Parenting traumatizing for children?

[Ashleyxoxo]

I am not a specimen... so the rewards-and-punishment style of parenting is deeply disturbing to me. In fact, the whole thing reeks of archaic methods of subduing people. We do not live in the Dark Ages.

Being denied toys, money, games... sometimes being verbally and even physically abused... it’s no wonder most depressives’ source is bad parenting.

[Lorgar Aurelian]

What exactly are you asking? Is just parenting as a whole traumatizing? No.

Is denying things like toys money and games traumatizing? No.

Is abuse traumatizing? In many cases it can be yes.

[Adam Jensen]

Being denied toys, money, games, is basic discipline.

Is there an argument to be made that parents should sit down and talk with their kids when they act out? Also yes, but sometimes the immediate threat of taking a toy away is needed.

[Advent]

I am not a specimen... so the rewards-and-punishment style of parenting is deeply disturbing to me. In fact, the whole thing reeks of archaic methods of subduing people. We do not live in the Dark Ages.

Being denied toys, money, games... sometimes being verbally and even physically abused... it’s no wonder most depressives’ source is bad parenting.

There's a vast ocean of difference between denying children luxury items as a form of disciplinary punishment, and denying them basic needs like food, clothes and shelter. Recognize that the difference is that one is constructive and meant to teach children lessons in a safe environment, while the other is very widely acknowledged as abuse. The fact that you're conflating physical and verbal abuse with denying children luxury items is quite telling imo.

[Gaidax]

As long as there is no violence involved, it's good.

Yes, children need to learn that in addition to rights, there are also obligations and there are trade-offs and consequences for selfishness and bad behavior. So yes, a kid will survive without pudding, iPad or pocket money if they go way out of the line.

I think at some point the world will wake up and take a step back from all this SJW crap being pushed hard everywhere. Consequences are part of life and coddling is not what happens outside. Child becoming some wallflower completely incapable of facing the world once his off his parents' teat is far worse than denying them a toy over bad behavior.

[Stelio Kontos]

Imagine being a grown-ass man and still being upset mummy and daddy said no to you about something.

[Mitters]

If you give a kid everything and anything without ever saying no, you get soy boy manchildren as a result.

[Daedius]

So zero discipline for kids then? You're no parent if you're not directing a better development of the child... got enough feral youth running amok causing anti-social behaviour because of parens that don't give a shit...

One of the most basic things to be thought are consequences for one's action... it seems you don't want them to learn that? That is incredibly irresponsible parenting if you were...

[Kathandira]

I am not a specimen... so the rewards-and-punishment style of parenting is deeply disturbing to me. In fact, the whole thing reeks of archaic methods of subduing people. We do not live in the Dark Ages.

Being denied toys, money, games... sometimes being verbally and even physically abused... it’s no wonder most depressives’ source is bad parenting.

It is very important to learn the consequences of your actions. You don't do what you are supposed to, you get scolded or punished. I do not agree with physical punishment, but scolding a child or taking away their things is quite basic.

[Dhrizzle]

If you give a kid everything and anything without ever saying no, you get soy boy manchildren as a result.

Or even worse, the sort of person who uses "soy boy" unironically.

- - - Updated - - -

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself."

[Unholyground]

There's always a fine line between discipline and abuse. Some people think taking away toys as a punishment is abuse and those people are called Karen.

[Specialka]

We’ve taken a non-authoritarian approach to raising our daughters. We don’t hit them, and will discuss why they did the things they weren’t supposed to. Usually, a first time “offense” is talked about, we address our concerns, listen to them explain why they did it, and move on. If they do it again, knowing full well they weren’t supposed to, based on our previous discussion about it, we then take away something they value, like their phones and/or Xbox.

We don’t need to punish them often, which I think is due to our approach with them. We like to treat them as adults and people that do actually have choices. I don’t want them to see us as their jailer, or that they can’t talk to us, simply because we’re their parents.

I love that we have such a good relationship with them.

How old are your daughters ? Since you are speaking about Ipod and such, I guess they have 9+, how did you do before, like when they were around 3 and such ? Honest question.

[Coolthulhu]

I am not a specimen... so the rewards-and-punishment style of parenting is deeply disturbing to me. In fact, the whole thing reeks of archaic methods of subduing people. We do not live in the Dark Ages.

Being denied toys, money, games... sometimes being verbally and even physically abused... it’s no wonder most depressives’ source is bad parenting.

What would you suggest instead? Spoiling them? Letting them do whatever they please? Because that's how you raise uncouth good-for-nothings at best and criminals at worst.

[Ghostpanther]

It can be very traumatizing for the parents.

Children, just like adults, need to have some discipline.

[Specialka]

They are 14 and 11 years old.

When they were toddlers I did spank their butts—one swat to get their attention because they couldn’t understand reason—but I started to notice they would flinch at me whenever they thought they were doing something wrong, anticipating the smack, so I decided then and there that I would never again raise my hand to them, even if my initial approach wasn’t causing them any physical pain.

I grew up being hit, and so did my husband, so we thought that was the right way to discipline our children. It’s not, imo, and when I look back on those couple of years that I did it, I feel horrible; I don’t ever want our children to fear us. There are other ways that work, it just takes more time and parenting, but your kids are worth it and they deserve parents that will not take the lazy way out, at their expense.

Thanks for your sharing. I see we are on the boat concerning education and we made the same choices.

[Shadowferal]

I am not a specimen...

And obviously not a parent either.

[Powerogue]

Obviously there's a divide between verbal/physical abuse and being denied things to deter bad behavior.

Something has to be done to shape positive behavior and deter bad behavior. That is the essence of the parent's role in shaping their childrens' lives. The problem is people are really frickin' complicated. But more often than not positive reinforcement and being a good role model is more effective than negative reinforcement.

I still don't particularly hold it against my parents for spanking me when I was too young to be reasoned with. Once I was older and they could just explain their expectations of me, I listened, and things were a lot better in that department.

[Katchii]

I am not a specimen... so the rewards-and-punishment style of parenting is deeply disturbing to me. In fact, the whole thing reeks of archaic methods of subduing people. We do not live in the Dark Ages.

Being denied toys, money, games... sometimes being verbally and even physically abused... it’s no wonder most depressives’ source is bad parenting.

You sound like a petulant child complaining that your phone got taken away because you did something stupid because you were told you did something wrong, and somehow because you disagree with it being "wrong" you consider all of this "abuse."

All of which is the hallmark of an entitled child...acting like an entitled child, which is deserving of this kind of discipline. Fuck you Karen.

[Doctor Amadeus]

Being denied things, because ones own behavior has disallowed for them to participate in activity they enjoy, because they have some how engaged in behavior that others do not is a logical and reasonable punishment.

However I think punishments have to be relatable, and I think it does take time for some lessons to be learned the same way as they might with others who learn different.

[Roxinius]

op do us all a favor and never have children discipline is needed in the development of a child as long as it doesnt cross the line into abuse. taking away toys allowances and things of that nature are no where near abuse