the exercise itself, if you work out but don't eat correctly you wont see the returns you could be getting so I started slowly cutting out all my sugars and eating non fatty foods.
it basically boiled down to eating 5 meals a day and keeping my calorie intake at around 2000-2200 per day eating egg whites and porridge in the morning and a mix of Brown rice/Brown pasta/sweet potatoe/chicken/fish/broccoli for 3 other meals and then something like greek yogurt and granola at night. I done 3 full body workouts per week and tried my hardest not to miss any. Doing this I dropped from 18.5 stone to around 12.5 stone this year. The motivation to keep going is hard and the best advice I can give you is don't give up and set your self small term goals like instead of going "this time next year I plan to lose X amount of weight" instead saying for this month I want to go to the gym or workout X amount of times or even making diet changes.

[ripponesan]

I dont have any expieriences about the subject since i stay skinny, even if i overeat. (well i dont do it everyday tho).

But still i think things are not that bad for you. At least you are creating threads about your iddues, seek help. This means you are Aware of your Problems and you even want to do something about them, which is more than most do.

Keep up your positive attitude i can read between the lines of your post, stay in contact with other People, avoid beeing a loner.
Even if you have ongoing Problem to carry around, there is no reason not laugh at least once a day.
Beeing depressed wont help you solving your Problems sooner or at all.

Step in front of a mirror and tell the one in front of you that you like him.
Sure you´d like him even more with some Stones less, but still, it is YOU, did you cut your narcistic part?

You are a cool Person! Just dont give up.

Change always Comes in steps. you cant Change your whole Lifestyle in a week. In fact it will make you sick.
Just go step by step.

Maybe like, try not to eat 2 hours before going to bed.
Once that is mastered and Routine, try next step. Which could be trying to eat less fat. And so on.

But if you try to do it all at once there will be Problems.

[Punchbag]

At my heaviest I was 120kgs and am currently 100kgs, my lowest was 92kgs. I dieted from 120 - 92 but lost motivation and slowly climbed up, I'm trying to start dieting again but so far unsuccessfully.
So I'm not the best but I'll just detail what worked for me and hopefully some of it will help you

I guess diet wise it was really the usual stuff, I replaced soft drinks with water. I allowed my self to only have 1 glass of not water a day and it was usually orange juice, but I also allowed my self 1 cheat day a week which I sometimes skipped if I was feeling motivated to keep going. I still exercised on the cheat day and avoided eating too much but ate the not so healthy things.
The food was mostly fish or meat with vegetables as a side for dinner with a yogurt or a lean ham wrap for lunch/breakfast. Main thing is to just watch the calories and make sure you're not eating too many, I limited my self to 1550 a day and usually managed under 1400 but sometimes went a bit over but don't let that discourage you. (caloriecount.com is a good site for that)

For exercise I has two methods.
One, the simplest one to explain was an app called fitness pro or something like that but there are plenty that do the same thing, choose a work out on it and it has a voice that goes through the reps and exercises. I'd do that a few times a week but only 15 minutes each day.
The other was an exercise bike. I've found this to be the easiest way to exercise and quite effective at causing weight loss. (combined with a healthy diet) I did at least an hour on this a day four days a week but sometimes more.

The main problem I found previously with exercising was boredom, and this is where it gets kind of specific to me, to over come that boredom I originally tried watching regular TV shows but found I was too aware I was exercising and my mind kept wandering while watching. So then I tried watching some Korean variety shows I liked on it and due to the fact I had to read while exercising this kept my mind from wandering and proved successful, if you have the same problem as me I'd recommend watching shows that require subtitles while exercising.

That's how I did it, and it was easy right up until the point I lost motivation so I guess the main problem I have at the moment is motivation.

Also moved this to Sports and Fitness as it's more appropriate here and you'll get better responses.

Alright, thank you - I did debate it, but wasn't sure as some of my post goes beyond 'Fitness'.

Thank you for the replies so far guys, but I feel I should have clarified more. My issue isn't lack of knowledge on -how- to lose weight, Its more getting the motivation to actually do the losing of weight, and how you guys achieved the want to do it. My main issue is the addiction to overeating, how did you overcome that? I daresay I know more than the average joe of fitness exercises, routines, calorie counting and the rest.

As for women, yes, initial physical appearance plays a part. As it does for men. I'm going to assume you wouldn't be attracted to a woman that weighed as much as you do, right? It's the pretty or shapely ones that catch your eye, right? Now, from what I've read, women are a lot more forgiving of men's bodyshape than men are generally with women's bodies. Keep losing what you can, but more importantly, keep yourself clean and well-groomed, and dressed in a style befitting you, and a lot of women can overlook some extra weight. Of special importance is a positive outlook and confidence. Even if you're in perfect shape, few women will want to have a relationship with a man who is not confident or that is constantly unhappy.

You have a physical battle ahead of you, but the bigger battle is inside your head. Instead of focusing on the end of the long road, every day focus on the small steps you can take that day. Small steps, every day, and before you know it, you won't be looking down the road, you'll be at your destination.

Your point on women is a good one, and you are certainly correct. Although one positive I -can- take from experiencing being fat is that, I'm more accepting of larger or not as attractive women. So yes, while the pretty ones do catch my eye - I'm not so quick to turn my head away from a 'Less attractive' women (Obviously, attraction is subjective to each person, but again I digress.)

[remeran12]

Looking at your previous threads and this one I can only conclude that you are weak. That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It's just something you need to understand before you can make yourself strong. Every decision you make from here on out should be in service to your future goals. Every time you get hungry and go fro a sugary or fatty snack you have to think to yourself: Is this the right thing to do? After you answer that, remember that you are weak and ask yourself again. That's the real answer. Be strong and try hard.

[Deleted]

Well in terms of overeating I just had a really really shitty diet, I used to drink like 2-3 litres of 7up a day and eat like a whole share sized pack of peanut M&M's and loads of chocolate bars and then eat 1 or 2 take aways a day or have a massive dinner that would easily feed 2 people. I over the course of 6 weeks started cutting out the sweets because if you cut sugar out too fast you will have massive sugar crashes and will just start passing out/napping all the time. Theres no trick to it but I promise you once you do it you will stop having sugar cravings and the reason I ate 5 times a day was so that I never left myself feeling hungry, eating a meal every 3 hours stopped me from ever being hungry so I never felt the urge to eat sweets to fill that hunger. Just gotta have that will power to achieve those goals, there is no easy way to do it but to just do it. All I can say is its 100% worth it in the end, the feeling of achieving your goal outweighs anything else.

[Shadee]

Start eating tons of pasta. You can eat all you want and not gain a pound!

[Hraklea]

My lifestory is not the same as yours, so my advices might not perfectly fit your reality, but this is what I have to tell you:

- Try to understand why you're lying to the doctors. Sometimes (judging by myself) introspective people have this fear of talking the wrong thing or sounding weak/stupid, but the truth is that everybody makes mistakes, everybody gets sick, everybody has problems. You're doctor won't laugh if you tell him your problems. Don't be afraid of telling the truth.

- I used to be very careless about my weight. I didn't like to be fat, but as you, I didn't have any motivation to change my lifestyle. I had my "wake-up call" a few years ago, when I was in a party and I met this girl who was gorgeous - and I mean really really gorgeous -, but she was very overweight. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw her was "oh god, this girl would have any man she wanted if she took care of herself".

I started wondering... how many girls might have thought the same thing about me? How many opportunities I might have lost because I didn't care about myself? - just like the girl I knew she was a godess, but she probably didn't know that herself. That's when I started to lose weight and take more care about myself. I know the feeling, you think you're ugly because you're fat, but as you're ugly, you don't think that losing weight will help. But just like that girl was wrong, so are you.

I still have some weight to lose, but my social life really improved since that party. It is not just a matter of losing weight, it is a matter of self-steem. I have respect for myself because now I know how strong is my willpower/dedication. And of course, girls are way more friendly since then.

- The way I beat the overeating was as simple as possible: taking a piece of paper and writing everything I eat.

You'll get more family/friends' support as you keep going in your diet, because people will believe you - and so will you. The first time I denied a glass of coke because I was trying to lose weight, my friends were like "shut up, you gay! just drink that shit!". Now that they know my new lifestyle is for real, they all support me and even some of them are changing their lifes too, and at least part of that was because of me.

If I changed from "a fat and shy geek who used to see himself as the biggest loser on earth" to someone who's inspiring his friends and family to have a healthier life, you can do that too. You just need to give yourself a chance.

[Punchbag]

My lifestory is not the same as yours, so my advices might not perfectly fit your reality, but this is what I have to tell you:

- Try to understand why you're lying to the doctors. Sometimes (judging by myself) introspective people have this fear of talking the wrong thing or sounding weak/stupid, but the truth is that everybody makes mistakes, everybody gets sick, everybody has problems. You're doctor won't laugh if you tell him your problems. Don't be afraid of telling the truth.

- I used to be very careless about my weight. I didn't like to be fat, but as you, I didn't have any motivation to change my lifestyle. I had my "wake-up call" a few years ago, when I was in a party and I met this girl who was gorgeous - and I mean really really gorgeous -, but she was very overweight. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw her was "oh god, this girl would have any man she wanted if she took care of herself".

I started wondering... how many girls might have thought the same thing about me? How many opportunities I might have lost because I didn't care about myself? - just like the girl I knew she was a godess, but she probably didn't know that herself. That's when I started to lose weight and take more care about myself. I know the feeling, you think you're ugly because you're fat, but as you're ugly, you don't think that losing weight will help. But just like that girl was wrong, so are you.

I still have some weight to lose, but my social life really improved since that party. It is not just a matter of losing weight, it is a matter of self-steem. I have respect for myself because now I know how strong is my willpower/dedication. And of course, girls are way more friendly since then.

- The way I beat the overeating was as simple as possible: taking a piece of paper and writing everything I eat.

You'll get more family/friends' support as you keep going in your diet, because people will believe you - and so will you. The first time I denied a glass of coke because I was trying to lose weight, my friends were like "shut up, you gay! just drink that shit!". Now that they know my new lifestyle is for real, they all support me and even some of them are changing their lifes too, and at least part of that was because of me.

If I changed from "a fat and shy geek who used to see himself as the biggest loser on earth" to someone who's inspiring his friends and family to have a healthier life, you can do that too. You just need to give yourself a chance.

This, this was really helpful. Thank you for sharing that.

I'm going to try your advice on the overeating part, It may just help somewhat.