Planing on leaving my family but I am worried about them hounding me.

[Deleted]

Hey all. I rarely do or want to talk about my problems as we all have them. But recently because I have to deal with bullshit from my dad and I am planning on leaving his place because all of the fighting I have with him and my brother is total and utter bullshit. I have done my own crap in the past, like failing my school tests and being a lazy asshole with an Know-it-all attitude, but now I want to move on but I don't want them to know I am leaving because they are control freaks and I frankly don't know my way around the world but it's a risk I need to take because if I don't, I will be stuck in the same loop the rest of my life.

I am sick and tired of hearing the same bull about this, and that. to hear about my failures. I want get on with my own life and make amends for my mistakes and be a better person. However my concern is not so much about leaving. it's more about how to stop my family to prevent me from leaving because My dad is a bipolar asshole that likes to threaten with court cases and calling the police so I was planning on telling the cops that after I leave to stop him from finding me. Because he is stuck in the past about the divorce from my mother and other shit I can't focus on doing my own work and I just want to turn over a new leaf in my life and be happy.

Anyone got suggestions on how to deal with this?

If you are legally adult and you have committed no crimes, there is no law that says you gotta obey your parents. But you really don't sound like an adult.

[Boathouse]

Fair enough and thanks for the posts(everyone included). But i am worried that I am really on the knifes edge here, so getting the fuck out and getting stable outside the home is really my only choice right now..

I'm just posting from my own experience. My parents were shit bags. My dad was a woman abuser and my mother a drug addict/thief. They can both rot in Hell. I ended up doing exactly what I said at 18. Ended up putting myself thru school and now I live half way across the country. It wasn't easy, I did end up homeless, but I never caved and went back. Now I'm incredibly happy and married. Just takes some planning and being sure it's what you REALLY want. There really is no turning back.

[Goradan]

Not every country dumps their citizens on streets if they don't have a job. In some countries peoples lives are valued beyond what they can do to increase corporate profits

Boathouse has a point and that is why I am making plans to leave instead of just running away without nowhere to go like the last time I bailed.

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22 is too old to live at home especially if you are unhappy there.

I know. that that is one of the reasons I am leaving. I AM too old for this.

[Azadina]

Boathouse has a point and that is why I am making plans to leave instead of just running away without nowhere to go like the last time I bailed.

His point seems more directed at places where you need a job right away to survive. That's not the case in many European countries where one gets government assistance.

[skitzin]

Not every country dumps their citizens on streets if they don't have a job. In some countries peoples lives are valued beyond what they can do to increase corporate profits

Welfare payments aren't huge amounts of money. They basically are aimed at ensuring you don't starve or wander the streets homeless. They are not intended to be a subsitute for income gained from working.

[Boathouse]

His point seems more directed at places where you need a job right away to survive. That's not the case in many European countries where one gets government assistance.

While you're not wrong, neither was I. Different situations based on places, mine is for the US. Either way, not having a job and moving out is a dumb idea no matter where you live.

[Azadina]

Welfare payments aren't huge amounts of money. They basically are aimed at ensuring you don't starve or wander the streets homeless. They are not intended to be a subsitute for income gained from working.

Yeah, but that means you can't end up homeless even if you don't have a job when moving to your own place.

[Goradan]

They keep you on a leash because you aren't autonomous.

I don't use this lightly, but you really need to man/woman up.

/peace

I am not gonna live near people that will explode when I being straight up about what I feel. You can't man up to these people because if you did they would respect that and live would be easier. And that bastard gets mad if you don't pick his calls which is nearly everyday. The only to do that is for me to say to myself is: "You fucked up, leave them, get some responsibilities, get a real life and move on".

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While you're not wrong, neither was I. Different situations based on places, mine is for the US. Either way, not having a job and moving out is a dumb idea no matter where you live.

True and that is the risk in this even with the countries lifeline.

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His point seems more directed at places where you need a job right away to survive. That's not the case in many European countries where one gets government assistance.

Agreed but getting a job, even a part-time will still be a priority, even if I am on welfare as many people also work with the financial support.

[Deleted]

Hey all. I rarely do or want to talk about my problems as we all have them. But recently because I have to deal with bullshit from my dad and I am planning on leaving his place because all of the fighting I have with him and my brother is total and utter bullshit. I have done my own crap in the past, like failing my school tests and being a lazy asshole with an Know-it-all attitude, but now I want to move on but I don't want them to know I am leaving because they are control freaks and I frankly don't know my way around the world but it's a risk I need to take because if I don't, I will be stuck in the same loop the rest of my life.

I am sick and tired of hearing the same bull about this, and that. to hear about my failures. I want get on with my own life and make amends for my mistakes and be a better person. However my concern is not so much about leaving. it's more about how to stop my family to prevent me from leaving because My dad is a bipolar asshole that likes to threaten with court cases and calling the police so I was planning on telling the cops that after I leave to stop him from finding me. Because he is stuck in the past about the divorce from my mother and other shit I can't focus on doing my own work and I just want to turn over a new leaf in my life and be happy.

Anyone got suggestions on how to deal with this?

To me it still sounds like you are not past this stage. So your solution to failures is to fail more? To me it sounds very irresponsible and childish and I think you want to be considered a grown-up. Try to solve it then as adults do.

[Piglord]

While you're not wrong, neither was I. Different situations based on places, mine is for the US. Either way, not having a job and moving out is a dumb idea no matter where you live.

You weren't wrong. Moving out with no form of stability is a horrible way to start a grown up life. Going in automatically relying on the government to support you is just trading one bad situation (OP being supported by father) for another (OP being supported by the government). The earlier a person becomes independent the better. The longer they wait the more financial responsibilities are going to pile up making it even harder to get started. OP really does need some form of steady income first.

[I Push Buttons]

Have you tried actually sitting down and talking to your dad OP? Having a heart to heart and telling him how you want to make a change for the better and he is making it difficult with his actions?

Because so far if I am reading your posts correctly... He pays your way, seems to genuinely care for you (worrying when you ran away, calling you all the time which you complain about), etc. So far the only abuse you have mentioned is "emotional abuse" which you haven't really elaborated on... You mentioned "setting him off" does that mean he physically abuses you?

Just curious because if you didn't say you were 22 I would think a 14 year old made this thread... It sounds an awful lot like you haven't exhausted all options and have simply come to the conclusion "I don't like arguing so I am just going to go live in welfare housing!" Which seems pretty silly. But then again there is seemingly a lot of missing information about all parties involved.

[Dug]

So long as you're of the age of being an adult in the eyes of the law your parents cannot do a thing about you leaving, however, you don't sound like you've thought this through much and say nothing about a job, where you'll live, and how you'll support yourself. You need to prepare hard if you're going to take the leap into the real world OP. Best of luck

[Goradan]

I'm just posting from my own experience. My parents were shit bags. My dad was a woman abuser and my mother a drug addict/thief. They can both rot in Hell. I ended up doing exactly what I said at 18. Ended up putting myself thru school and now I live half way across the country. It wasn't easy, I did end up homeless, but I never caved and went back. Now I'm incredibly happy and married. Just takes some planning and being sure it's what you REALLY want. There really is no turning back.

Oh that sucks, but I am glad you overcame their bullshit. My parent are just useless and negative people. My mom was never honest and dumped me into a institution for 6 years before taking me back when it suited her and really didn't care about my emotional state of mind and would leave me to cry in a corner and cared more about her boyfriend than me and you could insult or dis her as much as you wanted she emotionally dead and only cared about money form the welfare and uses my sibs as an excuse for not doing any real work or getting on with bigger things in life. My dad is a temperamental asshole that would only fight with my mom legally because he was butthurt over her leaving him and takes out all of his frustration on my entire family and some his co-workers and he a paranoid ass that worries about people accusing him. And I add my brother on top because he bitches about me not asking him for help when he is a temperamental ass too and anytime i piss him off he threatens me with violence and he recently hit me in the face.

But now I think I have to get serious and do what I can to move on with my life and your story does give me hope for overcoming this and I am happy you rose above this.

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So long as you're of the age of being an adult in the eyes of the law your parents cannot do a thing about you leaving, however, you don't sound like you've thought this through much and say nothing about a job, where you'll live, and how you'll support yourself. You need to prepare hard if you're going to take the leap into the real world OP. Best of luck

Thank you, it's one of the reasons I am talking about this here. To better prepare myself to get out and support myself.

[Adjusting]

It's a big bad world out there. I say pull up those big boy pants and deal. Or like someone said join the army and get so far away you will wish you were back home...lol. You know some people would love to have that choice.

[Kaganfindel]

What's hard about this? You find a place, and you go live in it. If someone you don't care to see comes around, you tell them to go away. Do family members have some rights they don't have here in the US to impose themselves upon their adult offspring?

Fly. Be free. See how you like it. Tell 'em to push off if they turn up, and call the police to remove them if they don't go quietly.

[Aeula]

Leave a note pointing them to the wrong place (Give a general area, for example if you were American you'd say you're going to Florida when in reality you're going to Washington). Delete all social media accounts. Get rid of your phone at a pawn shop and use the money to buy a new one, same goes for any other devices they could track you with.

Slowly sell other things you don't need anymore, but not in bulk. Don't sell anything they'd notice missing (Don't steal from them. Don't give them a legitimate reason to call the cops on you). Pack a small bag of essentials and leave when the rest of the family is out (not when they're asleep, they could wake up).

If you're legally considered a child then prepare to leave when you hit adulthood, police will track you down if you're underage when you leave.

If you have a cash card of some kind then withdraw your money and start up a new account with another company and deposit in there. Keeping it on your person is risky. Although it does lower the chance of being tracked by your family.

[Deleted]

Leave a note pointing them to the wrong place (Give a general area, for example if you're American say you're going to Florida when in reality you're going to Washington). Delete all social media accounts. Get rid of your phone at a pawn shop and use the money to buy a new one, same goes for any other devices they could track you with.

Slowly sell other things you don't need anymore, but not in bulk. Don't sell anything they'd notice missing (Don't steal from them. Don't give them a legitimate reason to call the cops on you). Pack a small bag of essentials and leave when the rest of the family is out (not when they're asleep, they could wake up).

If you're legally considered a child then prepare to leave when you hit adulthood, police will track you down if you're underage when you leave.

If you have a credit card then withdraw your money and start up a new account with another company and deposit in there. Keeping it on your person is risky. Although it does lower the chance of being tracked by your family.

Dude... did you even read op ?

He's not from America but Denmark (even pointed out welfare).

He's 22...

No money on credit card are yours to begin with.

[Goradan]

Have you tried actually sitting down and talking to your dad OP? Having a heart to heart and telling him how you want to make a change for the better and he is making it difficult with his actions?

Because so far if I am reading your posts correctly... He pays your way, seems to genuinely care for you (worrying when you ran away, calling you all the time which you complain about), etc. So far the only abuse you have mentioned is "emotional abuse" which you haven't really elaborated on... You mentioned "setting him off" does that mean he physically abuses you?

Just curious because if you didn't say you were 22 I would think a 14 year old made this thread... It sounds an awful lot like you haven't exhausted all options and have simply come to the conclusion "I don't like arguing so I am just going to go live in welfare housing!" Which seems pretty silly. But then again there is seemingly a lot of missing information about all parties involved.

I can't talk with him or my brother or even my mother for that matters sake. because they go around in circles and don't listen to me, as well as me having little to show for improving(in their eyes) The problem is that I can't talk to them about what I intend to, say sorry, ask for help, for anything because it's basically boils down to even the smallest of improvements are not enough for them. even my brother who is in university can't please the old bastard and he calls him useless as well. so really it's all about stroking their ego. So for me I told them I was going to improve my behavior and work harder. and even then it doesn't satisfy them.


It's too illogical to try and describe it reasonably anymore, so I realised they are just confused and messed up individuals that mask up well. because everything I say or do wouldn't change their opinion of me when they wanted to see "results".

[xChurch]

The easiest solution is usually the hardest, talk to them, tell them how you really feel and the response might not be what you expect. Unless you're a dick about it.

[DSRilk]

...I have done my own crap in the past, like failing my school tests and being a lazy asshole with an Know-it-all attitude...leaving because they are control freaks...

To be frank, this sounds like the perspective of a child. It is quite possible you're reading "control freak" when what's really going on is "very concerned". If you really were failing tests and being a lazy asshole, of COURSE they're going to seem controlling, because they're trying to MAKE you do SOMETHING. Ask yourself this question: If you had a son who acted like an asshole, didn't want to do anything or help out, and was failing his tests at school, what would you do? My guess is you'd likely try to force them to study. Force them to help out around the house. Force them to try and get a job. Force them to do ANYTHING other than sit around. In short, you'd come off as a control freak. Now this final part is extremely important: if they didn't care about you, they'd just let you fail until you moved out and were no longer their problem. The fact that they don't means they likely really care about your well being. I recommend thinking about this from the perspective of a non-"lazy, failing, asshole" before you make any rash decisions.