When is it a good idea to move in with significant other or friend?

[Doctor Amadeus]

So as the title says, what I am basically trying to get to is your experience with the title question. Are there any specific benchmarks you look for in a relationship before you even attempt living together, or is it in general never a good idea unless _________.


When is it a good idea to move in with significant other or friend?


Follow up

Any do's and don't?

Should significant others share the same bathroom ?

[Rotted]

Move in with a SO when you both feel comfortable with each aspect of your life's. From sharing a bathroom to work schedules to food shopping.

Never move in with your best friend.

[oplawlz]

Move in with a SO when you both feel comfortable with each aspect of your life's. From sharing a bathroom to work schedules to food shopping.

Never move in with your best friend.

Sums it up nicely.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Move in with a SO when you both feel comfortable with each aspect of your life's. From sharing a bathroom to work schedules to food shopping.

Never move in with your best friend.

Is it better to have a place where you and your SO can find your own space alone?

Why never move in with a best friend?

I have heard that before, but I am curious why living with a best friend is different.

[Antiganon]

Are you spending more time at their place than your own (or vice versa)?
Do you already keep a bunch of your stuff (clothing, toothbrush, phone chargers, etc) at their place?
When you spend the night at their place, are you happy about waking up to them the following morning?
Is this a person you want to be in a long term relationship with, in perpetuity? (Discussing the desire for a long term relationship, not whether or not it works out in the end).

If you have at least 3 Yes answers to those questions, and it is something you are seriously considering, you can probably pull the trigger. Pragmatically, sublet or rent out your current apartment/house rather than immediately selling, that way you aren't homeless if it all goes sideways.

- - - Updated - - -

And to add, as a happily married man:

If you can take a shit while your SO is in the shower, and you can carry on a conversation about something completely unrelated, you are probably ready to live together.

[Seirith]

If you can take a shit while your SO is in the shower, and you can carry on a conversation about something completely unrelated, you are probably ready to live together.

Hubby and I have been together 20 years and married 12 years and I do not understand people who take a shower while their SO uses the bathroom. I know everyone goes to the bathroom but I want my privacy, so does my husband. So glad we have multiple bathrooms in our house but even when we didn't, one person in the bathroom at a time, only exception is showering together.

[Oakshana]

It varies in every relationship. My ex-wife and I date for about 6 months before we talked about moving in together. My next major relationship it was about two years. My current girlfriend and I were pretty much attached to the hip from day one. Which is HIGHLY unusual. But it's probably the healthiest relationship i've ever been in and it's two years strong now.

You want to make sure you spend a fair amount of time in a shared space before moving in together though. Get to know their nuances. Also, never move in with someone if you've never seen their current living space. That might put a huge kink in plans if they turn out to be very messy or not very cleanly.

[Celestial476]

I would say most of all things serious (Moving in, marriage, etc) that concern a significant other should really only be thought of after the two year mark. That is a good measure of time to really get the other felt out and is usually that peak part of a relationship knowing if you really still feel the same with the other. Of course that being said moving in really opens up a new can of worms and no matter what you will find things about the other that you really don't like, it happens because nobody is perfect.

Moving in with a best friend is extremely ill-advised because then both parties tend to get very very bitter towards one another after awhile.

Further more, when it comes to living with a significant other if you can't handle being in the shower while the other uses the restroom, then you're just not ready.

[Antiganon]

Hubby and I have been together 20 years and married 12 years and I do not understand people who take a shower while their SO uses the bathroom. I know everyone goes to the bathroom but I want my privacy, so does my husband. So glad we have multiple bathrooms in our house but even when we didn't, one person in the bathroom at a time, only exception is showering together.

It is a necessity when you live in a place with one bathroom.

We are moving to a place with 3 bathrooms within the week, so that will no longer be necessary for us, but we can do it and be comfortable - that was the idea I was trying to project, the idea of being comfortable with each other even in the most inherently uncomfortable situations.

[Deleted]

When neither of you is uncomfortable with hearing your SO rip a trumpet fart from the crapper three rooms over.

[Rotted]

Is it better to have a place where you and your SO can find your own space alone?

Why never move in with a best friend?

I have heard that before, but I am curious why living with a best friend is different.

With my SO we had a small rented property, but it did have three rooms. Generally we spent our time together either in the kitchen or bedroom. But once she de cluttered the smallest bedroom turned into my office space (The other bedroom was being rented out). I think we were kind of backwards, our problems in the relationship started when I got my office, opposed to us both being under each others feet constantly.

As for best friend. Just prior to the above I moved in with mine for both our last year at university, it was by far the worst living arrangements I had during university. Multiple issues arised during that time so I'll try to keep this TLDR.

1) We started out doing joint shopping which worked out cheaper but shopping trips were more frequent. Now I worked away half the week and came back for the end of the week so I couldn't work out why the food was dropping so quick. Turned out he was cooking things like steak or pizza for breakfast at 6am.

2) In relation to the above, we also included our beer in the joint shopping with a unspoken agreement that we only drink from the shared stock togeather, unless it was a cheeky one and the shop was closed. You know, if one just takes your fancy have it. He was clearing through a case of 24 cans (+ his own supply) before I even got back to the flat towards the end of the week.

3) fast forward a few weeks from the above, I was back full time and now he was working nights. I used to cook him a meal as he'd get in around 4am. This suited me fine, but some nights I'd make it and not be hungry afterwards. So I'd put both portions in the fridge on different plates. He'd eat his at night then the next morning mine as breakfast.

4) His bathroom habits were disgusting. He'd flush without checking (this is a big no no since we both have Crohns Disease). He'd also insist on leaving the bathroom door open afterwards. I wouldn't care but it was a small flat and that bathroom door was adjacent to our kitchen.

5) He got dumped and became a snivelling wreck from it. Hit the beer harder than he currently was and would spend every night sleeping on the sofa. His reasoning was "The bedroom and bed reminded him to much of her". Needless to say the lounge (and consequently the kitchen) reeked of BO constantly. He wasn't unhygienic like that, but given it was a hot property and small room.

6) Potentially the biggest fuck you he pulled on me. He had two jobs and a third one as security lined up, he knew I'd spent a good couple of weeks over at the pub (literally 10 second walk from my room) in hopes of getting a job. One night I decided it was the night to ask. So we head over, have a couple of pints and decide to stay for more. At which point I run back to the flat, turn off the oven and run back over. In that short time he went up to the bar and secured himself a job. Royally fucked me over.

7) in relation to the top, the pub owners (after tasting my food a few times) decided they wanted to give me a job working the kitchen solo (Up until this point they didn't do food). The only condition was I'd have to be able to do the bar as well, as some nights they'd want just one person working because of costs etc. So before asking me, the owners asked my friend to which he told them "He's not ideal, he has 0 social skills and 0 customer interactions skills". So they decided against it, fair enough you might say. Except my friend conveniently left out for the last 10 years my summer work as been managing three retail shops in a seasonal town, managing a coffee shop for 4 years before that and for a lot of both time periods running my own martial arts classes. As far as customer interactions and sociability go, I'm pretty dammed good and have it covered.

8) He liked to interfere in my relationship. Now he got on with my SO and me just fine, but each of us might have confidential talks with him, possibly about the other for advice. Me and the SO had started arguing from time to time and while living with him these arguments increased in frequency. One night it was on the verge of a breakup and we'd had a couple of drinks before. That's when she yelled something about my flat mate and something I said to him, that something was twisted compared to what I actually said. Turned out just about everything one of us said to him about the other, he'd run off to tell the other one a twisted, manipulated version. Once we clicked what was going on, we started intentionally telling him stuff to test it. Lo and behold we were right. We stopped talking to him about relationship stuff and our relationship rapidly recovered and got back where it was. It amazed me how bigger impact something like gossiping could have.

Those are the top 8 off the top of my head, I could probably list more if needed.

Another general example, but this one was from my SOs point of view. Two summers ago, I spent as much time as physically possible working, I just told her I strung up a massive Overdraft without noticing and needed to clear it. What I was actually doing was paying off my credit card because I booked her in to go shark diving and a hotel for the weekend. All expenses covered. The only problem I had was needing a cat sitter. The ideal choice was her / our room mate (the one renting that room I mentioned). She gladly said yes to me on facebook, within 30 seconds she was gossiping to my SO and blurted out to her "How awesome would shark diving be". Needless to say my SO worked it out instantly and ofc the surprise ruined. Fast forward to that actual weekend, we had just arrived at the location and had a text from her friend. "Sorry I forgot you were away all weekend, I went to see my boyfriend instead so youll have to come back for the cats". So we had to go home straight away the next day straight after the dive. Some friend. I wouldn't mind but she drove off to see this boyfriend every single weekend, missed 90% of her lectures to stay until Wednesday, came home for two and would leave again friday. Needless to say I went ape shit about it, the weekend cost just short of 800 gbp most of which was wasted.

Another general example back to me, not so much my best friend but someone I got good friends with in my 2nd year. He was filthy how he lived. The last straw with that one was, him leaving black bin bags on the kitchen floor for so long, they had maggots underneath.

And those examples is why I'll never, ever move in anyone again

[PhantasmagoriaX]

My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship but I eventually moved in with him, at the time it was a one bedroom one bath and it wasnt to bad, I would say the only negative was that the apartment was small and our livingroom/computer area was packed! We are in a 2bedroom/2bath now and its great! he can shit in the spare bathroom while i shower in the master bathroom.

As for sharing a bathroom, we had no problems at all with it but now we have double sinks and mine is covered in makeup/hair products and his is tidy lol


Many years ago I lived with my then boyfriend and his bestfriend and that was terrible...his bestfriend was literally schizophrenic and eventually bailed on us but that was a blessing in disguise. After all that I refuse to have any roommates (except boyfriends obv.)

[Lochton]

Would say the answer is down to, if both sides are ready for it. One shouldn't be forced.

[A Chozo]

I... don't know how some people have this many problems with moving in with your partner. Don't people get to know eachother first before doing this stuff? I mean, I know my GF's habits, necessities, etc. And I would've never moved together if we didn't match.

Move in when you two trust eachother in a meaningfull way... or if you really need to.

[Antiganon]

I... don't know how some people have this many problems with moving in with your partner. Don't people get to know eachother first before doing this stuff? I mean, I know my GF's habits, necessities, etc. And I would've never moved together if we didn't match.

Move in when you two trust eachother in a meaningfull way... or if you really need to.

A lot of people look at moving in with the SO as something that they are supposed to do after a certain amount of time, or wind up doing it out of necessity. Either of those reasons are generally not good ones to live with somebody.

Like if you can't afford a place to live on your own, and you need a roommate, you are probably better off finding a rando to split an apartment with, with clearly defined boundaries and rules about how the apartment is to be kept, and clear consequences for violations, as opposed to an ephemeral SO or friend relationship with no defined boundaries where nobody ever complains about little things and everything just gets swept under the rug until it blows up later. I've seen it happen with dozens of friends over the years.

My wife and I made it work because we were basically living together long before we were living together - we were around each other almost constantly, well acquainted with each other's bad habits and pet peeves long before we were actually living under the same roof, and we knew that we were incredibly comfortable around one another. When issues came up (and they will ALWAYS come up), we knew how to handle them, because we had already done it in smaller scale when the stakes were nonexistent.

We have been together since fall 2007, "living together" (i.e. we had separate addresses but she was always at my place or vice versa) since spring 2009, living together on our own since 2013, married since 2014, and we now have two kids.

[the game]

When the internet tells you it's time.

[Seirith]

It is a necessity when you live in a place with one bathroom.

We are moving to a place with 3 bathrooms within the week, so that will no longer be necessary for us, but we can do it and be comfortable - that was the idea I was trying to project, the idea of being comfortable with each other even in the most inherently uncomfortable situations.

Husband and I lived in a place with 1 bathroom for a year, never once was he in the bathroom when I was using the toilet or vice versa. Will never happen unless I am on the toilet and have a heart attack or something like that. Some things are best left without an audience.

[The Stormbringer]

Always live alone. Like me. :')

[Antiganon]

Husband and I lived in a place with 1 bathroom for a year, never once was he in the bathroom when I was using the toilet or vice versa. Will never happen unless I am on the toilet and have a heart attack or something like that. Some things are best left without an audience.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

If my wife is in the shower, and I am experiencing some digestive distress, my only other option is to find a bucket.

[Deleted]

There are some $ benefits to move together. But always keep some privacy. Nothing worse when you are on each other all day long. Same why working in same job close to each other works rarely out.