Married, successful. Why do some men risk it all?

[ls-]

I'm not sure if you're familiar with Foxworthy's humor:



You might be in Asia if ...

Just wait until that fu er dai edges up on her "best if married before" date and starts thinking of being sheng nu.

Nah, she's not like that, she's here in Siam to do two things: fuck and spend daddy's money, so my white Russian ass is safe :3 Moreover, I'm quarter 回族, my father's farther was Uyghur, she's quite disgusted by said fact 剩女BS immunity. Can you imagine wealthy Han family accepting a foreigner, who is quarter Hui, not even Han? Pffft, I can't

[shadowmouse]

Can you imagine wealthy Han family accepting a foreigner

In today's political climate, it could ...

who is quarter Hui

... nah, not happening! You're safe!

[Kurioxan]

"Marriage counsellor: Some people with power have sense of entitlement and get into affairs - "

Id fire her. If she honestly things affairs are from a "sense of entitlement". No, affairs stem from problems at home, or a personality that isn't content with monogamy, more to do with the nature of the individual and not with "entitlement".

Also, women, cheat and have affairs at the same rate as men, they are just better at hiding/lying about it.

http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/
"Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 57%"
"Percent of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54%"
"Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 74 %"
"Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 68 %

Thats a lot of female entitlement right there *rolleyes*

[tehealadin]

Who says that exactly?

I didn't say that anyone says this- I asked if you thought the man should always be the one to pay. I asked for your view on something, I didn't claim anyone had said anything.

[May90]

...REALLY REALLY REEEEEEEAAAAALLLLY nice!

Like how nice you're thinking? Times a LOT.

Regardless of how nice it is, trading years of interacting with the person you love for half an hour of this niceness doesn't seem smart to me.

[Deleted]

Let's not forget that monogamy is an artificially instilled moral and not our nature.

Even if this would be true, it wouldn't really change much. A big part of society deems cheating in a relationship/marriage unacceptable - and unless you find someone who happens to be fine with it (be it because they are ok with an open relationship, or because they don't care as long as no romantic feelings are involved), you shouldn't do it if you value said relationship/marriage.

[Xirrohon]

Even if this would be true, it wouldn't really change much. A big part of society deems cheating in a relationship/marriage unacceptable - and unless you find someone who happens to be fine with it (be it because they are ok with an open relationship, or because they don't care as long as no romantic feelings are involved), you shouldn't do it if you value said relationship/marriage.

Actually, the US like a lot of other things that come with our Christian doctrine are the only ones that are obsessed with it. Many other cultures understand that affairs can and will happen.

[May90]

Actually, the US like a lot of other things that come with our Christian doctrine are the only ones that are obsessed with it. Many other cultures understand that affairs can and will happen.

Pretty much all religions (and it is virtually impossible to find a region on this planet in which religion hasn't had a very strong influence throughout the history) see affairs during a relationship as something inherently wrong. Which, of course, doesn't mean that they are: religions have been known to push moral values serving the authorities more than people, and this is hardly an exception. I just don't think that Christians are the ones obsessed with it more than others.

[Deleted]

Actually, the US like a lot of other things that come with our Christian doctrine are the only ones that are obsessed with it. Many other cultures understand that affairs can and will happen.

A good part of the people in my country are not religious, yet a majority would still forgive maybe one incident of cheating - if at all. Different people have different expectations when it comes to relationships, and those are not necessarily based on religious doctrine.

[Mormolyce]

Regardless of how nice it is, trading years of interacting with the person you love for half an hour of this niceness doesn't seem smart to me.

REEEEEEEEE...

etc.

Also, monogamy is boring.

And here's a really big one: if you don't get caught you get to keep both. Most people cheating assume they won't get caught, so it looks pretty attractive.

Also, women, cheat and have affairs at the same rate as men, they are just better at hiding/lying about it.

http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/
"Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 57%"
"Percent of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54%"
"Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 74 %"
"Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 68 %

Thats a lot of female entitlement right there *rolleyes*

Lower rate than men. It's right there. Also, look at the marital infidelity rate, it's quite a bit different to the general infidelity rate.

But if you want to say women cheat ALMOST as much as men, sure.

[Xirrohon]

Pretty much all religions (and it is virtually impossible to find a region on this planet in which religion hasn't had a very strong influence throughout the history) see affairs during a relationship as something inherently wrong. Which, of course, doesn't mean that they are: religions have been known to push moral values serving the authorities more than people, and this is hardly an exception. I just don't think that Christians are the ones obsessed with it more than others.

Sure, but society isnt as obsessed with affairs as we are in the US and this mainly due to the Christian values. Ive lived in Europe for 5 or so years, mainly France and Germany and I know there is much more understood that affairs can and will happen. Im not saying that people approve of it but its not like in the US where its basically the same thing as murder in a lot of peoples eyes.

[May90]

REEEEEEEEE...

etc.

Also, monogamy is boring.

And here's a really big one: if you don't get caught you get to keep both. Most people cheating assume they won't get caught, so it looks pretty attractive.

Uh, I really dislike this kind of reasoning. I do agree that monogamy is kinda boring. But the way I see it, if you don't want monogamy, then you shouldn't get into a monogamous relationship in the first place. If you have gotten into it, then you should respect the implications of such a relationship and not violate them for the sake of your personal pleasure. People that betray their partners like that do something terrible, in my eyes, and not because they sleep with someone else, but because they break the mutual trust in the relationship: they don't trust their partner with telling them about their affairs, and their partner, apparently, cannot trust them after learning that they hid such a significant event from them.

Sure, but society isnt as obsessed with affairs as we are in the US and this mainly due to the Christian values. Ive lived in Europe for 5 or so years, mainly France and Germany and I know there is much more understood that affairs can and will happen. Im not saying that people approve of it but its not like in the US where its basically the same thing as murder in a lot of peoples eyes.

Hmm, since Europe till very recently was strongly Christian as well, I am not sure if this is the main factor here. I'm inclined to explain this difference by cheating being used as a popular plot element in Hollywood movies and American books: it is almost a cult here, of sorts. And even when cheating as it is doesn't take place, but just a side affair, people still see it as something strongly negative.

[Mormolyce]

Uh, I really dislike this kind of reasoning. I do agree that monogamy is kinda boring. But the way I see it, if you don't want monogamy, then you shouldn't get into a monogamous relationship in the first place. If you have gotten into it, then you should respect the implications of such a relationship and not violate them for the sake of your personal pleasure. People that betray their partners like that do something terrible, in my eyes, and not because they sleep with someone else, but because they break the mutual trust in the relationship: they don't trust their partner with telling them about their affairs, and their partner, apparently, cannot trust them after learning that they hid such a significant event from them.

Oh I agree, which is why I think we should de-emphasise monogamy as the Solution For Everyone (TM). If you want to be in a long term monogamous relationship with someone it should be after thinking REALLY hard about it, and strongly considering the possibility of not being. That way people would only go into it if they were certain it's the right path for them.

I mean it wouldn't be foolproof but it'd be better than the current situation.

[Deleted]

Also, monogamy is boring.
And here's a really big one: if you don't get caught you get to keep both. Most people cheating assume they won't get caught, so it looks pretty attractive.

I really, really dislike that way of thinking so much. I know that a lot of people actually think like that - but it's still pretty despicable.
You shouldn't do bad things, regardless of the risk of being caught.

[May90]

Oh I agree, which is why I think we should de-emphasise monogamy as the Solution For Everyone (TM). If you want to be in a long term monogamous relationship with someone it should be after thinking REALLY hard about it, and strongly considering the possibility of not being. That way people would only go into it if they were certain it's the right path for them.

I mean it wouldn't be foolproof but it'd be better than the current situation.

I totally agree with it, and, in fact, I often mention in this kind of conversations that monogamy might not be our natural state, or it might be just one of our multiple natural states. I believe that, in time, polygamy will no longer be a moral taboo in our society.

I really, really dislike that way of thinking so much. I know that a lot of people actually think like that - but it's still pretty despicable.
You shouldn't do bad things, regardless of the risk of being caught.

The thing is, I suspect, that many people don't see anything wrong in having a side affair - they just got themselves in a monogamous relationship, for example, because they couldn't find a polygamous one, or they just didn't really bother looking... So, while they know that their partner would be devastated to learn they have done it, they themselves do not see anything bad in doing it, so they think that hiding it is morally fine. Much like kids sometimes eat candies while their parents aren't watching, since they find them tasty and do not agree with their parents on candies being harmful in any regards.

[Deleted]

So, while they know that their partner would be devastated to learn they have done it, they themselves do not see anything bad in doing it, so they think that hiding it is morally fine. Much like kids sometimes eat candies while their parents aren't watching, since they find them tasty and do not agree with their parents on candies being harmful in any regards.

That might be, but: Doing something that you know would devastate your partner, your loved one, if they find out is - in my opinion - inherently bad.
If you can't find a relationship that matches what you are looking for, don't have one. If you are absolutely not ok with having a monogamous relationship, don't start one with a person you know values such. It's simply not fair.

[May90]

That might be, but: Doing something that you know would devastate your partner, your loved one, if they find out is - in my opinion - inherently bad.
If you can't find a relationship that matches what you are looking for, don't have one. If you are absolutely not ok with having a monogamous relationship, don't start one with a person you know values such. It's simply not fair.

I totally agree with this. Some people just have this moral stance: "If I've done something and no one learned about it, then whatever I've done is fine". It is a very dangerous stance, it is something like what criminals use to justify their actions sometimes.

And yes, if there is something you need to do that has a potential to make your partner feel really-really bad, then you should have thought about it when you were considering getting into the relationship in the first place.

[Tennis]

Actually, the US like a lot of other things that come with our Christian doctrine are the only ones that are obsessed with it. Many other cultures understand that affairs can and will happen.

That's amusing that you seem to think it's only the U.S. and its "Christian doctrine" that affects attitude towards cheating.

[Youn]

There are alot of places in the world were cheating is treated much harsher then the US. Try cheating in any country in Southwest Asia.

I would say I am atheist and a monogamist. Mostly the second one because I lack empathetic feeling for most humans. Once, I find one that I can have true emotions with. If they decide to cheat or lie to me, I very much stop caring about them. At that point, any chance of a relationship with me might as well end.

[Tennis]

He brought in 300k to the marriage, at the end he paid 300k plus 12k in perpetuity. 300k +12 a year> 50% of 300k. I didn't think this would have to be explained.

So what? If he wants to leave the marriage then there should be a penalty.