Does being cheated on say something about you?

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I was listening to a talk show a few nights ago. They were talking about how cheating on someone makes you a bad person. They got on to the topic of being the person that cheats with someone who is married or dating someone already, and whether THAT makes you a bad person....

The someone suggested that, if you're the person that is often CHEATED ON, that it says a lot about you, and that you're likely not a good person to date.

What do you guys think? Personally I agree. (Not that I think cheating is ever okay).. if you aren't fulfilling your partner emotionally, sexually etc.. I think you're likely to either have an unfaithful partner or get dumped.

[Deleted]

A person refusing to share his/her thoughts, desires, etc doesn't make you a bad partner.
There are people who get a rush from cheating, so if that would be the case are you a bad partner?

[Garlorik]

Perhaps. Theres an infinite number of reasons why someone may cheat or why someone may be cheated on, from being a total ass (either one of them) to simply not having any real connection.

Regardless it obviously never excuses cheating, if the person isnt fulfilling you in some way then you should break up with them, not cheat on them.

[Ina]

Depends on the reason why.

[Lava Bucket]

It tells you that you're dating a human.

[Itisamuh]

It says you picked a crappy person to be with, which might possibly be a sign of poor judgement, but there is still no excuse for cheating.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

It says you picked a crappy person to be with, which might possibly be a sign of poor judgement, but there is still no excuse for cheating.

Of course, never an excuse.

But I think it can say two things:

1) Your judgement is likely bad...

and

2) That you drive your partners to cheat.. either by not giving them enough fulfillment or possibly nagging/abusing them until they seek happiness elsewhere.


I'm just thinking of the scenario of meeting someone in class, or at a bar, or at work... going on some dates with them.. and they start talking about past relationships... then they reveal they have been cheated on by X amount of people. That would seem like a huge red flag to me. Either that person normally dates shitty people and ew likely wouldn't work well, or they drive people to cheat... either way I think its an issue.

[Itisamuh]

Of course, never an excuse.

But I think it can say two things:

1) Your judgement is likely bad...

and

2) That you drive your partners to cheat.. either by not giving them enough fulfillment or possibly nagging/abusing them until they seek happiness elsewhere.


I'm just thinking of the scenario of meeting someone in class, or at a bar, or at work... going on some dates with them.. and they start talking about past relationships... then they reveal they have been cheated on by X amount of people. That would seem like a huge red flag to me. Either that person normally dates shitty people and ew likely wouldn't work well, or they drive people to cheat... either way I think its an issue.

I personally would look at it as, if their past relationships all ended due to the other person cheating or dumping, at least they might be loyal. I have a pretty stubborn view on cheating though, and think there is no such thing as driving someone to do it. But either way, if someone has something wrong with them that drives off their partners one way or another, you would discover that pretty quickly on your own, and be able to make the choice yourself whether to continue the relationship or not. As opposed to being with a cheater where you might never find out.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I personally would look at it as, if their past relationships all ended due to the other person cheating or dumping, at least they might be loyal. I have a pretty stubborn view on cheating though, and think there is no such thing as driving someone to do it. But either way, if someone has something wrong with them that drives off their partners one way or another, you would discover that pretty quickly on your own, and be able to make the choice yourself whether to continue the relationship or not. As opposed to being with a cheater where you might never find out.

Like I said, cheating is wrong. But people still do it. The honorable thing would of course be to break up with someone first... but that doesn't happen. Ive never cheated and I never will.

[Super Kami Dende]

I guess all it says about you is that you choose shitty partners.

Regardless of if you don't "Fulfill" the needs of your Partner, if they are too fucking retarded to split with you and instead resort to cheating they are a piece of shit.

Nothing justifies Cheating when they can simply just walk away.

[Deleted]

I'm not sure.

I guess it could mean you don't understand your partner as much as you thought you did? That or your partner is simply human. I get at what you're trying to say though. I've never cheated on someone, I have been cheated on though and I can honestly say I don't really think it's any worse than just being dumped.

I've found someone else I'm more attracted to =/= You aren't attractive to me anymore

I do kind of agree you have to be a real rotter to cheat on someone for more than a few days though. Being secually active with two people for example is just wrong, if you don't have feelings for one of them but they have them for you.

[Crispin]

If your partner does not find you adequate, the person should confront you with it and leave, not go about and screw someone else.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

If your partner does not find you adequate, the person should confront you with it and leave, not go about and screw someone else.

Yeah the thread isn't about whether cheating is okay....

[Aucald]

Alone and without context? No. If it is part of a trend then it may underscore an issue you need to address (e.g. are you a doormat, abusive, aloof, etc. etc.), but really it almost always hinges on the specific reason one is cheated on. If you were someone else's rebound relationship and your formerly significant other cheats and goes back to their ex, then that probably has little or nothing to do with you. If you're a terrible person or bad companion and your formerly significant other cheats, then that is pretty much all on you.

[Fencers]

Yes, that you make poor choices in partnerships.

[Ghostpanther]

Yeah the thread isn't about whether cheating is okay....

It is implied in how you are trying to put the blame for the cheating on the one being cheated on. Which is bull shit. People who cheat are going to no matter who they are with in a relationship.

[Lava Bucket]

It says you picked a crappy person to be with, which might possibly be a sign of poor judgement, but there is still no excuse for cheating.

No excuse for cheating is a rather naive view of it, in my opinion. It assumes that there are no circumstances that exist that could possibly rationalize sleeping with someone other than the person you're dating or married to without first consulting with them. Let me take a stab at coming up with a set of circumstances, and you tell me if it's an excuse:

A woman in Saudi Arabia is married off at a very young age to an older, wealthy businessman. She serves him faithfully for several years, and they develop a warm and friendly relationship. He is generous and kind to her, but she doesn't love him. Then one day there is a festival in town. In all the chaos, her bodyguard loses sight of her in the marketplace. While she is on her own, she meets a young man her own age. They talk for a few hours, and then the bodyguard finds her and she returns home.

The woman tries to return to her old life of taking care of the house, but she can't stop thinking about the young man she met. They had so much in common, and she had never felt so alive as when she was speaking with him. She had never had a chance to really know what love was before she was already promised to another, but she felt like it could be growing within her even after such a short interaction. But she knows her duty as a wife and tries to put it out of her mind. Still, thoughts of what if linger in her mind for weeks after the encounter. Things return mostly to normal after a month or two as the memory of the chance encounter fades from her mind. She dismisses it as the silly dreams of a young girl. She is a woman now and must be proper and responsible.

Then one day, her husband tells her that she must get assemble all the servants and get the house in perfect order because they are having an important visitor. In all the hustle, she doesn't even think to ask who the visitor is. It isn't until their first dinner together that she finds that the visitor is the young man that she met in the market! She is barely able to keep her mind on the dinner as her thoughts reel with the madness of her situation. She had just managed to forget the whole incident, and here fate was shoving it back in her face! Was this a sign? Was it merely coincidence? Did the young man have the same feelings for her that she felt for him?

That night, she can't sleep so she slips down to the kitchen while everyone else was asleep for some comfort food. Lo and behold who should also be in the kitchen sneaking a snack but the young man! Their eyes meet and the young man drinks in the beauty of the woman for the first time having never seen her without her veil. Without saying a word, the young man sweeps her into his arms and kisses her. And well, I think you see where the story is going after this.

So, does the woman in this story have an excuse or is she cheating scum? Also, before you say this could never happen I would counter that it has probably happened countless times in a world of seven billion people.

[Acidbaron]

I think, in some cases, it CAN mean that you're simply not very good at fulfilling the needs of your partner which can drive them to seek that elsewhere.

That's a lame ass excuse if i ever heard one if things aren't working out you move on. You don't get your extra's elsewhere.

No it doesn't say much about you since even if you do well in bed, bitches will be bitches. You partner cheats for two things to get back on you or because he or she couldn't keep her pants on, never bought the whole 'i drank too much', i consume liters of hard liquor when going out and even if i had a young nice thing hanging around my neck i never though 'oh hey let's just fuck'.

[Xanjori]

Yes, that you make poor choices in partnerships.

Sorry but this is just dumb. People are expected to know everything about a person? Da fuck, you lot all NSA or something?

Honestly no, if a relationship isn't working, or you've made a mistake it's the other persons fault to just say so and then end it before moving on. We all have responsibilities and morals to uphold, if you cheat you're just breaking a trust system that's in place.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Dear Lord.. this is not a thread defending infidelity, or a thread that is victim blaming...