Why don't many parents just abandon rebellious teenagers?

[Scottyjscizzle]

That's because children aren't getting worse with every generation, plus it's also the embittered and jaded elders with rose tinted glasses stating how good it was in the glory old days boasting how well-behaved they were when young - when they were most definitely little shits like most kids are after entering puberty.

Luckily, I don't have pathological liars for my parents, they are at least able to admit that when they were teenagers, they were generally up to the same no-good like I was.

Ex-fucking-actly, I remember hearing stories from my older neighbors about all the shit they did as young kids/teens, then they would turn around and say how bad kids are now. I used to think "You literally just told me you blew up the schools toilets, and then dropped out because of the punishment" how are you gonna talk trash because the kid next door said they would rather not mow the lawn.

[spinner981]

If we are talking about 2.5 year olds, then yes, it might be hard to get them to understand the reasoning. That's why you do it when they grow up. If you SERIOUSLY advocate spanking 2.5 y/o kids, then, in my eyes, you are insane.

No one becomes spoiled due to not being spanked, what the hell? I've never been spanked in my life, my parents were better than this - and I haven't grown spoiled in the slightest. Do you know the secret? They taught me through love, they showed their love to me and I MYSELF wanted to make them happy. How is that approach, huh? It is not exactly a novelty, and many families understand these principles. But no, some still stick to the old good brute force methods, as if we haven't progressed at all from cavemen times...

The problem is that is just about the age where they start maturing into who they are. You're right, some kids can be disciplined with little or no physical discipline. But some kids can't. I realize that you are absolutely sure you must be a very good person because your parents 'loved' you like most other parents in the world love their children, but that's not enough anecdote to convince me otherwise, just as I am sure my anecdotes about my spoiled nephew would wholly convince you.

Children behave differently, yes. Some will respond to words, but some won't. The intention is to get them to respond at all, and if they don't respond to your words, then there isn't much you can do but let them run the entire show, unless you want to bring out physical punishment. Spanking doesn't just happen inherently, it happens in response to wrong behavior, and if you can steer kids away from wrong behavior with the warnings, then you are good. But it doesn't always work like that.

If you honestly think that a spanking is some sort of traumatizing thing, then this country was probably founded by a bunch of traumatized people. It's not insane, it's called discipline. If you are seriously so fragile to think that a mere spanking is some sort of thing only mentally insane parents do, then you are probably insane yourself.

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Ex-fucking-actly, I remember hearing stories from my older neighbors about all the shit they did as young kids/teens, then they would turn around and say how bad kids are now. I used to think "You literally just told me you blew up the schools toilets, and then dropped out because of the punishment" how are you gonna talk trash because the kid next door said they would rather not mow the lawn.

The range of rebellion in teens varies wildly in a single generation. It's not a valid comparison to compare one anecdote to another anecdote.

Like I said earlier, let's compare the average teen living in modern USA to an Amish teen living in the Amish country. Let's see which one rebels more on average.

[nonameelf]

The range of rebellion in teens varies wildly in a single generation. It's not a valid comparison to compare one anecdote to another anecdote.

Like I said earlier, let's compare the average teen living in modern USA to an Amish teen living in the Amish country. Let's see which one rebels more on average.

Don't the Amish give teens a whole year to go out and do all the rebellious shit they want?

[spinner981]

Don't the Amish give teens a whole year to go out and do all the rebellious shit they want?

You are referring to this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumspringa

Amish teens basically are given the choice to go run around and be rebellious, and even leave the Amish lifestyle, or to stay Amish and be faithful to the church. Most choose to stay.

[May90]

The problem is that is just about the age where they start maturing into who they are. You're right, some kids can be disciplined with little or no physical discipline. But some kids can't. I realize that you are absolutely sure you must be a very good person because your parents 'loved' you like most other parents in the world love their children, but that's not enough anecdote to convince me otherwise, just as I am sure my anecdotes about my spoiled nephew would wholly convince you.

Children behave differently, yes. Some will respond to words, but some won't. The intention is to get them to respond at all, and if they don't respond to your words, then there isn't much you can do but let them run the entire show, unless you want to bring out physical punishment. Spanking doesn't just happen inherently, it happens in response to wrong behavior, and if you can steer kids away from wrong behavior with the warnings, then you are good. But it doesn't always work like that.

If you honestly think that a spanking is some sort of traumatizing thing, then this country was probably founded by a bunch of traumatized people. It's not insane, it's called discipline. If you are seriously so fragile to think that a mere spanking is some sort of thing only mentally insane parents do, then you are probably insane yourself.

What makes you think that spanking teaches a kid anything? Just the fact that many people employ it? You know where the whole "rebellion" thing comes from? "My parents want me to do everything as they desire, and I won't". This comes exactly from all this "disciplining". Kids who aren't forced by parents to do everything as they desire have no reason to rebel, because there is nothing to rebel against.

Traumatizing or not, but I see the act of a person beating their own child as something beyond any description in words. It is about as sickening (and probably more so, given the age of the child) as beating, I don't know, your beloved girlfriend for "misbehaving". The latter is done in Sharia countries, which are viewed as barbaric in this regard... Yet beating children isn't viewed that way. Some sick logic here.

Perhaps, just as you suggest that kids should be disciplined through spanking, adults spanking their kids should also be disciplined by the government through spanking? Sounds like a good way to teach parents proper parenting skills, no?

[starlord]

my parents beat me frequently and even did abandon me a couple times. all it did was make me angrier.

[Flurryfang]

mmm, i think that the grounding could come with a bit of cleverness... i dunno, blocking the internet, giving an old cellphone to the teenager (and locking his/her current one in a safe)

Sometimes kids can keep themselfs going even with phone, internet, computer etc. Since you have to give them free movement in many occations, they will keep themselfs occupied with things outside of the home. Again, i think the reality we are playing with here, is where the kid, even with just a bed in his room and food on the table 2-3 times a day, is still rebellious and have stopped caring long ago. At that point, where you can no longer take anything away from them, what do you do?

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Seen that approach taken first hand with my older brother. Didnt worked at all.

Worse yet I was the one who behaved properly so I always ended up getting treats/money/favors. He could get them as well if he behaved but instead he rather spin a narrative in his head about how parents had never loved him and his proof of being treated poorly. Even when confronted about it he usually ended up with brain dead rebutals like "Parents are fair to all their children and love them all equally no matter what!". Now him being 34 years old he still acts like everyone owes him, last time I had a chuckle when he expected me to send him money to help his broke ass keep afloat.

But I guess all of this is better for my family then huwting his fewwings wight?

Well, then he is a lost cause. When some kids gets to that point, some are just lost forever. Don't really think that anything would have helped with your brother, if he is even today a bit of a deadbeat person.

Sometimes, it is better for the family if the kid is abandoned in some way. Rather try to save the sanity of multiple people, then bet everything on an uncooperative kid.

[Roccatex]

Joke thread, joke question, joke op.

This is almost so much social incompetency, that it turns towards APD.

[zorkuus]

Teenagers ain't that bad. It could be worse... like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum.

[spinner981]

What makes you think that spanking teaches a kid anything? Just the fact that many people employ it? You know where the whole "rebellion" thing comes from? "My parents want me to do everything as they desire, and I won't". This comes exactly from all this "disciplining". Kids who aren't forced by parents to do everything as they desire have no reason to rebel, because there is nothing to rebel against.

Traumatizing or not, but I see the act of a person beating their own child as something beyond any description in words. It is about as sickening (and probably more so, given the age of the child) as beating, I don't know, your beloved girlfriend for "misbehaving". The latter is done in Sharia countries, which are viewed as barbaric in this regard... Yet beating children isn't viewed that way. Some sick logic here.

Perhaps, just as you suggest that kids should be disciplined through spanking, adults spanking their kids should also be disciplined by the government through spanking? Sounds like a good way to teach parents proper parenting skills, no?

Physical discipline associates negative punishment with disobedience and misbehavior. For young children this is very effective.

As far as where 'rebellion' comes from, no, it doesn't just come from teens wanting to disobey their parents, it is a part of growing up. Furthermore, you are confusing authoritarian parenting with spanking. Nowhere does spanking imply that it's always about what the parents would want or prefer. That is why parenting is a challenge; balancing discipline with freedom. Furthermore again, kids with no reason to rebel just settle into whatever it is they would do to rebel anyway. How is the complete absence of discipline supposed to deter a kid from doing things that are destructive to them?

There are lots of things that I find sickening as well. The thing about spanking children is that sometimes that is the only thing that works. That fact that you personally have an opinion doesn't really change that. Adults face punishment in different ways, because different things work on adults than children. It's not that hard to figure out.

[vindicatorx]

Because they are still legally responsible for them until they turn 18.

[helmaroc]

It annoys me when people say you MUST spank your kids. Every person is different and it is going to take a variety of different ways to raise different types of people. Spanking can either make your kid respect you, fear you, or resent you. It just depends on the kid you're dealing with.

A lot of people weren't spanked as children and they turned out fine while others became disrespectful. Some were spanked and turned out fine while some became sociopaths that turned to violence to solve all of their issues because that's what they learned from their parents.

Also if you don't explain why you disciplined the kid after doing the action, you know the whole "Do you know why I spanked you" then you're probably going to have some problems down the line.

[Crispin]

Or we can abandon them if they shit their pants as toddlers, or get sick 3 times a month, or fall too often forcing you to spend days at the ER, or asks for toys too often.

Teenagers is definately a challenge, but dont have kids, if you plan on abandoning them at the 1st sight of them showing any sign of independent thought, they'll obviously have a crappy childhood with you as a parent then.

[announced]

Well that is quite possibly in the running for the most vague MMOchamp forum post I've ever seen. Have you tried reasoning with a 2 year old?

just some ideas off the top of my head.
if your 2 year old kid doesnt listen:
give them a time-out
send them away without dinner or dessert/food

just never, ever hit a kid. its not effective and it teaches them violence is an acceptable form of punishment.

[Chrno]

not really no. If you can't beat your kids discipline anymore, they won't know real consequences and grow spoiled.

.... speechless .....

[Bapestar]

Ex-fucking-actly, I remember hearing stories from my older neighbors about all the shit they did as young kids/teens, then they would turn around and say how bad kids are now. I used to think "You literally just told me you blew up the schools toilets, and then dropped out because of the punishment" how are you gonna talk trash because the kid next door said they would rather not mow the lawn.

I'm only 25 and think spanking is good. You're honestly just mad because your older neighbors, were right. Kids these days are just bad, but it's not their fault, it's the parents. However there are kids that, are updated versions of the previous generation. Because humans are only getting smarter, not dumber. And some were spanked, some were not. But god damn, shit is actually ridiculous seeing kids screaming bloody murder in public places, and their parents completely useless.
Take anything I said with a grain of salt, I am floating atm.

[Aori]

Beating kids was never a good way to enforce discipline. You can read current studies on parenting methods and their efficacies if you want, you sound like you have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

There are no studies with any meaningful data on the matter. So far everything is based on correlation.

[Deleted]

Conscription should be standard in every Western country tbh.

The younger generations really need the discipline.

[nonameelf]

Conscription should be standard in every Western country tbh.

The younger generations really need the discipline.

For what exactly?

[Slant]

now granted it is a thing that happens more often than I might believe, but for those that don't, why the fuck not? I find it enraging when a teen has the audacity to show defiance or disrespect toward parents that keep him/her alive. In a world where now kicking the fucking ass of such teens is going to stir a lot of trouble, why not just kick their ass out of the house or disown them? By that age they're independant enough, so if they show no respect, just let them live on their own.

That's part of normal development, where a teen wants to break out of the confines and find his own way. Some are more rebellious, others less. But they all rebel. Even you did/will. The important bit is that most teens will see reason when it's important, because they're not stupid. They just rebel about stuff important to them where they think parents may give in if they just create enough of a fuss. It's hardly irrational, just another game they play. And sometimes it's absolutely irrational and part of a learning process.

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Conscription should be standard in every Western country tbh.

The younger generations really need the discipline.

Conscription hardly = discipline. I've been conscripted, and let me tell you, the only thing it fosters is creativity in being undisciplined. Everyone can stand in a line, but standing in a line, giving the drill instructor a cheeky grin and doing 100 pushups only to stand up, barely out of breath and continuing to give him that damn cheeky grin until the instructor bursts out laughing and gives up, THAT is what conscription is all about. :P