DiD I give my buddy bad advice?

[THE Bigzoman]

Hope you all enjoyed the game. (I'm sure Xskarma is happy and Felya is still starring at the screen in disbeleif about them passing on the 2 yard line)

I went and saw the game with a close friend that I hadn't seen in a year. Before he moved out with his close girlfriend, she had a decent body size but her face wasn't very easy on the eyes. When I saw them today, I couldn't help but notice that his girlfriend had plumped up quite a bit since I last saw them the year before. It got even more noticeable when i noticed her choice in servings of the food and beer we purchased.

When I had my buddy alone, I asked if his girlfriend was doing okay; maybe she was going through depression and turning to food. He told me that this wasn't the case. When discussing the matter further, he told me that she started chowing down and had refused to hit the gym with him. He didn't know what to do, as he didn't want to hurt her feelings but at the same time, this wasn't what he signed up for.

I told him to give her an ultimanum: Either get back to pre relationship size or get dumped. I felt that if it was bothering my buddy so much, that he shouldn't subject himself to false advertising. However, looking back at it, doing this seems too jerkish.

[Deleted]

The trick is to avoid getting involved in other peoples shit. Pal of mine asked me for advice about breaking up with his fiance, I laughed at him, brought him a beer and made him play monopoly on the itbox with me.

So basically any advice is bad advice.

[Zantos]

He asked you. That being said, he should think for himself. Seems like if he is thinking about "this isn't what I signed up for", he probably should just dump her. He obviously just isn't that into her.

[Conspicuous Cultist]

Is your buddy slim and fit? If so, that's perfectly reasonable for him to bust out the ultimatum.

If he isn't and he's a tub of lard then obviously that's being pretty unreasonable.

No point in skirting around and might as well cut to the chase, you can even say that she can slip if he slips and then they both will be vigilant, fit, and sexy.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Kind of a tough question. While a lot of people think "love is the most important thing" .. sexual attraction is high on my list as well. Letting yourself go to that extent is essentially not doing your part in the relationship.

[Gandrake]

I'm afraid that's horribly subjective

But uh, I would have been on that a lot sooner.

[Kaykay]

ultimatums are always bad for relationships, they tend to put everything on edge and regardless of what you feel, you need to be ready to go through with whatever repercussions you put up.

A better solution would be to talk to her about it, if the relationship is purely based on sex and they dont give a shit about eachother, then yeah. Telling her to shed some weight or get lost is a solution.
But if you actually care about her as a human being you will tell her whats bothering you and approach the issue from a non-standoffish angle. If she then still makes no improvements, nothing is forcing you to stay with her.

Making ultimatums come across as a "we had a deal, and you are not holding up your end" which really says your relationship is built on nothing but boobs and ass. And if it is not built upon those blocks alone. Then you are saying everything else is not important, and this is the real core of whats gonna keep you together. It's an unhealthy road to follow :P

[Bytch]

He's a chicken sh!t. Let him wallow in his misery since he doesnt like where things are headed. But on her weight. Is it 5-10 lbs or more? If it's just a few lbs.And he's worried about weight, then he's a chicken sh!t to talk to her about it. Even more of a chicken sh!t that he cant just break up with her since he doesnt like her weight gain.

[Gumboy]

I wouldn't have said "IF you don't get back to our first date size I'm leaving"...but I would prefer if the person I dated stayed in shape, not just for superficial reasons.

[announced]

ultimatums are a very bad idea. even ones done trying to help people. u can encourage her to lose weight but dont base your breakups just on weight alone. however if hes not attracted to her then theres no point in him continuing the relationship.

[BloodyAngel12]

More cushion for the pushin'

[Drekker17]

Ultimatums are like the ultimate way to end a relationship.

[Deleted]

I think it's ok to dump oversized partners. It's a sign of laziyness are carelessness. Do you want to dedicate your life to such person?

[Lolretadin]

More cushion for the pushin'

A little cushion is OK, but if they become a mattress or a couch, that's too much.

[Christonya]

Yes you did. She's putting on weight b/c why should she work out when she already has a BF? That's the general logic most people have. As the case goes, if he doesn't like her enough right now to stay with her, then why is he with her at all? Her size shouldn't make or break their relationship, that's just plain shallow.

[zealo]

The best path for you personally is to try to avoid getting involved, although id say it was bad advice. Giving ultimatums is never a good path to take to try to solve relationships.

[Deleted]

I knew this thread was created by you before even clicking >.>

Anyway your friend should know by now to ignore any advice from you, especially relationship wise

[Ringthane]

Well, OP, how do you feel when people give you ultimatums? That should tell you what to do right there. As long as they're happy, then stay out of it. Especially if they break up and the friend then resents you.

Best thing to do in these situations is to stay out of them. If they're not happy, they'll figure out on their own if they want to be together or not.

[Cosmic Janitor]

It's essentially the "once you stop trying, you might as well lay down and die" thing. In relationships that means the relationship ends. More people should fight their relationship stockholme syndrom and just end it. I know too many people that dragged themself down with this, because once one partner stops trying, so does the other, in the end both usually end up miserable, but are scared shitless they won't find anyone else and keep further making one another miserable.

Ultimatum is a strong word though, but they need to talk about it. I hope he is still giving it his best, else he is just as much of a hypocrit if he already stopped bothering.

[Fencers]

Yea, you did give bad advice OP. Ultimatums are never healthy for relationships. It is essentially a threat.