Do you think its possible for men and women to just be friends?

[PC2]

It doesn't make the OP's question more complicated. It is pretty simple.

"Can you just be friends with a person you're also attracted to" is the root question.

Okay but if you're physically attracted to your "friend" then it seems like you can't truly be "just friends". You can have a functional relationship with that person but it won't truly be the same as a friendship that purely involves platonic attraction.

[Themius]

Okay but if you're physically attracted to your "friend" then it seems like you can't truly be "just friends". You can have a functional relationship with that person but it won't truly be the same as a friendship that purely involves platonic attraction.

I don't see why that can't be the case.

[Elegiac]

I don't know how it works but my point is there could be some kind of asymmetry in terms of men/women and straight/gay people that complicates the analogy.

So you decided to hetsplain instead.

The problem of "can men and women be friends" is pretty exclusive to straight men in the West because other social groups are generally better socialized to be able to express intimacy in nonromantic ways. In most cases, for straight men, there are exactly two avenues for emotional expression that are considered socially acceptable - violence, or romance.

There's also the societal assumption that two people of the opposite sex in proximity are necessarily involved. Something that's projected onto even very young kids.

[PC2]

So you decided to hetsplain instead.

I don't care if something is a hetsplanation or a mansplanation as long as it's a good explanation.

The problem of "can men and women be friends" is pretty exclusive to straight men in the West

It's okay we can speak for everyone.

because other social groups are generally better socialized to be able to express intimacy in nonromantic ways. In most cases, for straight men, there are exactly two avenues for emotional expression that are considered socially acceptable - violence, or romance.

It shouldn't be that way though. If a single straight guy has a physically attractive female friend their goal should be romance.

[Elegiac]

If a single guy has a physically attractive female friend their goal should be romance.

And why's that? Should my goal be romance with all my attractive male friends given that, again, I happen to be queer? You can see how untenable this line of thinking is once you actually go beyond the narrow prescriptions of modern western intersexual relationships.

Notice how the relationship status of the woman isn't mentioned, nor the attractiveness of the man. Fairly telling as to exactly where your line of thinking leads.

[freezion]

If a single straight guy has a physically attractive female friend their goal should be romance.

This is probably one of the most reptilian approaches i've seen to interpersonal relationships. it's honestly close to pick-up artist level. ''is he/she hot? well im gun slam''

there's plenty of reasons why people don't strive for a sexual relations with every personal they deem physically attractive.
If even the slightest physical attraction to a person weights higher than any other emotional or ethical relationships/bonds its kindda sad.

[PC2]

This is probably one of the most reptilian approaches i've seen to interpersonal relationships. it's honestly close to pick-up artist level. ''is he/she hot? well im gun slam''

there's plenty of reasons why people don't strive for a sexual relations with every personal they deem physically attractive.
If even the slightest physical attraction to a person weights higher than any other emotional or ethical relationships/factors it's kindda sad.

Okay but I'm not saying straight single guys should seek sex from "every" attractive female friend but only the most attractive ones. If they are unavailable then obviously you forget about that, but if something is available then why not take it. There can't be too much of a good thing.

[Darkeon]

Possible yet unlikely.
Usually leads to something more as there is almost always feelings involved from one person, or even both. Usually caughts off-guard the person that starts to think "Oh wow, it's actually possible to be just friends!".

So yeah, beware if your missus starts hanging out with her very straight male friend - or the equivalent.

[freezion]

Okay but I'm not saying straight single guys should seek sex from "every" attractive female friend but only the most attractive ones. If they are unavailable then obviously you forget about that, but if something is available then why not take it. There can't be too much of a good thing.

And my counterquestion is why should you?

The presence of an emotionial relationship can be exactly what is the difference between if the chance is available or not; people weight the other benefits of the friendship higher than that of the physical needs being met could give.
Let alone that sexdrive and sexual pleasure is an individual thing, and differs from person to person (inb4 theres something wrong with hormonal levels argument).

''Just because you can'' is rarely a good argument.

[Elegiac]

Okay but I'm not saying straight single guys should seek sex from "every" attractive female friend but only the most attractive ones. If they are unavailable then obviously you forget about that, but if something is available then why not take it. There can't be too much of a good thing.

Because this conditions the attitude that by doing the bare minimum men are entitled to reciprocation.

For the record, this is why LGBT people laugh when people complain about things like pride 'shoving it into the open' - straight people sexualise everything, they just have the luxury of it being the default. prahshrug:

- - - Updated - - -

So yeah, beware if your missus starts hanging out with her very straight male friend - or the equivalent.

Policing your partner's friendships is pretty toxic behaviour, just fyi.

[Darkeon]

Policing your partner's friendships is pretty toxic behaviour, just fyi.

It is quite telling in terms of toxic behaviour to straight up read that as someone policing their partner's friendships as opposed to someone finding reason to move on from a relationship, if they deem it to be so.

[Elegiac]

It is quite telling in terms of toxic behaviour to straight up read that as someone policing their partner's friendships as opposed to someone finding reason to move on from a relationship, if they deem it to be so.

Again, this just seems symptomatic of poor communication.

Please do explain how saying 'be suspicious of your girlfriend around other men because women are always inherently on the lookout for greener pastures' isn't some incel level shit?

[Darkeon]

Again, this just seems symptomatic of poor communication.

Please do explain how saying 'be suspicious of your girlfriend around other men because women are always inherently on the lookout for greener pastures' isn't some incel level shit?

The way you read my post does indeed point to some poor communication and/or reading skills. I can only suggest you read it with a cleared head.

[Gaidax]

Yes?

Somehow I don't feel the urge to woo or bang every woman I ever meet and become friends with.

There are sure some edge cases, I'm not some kind of saint, after all. But overall it's not an issue really.

[Revi]

Nearly half of my friends are women, so I'll say yeah.

Of course sexual attraction happens, but you don't need to act on every attraction. As long as everyone acts decently and prioritizes the friendship it's fine.

- - - Updated - - -

Okay but I'm not saying straight single guys should seek sex from "every" attractive female friend but only the most attractive ones. If they are unavailable then obviously you forget about that, but if something is available then why not take it. There can't be too much of a good thing.

This is a weird take.

Why not maintain good friendships, and if you're single try to get your short-term sexual gratification from someone else?

[Mihalik]

My closest friend of 11 years is a woman. She used to be my direct superior where I worked, then she spent a few years working for me, tho we have been fast friends since we met. I'm her son's godfather now.

There has never been anything romantic. I have plenty of female friends with whom I'm friends and friends alone. Have the circumstances been different, sure I probably would have been able to date any of them. I mean, I doubt I would be friends with someone I wouldn't date, when it comes to the opposite gender. But that doesn't actually mean that in our circumstances and interactions there would be anything beyond friendship.

Also, it helps if you set yourself a mental rule of not fucking your friends, even if the opportunity arises, like just don't be a horndog.

[Ashleyxoxo]

Gender thread, in b4 mod.

[Cruor]

If the woman is attractive? No, doesn't matter what anyone here says. Its only natural to want to have sex with someone you find physically and mentally attractive. So no to your question, it's not possible to not be sexually attracted.

Now to a different question: could you resist making a move if she is say, a friends girlfriend and hangs out with you sometimes? Yes.

[Ghostpanther]

Of course. Gheeze.

[XangXu]

Jesus... i mean....

What the fuck?

Yes dude, it’s possible. Be an adult.


What the fuck kind of question is this? Are you a Trump voter?