I was reading the newspaper and I came across this ...
Is this common today? In my circle it isn't but I wonder in other social circles. It's crazy how he makes himself out to be the victim when he's only friends because he wants it...Three weeks ago I finally “man-ed up” and told my friend of two years that I liked her.
She had a shocked expression, in a good way, and speechless. I gave her compliments and made her blush a little.
However, she had a breakup earlier this year and isn’t looking to start a new relationship any time soon.
I asked her how she felt about what I said, and she said she doesn’t really know, but “we’ll see over time.”
Here’s where I messed up: I didn’t specify HOW I like her and didn’t ask, “How do you feel about me?”
I subconsciously withheld the truth.
I only want to have sex with her, but I couldn’t put that into words. Now, she still hasn’t told me how she feels.
I’ve texted her to meet, but she keeps dodging me and makes excuses. Any time our group of friends wants to hang out, she finds an excuse, especially if I’m in attendance.
I’d like to correct my approach. But she’s playing a game. I can’t help but feel I’m being pulled into a vicious cycle of on and off relationships. What can I do?
Don’t Like the Game
Whoa! Suddenly, you’re blaming the person you approached without clarity or honesty about what you’re after.
She has good instincts, and is likely avoiding you because she 1) doesn’t want a relationship so soon after a breakup (which you know); and 2) guesses you just want sex and doesn’t find that appealing; or 3) doesn’t want to ruin the friendship.
In other words, she’s a lot more thoughtful about what she does with her personal life than you are.
Back off for now. Try to get back to friendship over time. If anything else is there between you in the future, it should happen naturally . . . not with a self-interested-only approach.
I know there are unscrupulous characters out there but just how common is this?