Dating is more toxic and depowering than WoW

[EyelessCrow]

Reading this reaffirms my delight at having been married for over a decade and together for nearly 14 years. Seems like a major hassle now a days. Met my wife at a bar, she looked cute, asked her if I could buy her a drink and we’ve been together ever since, that was in early 2005.

People keep telling me bars are terrible, it's mostly all I have where I am at. I keep thinking I am not the only one here who thinks it is the best of a bad situation. I just keep going and I get numbers but I never hear back when I call. Friend went with me once and she told me they were just looking for a hookup, all my guy friends are just like "duuuude hit that, that's how it starts..." I used to be really heavy. I've lost a lot of fat and put on a lot of muscle. This is all new to me lol. I just want a cool girl I can be with...one night stands aren't my thing.

[Linkedblade]

Ain't about me, I'm happily married.

But thanks for reinforcing the point! Lots of people are obsessed with who has how much money, but societal status and sexual well-being are both "yeah, tough shit you stupid incel!" situations.

You in the second person....

[chubbybunny]

It's easy to get a date.... just ask them if this Tissue smells of chloroform...

[Player Twelve]

Your whole shtick in every post is "LOOK AT ME! I'M A TALL GURRRRRL!" You just have to find every topic that you can bring your height into. No one cares about your height except yourself.

I responded to this post:

No thank you, I am very happy in my long term relationship. I am just stating that that guy is right. Some have way to high expectations about their SO in spe while not offering much themselfs.

Its like that short guy problem. Small girls like tall boys. Tall girls like tall boys, where does that leave the small boy?

And that triggers you? That's hilarious.

[sarahtasher]

I literally don't believe you. For this to be true, your rating system has to just be completely, utterly broken. It actually would be convenient for literally everyone to seem beautiful though.

Occam Razor. If the OP is so successful with ''hot wumin' (read, submissive beach volleyball players willing to do threesomes, who obey like dogs and who are fitting every anime doormat fantasy of the OP) why he is braggging about it to perfect strangers online ?

[msdos]

This thread is full of fallacy, cliches, memes and general stereotypes. I regret reading it. I regret ever wandering into Gen off-top... >,<

[Player Twelve]

I literally don't believe you. For this to be true, your rating system has to just be completely, utterly broken. It actually would be convenient for literally everyone to seem beautiful though.

Anyone that looks his way is a 10/10 by virtue of paying attention to him I guess.

[Radaney]

Hey, I recently met a Korean Girl who moved to the UK. Who asked me for dating advice. She's been here for three months.

Fresh slate, no Facebook, no Instagram. I did suggest she make them though.

She's been on a couple of dates she said was decent and has made a lot of friends.

Here's how;

I brought her to a gaming cafe because she likes gaming and she met people.

I brought her to a local drawing event because she likes drawing and she met people.

We've been out a few weekends and went to bars and a club and met people.

She met me, and met people I know which means she meets more people as the cycle continues.

She will be going to a gaming convention this weekend, she joined a facebook group about it and will be meeting people from it.

So basically as long as you actually do something with your life (basically have an actual life), have hobbies and meet people through them you will find a date. Sitting on your computer all day is not an effective way to go about it. It can be difficult to socialise in modern games because of matchmaking, e-dating isn't extremely common. Having social media isn't required at all, as you can you know... physically meet people by having a social life.

Getting dates is easy, dates can be both good and bad for sure but all you can do is keep trying. Actually having a life and being social is the absolute no brainer to having a successful dating life.

I mean obviously having no hobbies or interests (thus being a boring person), not engaging with other people through those hobbies, not going out physically socialising then well yeh you're not going to successful dating. I mean isn't that super obvious?

[Player Twelve]

People keep telling me bars are terrible, it's mostly all I have where I am at. I keep thinking I am not the only one here who thinks it is the best of a bad situation. I just keep going and I get numbers but I never hear back when I call. Friend went with me once and she told me they were just looking for a hookup, all my guy friends are just like "duuuude hit that, that's how it starts..." I used to be really heavy. I've lost a lot of fat and put on a lot of muscle. This is all new to me lol. I just want a cool girl I can be with...one night stands aren't my thing.

Bars are terrible, I met my boyfriend through Badoo, can recommend that page. Although, depending on where you live it's a hit or miss to use dating pages, since some areas could be so far away from other places and scarcely populated that there's nobody of any interest on dating pages that are anywhere close to you lol.

[Spectral]

Given that other people are clearly having a great time, have you considered that maybe it's not everyone else's fault that you're not getting laid and you just need to work on your personality, your looks, or preferably both?

There's no conspiracy. Nothing unfair going on here. People just aren't attracted to woefully uninteresting dudes who spend more time complaining about how unfair their lot in life is, then actually doing something about it. I'm not saying that everyone is on an even playing field as far as looks, charisma, mental health, or whatever else you want to throw in there, but I really have absolutely no sympathy for your situation when you're not trying to move in a positive direction.

Do you feel more or less the same way about poor people? That they should look around, notice that other people seem to make money just fine, and work harder to become more competent and appealing? If so, I appreciate the consistency. If not, one wonders why.

[exochaft]

@Wilfire I've been in the same relationship for the past 4 1/2 years (will be 5 years in October) and I've never ran into the problems with finding someone to date when I wanted to & I'm not what I would consider to be "a catch" either. Sure I have my own car & income & previously had my own place (currently living with the in-laws while we're both going to school) but I'm overweight and just "ok" looking. Then you can factor in the whole "I'm gay" thing which means I'm in a dating pool that is more shallow than the hetro dating pool. I just haven't had issues finding dates when I wanted them. Before I got with my current, I went on a few dates where we didn't click (I actually had this guy who used a pic that was 10 years old when he had hair while today he's majorly balding & had chola eyebrows tell me that I was too feminine for him & didn't look like my pic even though my pic was taken literally a month before he saw it) but most of the time that was after we had met for coffee and just didn't click.

I think what your problem is when it comes to dating is that you're a 6 or 7 and under-employed/living with the parents and trying to date these chicks that are 9's and 10's who have their own place and own careers already. If you tried dating within your social status you'd find that you would probably have better luck.

While I described the general tendencies of men and women with respect to the social atmosphere in previous posts, you demonstrate another aspect that's important: accepting failure and move on. I know many people dream of finding the perfect person of their dreams on their first try or at all, but the reality is the chances are really rare. Chances are it'll take many attempts at relationships before you find what you want, regardless of sex or orientation. However, there's a prevalent mentality where 'everyone wins', typically seen in sports but reinforced in many other aspects (especially with kids, I see it with my own kid at his school often). While I don't think it's the sole cause, I don't think it helps either when it comes to relationship expectations and the general social atmosphere. If one cannot accept that they won't always win and aren't entitled to everything they can think of without work, they'll become miserable and likely spiteful towards everyone and everything when they don't always win, especially on the dating scene. Instead of focusing on what they can do personally to do better next time, it's the fault of everyone else or the system.

I've been married for about 13 years now, but my wife wasn't my first interest, not by a long shot. Before my current wife, I had dated many people over many years, and I was even engaged once before. While I could say some relationships landed in my lap, others I had to put in quite a bit of effort to start. Even then, things don't always work out as you expect, anything from your compatibility doesn't last to even loss of life... but understanding that I can move on and/or try harder the next time was paramount to getting to my current marriage.

[msdos]

Do you feel more or less the same way about poor people? That they should look around, notice that other people seem to make money just fine, and work harder to become more competent and appealing? If so, I appreciate the consistency. If not, one wonders why.

It's selective empathy and it's really phony. Also, everyone assumes you aren't trying. It's basically cognitive dissonance, you could parallel all of it with poor people, because the cognitive dissonance used is the same, "oh they must be homeless because of something that's their fault! yeah, that's it!" Makes you exempt of all responsibility. I don't even think people realize they're doing it, something programmed them to act that way, probably Hollywood.

[therealbowser]

The older you get the worse it is too , like 95% single mothers, who just want a free ride

Uh, what? Just because they are a single mother doesn't mean they want a free ride. Some of them may be looking for a father for their children, but most are just like any other person; they just want companionship.

And as far as statistics go, that's ridiculously high. I mean, maybe that's the type of woman you run into 95% of the time in your own experience, but that is saying more about you than anything else. And I mean no offense, it's more like the type of personality one might find attracting than any kind of swing at your character. I'm just sayin' though.

[Mlz]

It's selective empathy and it's really phony. Also, everyone assumes you aren't trying. It's basically cognitive dissonance, you could parallel all of it with poor people, because the cognitive dissonance used is the same, "oh they must be homeless because of something that's their fault! yeah, that's it!" Makes you exempt of all responsibility. I don't even think people realize they're doing it, something programmed them to act that way, probably Hollywood.

Out of curiosity, what do the likes of you suggest to solve the 'problem' of incels? Free pussy on demand subsidised by the governent?

[therealbowser]

WoW in 2005: Thottbot and go. Read up a class guide on the official forums, know your stat priority, be 60 and you're good to go for raiding / PvP / dungeons.
WoW in 2018: raider.io score, 2.4k+ arena achievements, simcraft or bust, Warcraft Logs, WoWProgress. You can vet someone harder than Trump vets Mexican "bad hombres" coming into the USA.

Dating before the internet: this person looks cool, maybe we could date.
Dating now: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tinder, Grindr, bazillion PUA guides, looks maxing. People are so used to seeing hardcore daters posting 10/10 smexy pics that casual daters look like ugly mofos to them.

Why can we recognize that gaming communities are toxic and that you should be able to play without having to meet a billion arbitrary requirements but when it comes to dating everything is fine and dandy? Hardcore daters are just as toxic as LoL "mid or feeders" and inceldom is not much different from ELO hell.

Give casual daters a chance.

On topic, I don't really have much of an opinion on dating. I admit that I am currently avoiding serious relationships because I want to get my life in order (IE finish college, etc), but it's not like I'm against dating. Relationships are always going to be complicated, but I wouldn't say that automatically makes them toxic.

To be honest, and I mean no offense, it sounds like you're intimidated by social networking in regards to dating. I'll put it bluntly; fuck social networking. At least in regards to this topic. Attraction is important, but people aren't necessarily looking for perfection, hell some people aren't even necessarily attracted to 'perfect' people; I know I'm not.

You can't compare WoW with Dating, (or Trump with any of this, seriously wat? Why does Trump have to be brought up in every single topic, lol) it simply isn't the same scenario. It isn't like you're 'trying to min/max', dating is about finding someone who is right for you, and someone who you would be right for. Initial attraction is important, but what's perfect to someone else may not match what you think it does.

One way or another, you have a ~0% chance of finding anyone unless you put yourself out there, and that is by far going to be the hardest part. To quote that overused line, just be yourself. It's not to say it will improve your odds of finding any given person, but it will improve the odds of finding someone you could actually live with. (By be yourself, I don't mean just do watever, though. Take it seriously, but don't try to pretend to be something you aren't. That's just a recipe for disaster in the long term.)

That's just my two cents, though. There are plenty of valid opinions on the topic and most of them are probably covered in this thread; this is just my take on it.

[Spectral]

So you seem to have totally missed the part where I made exception for factors over which you have no control. Of course I'm not denying that privelege in any context will always play a role; that said, there is a stark contrast between accepting the existence of privilege, and using it as a crutch.

Is it fair that some people are poor through no fault of their own? Of course not. Do you increase the odds of improving your situation by taking action rather than bitching about it? Absolutely.

I accept that some people have a harder time than others when it comes to dating. I've experienced it myself at times. I can say with 100% certainty that complete inaction has never once led to me meeting a person whose company I enjoyed, and who enjoyed mine. I acknowledge the imbalance, and if it is the inequity itself which concerns somebody, then that's an entirely reasonable position. Irrespective, there are innumerable things that person A might find more challenging than person B; should that serve as an excuse to give up entirely? Of course not. Just because we're not the best at everything doesn't mean that we shouldn't try.

This isn't some weird, neoliberal, bookshelf full of Ayn Rand books point that I'm making here. All I'm saying is complain all you like, but at least put a bit of effort in to actively working on yourself while you do it.

*shrug*

I don't disagree. Many things in people's lives are well within people's control. Expanding one's locus of control will tend to result in better outcomes than blaming external factors for everything, even though that won't actually result in being able to control everything. I just find it interesting that there's a pretty big chunk of society (not you!) that seem to think that incels should mostly be targets of derision and poor people should mostly sympathetic figures. From my perspective, there's a lot of overlap in extent of personal responsibility.

[msdos]

That's a cool assumption about my character man. My point was, quite specifically, directed at people who literally are not trying. Some people are. Good for them, it sucks that it's not working out and I feel for them.

You started your post with "sadboys" then what followed was a lecture about how people aren't entitled to blah blah blah. So your post is directed at more than just people "not trying" and it's pretty obvious.
Asserting that people feel entitled to other people's time is a meme. You're allowed to get upset and complain, it doesn't mean you feel entitled, you have no proof that someone ever felt entitled to anything, you're shotgunning out a lecture derived from an internet meme and you know it.

- - - Updated - - -

Out of curiosity, what do the likes of you suggest to solve the 'problem' of incels? Free pussy on demand subsidised by the governent?

Stop talking about it, that's what I would do. Try to be friends with them, try to get them laid. Stop cracking down on paying for sex via government intervention for starters?
I dunno, one moment sex is no big deal, but the moment people want to pay for it it becomes a problem.

[Akibaboy]

When I was dating about 4 years ago women would stop talking to me when I told them I did not have facebook. I must have been trying to cheat because I didn't have one, that is what one woman told me.

Dating sites are hilarious too, woman are like "I'm pregnant and have 4 kids , i want a man to take care of me and love and spoil me" Like yikes no thanks you're spoiled goods.

The older you get the worse it is too , like 95% single mothers, who just want a free ride

If you have a good job, and 5/10 looks... your age pre-50 is largely irrelevant. Contrary to the r/incel forums' beliefs, a lot of women just don't want a man they have to be a surrogate mother for.

If you have your life together, know how to maintain your appearance to a normal degree, have an unoffensive pad to go back to... all is well. Of the women I dated via tinder / okcupid in their 20s and 30s, maybe a third of them had a kid, and none of them were looking for a free ticket - they already had jobs: nurse, teacher, insurance agent, photographer... they all had careers and took care of their own life / kids' life just fine without me.

The problem I see from my friends, particularly gamer friends, is that they all look at the hot girls in the bikini selfie on the dating apps and think that because that's what they're attracted to, that's what they deserve... ignoring the hordes or perfectly attractive, normal women in the mix. Meanwhile, these types of guys are working part time at a vape shop or Subway, living in a rundown apartment with 4 other douches, and are wearing the same shirt for 2002 that's 2 sizes too big. If a guy can't take the time to care about himself, why should women have to care about them?

Sure, there are few bad eggs and crazies out there... but that's the point of dating in the first place. Build those experiences and learn what you like and what's not a good fit for your life.

[msdos]

If you have a good job, and 5/10 looks... your age pre-50 is largely irrelevant. Contrary to the r/incel forums' beliefs, a lot of women just don't want a man they have to be a surrogate mother for.

If you have your life together, know how to maintain your appearance to a normal degree, have an unoffensive pad to go back to... all is well. Of the women I dated via tinder / okcupid in their 20s and 30s, maybe a third of them had a kid, and none of them were looking for a free ticket - they already had jobs: nurse, teacher, insurance agent, photographer... they all had careers and took care of their own life / kids' life just fine without me.

The problem I see from my friends, particularly gamer friends, is that they all look at the hot girls in the bikini selfie on the dating apps and think that because that's what they're attracted to, that's what they deserve... ignoring the hordes or perfectly attractive, normal women in the mix. Meanwhile, these types of guys are working part time at a vape shop or Subway, living in a rundown apartment with 4 other douches, and are wearing the same shirt for 2002 that's 2 sizes too big. If a guy can't take the time to care about himself, why should women have to care about them?

Sure, there are few bad eggs and crazies out there... but that's the point of dating in the first place. Build those experiences and learn what you like and what's not a good fit for your life.

Why not just say "poor people aren't eligible to be dating or having sex"? That's essentially all you said.
All the women you meet are hard working and accomplished and your gamer friends are human filth that wear clothes from 2002? Wow, good to know.

[EyelessCrow]

Bars are terrible, I met my boyfriend through Badoo, can recommend that page. Although, depending on where you live it's a hit or miss to use dating pages, since some areas could be so far away from other places and scarcely populated that there's nobody of any interest on dating pages that are anywhere close to you lol.

I live three hours from Seattle, I don't get much interest. The only girls that I seem to talk to are girls that just up and send me nudes before I even meet them...which is one of those "they are doing this with every other guy they are talking to as well". I always get told "I just have a bunch of pics on my phone, nobody has seen them but you"....riiiiiiight I usually take pics of my junk for the hell of it too! If I wanted girls like that. It's easy but I don't, but majority of girls aren't interested in driving three hours for a relationship. I kinda get it I guess. Bars/casino and hiking are the only ways I know to meet people here. Or I go to trivia nights and those paint and drink things. Lots of girls at those lol.