Why the outrage over paying for your half of the meal?

[Mangusei]

Not sure how you got that impression from what she wrote, but I guess you then sympathize with the guys actions which would explain it...

Read between lines. You seem to have a lack of experience with women in social situations.

- - - Updated - - -

beta and triggered, you talk in meme's ok i'll leave you to it.

We have an oldfag here, can't go with the times it seems. Too old and grumpy for modern slang. Be left out then.

infracted - minor flaming

[Tyrianth]

Pretty sure the article said it was second date that he made the move. Also she was cyber stalking him prior to the first date. But that's ok with you isn't it?

Yes, because only idiots would meet up with a stranger online without looking them up online first.

And most people don't consider the first meeting to be a date. It's a "are you as normal in person as you are online" meeting.

[Deleted]

When i was looking around on the subject of paying i got the impression about 50/50 of the woman expect the man to pay.

While it should be fine that each gender has different way of interacting with the other in dating I do think this paying should go.
I remember their where shaming campaigns on Christians and man who wanted to have full-time housewives or virgins, i think it's fair that this should be done towards paying as well.

This is how I see it as well. The person who invites, should offer to pay. If she suggested the next date, then she can offer to pay.

This effectively means man have to pay since its also expected for man to make the move.

If I ask a friend to go to the movies or restaurant I also expect them to pay 50/50 unless i explicitly tell them. If I invite them to dinner at my house or other stuff it's free.
Their is one friend of mine with who I go to restaurants once every month and we take turns.

Now if it's a friend who came from far away like a 2 hour drive than its more likely i'll pay. I don't get the feeling this was the case in this story.

As you continue dating with the person and one person has much more disposable income and wants to do expensive stuff you can talk about it and that person can volunteer to pay more. You could pay for drinks or could make the effort with a nice cozy home cooked meal.

[socanyou]

A 35 year old who is so desperate that she needs to use online dating apps, and was clearly only attracted to this guys "career"/money, judges a date by the fact that he split the bill. Let alone the "first date" excuse used on the second date, what kind of "agenda" was she hoping for that didn't involve intimacy? Did she fall out of society at age 12 and only resurfaced at 35?

[Aoyi]

I really don't know how I feel about the asking for 2 bills part. I'm a little bit older now (35) and when I was dating, I had always paid. It was just expected of me. I know that isn't the case as much now with dating apps and all, but if for some reason I were to start dating again, I'd probably still feel the obligation to pay just because that's how it was for me in the past. That said, there's nothing particularly wrong with expecting the bill to be split. I go out with friends all the time and split the bill. I went out to a diner yesterday and did just that when I visited some friends in NJ. I've never expected my friends to pay for me when they invite me out, so why should it be different when its a date?

TL/DR: I'd expect to pay based on my experience, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with splitting a bill.

[Queen of Hamsters]

Read between lines. You seem to have a lack of experience with women in social situations.

- - - Updated - - -



We have an oldfag here, can't go with the times it seems. Too old and grumpy for modern slang. Be left out then.

I can with 100% certainty guarantee I have more in that department than you do, as a woman having regularly been in social situations with women friends since my late teenage years.

[Rotted]

I was reading this in the newspaper and it doesn't add up.



https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/03...an-agenda.html

Seems ridiculous that in 2017 she expects that he should pay for it all. This is quite perplexing.
Also this dating ordeal sounds really exhausting. Must suck to be dating for years and years and not be able to get married and gain stability and committment.

You missed the point entirely.

(although to keep in mind we are hearing one side of the story)

He was nice etc and his attitude completely changed once it become apparent she wasn't going to sleep with him, essentially fuck you if you're not coming back you can pay for yourself.

It doesn't matter if he was intending to pay for it or to split it. It's the way it happened, he threw a tantrum because he wasn't getting laid.

Honestly what annoyed me more about this, was this bit;

I was about 10 minutes late because I couldn’t find a parking space, and when I arrived he had already ordered and finished his coffee. That struck me as a bit off

If you're going to be late regardless who's fault it was I'll go ahead an order a coffee. If you turn up while I'm drinking it, I'll apologize and grab you one, if I finish it I'll go up to the counter and get another one plus yours.

I form this opinion from two different mind frames

1) If you arrange to be somewhere at a specific time, be there. I'm always early for everything. Yea shit happens sometimes and that's alright, but I'm not going to sit like a lemon in someones business not ordering anything. The same as if I take someone to dinner, when I get there early, I'll order myself a drink and sit down somewhere where I can see the entrance. Fuck all wrong with that,

2) I ran a coffee shop (a successful one) for 3 years, the cousin and myself were the only staff. I can tell you from our point of view, nothing and I mean nothing fucked us off more than someone coming in and taking a table and waiting 10 or 30 minutes for someone to show up. It's not the fact you aren't going to order, it's the fact you're stopping someone else using that table for that time frame.

[tumppu]

Where is the outrage? The part where the guy asks for separate checks since the girl already gave a cold shoulder? Such an agenda...

[Mangusei]

I can with 100% certainty guarantee I have more in that department than you do, as a woman having regularly been in social situations with women friends since my late teenage years.

Then you live in a bubble, sorry to burst it.

[Queen of Hamsters]

I really don't know how I feel about the asking for 2 bills part. I'm a little bit older now (35) and when I was dating, I had always paid. It was just expected of me. I know that isn't the case as much now with dating apps and all, but if for some reason I were to start dating again, I'd probably still feel the obligation to pay just because that's how it was for me in the past. That said, there's nothing particularly wrong with expecting the bill to be split. I go out with friends all the time and split the bill. I went out to a diner yesterday and did just that when I visited some friends in NJ. I've never expected my friends to pay for me when they invite me out, so why should it be different when its a date?

TL/DR: I'd expect to pay based on my experience, but I don't necessarily see anything wrong with splitting a bill.

He got sour and asked to split the bill when it became clear to him that she didn't want to follow him home (for sex no doubt).
Splitting a bill is not wrong, but his reasons for doing it after asking HER out (if true, we only have one side of the story) are scummy. Would've been equally scummy had the woman been the one asking him out and dissing her for the same reasons... although I expect all the blame would've been put on the woman in that scenario on this forum.

- - - Updated - - -

Then you live in a bubble, sorry to burst it.

The one speaking in memes is usually the one living in an internet-fueled bubble.
Again, 18 odd years of social situations involving women on a regular basis. I think my bubble, if there is one, is quite inclusive and large.

[The One Percent]

Stupid bitches offer nothing but want everything.

[Deleted]

He got sour and asked to split the bill when it became clear to him that she didn't want to follow him home (for sex no doubt).
Splitting a bill is not wrong, but his reasons for doing it after asking HER out (if true, we only have one side of the story) are scummy. Would've been equally scummy had the woman been the one asking him out and dissing her for the same reasons.

Sorry, but how is it scummy? He asked to advance the date further, she said so in a very cold fashion, so he dropped the date. If a Woman on a date with me expresses everything in her power to decline any further social interaction, then guess what? You're not getting anything else there love.

[Shaderas]

If the story is true from her perspective, they both sound a little like jerks. Him for acting like a jerk when he knew he wasn't going to get laid, her for just assuming that she would be paid for.

[Hashtronaut]

I don't think him splitting the bill has ANYTHING to do with it being 2017 and equal female rights stuff.

More so he was looking for a one night lay, no long-term commitment and was to much of coward to be upfront with it.
Splitting the bill in this instance was just a reaction to getting rejected. Would it have been gentlemanly to split the bill? Yes. Is he in the wrong here? Not really.

[Tyrianth]

Sorry, but how is it scummy? He asked to advance the date further, she said so in a very cold fashion, so he dropped the date. If a Woman on a date with me expresses everything in her power to decline any further social interaction, then guess what? You're not getting anything else there love.

How exactly is declining sex expressing "everything in her power to decline any further social interaction"?

[Deleted]

How exactly is declining sex expressing "everything in her power to decline any further social interaction"?

Because her story ends any mentioning of further social interaction after she rejects to go home with him. If she DID want more interaction, she would have mentioned it.

Learn2writingprose.

[Kathandira]

This effectively means man have to pay since its also expected for man to make the move.

It's case by case really. The point to my comment, is that the person who invites the other on a date, should 'offer' to pay.

Sometimes just an offer will spark the idea to go 50/50.

[Requimortem]

He got sour and asked to split the bill when it became clear to him that she didn't want to follow him home (for sex no doubt).
Splitting a bill is not wrong, but his reasons for doing it after asking HER out (if true, we only have one side of the story) are scummy. Would've been equally scummy had the woman been the one asking him out and dissing her for the same reasons.

You're making the assumption that's what he wanted but have nothing to back that up except her side of the story and from what I've read, she seems incredibly unpleasant to be around so if anything, he's justified regardless of his intentions.

[Tyrianth]

Because her story ends any mentioning of further social interaction after she rejects to go home with him. If she DID want more interaction, she would have mentioned it.

Learn2writingprose.

Putting words in peoples mouths is not "writing prose". lol

[Queen of Hamsters]

You're assuming she assumed that. Didn't seem like that was the issue she had but rather that he was rude about it afterward.

Exactly. Her outrage seemed to be towards how he treated her as soon as he realized she wasn't gonna put out.