What do? [High School Teen Problems of Trivialness with Relationships]

[LokoKun]

this is high school. you'll forget about most of these people in 5-10 years.

5-10 years IS quite a bit of time for a kid...

[BloodyAngel12]

5-10 years IS quite a bit of time for a kid...

Not really, the time will fly on by.

[LokoKun]

Not really, the time will fly on by.

True, but still... It's hard for someone young to grasp just how quickly time flies.

[Nillah]

My first relationship was pretty similar. He asked me to prom and I said yes, we ended up dating for a couple weeks until he started with the "I love you" crap and it freaked me out. I ended it, felt really shitty about it. He was a really nice guy, we ended up hooking up a couple times after we graduated, but even now over 10 years later I still feel bad about how I treated him then. Honestly almost wish I hadn't even bothered with dating in high school, it never went well.

Go with your gut OP, hang out with her some more and if you aren't feeling it maybe just take her to prom as friends or something, especially since she's got her dress already.

[Cosmic Janitor]

True, but still... It's hard for someone young to grasp just how quickly time flies.

What? Your perception of time hasn't changed yet? I noticed with 14 that time just flys by ever faster and with 28 I can say that incraease hasn't stopped.

[LokoKun]

I

My first relationship was pretty similar. He asked me to prom and I said yes, we ended up dating for a couple weeks until he started with the "I love you" crap and it freaked me out. I ended it, felt really shitty about it. He was a really nice guy, we ended up hooking up a couple times after we graduated, but even now over 10 years later I still feel bad about how I treated him then. Honestly almost wish I hadn't even bothered with dating in high school, it never went well.

Go with your gut OP, hang out with her some more and if you aren't feeling it maybe just take her to prom as friends or something, especially since she's got her dress already.

Thanks for the advice

[Xargoth6634]

Eh, just go and have fun, see what happens. Spend some time getting to know her before making hasty decisions. You didn't ask her to spend the rest of her life with you, you asked her to prom. I know things mean more in high school, but that still doesn't mean she has expectations that this means wedding bells and whatnot. Who knows, maybe the night goes well and it reinforces what you first thought about her, and makes you want to hang out more. The fact that every time you think about her at this point doesn't give you butterflies doesn't mean she's not an option worth exploring.*

*If you catch my drift.

Seriously, though. It's prom and you're in high school, go have fun and don't overthink it, then spend some time hanging out in the few weeks following and see what happens.

[LokoKun]

Eh, just go and have fun, see what happens. Spend some time getting to know her before making hasty decisions. You didn't ask her to spend the rest of her life with you, you asked her to prom. I know things mean more in high school, but that still doesn't mean she has expectations that this means wedding bells and whatnot. Who knows, maybe the night goes well and it reinforces what you first thought about her, and makes you want to hang out more. The fact that every time you think about her at this point doesn't give you butterflies doesn't mean she's not an option worth exploring.*

*If you catch my drift.

Seriously, though. It's prom and you're in high school, go have fun and don't overthink it, then spend some time hanging out in the few weeks following and see what happens.

Thanks for the advice

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What? Your perception of time hasn't changed yet? I noticed with 14 that time just flys by ever faster and with 28 I can say that incraease hasn't stopped.

To each their own I guess.

[lordmatthias]

I know it can be hard, but I wouldn't stress over it. If you have fun with her keep hanging out with her and see where things go. If you find the situation is stressing you out and you stop enjoying spending time with her just be honest with her and let the relationship go (in the long run you will be better off, and even though she might not think it at the time she will too). Don't expect too much out of the relationship, and don't get too serious. A lot of girls (and guys to tbh) have no fucking clue what they really want long term. If time passes and things work out GREAT. I guess the big takeaway I am trying to portray is to just take it easy, have fun, don't worry if something will evolve into something serious (if it does that is fine, just let it happen, if she is right for you, you will know in time), don't let things drag on if you aren't enjoying the time spent, and always be open and honest with her.

[LokoKun]

I know it can be hard, but I wouldn't stress over it. If you have fun with her keep hanging out with her and see where things go. If you find the situation is stressing you out and you stop enjoying spending time with her just be honest with her and let the relationship go (in the long run you will be better off, and even though she might not think it at the time she will too). Don't expect too much out of the relationship, and don't get too serious. A lot of girls (and guys to tbh) have no fucking clue what they really want long term. If time passes and things work out GREAT. I guess the big takeaway I am trying to portray is to just take it easy, have fun, don't worry if something will evolve into something serious (if it does that is fine, just let it happen, if she is right for you, you will know in time), don't let things drag on if you aren't enjoying the time spent, and always be open and honest with her.

Thanks a lot for the advice.

[THE Bigzoman]

Problem is sex is one of those weird things where like, each individual experience can often partly be a culmination of many past experiences.

If you jump in when you shouldn't, it's going to leave a bad taste not just with that person, but for a while afterwards. Equally, if you don't jump in when you really want to, you're going to feel bad about that in the future and it could mess up future instances. Basically, if you want to and she wants to, go for it. If either of you don't want to, don't. If you do though, try not to make a big thing out of it. Especially when you're quite young and new and stuff. Society makes too much of a big deal about virginity and the act of losing it. If it's important to you, it's important to you and that's fine. If it's not, then that's fine too. Either way, important thing is to enjoy yourself and be responsible.

That's a stupid thing to arbitrarely attach value too..

A lot of like...sheltered small town chicks do it at my college. But ain't shit cute about missionary being the default, especially for a overweight black dude.

Shit just gets exhausting.

Then they be all like, "slow down". It's a dumb thing to cherish.

[apepi]

Just chill out man. Just bring her to prom and have a good time. It does not have to mean anything, if you want to get more serious with it, that is for future Lokokun to worry about.

[announced]

first dates and first gfs can be a tricky thing. dont worry if u screw it up. i think my first 5 i messed up so im not really counting. if your having second thoughts u can just take it slow. hang out with her and have a good time, have some fun. if you decide you cant stand her company then end it. but if you start to enjoy yourself then just let things play out.

new things are scary, dont worry bout it.

[LokoKun]

first dates and first gfs can be a tricky thing. dont worry if u screw it up. i think my first 5 i messed up so im not really counting. if your having second thoughts u can just take it slow. hang out with her and have a good time, have some fun. if you decide you cant stand her company then end it. but if you start to enjoy yourself then just let things play out.

new things are scary, dont worry bout it.

Thanks for the advice.

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Just chill out man. Just bring her to prom and have a good time. It does not have to mean anything, if you want to get more serious with it, that is for future Lokokun to worry about.

Thanks for the advice

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A quick little update... She wants me to come over her house tomorrow and watch a couple movies with her. The reason it's at her house is because her parents are strict and don't want her out at a random house with a guy. I think i'll end up going over but it might be super awkward since I'm no good with meeting parents.. Then again I don't have much experience with it. Anyways, if I end up going over it probably won't be anything romantic or intimate considering I'm guessing her parents will be watching with a hawk... From what she says they're very over-protective.

[Kerath]

A quick little update... She wants me to come over her house tomorrow and watch a couple movies with her. The reason it's at her house is because her parents are strict and don't want her out at a random house with a guy. I think i'll end up going over but it might be super awkward since I'm no good with meeting parents.. Then again I don't have much experience with it. Anyways, if I end up going over it probably won't be anything romantic or intimate considering I'm guessing her parents will be watching with a hawk... From what she says they're very over-protective.

Meeting parents is much easier than tv would have you believe. Just be polite and respectful, address them as Mr <Name> and Mrs <Name> unless they tell you otherwise.

[Deleted]

Meeting parents is much easier than tv would have you believe. Just be polite and respectful, address them as Mr <Name> and Mrs <Name> unless they tell you otherwise.

Yep. Politeness and respectfulness go a long way with parents. It sets you apart from all the ruffians. Especially now, because like, parents expect all kids to be utter shits.

You probably won't have to talk much to them, but just be normal, don't be creepy, and if you get stuck into a long conversation with them, compliment them on "Oh, you have a really beautiful home" and add on a specific, like "Oh you have such a lovely home, is the kitchen new? It goes so well with the rest of the house, really (classy, homely, whatever)". People love you complimenting their home. If it's theirs at least and not rented.

With her, just be chill. Don't be pushy or owt, since like you say, parents are there for one, but also like... Yeah, just don't be pushy because that's kinda messed. Just treat it like you're hanging out at any of your friends house. Things will go a lot better. The rest will just take care of itself. And make sure you look presentable and washed. You don't want to look like some scruffy unwashed boy.

[LokoKun]

Yep. Politeness and respectfulness go a long way with parents. It sets you apart from all the ruffians. Especially now, because like, parents expect all kids to be utter shits.

You probably won't have to talk much to them, but just be normal, don't be creepy, and if you get stuck into a long conversation with them, compliment them on "Oh, you have a really beautiful home" and add on a specific, like "Oh you have such a lovely home, is the kitchen new? It goes so well with the rest of the house, really (classy, homely, whatever)". People love you complimenting their home. If it's theirs at least and not rented.

With her, just be chill. Don't be pushy or owt, since like you say, parents are there for one, but also like... Yeah, just don't be pushy because that's kinda messed. Just treat it like you're hanging out at any of your friends house. Things will go a lot better. The rest will just take care of itself. And make sure you look presentable and washed. You don't want to look like some scruffy unwashed boy.

Thanks a ton

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Meeting parents is much easier than tv would have you believe. Just be polite and respectful, address them as Mr <Name> and Mrs <Name> unless they tell you otherwise.

Thanks a ton

[LokoKun]

EDIT: 4/7/15
I figure that instead of making a whole new thread I can just add onto this one since it has everything within context.

So after spending an evening at the mall with her and spending a lot of time after school with her since I'm usually there until 7 PM working on my NASA things and she's there doing homework, I really don't think I'm enjoying the time I'm spending with her. It's not that I dread seeing here but I don't look forward to it and I really don't enjoy the time I spend with her. I know this is a terrible thing to say considering I'm the one who asked her to prom in the first place but for me, if something doesn't feel right I usually don't go along with it. We had a conversation the other night about what "we" were because I just wanted to clear some things up, she said that she thinks we're technically dating and that she wants to take things slow and casual which is fine with me. My deal is I don't know if I want to keep leading her on if I know that in the end, it won't work out well for the both of us. After our conversation I think she could tell I needed time to decide what I wanted us to be so she said she would give me some space for a while to clear my head and think which I do appreciate. The other thing that bugs me about her is.... And please don't jump down my throat for this.... She is a pretty hardcore feminist. Now understand, I have absolutely NOTHING against feminism, I'm in fact in full support of it. I just don't believe in shoving someones beliefs down someone else's throat which is what I sort of feel she is doing when we talk. Maybe it's just the way our conversations happen but I just feel that way. Again, let me reiterate I have NOTHING against feminism and I'm very pro-women in general, I'm all for equality but I'm rambling.

My big question is how do I approach her with the fact that I don't think we're really right for each other in a dating (boyfriend/girlfriend) situation but I would still like to take her to my prom as friends. I very much don't want to be a "dick" and not take her to prom because after all, I did ask her. Obviously if she doesn't want to go with me after this I completely understand and will not take her but I still would like to leave that option open. As you can probably tell from this post and thread in general, I'm quite well.... Shit when it comes to talking to girls in general because if I was good at it, I wouldn't need this thread or the help of the community (Thank you a billion for helping me by the way).

I know this was a long update but any help or advice is a big thank you, THANK YOU!

And now since you sat through all of that and hopefully read and responded, you've earned some more good music.
Senbonzakura by Lindsey Stirling - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-wEAeNcA_A
AIR by David Garrett - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXNQ...OAmWC8&index=1




AGAIN! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP AND ADVICE, honestly it's really helping me get through this. And again, I know this is all trivial since it's High School but it's a big deal for someone IN High School.

[starlord]

just be honest with her and don't be a jerk about it.

communication & honesty is key to any relationship.

[THE Bigzoman]

Why can't you just be fuck buddies again?

Why can't you just go to prom and have fun?

Christ kid. Just pump it until it gets boring and move on. Seriously, just have fun.