Unless the woman explicitly asks him to stop, there is no harassment here. She could just want to be friends, and still enjoy his attention. Dropping hints is not sufficient; if she wanted him to stop, all she had to do was tell him to stop.
It's really not that difficult or complicated.
You're clearly the dense one, what else would a woman think if a guy asks her out? You think he just wants to be super best buds with her and talk about their exciting work day and then after they can paint each others nails!?
- - - Updated - - -
Oh karnak, making shit up again I see? Carry on then champ.
I think it's worse than that, because her not knowing him well enouph, does not actually question her interest... It explains why she is not interested...
My gf actually does similar. She knows I hate celery, but still gets a kick out of putting celery in food that I don't notice. Kind of like a gotcha... But, me liking celery that doesn't taste like celery, actually is in line with me not liking celery. It's the logical conclusion, instead of just blind bias against celery... No joke by the way... Happens every few months for over a decade...
Folly and fakery have always been with us... but it has never before been as dangerous as it is now, never in history have we been able to afford it less. - Isaac Asimov
Every damn thing you do in this life, you pay for. - Edith Piaf
The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. - Orwell
No amount of belief makes something a fact. - James Randi
I don't understand why so many men think it's good idea to make sexual advances to woman after they've already been clearly rejected. This person was given a 'not interested' reply and he proceeded to act like she said 'oh yes please, can I have a dick pic!!', what an idiot. If somebody is that stupid they can't be doing a good job, fire them for that alone.
Facilis Descensus Averno
He didn't ignore that condition, because it doesn't appear that they actually hung out together. Texting 'milf' has nothing to do with the condition layed out.
I'm not saying this guy was right to do what he did, but the women certainly didn't make it clear to him that she wanted him to stop. At absolute most, she just kept rejecting his individual requests. This is not the same thing as telling someone to cease pursuit.
Because the dude is dense. That in itself might be cause to fire him. It's at least a very large red flag.
It's also a very convenient excuse. In the end, companies should not make it more difficult for the harassed to deal with and report sexual harassment. That just allows it to go on. They don't write guidebooks for people on how to approach being harassed. They write guidebooks on what behavior is acceptable for the harassers to know what they shouldn't be doing. Because the onus is on the harassers, not the harassed.
There's two kinds of guys that do this, IME. One is the guys that just don't give a shit what the woman wants; these guys are assholes. The guy in this case appears to be one. The other is guys who get "friendzoned" and let their crush stew, and confuse their internal obsession with a degree of investment; giving up would mean giving up that investment, which they aren't willing to do, because it might "pay off" any day now. It won't, because they're manipulative dickheads, but they don't see it that way.
Their intent is expressed by their action. Sexual harassment is not a crime where the intent is "I want to make that person uncomfortable". The intent is to pursue a romantic/physical relationship with that person, or at least a sexual act with that person.
Unwanted actions that pursue that intent are sexual harassment. That's literally what the offense is. Saying "but I just thought she was hot and wanted to get with her, not make her uncomfortable" isn't a defense, it's a confirmation of motive and intent.
By intent, I was referring to the 'unwanted actions' part. Not intent on the part of the accused.
And along that vein, I'm arguing that a simple 'let's hang out as friends' is not sufficient to make it clear that the man's actions were unwanted.
Again, this would all be very simple if she simply said to him, 'please stop pursuing me'. Problem solved. Or, if it continues, employee gone.
What was the part he got rejected at? The part where she told him she would be interested in hanging out with him as work friends? Or the part where he invited her to a private non-work conversation and she accepted? At the very least shes sending mixed signals.
- - - Updated - - -
He's dense because he dared to ask a woman who he works with out on a date? Or was it because he said the terrible terrible word *GASP* milf?
To use an analogy, this sounds a lot like a kid whining to his parents about something that another kid does.
Kid: "Jeremy keeps throwing a ball at me!"
Parent: "Well, did you ask him to stop?"
Kid: "...no. But he keeps throwing it!"
Parent: "Why don't you ask Jeremy stop throwing the ball at you."
And in this case, Jeremy got expelled.
Last edited by Underverse; 2016-05-11 at 09:10 PM.
Yes yes how very astute of you, you've quite clearly nailed the only "Kinds of guys that do this"(ask out a woman) with your very open minded assessment. I like how you took all the facts from the OP then just threw them all out the window and made up your own story about a terrible monster that ruthlessly harassed this poor innocent helpless female. It's just too bad you weren't there to save her from this terrible fate.
But really lets blow this situation more out of proportion, the guy asked a woman out on a date. The absolute worst thing he did was refer to her a milf, not the smartest thing to do but not illegal or harassment. She should have acted like an adult, and moved on after it was clear the situation was ended.