Choosing your career over your kids

[Deleted]

Um no? Marriage is a partnership bud. Have you been married before?

Also lol. You get banned all the time Adam meanwhile me?

A partnership doesn't equate to the woman doing what the man says. have you ever been married before?

Yeah I am regularly banned and so was you until you started worming around the rules to continue trolling, spamming and pushing a propaganda

[belfpala]

A partnership doesn't equate to the woman doing what the man says. have you ever been married before?

Knew this was a Tennis thread before I clicked... anyway...

I've never been married, but I live with an ex-fiancee. We fight sometimes, we laugh sometimes, we argue about bills, or who grocery shops or cooks. It's two people, me and her, and we each have our own plans and needs.

If I were to give life advice, I'd suggest living with a roommate, @Tennis, for a couple years before you embark on your marriage obsession.

[Orlong]

I think if you want kids in a modern world where both men and women work (often due to low paying jobs compared to baby boomer generation being more common and housing being more expensive) then your only option is a nanny or a parent to stay at home. I personally cannot have kids anymore so no stake in this but I'd not judge someone who did either as there are many factors to a child having a happy and healthy life which cannot be judged on that one aspect alone really none of my business without concrete proof that anything there doing is harmful to the child. As long as the parents do spend time with the children as well I can't see any neglect issues in this.

I call bullshit. If they are making enough money to hire someone for a full time salary to watch their kids while they work, they are making enough money for one parent to stay home and raise the kids while the other works

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Most parents work these days.

But most of the time they wouldn't have to if they were frugal with just one parent working, but nooooooooo, they have to have their full cable TV package, a newer SUV made in the last 3 years, and a house bigger than they need. Then they want to eat out often because they are too lazy to cook, and they hire landscapers to mow their grass because they are lazy, etc...

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$11.40 an hour Canadian? Lolololol what is that like $8 American?

The nanny will also be living in the home so that free housing is a huge benefit that they wont have to pay

[Grokresh]

I call bullshit. If they are making enough money to hire someone for a full time salary to watch their kids while they work, they are making enough money for one parent to stay home and raise the kids while the other works

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But most of the time they wouldn't have to if they were frugal with just one parent working, but nooooooooo, they have to have their full cable TV package, a newer SUV made in the last 3 years, and a house bigger than they need. Then they want to eat out often because they are too lazy to cook, and they hire landscapers to mow their grass because they are lazy, etc...

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The nanny will also be living in the home so that free housing is a huge benefit that they wont have to pay

Dunno, maybe its cheaper to hire then nanny for a few hours a day then it is to pay for the lifestyle they want to have for their kid? Doesn't really matter, its up to the parents regardless how they work or don't work.

[Daws]

It's not discriminating. What kind of man sends his wife back to work right after childbirth and stays at home. That's how how humans work.

You do also realise you are making a massive assumption. The advert doesn't mention the parents gender or if one of said parents even gave birth (think adoption or surrogate).

[cuafpr]

3 kids for that rate good luck LOL I'm so glad i dont have kids, but i know enough that most sitters here get 20/hr for baby sitting one kid more kids = more $$$

[Antiganon]

The problem is when they want the SUV and the 4 bedroom house and the Sandals vacation and they end up thinking to themselves "we both gotta work. Let's hire a complete stranger to raise our kids"

How about when you want a 3 bedroom house (one for you/spouse, one for your son, one for your daughter), any car large and safe enough to transport the family, care not for vacations, and you still come to the conclusion "well, we both gotta work. Let's hire a complete stranger to raise our kids", because most jobs that 20 somethings (you know, the ones who can have kids without really worrying about infertility) can get pay hot garbage.

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Not actually true.


https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/...really-better/

Everyone just believes it.

Breastfeeding can be better in extreme early months at warding off infection, due to the mother's antibodies passing to the child via breastmilk. Most important to this is colostrum, which is an extremely thick form of breastmilk that is only produced for a few days to a week at most following birth.

Formula can be detrimental to some babies due to the presence of lactose, which is more difficult to digest for babies than human breastmilk. Soy-based and other very low-lactose formulas exist to alleviate this issue.

Aside from those two factors, it is entirely personal preference.

Source: I have two children, both partially breast fed until my wife couldn't deal with it anymore, and that is the information provided to us by two different hospitals, 3 different lactation consultants, a dozen pediatricians, and a half dozen pediatric nurses.

Furthermore - the most important thing to early childhood development is a caring and nurturing relationship between parents and child. For the many, MANY women for whom breastfeeding is exceedingly difficult, painful, or impossible, the depression and resentment that result from forcing breastfeeding when it isn't really working, not to mention malnourishment of the child, is far worse than any of the supposed negative consequences of formula.

We should absolutely support women who choose to breastfeed. We should absolutely support women who choose to formula feed. There is zero reason for anyone who doesn't have a personal relationship with the children and/or breasts in question to have any opinion whatsoever.

[Tennis]

You do also realise you are making a massive assumption. The advert doesn't mention the parents gender or if one of said parents even gave birth (think adoption or surrogate).

Dude almost nobody has a surrogate. Why would anyone want to assume that?

[Mormolyce]

Breastfeeding can be better in extreme early months at warding off infection, due to the mother's antibodies passing to the child via breastmilk. Most important to this is colostrum, which is an extremely thick form of breastmilk that is only produced for a few days to a week at most following birth.

Formula can be detrimental to some babies due to the presence of lactose, which is more difficult to digest for babies than human breastmilk. Soy-based and other very low-lactose formulas exist to alleviate this issue.

Aside from those two factors, it is entirely personal preference.

Source: I have two children, both partially breast fed until my wife couldn't deal with it anymore, and that is the information provided to us by two different hospitals, 3 different lactation consultants, a dozen pediatricians, and a half dozen pediatric nurses.

Furthermore - the most important thing to early childhood development is a caring and nurturing relationship between parents and child. For the many, MANY women for whom breastfeeding is exceedingly difficult, painful, or impossible, the depression and resentment that result from forcing breastfeeding when it isn't really working, not to mention malnourishment of the child, is far worse than any of the supposed negative consequences of formula.

We should absolutely support women who choose to breastfeed. We should absolutely support women who choose to formula feed. There is zero reason for anyone who doesn't have a personal relationship with the children and/or breasts in question to have any opinion whatsoever.

I know this information is passed on by professionals a lot, but it's actually not particularly well established in the literature.

[Deleted]

I dont get why people would want kids to begin with. Guess handing the problem to someone else is a good solution tho.

[SL1200]

But most of the time they wouldn't have to if they were frugal with just one parent working, but nooooooooo, they have to have their full cable TV package, a newer SUV made in the last 3 years, and a house bigger than they need. Then they want to eat out often because they are too lazy to cook, and they hire landscapers to mow their grass because they are lazy, etc...

You're making a lot of assumptions.

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I dont get why people would want kids to begin with. Guess handing the problem to someone else is a good solution tho.

Most rewarding thing that I have done in my life was having kids.

[Deleted]

Most rewarding thing that I have done in my life was having kids.

Did you always know you wanted them, or did it come later? Im 29, and I have absolutely no desire to have kids.

[Growel]

Why couldn't they? Half the time they're probably going to be sitting around while the 1 year old sleeps.

Have you ever cared for a 1 year old? One of the most stressful working days of my life was working from home while caring for my almost 1 year old. I was failing at my job and childcare at the same time. This notion that 1 year olds are "easy" because they sleep all day long... is bullshit. They are VERY needy.

[Zuben]

Can't blame people for wanting it all.

[SL1200]

Did you always know you wanted them, or did it come later? Im 29, and I have absolutely no desire to have kids.

No, I would have never had kids if my ex wife didn't decide she wanted them. We had agreed before marriage that we wouldn't have children, but she changed her mind. We were married at that point for 5 years.

[Bigbazz]

Those parents are having a laugh, the pay should be 2-3x that or more for the amount of work (physical and emotional) that is being asked. Raise our kids for less than minimum wage is what they are asking, hilarious.

[Tennis]

Those parents are having a laugh, the pay should be 2-3x that or more for the amount of work (physical and emotional) that is being asked. Raise our kids for less than minimum wage is what they are asking, hilarious.

Assuming they get someone to do their job. I wonder what their backup plan is.

[Mad_Murdock]

Those parents are having a laugh, the pay should be 2-3x that or more for the amount of work (physical and emotional) that is being asked. Raise our kids for less than minimum wage is what they are asking, hilarious.

Not sure about 2-3x, Payscale says the average pay for a Nanny is around $15 an hour (obviously varies by location)

https://www.payscale.com/research/US...ny/Hourly_Rate

Assuming they get someone to do their job. I wonder what their backup plan is.

Most likely doing daycare, which cost about $50 a day per child in most areas. So getting a Nanny would be the overall cheaper direction

[Jonnusthegreat]

If you make $100 per hour, this is the obvious choice. There are PLENTY of very good people (perhaps better than yourself) that need a job like this.

[Biged781]

I don't see a problem with having children in day care 40 hours a week.

The alternative is having one parent at home taking care of the kids, which is unfair to almost everyone involved. The parent who stays home with the kids gives up their career and their future career, the one who works deserves to spend just as much time with the kids as the other parent, the kids deserve to see and interact with both parents equally.

Yes, it's not ideal having kids taken care of by "stranger", but the alternative is worse in my opinion.

Ideal would be that each parent works 2.5 days per week, but that's not enough to support a family. Both parents working sets a good example.

Placing your kid(s) in day care for 40 hours a week is _worse_ than spending that time with a parent... I don't even know what to say to you. You sound like a child, and you definitely don't have children (or maybe you're justifying putting your own in day care?)

Being able to have a parent home with a child is beneficial for _everyone_ involved. It's better for the child, and it's a few years of time you'll never get back once the child grows up. You talk about raising a child as if it's a job. It's not.

My wife stayed home with our child for his first three years. She wouldn't trade those three years for anything, and certainly not for three years of work. Yes, I had to work because my job supports us, but there's nothing "unfair" about that; it's just how it is. Life doesn't give a shit about "fair", and you should stop thinking in those terms. I am so glad my wife was able to raise our child.