I have feelings for you, Taylor. There I said it. I have for some time. I thought it was just
physical, but as I've gotten to know you.......it's hard to describe. Just being around you...
it makes me happy. And this past year where I've hardly seen you....well I'm always kind of sad
and lonely but it's been so much worse. What really cemented how much I care for you was that time on New Years day you obsessively dragged me around that park, and then out of the park, looking for a bathroom while ignoring that I was in real physical pain from holding it in so long. I got so upset......you don't get that upset over something that minor unless you really care.
I'm...so sorry I pushed you away. That time you basically told me without out and out telling me you liked me, and I just sat there eating the sandwich, I wanted more then anything to tell you I felt the same way. But I was so scared. Because I'm always wrong about these things. Always. It doesn't seem to matter how long we've known each other, how much me get along, how sure I am there's something more there, I'm always wrong. Then when they inevitably reject me I'm all hurt, and they're all weirded out that I could have had such thoughts about them, and we can't even be friends anymore. And this time with you the inevitable
rejection wouldn't just hurt you and I it could hurt both of our relationships with Willow and
Marcus. But I'm barely friends with them now anyway, and as much as I thought this
would just go away it hasn't. It all just came rushing back when I saw you last Halloween. I miss you so much it hurts, and I don't care if I'm making a fool of myself again this needs to be
resolved one way or the other.
p.s. I do hope you appreciate how much courage it took to write this, considering my entire
romantic history. I've always associated these feelings with inevitable pain and loss; it took
months to build up this courage, and a couple rum and cokes, to actually write this.
p.p.s. By the way I totally would of asked you to go with me to my sister's wedding, but Willow only realized the online calendar error less then a week to go and I just didn't think that was giving you enough time. I mean you'd probably have to buy something new and expensive to wear, and make sure your entire day is free, it just wouldn't of been fair to you to ask. Plus you know I just naturally assumed the answer would be no anyway.