Long-term friendships and falling out

[Darkrulerxxx]

so personal short story, just broke off a 10-year friendship with a friend of mine (opposite sex)

she had been with her bf for a good 6 years, constant back and forth battle of breaking up and getting back together

me as a married man of almost 5 years, listened to her problems and gave her advice when it was asked.

finally had up to the point where i was tired of her constant vicious cycle and ignoring me except when she was down from her breakup.

she ended up telling me to "fuck off" and that was it.

10 years and dissipated as if it never happened.

not sure how to feel at the moment, i have a mix of finally not having to deal with her problems anymore, but sad to see what the original friendship used to be transforming into a fucking nightmare.

/rant over.

how do you guys deal with breaking off long-term friendships??

EDIT:: wow so i missed a lot while i was asleep.

NO, i never had any feelings for this friend in the early years, i knew her when we were in the marching band together and she was fun to hang with.

let me repeat: NO feelings whatsoever

and obviously this isnt a friendzone issue at all. haha

and yes you can have platonic relationships with the opposite sex, i have a best friend who is of 17 years that is the opposite sex.

[drwelfare]

Write them off as a loss and dont even think about or consider them. Its not like you knew them, they were never there.

[the game]

shit happens. some times it's best to just move on.

[Deleted]

Never really had one, closest would be a childhood friend from the age of 8-13, but then we grew apart and stopped speaking.

Everyone else was a few months at most, and now, loneliness is the norm for me

As for people acting out, it's happened to me before, someone would rage about X and i'd not be in the mood to listen about it and i'd tell them; Cue the rage ignore.

I just moved on.

[Darkrulerxxx]

shit happens. some times it's best to just move on.

ya, i haven't had to deal with this sort of high school bullshit since...well high school. and that was 10 years ago.

i actually don't feel regret, i told her my piece, that she was f-ing messed up, and i told her i don't have a filter when i see the truth of things.

you know i can usually write off short-term friendships (1 year or so) pretty easily, because there wasn't much investment.

it's not as bad as what a relationship break off can be, but it's definitely higher than short-term friendships.

[Sunseeker]

Shit happens. Have yourself a nice drink and move on.

[breadisfunny]

given how its been 6 years and she still hasn't learned her lesson with her current boyfriend i would say good riddance since she doesn't sound especially bright.

[Jester Joe]

If it really bothers you, reach out and let her know in a due time. Sounds like it happened recently I'm guessing? Don't assuming it's done with already, if she kept breaking up and going back out with the same person, would this really stop them from being friends with you?

Otherwise, if you're happier this way, c'est la vie, just gonna learn to deal with it, something I'm personally horrible with.

[Attackrabbit]

Had a good friend of about 10 years that I spent a lot of time with bmxing, smoking, playing computer games etc then one day when I couldn't score them any weed they stopped talking to me. Haven't heard from them in almost 5 years now but when it's over something that petty you kind of just have to chuckle and move on

[Darkrulerxxx]

If it really bothers you, reach out and let her know in a due time. Sounds like it happened recently I'm guessing? Don't assuming it's done with already, if she kept breaking up and going back out with the same person, would this really stop them from being friends with you?

Otherwise, if you're happier this way, c'est la vie, just gonna learn to deal with it, something I'm personally horrible with.

happened today, i was feeling that this was going downhill from the beginning of the year. She told me she didn't talk to me and ignored me because her boyfriend would get mad.

instant red flag there, was insulted, and voila, this happened.

she insulted the friendship, and she never reciprocated unless it had some gain for her and not for me.

i'm ok actually, it's just weird. i just realized now she wasn't truly a friend. and i feel stupid for holding on that long.

[Rindrae]

I had a friend while I was a child, then moved away, then reconnected because of our mothers and became friends again for awhile. Worst thing to do is to lend friends money and let them move in. He didn't pay his share of the electric bill, didn't buy food but ate mine, made excuses about repaying me for a loan, and was overall immature and leeching off me. It didn't hit me until I was about to graduate and head back home for a while when he turned on me over the phone even after I explained before he moved in that I would be going back home once I graduated. I got my stuff out of there while he stayed with his mother, never saw him again nor did I get back any of the money I loaned him.

[Jester Joe]

happened today, i was feeling that this was going downhill from the beginning of the year. She told me she didn't talk to me and ignored me because her boyfriend would get mad.

instant red flag there, was insulted, and voila, this happened.

she insulted the friendship, and she never reciprocated unless it had some gain for her and not for me.

i'm ok actually, it's just weird. i just realized now she wasn't truly a friend. and i feel stupid for holding on that long.

Yeah, sounds like exactly what you said then, you hung on because of the original friendship? I guess at this point only time will tell what happens next :x

[dextersmith]

It's unfortunate. Within the last few years, I got tired of being wronged so I cut off 3 best friends and 2 life long friends. Just take it 1 day at a time; it sucks that most friendships are ephemeral, despite what we hope for (internet friendships are even more fleeting). I'm over those friends from kindergarten but am still recovering from the betrayal from the 1 former best friend. Many bff's are really bfffn (bff for now) at best. You'll think of her often but taking her back will make you a doormat.

- - - Updated - - -

happened today, i was feeling that this was going downhill from the beginning of the year. She told me she didn't talk to me and ignored me because her boyfriend would get mad.

instant red flag there, was insulted, and voila, this happened.

she insulted the friendship, and she never reciprocated unless it had some gain for her and not for me.

i'm ok actually, it's just weird. i just realized now she wasn't truly a friend. and i feel stupid for holding on that long.

Exactly this. In actuality, it was all a lie. Real friends would never treat you like that.

[Krommm]

A shame really. Most of my friendships that dissipated were just people moving on and not staying in contact. When you just really prefer to be alone most of the time and some friends don't bother to ever call/message, then it's not worth trying to maintain.

Some friendships last forever, and some just taper off without much reason.

[mvaliz]

so personal short story, just broke off a 10-year friendship with a friend of mine (opposite sex)

she had been with her bf for a good 6 years, constant back and forth battle of breaking up and getting back together

me as a married man of almost 5 years, listened to her problems and gave her advice when it was asked.

finally had up to the point where i was tired of her constant vicious cycle and ignoring me except when she was down from her breakup.

she ended up telling me to "fuck off" and that was it.

10 years and dissipated as if it never happened.

not sure how to feel at the moment, i have a mix of finally not having to deal with her problems anymore, but sad to see what the original friendship used to be transforming into a fucking nightmare.

/rant over.

how do you guys deal with breaking off long-term friendships??

I've actually been standing right in your shoes sir.

How you deal with it is to move on... and wait for them to return. Chances are whatever was said was prolly out of denial for the situation and is a pendulum reaction swing from her. Give her enough time to think about what you said and to miss your talks.

[THE Bigzoman]

Sounds like you were freindzoned. You'll get over it.

People with a consistent victim complex are a fucking cancer anyway.

Had one for about a year (was a nerd) that turned out falling head over heels for me. I turned her down at the time because, even though I liked her back, everyone thought she was a weirdo.

Ran into her years later. It hit off again despite her dating another dude for a couple years. Were friends again for a couple months until she disappeared after I hit it one night.

Kind of my fault, but I can still relate somewhat.

[Jester Joe]

Sounds like you were freindzoned. You'll get over it.

People with a consistent victim complex are a fucking cancer anyway.

Uh...he did say right in the OP he's married already. I highly doubt he cared about being just friends.

[THE Bigzoman]

Uh...he did say right in the OP he's married already. I highly doubt he cared about being just friends.

He's married for 5.

She was married for 6.


He Knew her for 10 years.


There's a good 4 year window where he was probably friendzoned. I'm also one to think that opposite sexes can't be good "friends" in most cases. At least not for very long anyway.

[Jester Joe]

He's married for 5.

She was married for 6.


He Knew her for 10 years.


There's a good 4 year window where he was probably friendzoned. I'm also one to think that opposite sexes can't be good "friends" in most cases. At least not for very long anyway.

But that has nothing to do with this issue. He clearly said he got annoyed with her constantly complaining to him and then ignoring him, and she got mad. I don't think friendzone needs to be dragged into this personally.

It's not like this all happened because he secretly wanted to get with her.

[hollafame]

It's funny that you call her a friend just because you knew her for 10 years. I'd say if anything you're just upset at yourself for having put up with it for so long and she dropped you like a bad habit.