Do you feel bad friendzoning people?

[Raelbo]

I think a lot of people are confused in this thread. The friend zoning it refers to is not wanting a romantic relationship with someone, but treating them in such a way that they'll always hold a hope it can happen. It's pure manipulation. 'Stringing along', if you will. The friend zoned person won't ever get told they don't have a chance, or they will, but very indirectly as to not be 100% straight.

While what you describe is a possible form of friend zoning I don't actually believe that this is the sort of behaviour that the OP was referring to based on his responses in the first 2 pages. Specifically where he said "So you don't feel guilty about rejecting people?"

The only strict requirement for a situation to be classified as "friendzoned" is where one party wants a platonic friendship and the other wants a romantic/sexual relationship. While active deception and manipulation can happen, it isn't mandatory. It really depends on the situation and how the individuals handle it.

[Witchblade77]

Make them think they still have a chance with you, that the person you are currently dating isn't going to work out (rinse, repeat).

how do you do that? like seriously, how do you do that? or do you mean that the friendzone person is so dumb as to create that belief in their mind? you'd think that just the act of dating other people while this one person is RIGHT there - would be a giant hint that even if those relationships don't work out, if they wanted to date YOU - they would have done so already.

[Gamdwelf]

While what you describe is a possible form of friend zoning I don't actually believe that this is the sort of behaviour that the OP was referring to based on his responses in the first 2 pages. Specifically where he said "So you don't feel guilty about rejecting people?"

The only strict requirement for a situation to be classified as "friendzoned" is where one party wants a platonic friendship and the other wants a romantic/sexual relationship. While active deception and manipulation can happen, it isn't mandatory. It really depends on the situation and how the individuals handle it.

Well that seems to be the confusion is that we didn't start with a clear definition of the phrase to form a point if discussion from.

[Calfredd]

how do you do that? like seriously, how do you do that? or do you mean that the friendzone person is so dumb as to create that belief in their mind? you'd think that just the act of dating other people while this one person is RIGHT there - would be a giant hint that even if those relationships don't work out, if they wanted to date YOU - they would have done so already.

I have no idea but I have seen it happen like once or twice. Very sad to watch.

[Stretchie]

No I don't think anyone should feel bad for friend-zoning someone. The problem is a lot more in the mind of the person friendzoned. They obviously aren't date material to that person and foolishly keep trying in the dumbest way possible.

The only time someone should feel bad is when someone is in love with them and milk it for gifts, attention etc. I've seen a friendzoned guy spend hundreds (if not thousands) on jewellery etc his crushes birthday and then get back "aww what a nice friend". I'd feel bad accepting that gift knowing what it means and she HAD to know. She couldn't be that blind

[Gamdwelf]

No I don't think anyone should feel bad for friend-zoning someone. The problem is a lot more in the mind of the person friendzoned. They obviously aren't date material to that person and foolishly keep trying in the dumbest way possible.

The only time someone should feel bad is when someone is in love with them and milk it for gifts, attention etc. I've seen a friendzoned guy spend hundreds (if not thousands) on jewellery etc his crushes birthday and then get back "aww what a nice friend". I'd feel bad accepting that gift knowing what it means and she HAD to know. She couldn't be that blind

If they aren't date material why are you friends with them?

[Witchblade77]

If they aren't date material why are you friends with them?

because you like them as a person? I have a whole bunch of friends I have zero interest in dating and that will never, EVER change. but they are still awesome friends.

you know the irony here is that you think that someone who doesn't want to date you - is not treating you as a person... all the while you yourself don't want to treat them as persons unless they date you is just... incredible.

[Stretchie]

because you like them as a person? I have a whole bunch of friends I have zero interest in dating and that will never, EVER change. but they are still awesome friends.

you know the irony here is that you think that someone who doesn't want to date you - is not treating you as a person... all the while you yourself don't want to treat them as persons unless they date you is just... incredible.

agreed. If you can't accept someone doesn't want to date you there are two real choices. Accept it and be friends or if you can't handle that, break it off and move on. That's why I say it's the fault of the person friend zoned if they try and keep pursuing that person hoping they'll change their mind if they'd nice enough

[Gamdwelf]

because you like them as a person? I have a whole bunch of friends I have zero interest in dating and that will never, EVER change. but they are still awesome friends.

you know the irony here is that you think that someone who doesn't want to date you - is not treating you as a person... all the while you yourself don't want to treat them as persons unless they date you is just... incredible.

Not sure if just not getting it or unable to read. Friend zone is not a straight forward rejection. But a state of rejection where the rejected is dragged along for whatever reason.

Asking someone out and getting a "sorry I'm not attracted to you". Is not what is being discussed in this thread.

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This is the weirdest thinking ever. Like do you just have 0 friends?

I have lots of friends. Making friends is like the easiest thing in the world.

[May90]

If they aren't date material why are you friends with them?

Do you have any friends of the sex you aren't romantically attracted to? Do you consider them a date material?

[Witchblade77]

Not sure if just not getting it or unable to read. Friend zone is not a straight forward rejection. But a state of rejection where the rejected is dragged along for whatever reason.

Asking someone out and getting a "sorry I'm not attracted to you". Is not what is being discussed in this thread.

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I have lots of friends. Making friends is like the easiest thing in the world.

are you deliberately being obtuse? if they are not dating you and dating someone else instead? pretty damn sure you have no chance. accept it and move on. or do you need to be hit over the head with a giant sign that says" "I will never ever date you, ever!!!!" - in order to accept it?

you are the only one dragging anyone along.

[Gamdwelf]

Do you have any friends of the sex you aren't romantically attracted to? Do you consider them a date material?

Yes.

No because I'm not attracted to men. And I know they are also not attracted to me either.

[Stretchie]

Not sure if just not getting it or unable to read. Friend zone is not a straight forward rejection. But a state of rejection where the rejected is dragged along for whatever reason.

Asking someone out and getting a "sorry I'm not attracted to you". Is not what is being discussed in this thread.

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I have lots of friends. Making friends is like the easiest thing in the world.

Are they typically dragged along or is the friendzoned person not giving up when they should? I think it's the second.

as I said, I've seen cases where they are dragged along and this is the only time they should feel guilty for doing so

[falagar112]

When i was young, no, didn't care much, just interested in my own feelings.

Now, having been on both sides of the coin, it is different. It is hard to recognize what your words can do to others, when you haven't been in the same scenario on the receiving end.

I'm open but not particulary looking (just out of a long time relation), if an unknown is interested in me - I get to know them better on the "no promises, we will see where it goes", which will get you a lot of good friends, because lets be honest, it takes two sides to be interested in anything beyond that.

It is harder when you are already good friends, and she (or I!) develops feelings beyond that friendship. While I wouldn't feel bad about saying no (after all, being honest is the way to go) - I would still feel bad for them as it is a bad feeling to have your feelings rejected. However I do strongly believe that I wouldn't be the person to "help" them with that, let alone have pity sex, it would complicate things even more and you might think it helps you both, in the end it is better to take a short break.

Tell them that while you appreciate the friendship and would love to continue as friends, that it will only be possible if both sides accept that there wouldn't be more then that.

Another thing to consider is - especially for the younger people amongst us - you cannot be friendzoned if you do not tell them clearly how you feel in the first place. As has been mentioned in this thread before - men nor women are mind readers, do not expect them to just "guess" how you feel. If after telling, you get rejected, you can decide based on that information, if you want to continue the friendship, or if it would be to hard on you (or them) to do so. Just don't say you have been friendzoned if you have just been that "nice guy" that wasn't able to get his feelings across

[Gamdwelf]

are you deliberately being obtuse? if they are not dating you and dating someone else instead? pretty damn sure you have no chance. accept it and move on. or do you need to be hit over the head with a giant sign that says" "I will never ever date you, ever!!!!" - in order to accept it?

you are the only one dragging anyone along.

That would be much more clear and concise than spending time with you over their current relationship partner.

[May90]

Yes.

No because I'm not attracted to men. And I know they are also not attracted to me either.

Well, same here: imagine a woman you are not attracted to physically, but with the same qualities as your men friends. She can be your friend, while not being a date material.

[Witchblade77]

That would be much more clear and concise than spending time with you over their current relationship partner.

why do you assume that they are spending time with you OVER their relationship partner? is it possible, just maybe that they are spending time with you becasue they enjoy your company. and/or their partner is doing something else at the time. or you might, just might have a shared interest that they don't share with their partner (contrary to popular belief, you don't need to share every single interest and preference with your romantic partner in order for it to be a successful relationship). or any number of other things that are NOT leading someone on.

YOU are reading something into it that's not there.

[Gamdwelf]

Well, same here: imagine a woman you are not attracted to physically, but with the same qualities as your men friends. She can be your friend, while not being a date material.

Meh probably not those qualities would make her physically attractive.

[May90]

Meh probably not those qualities would make her physically attractive.

Well, if you are willing to date anyone you find attractive, then, I guess, you are right.

[Gamdwelf]

Well, if you are willing to date anyone you find attractive, then, I guess, you are right.

Why wouldn't you date someone you find attractive if you were single and looking for a relationship?

That's like asking someone why they eat food they find delicious.