(Preceding segment at http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...-season-Finale for my less-than-avid followers (all of them).)

Interweb Wasteland Part 5: Make it Stop Already!

Doomseeker: (From the Upper Rise at Thunder Bluff) Hello again loyal viewers and welcome back to the newish season of Interweb Wasteland! Now, you may be wondering why I haven’t been fired or killed after the last episode, but that isn’t something I really want to go into.

Cindy: (From the Valley of Wisdom in Orgrimmar) It’s because they figured the worst punishment was to make us renew our contracts on this show…

Doomseeker: Also we now draw straws to see who gets to be the host.

Cindy: There was also some weird clause about a swimsuit calendar I have to do by the end of the year…

Tiresias: (From the Deeprun Tram) Believe me, I’ll be waiting patiently on that one.

Cindy: You can shut your damn mouth.

Doomseeker: How did you get into the Deeprun Tram?

Tiresias: It’s called Hand of Freedom and Divine Protection. Now I just have to wait to unflag and I’ll be home free.

Cindy: Didn’t you transfer to a PvP server?

Tiresias: …aw, crap. Anyways, this is Tire from the Deeprun Tram, where I’ve just noticed I do not get trade chat.

Doomseeker: Way to go, genius. Go hide in a house in Ironforge, no one ever looks in those.

(Tire begins to run as the other two return to reporting.)

Cindy: Well, it seems to be a slow day in the wilds of trade chat today. I saw a herd of whiners earlier, but a rager scared them all away. Then a bunch of people looking for enchanters, then nothing.

Doomseeker: Like I always say, folks, you can’t make this stuff up.

Tiresias: (Out of breath) Alright, I made it. What do we have?

Fool: “wow there isn’t one mage listed in “who” listing”

Cindy: Wow, this should be interesting.

Doomseeker: The Common Fool says things on trade that seem tailor-made to attract trolls. This one has just claimed to the entire server that he cannot find any mages.

Tiresias: Can we just say he was asking for it and call it a day?

Cindy: We don’t get paid unless we make the show last ten minutes.

Tiresias: They pay us in stale bread and water! I could make a better living killing boars!

Doomseeker: Can we listen to the nice Fool get ripped apart already? It’s not like we actually do that much on the show anyways.

Cindy: Sorry.

Tiresias: I do plenty.

Cindy: Shut up.

One-Liner: “what about me???”

Cindy: The Common One-Liner says exactly one humorous thing in response to someone on trade in order to gain attention and, rarely, approval of people he will never meet.

Doomseeker: They call that humorous?

Tiresias: Have you seen the other stuff on trade?

Doomseeker: Point taken.

One-Liner 2: “There is a ship [sic] load of mages.”

Tiresias: What’s that one? It isn’t a troll.

Fool: “don’t know why they aren’t showing up”

Doomseeker: And he digs himself in a little deeper. Way to go, buddy.

One-Liner 2: “search for ‘mage ‘”

Cindy: It appears to be another One-Liner if that comment is to be taken into consideration.

Tiresias: Couldn’t you just say “a One-Liner”?

Stupid Kid: “im standing next to 4 mages, so you’re a retard”

Doomseeker: Ah, the reliable Stupid Kid. He might be 40 years old, but when you call someone a “retard” or “gay”, people automatically think you’re 12.

Fool: “Fuck you, Stupid Kid”

Cindy: And that counter-attack is deserving of a Fool.

One-Liner 2: “easy on the r word Stupid Kid”

Cindy: Wait, I figured it out.

Fool: “put on language block….”

Tiresias: Good, because we’re clueless.

One-Liner 2: “he is who challenged”

Doomseeker: I second that statement.

Cindy: It’s the Perpetual breed of One-Liner.

Doomseeker: The annoying kind?

Tiresias: I don’t get it.

Cindy: A Perpetual One-Liner is one that doesn’t stop once he gets started. He’ll reply to anything else said in trade for hours if he gets a single response. Unless it’s an actual entertaining one, ignoring it is your best bet.

Tiresias: I’m entertaining.

Cindy: No, you’re an idiot.

Tiresias: Oh.

Doomseeker: And with that less-than-startling realization, that’s all for this episode of Interweb Wasteland. This is your temporary host, signing out.

Cindy: Until next time, loyal viewers.

Tiresias: Save us! They’re treating us like animals!