"The Lost Boys" – young men opt for virtual life of pornography and gaming

[I Push Buttons]

In my case specifically we set aside time when we both do things the other doesn't want to do. I play video games, she watches TV I can't stand. Then when that time's over, we do things together. Nobody really has to give anything up, we just adjust our schedules. Besides if you think relationship success is always taking more from someone than you've given you're angling to be single. Nobody sane puts up with that.

I am not talking to you friend... I am talking to the person I quoted.

He has mentioned needing to give up his hobby of gaming, among other things, to make his relationship work... Then proceeded to go on about how a relationship is about compromises... I was simply curious what his girlfriend was giving up in this equation he presented to make it work in exchange for him forgoing his favorite pastime.

[Dragon Claws]

And nothing of value was lost...

Since it's becoming a more common theme, I imagine western civilization taking a population hit eventually. Maybe not on Japan levels, but will happen.

[ls-]

THAT would be a huge red flag for me.

It is a red flag Humongous red flag!

[Deleted]

The teenage boys aren't concerned with this. The only guys concerned with feminists are older, rejected, bitter guys, that loathe the fact that girls can do fine alone, instead of having to surrender to some loser in order to survive.

Yeah there is no rational reason why you should have a problem with feminism no.
Can they? - You should look up dating after 30.

[Deleted]

One of the first things I told my wife when we met for the first time was that I'm a gamer and I will be a gamer just so she knows. Simple really, take me as I am or find someone who matches your needs.

[Deleted]

One of the first things I told my wife when we met for the first time was that I'm a gamer and I will be a gamer just so she knows. Simple really, take me as I am or find someone who matches your needs.

But how long can you stay true to yourself if you get rejected because of it?
The men the article is about chose to stay true to themselves becasue they figured they'd either be with a girl or stay true to themselves.
That's my take on it anyway.

[Deleted]

But how long can you stay true to yourself if you get rejected because of it?
The men the article is about chose to stay true to themselves becasue they figured they'd either be with a girl or stay true to themselves.
That's my take on it anyway.

I am true to myself the whole time and it's been 7 years now together.

[Deleted]

I am true to myself the whole time and it's been 7 years now together.

I never meant to say that it can't work. Merely that in most cases it doesn't. I guess, what do I know.

Maybe it's just the picture the media paints about gamers in germany. You are pretty much made a a murderous psychopath.

[Gheld]

Is this because so many women in the west seem insane in requirements? xD

Correct. And it only gets worse with age.

[May90]

But how long can you stay true to yourself if you get rejected because of it?
The men the article is about chose to stay true to themselves becasue they figured they'd either be with a girl or stay true to themselves.
That's my take on it anyway.

Well, you need to decide what you really want to get. If you want to just get a partner, no matter how suitable for you, then yes, you can put a mask on and try to be someone the person is likely to want to be with. If, however, you want a partner that will work great for you, that will love you for who you are - then these rejections shouldn't discourage you, since you wouldn't want to be with these people anyway: they don't love you for who you are, they want you to be someone different, and you don't want to be someone different.

Yes, such approach will lead to a longer and harder search, rejections, etc. But in the end you will get exactly what you need/want. Isn't it what all this is about?

[Deleted]

Well, you need to decide what you really want to get. If you want to just get a partner, no matter how suitable for you, then yes, you can put a mask on and try to be someone the person is likely to want to be with. If, however, you want a partner that will work great for you, that will love you for who you are - then these rejections shouldn't discourage you, since you wouldn't want to be with these people anyway: they don't love you for who you are, they want you to be someone different, and you don't want to be someone different.

Yes, such approach will lead to a longer and harder search, rejections, etc. But in the end you will get exactly what you need/want. Isn't it what all this is about?

Or you don't get anything aside of a penchant for suicide.

[Deleted]

Or you don't get anything aside of a penchant for suicide.

I guess I would prefer to be alone and stay true to myself then to force myself to be someone I am not just to be with someone. It would eat at you and break you in due time and then there would be surprise on partner's side about who you really are, that you are not who they thought you are and BOOM twice as bad situation now.

[May90]

Or you don't get anything aside of a penchant for suicide.

Well, again, it depends on your priorities. Take me, for example: I am a gamer, a hardcore gamer at that. I would like to have a girlfriend and, in the future, a wife - but I am not exactly dying of loneliness alone either. If I have to choose between sticking to my hobby and being alone for the moment, or giving up my hobby and being with someone else - I will choose the former every time. I only want to get in a relationship with someone who will love me for who I am, who will be okay with my interests, my hobbies, my views. I am not going to lie about myself in order to appease someone; it is not worth it, in my opinion.

For someone, however, who cannot live alone any more and values a relationship, any relationship, more than being true to themselves and their lifestyle - yes, I suppose, staying true to themselves is not an option.

[Deleted]

It's not about beeing happy, it's about surviving.

Do yu know the needs pyramide?
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped..._Needs.svg.png
We are at the second stage, safety. Sometimes, otherwise it's stage 1.

Your point? They balance out Sex with masturbation (notice how "sexual intimancy" is T3, not T1). Not to mention survival is not really an issue now is it. Here in the western world we even care for the homeless because we have that much food (and shelter).
Chances are we are talking about people some might consider as "social outcasts". For their Gaming and Porn they need an Internet-Connection and a PC. So it is safe to say they have shelter of some kind (sharing an appartement, living at your parents and so on is not that expensive).
We are talking about pretty normal guys. Not some guy in the woods who screams at birds and eats rats for dinner.

And no, I still don't think we can force anyone to do anything. You can offer help, friendship or whatever you want to offer to them. Maybe one will listen to you while 5 will just stay where they are. Because they want to be, some because they can't really do anything about it.

People tend to go the easy route. It might be hard for some people to even go out there. For some even harder to talk to any person - hell, even worse if the person is a woman. So they don't do it.

Is it healthy for a human being to be a recluse? No. Can we do anything about it? Not really. It will take years and years of pushing male issues to fix the damage the empowerment of women (which by itself is a good thing) has done to the less confident/good looking male of this generation. (that last sentence is obviously my subjective take on the matter. You might disagree.).

I think, that there needs to be a shift in terms of mental health. Esp. for Men. They still get told, that it is not okey to feel emotions or expressing them because they will get rejected if they do. So they don't bother and because they can live the way they live now they don't really feel the need to change it.
Hell, some are even happy doing what they are doing. Which brings me to the point of my first post - why try forcing them to do what they clearly do not want to do?
All we can do is offer them a helping hand if they decide on their own, that they want to change things. It is their life. Their agency. Nobody can force them to change that but themselves.

[Deleted]

I guess I would prefer to be alone and stay true to myself then to force myself to be someone I am not just to be with someone. It would eat at you and break you in due time and then there would be surprise on partner's side about who you really are, that you are not who they thought you are and BOOM twice as bad situation now.

How is that twice as bad? At least you can say you once had a relationship.

...

I was mostly speaking out of my own experience.
You can't reach the higher levels when you are struggling with the basics.

[Deleted]

Well, again, it depends on your priorities. Take me, for example: I am a gamer, a hardcore gamer at that. I would like to have a girlfriend and, in the future, a wife - but I am not exactly dying of loneliness alone either. If I have to choose between sticking to my hobby and being alone for the moment, or giving up my hobby and being with someone else - I will choose the former every time. I only want to get in a relationship with someone who will love me for who I am, who will be okay with my interests, my hobbies, my views. I am not going to lie about myself in order to appease someone; it is not worth it, in my opinion.

For someone, however, who cannot live alone any more and values a relationship, any relationship, more than being true to themselves and their lifestyle - yes, I suppose, staying true to themselves is not an option.

Life isn't fair. That much is known. When it comes to willpower some are weak and fragile while other are not. Just the way it is.

- - - Updated - - -

How is that twice as bad? At least you can say you once had a relationship.

Because 1) you were hurting by not being yourself 2) you potentially lose that someone due to not being who they thought you were.

So just the ability to say you were in a relationship is worth it in your opinion? What is this? A gaming achievement or what? It doesn't matter. I had 1 shit relationship and it was what it was. A shit relationship. Nothing to be proud of. Would prefer to spend that time on something else.

[Deleted]

Less social outcasts irl, sounds perfect

[Aeula]

Who cares? There's nothing wrong with that life.

[May90]

Life isn't fair. That much is known. When it comes to willpower some are weak and fragile while other are not. Just the way it is.

Yes, but my point is, it is not about willpower as such, it is about priorities. A person who knows well what they want from life won't have a difficulty acting the right way. The problem arises when people do not understand their goals and desires very well, they have a conflict of two mutually contradicting or highly incompatible desires/goals and can't decide which one is more important.

For me, it is clear; I know well that I don't want to sugarcoat my life when looking for a relationship, because the kind of relationship based on sacrificing my lifestyle to appease someone else isn't what I want in my life. For some, it might not be that much of a big deal, so they should make a conscious decision to behave a certain way that will bring them closer to achieving their goals.

[I Push Buttons]

Well, again, it depends on your priorities. Take me, for example: I am a gamer, a hardcore gamer at that. I would like to have a girlfriend and, in the future, a wife - but I am not exactly dying of loneliness alone either. If I have to choose between sticking to my hobby and being alone for the moment, or giving up my hobby and being with someone else - I will choose the former every time. I only want to get in a relationship with someone who will love me for who I am, who will be okay with my interests, my hobbies, my views. I am not going to lie about myself in order to appease someone; it is not worth it, in my opinion.

For someone, however, who cannot live alone any more and values a relationship, any relationship, more than being true to themselves and their lifestyle - yes, I suppose, staying true to themselves is not an option.

That's like everyone I know.

Most of my friends are hardcore gamers like myself... But every so often one of them will get a girlfriend and just completely disassociate with the rest of us... No games, no nothing, won't even talk to us... A few weeks/months later they break up and its right back to gaming several hours a day every day in their free time.

One buddy of my mine, after years of dating no one, hooked up with someone from his work... A few months of dating later he got married and moved to another state... Apart from the occasional facebook post, I haven't heard from him in like two years, after spending almost all of our free time together hanging out for years.