My friend is 22 and a virgin and now he is getting married next year.

[codsafish]

I have a friend I've known since early high-school. He is Muslim, his family is pretty strict with him...always has been. On the outside though when he isn't around his family, he is like a typical "western" guy. But around his family, he is just someone completely different. He is really natural and gets along with everyone, has same hobbies n stuff as everyone else, but again...his family just have this effect on him when they are around, like they control every-single-possible-thing he does.

So he has kept his virgin status for marriage (nothing wrong with that) but what has annoyed me is that, his family has just picked a wife for him. She is actually related to him in some way, either 1st or 2nd cousin I am not 100% sure, it's either one though. And this is happening in a wealthy-high-end suburb mind you. This isn't happening in some scum neighborhood in some trashy town. This is happening in a wealthy area. His family is pretty wealthy, business owners etc.

Now on the front side of this, he seems happy. All he can talk about how is he can't wait till he has sex. I am just saying "oh yeh cool" because what I am really thinking would probably ruin our friendship. It's like....you're about to marry your cousin and you're not allowed to divorce (unless it's done in sharia-law) and you have to have kids. Your life has been pretty much organized by your parents, you've had no choice...and you're just accepting it as done and you have no other choice...so all you can do is at least be happy you'll be able to have sex?


I just feel sorry for the guy and whoever this girl is. I bet she has been groomed to be a wife or something because any girl wouldn't just randomly be like "sup yo, gona marry this cus because I 100% want to and love him, even though I don't actually know him more than I know some random guy on the street"

It's just weird for me. I never really liked his family to begin with (by how they treat him and make him do things) but now this just makes me completely dislike them. I think I just need to get away from this situation before I say anything I regret.

[Lysah]

Why feel sorry? If he's happy that's all that matters. Better blind to the truth and live a happy life than spend every day thinking about how everything sucks.

[bluesphere]

So... nothing is really wrong... youre just upset?

[Deleted]

If it doesn't bother him and he doesn't want to fight them on it then leave it alone.

I understand your point of view and agree 100% but quite frankly, it's none of your business.

[Zojo]

Isn't it a known fact Muslims do this sort of thing? As long as he's happy man.

[wilzax]

I don't see what being in a poor neighborhood has to do with this. It's their culture, there's no need to assume that only poor, scum of the earth people would do something like that.

[Maluko]

His wedding night will be amazing while ours will be just one more night with a girl. Everything has its pros and cons

[codsafish]

Why feel sorry? If he's happy that's all that matters. Better blind to the truth and live a happy life than spend every day thinking about how everything sucks.

I feel sorry for him because all he can say is how excited he is about having sex. That is it. He wont mention anything about the whole situation other than that. I feel sorry for him because a major life changing decision for him wasn't even something he picked ( and he is an adult ). I feel like he is potentially going to waste decades of his life because of what his parents want.

[Yotei]

If he wants to go along with traditional customs then let him.

It's ultimately his choice.

[Barrowmore]

It sounds like even he's on the fence about this. OP, I'd figure out what his real feelings are on this, and if he even wants to get married this way. If he doesn't, then you should convince him to tell his parents off imo. If he does want an arranged marriage, then more power to him.

[Greenman03]

I feel sorry for him because all he can say is how excited he is about having sex. That is it. He wont mention anything about the whole situation other than that. I feel sorry for him because a major life changing decision for him wasn't even something he picked ( and he is an adult ). I feel like he is potentially going to waste decades of his life because of what his parents want.

You must understand this is normal in his culture. So an arraigned marriage is nothing new. I can understand why all he talks about is sex, mainly because he is looking forward to it. Also understand that most arraigned marriages come from wealthy families. The point of this is to keep the wealth in the family as they look at outsiders as a possible chance of losing their money /business. If you do some research on this you will see its nothing new and may come at ease with the whole situation.

Honestly, you should talk to your friend about it. Ask him what you do not understand.

[grandpab]

He has probably known this was going to happen eventually, he's had his entire life to accept it. He might not have known who it was going to be, but he knew this is how it would be.

[Deleted]

I find it hypocritical that you seem upset about the cousin or 2nd cousin relation between. Such upset is basically no less religiously based moralism than what you seem to object to when his muslim adherence comes up.

Other than that, I probably agree with most of your sentiments, that letting religion (and family) control your love and life like this is nothing but insanity. Keeping virginity for marriage is just incomprehensible to me, but each to their own and if someone's ego requires them to adher to bizarre religious dogma, who am I to judge, as my own ego have me do all sorts of idiotic things too.

Basically what I am saying is: Yeah, your friend is being incredibly stupid, but live and let live and keep in mind that you are probably doing incredibly stupid things too, as are we all, because doing incredibly stupid things are part of human habit.

[Ichigopwnsyou]

I dont get the problem?
You are worried she wont enjoy the sex and you want to help?

[Yotei]

I dont get the problem?
You are worried she wont enjoy the sex and you want to help?

How did you get that from what he said? xD

He's just upset he's going along with it and isn't talking about how he will like being married but just solely the sex, as if he wants to have sex but doesn't like the other portion of the arrangement (being married).

[Fuzzzie]

Well.. that's other cultures for you. Best not to stick your nose in.

[Ichigopwnsyou]

How did you get that from what he said? xD

He's just upset he's going along with it and isn't talking about how he will like being married but just solely the sex, as if he wants to have sex but doesn't like the other portion of the arrangement (being married).

So he wants him to drop his religious beliefs.
Easier said than done....In a highly religious family, that usually involves exile.

If that is the case, I agree, that is what he should do.
Most people are not strong enough for that though.

[Seezer]

I have a friend I've known since early high-school. He is Muslim, his family is pretty strict with him...always has been. On the outside though when he isn't around his family, he is like a typical "western" guy. But around his family, he is just someone completely different. He is really natural and gets along with everyone, has same hobbies n stuff as everyone else, but again...his family just have this effect on him when they are around, like they control every-single-possible-thing he does.

So he has kept his virgin status for marriage (nothing wrong with that) but what has annoyed me is that, his family has just picked a wife for him. She is actually related to him in some way, either 1st or 2nd cousin I am not 100% sure, it's either one though. And this is happening in a wealthy-high-end suburb mind you. This isn't happening in some scum neighborhood in some trashy town. This is happening in a wealthy area. His family is pretty wealthy, business owners etc.

Now on the front side of this, he seems happy. All he can talk about how is he can't wait till he has sex. I am just saying "oh yeh cool" because what I am really thinking would probably ruin our friendship. It's like....you're about to marry your cousin and you're not allowed to divorce (unless it's done in sharia-law) and you have to have kids. Your life has been pretty much organized by your parents, you've had no choice...and you're just accepting it as done and you have no other choice...so all you can do is at least be happy you'll be able to have sex?


I just feel sorry for the guy and whoever this girl is. I bet she has been groomed to be a wife or something because any girl wouldn't just randomly be like "sup yo, gona marry this cus because I 100% want to and love him, even though I don't actually know him more than I know some random guy on the street"

It's just weird for me. I never really liked his family to begin with (by how they treat him and make him do things) but now this just makes me completely dislike them. I think I just need to get away from this situation before I say anything I regret.

What state is this?

[Gallahadd]

admit it dude, you're just pissed he's gunna get married before you

[CJack14dt]

His wedding night will be amazing while ours will be just one more night with a girl. Everything has its pros and cons

You've clearly never been with a virgin or never been with anything but virgins.