If a "friend" does something terrible to you, do you take the highroad or lowroad?

[Deleted]

So, I have been finding myself in this really interesting dilemma right now.

A friend of mine has done a lot of really douchy shit to me, mistreated me etc yadayada the standard stuff, to the point where that friendship ended, is completely over. Now, I have so far, not done anything bad in return. This might sound like hearing only one side of the story, but I am that way, I am a people pleaser and I always try to do good by everyone.

Now, I have been feeling like this friend did so much terrible shit to me, that my inner angel and demon has been arguing if I should take the highroad and just let it be, or take the lowroad and get the satisfaction of doing something bad in return. It should be added to this that we have been (good) gaming friends, and that we have no real friends in common at the moment and this person got nothing to throw back at me really, so I am really in a nothing to lose position other than losing my dignity.

Now, I know this person has been cheating on her boyfriend, I got evidence of it, she told me numerous of times about it in chat logs. She is this kind of person that "I cheat on my boyfriend... but I love him!", yeah... that person... The question that pops into my head is, to tell the boyfriend or not.
It should be added that I kinda know the boyfriend aswell as a friend, just not as good, but played with him a few times. Feels like he also deserves to know, since there is no way she is telling him, she has already been hiding it from him for an ongoing two years.

Normally, I would let it go. I am not the type of person that spews shit about others. But in this scenario, I feel like I got nothing to lose, been treated so badly that a bit of "payback" would feel nice aswell as that the boyfriend kinda deserves to know.

Would you take the highroad or the lowroad?

[Vermicious]

Take the high road... it sounds like this 'friend' never was.

[Deleted]

Take the high road... it sounds like this 'friend' never was.

Well, had a really good friendship for a year or so, until all started going down hill.

Would be fun to teach a bit of karma.

[kvakvs]

Just cut him out of your life.
The cheating will be revealed no matter what you do.
If you do it and he knows you did it, you get a real enemy. Depends if that scares or entertains you.

[Spectral]

I have no idea what's in it for you to engage in any way. No good will come from it.

[Randomdude17]

Tell him, even if it were not for vengeance.

[Deleted]

Just cut him out of your life.
The cheating will be revealed no matter what you do.
If you do it and he knows you did it, you get a real enemy. Depends if that scares or entertains you.

Well, the cheating has been ongoing and never revealed for years.

To clarify, I have not been the person she cheated with. Also, we live in different countries, not really cared of anything.

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I have no idea what's in it for you to engage in any way. No good will come from it.

Karma, doing something bad back to someone that did bad to you.

Her boyfriend would also get to know the truth instead of having to be lied to for more years.

[Thelxi]

Theoretically the highroad, but in reality all bets are off once I feel betrayed.

[derpkitteh]

take the high road, say "fuck 'em" and move on. remove them from your life and never look back. also, you should tell the boyfriend because he doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

[Thelxi]

In your situation though I would not insert myself into someone else's relationship. None of your business.

[Spectral]

Karma, doing something bad back to someone that did bad to you.

There's no such thing as karma, but I think you've misunderstood the mythical concept anyway. If karma were real, you'd be able to simply stand back and watch.

Her boyfriend would also get to know the truth instead of having to be lied to for more years.

What's it to you? Be honest. Do you have any genuine concern for him, or are you just being spiteful?

[Deleted]

take the high road, say "fuck 'em" and move on. remove them from your life and never look back. also, you should tell the boyfriend because he doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

That is kinda contradicting :P

I mean, I am completely done with the friendship, I am going to move on and remove them from my life.

The question is if I should tell the boyfriend first or not, either for payback, or simply because he deserves to know. Or both.

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What's it to you? Be honest. Do you have any genuine concern for him, or are you just being spiteful?

As I said, I know him. Not well, but he is a nice guy and does not really deserve it. I would probably feel bad for not telling and him staying in a relationship not knowing his girlfriend cheats on him.

But the spite is also a factor of course.

[openair]

Karma, doing something bad back to someone that did bad to you.

Not quite. Karma teaches do good and good will happen to you. Do bad and bad will happen to you. It does not teach do bad to those who did you bad. It does not teach two wrongs make a right.

If you believe in Karma, doing something bad to your friend, will mean karma will have something bad in store for you. Karma doesn't care what your friend did to you. Karma doesn't like revenge. Karma doesn't need you to do its dirty work.

[Deleted]

You've made your decision.

Nearly every post which has said "take the high road" you've responded to by trying to justify that you should take the low.

[derpkitteh]

That is kinda contradicting :P

I mean, I am completely done with the friendship, I am going to move on and remove them from my life.

The question is if I should tell the boyfriend first or not, either for payback, or simply because he deserves to know. Or both.

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As I said, I know him. Not well, but he is a nice guy and does not really deserve it. I would probably feel bad for not telling and him staying in a relationship not knowing his girlfriend cheats on him.

But the spite is also a factor of course.

you should tell him. nobody deserves to be treated that way.

[Spectral]

Well, it certainly seems like you're just looking for people to tell you it's OK to be a jerk if someone was a jerk to you first. Go ahead, I guess.

[Mormolyce]

If she told you about that affair in confidence it'd be a low act to break it now simply because you're on the outs with them.

IMO if you were going to tell her boyfriend about the affair you should've done it at the time, doing it now is clearly not out of a belief that it's the right thing to do, it's simple spite.

[Mortifie]

Normally I would say to let it go, but one could argue that telling the boyfriend is the right thing to do regardless of vengeance.

[Deleted]

Well, it certainly seems like you're just looking for people to tell you it's OK to be a jerk if someone was a jerk to you first. Go ahead, I guess.

No, that is not what I am trying at all. As I said, spite is of course a large factor. I wonder if the feeling that I probably should tell the SO is justified.
Or if others would do it from pure spite. Not so many people said that they would do it from spite, so it seems like the question boils down to, should I tell the SO not for myself, but for his sake.

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If she told you about that affair in confidence it'd be a low act to break it now simply because you're on the outs with them.

IMO if you were going to tell her boyfriend about the affair you should've done it at the time, doing it now is clearly not out of a belief that it's the right thing to do, it's simple spite.

I agree with you, I should have told the BF right away. That was very bad of me. But as it were then, we were good friends while barely knowing the BF at the time. It would probably have been the right thing to tell him right then, but sadly I did not.

And I guess that is the moral conflict I am facing now. I should have told him then, should I tell him now? Is my spite blinding me? So far I have not sunk low, but after being treated bad, I dont know.

[Aspect of Death]

Personally, the highroad. That is until i get pissed off and end up with the lowroad 70% of the time, depends on the situation

What did she do to you?
I dunno, he probably deserve to know that she have been cheating on him for years though, so i don't count that as a lowroad, you are not friends so why not.