Bullshit Peddlers in Business

[Deleted]

Anyone who has worked for a sufficiently long time in a corporate environment knows that the large majority of people are full of shit. It struck me again today after watching tweets on our corporate portal about an HR event for the most important business school (Vlerick) in the country. It's full of remarks like this:

"Learning is a constant. Unlearning is a necessity #vlerickhrday #wisewords"

"Like in Judo, the smaller one sees the size of the opponent as leverage #vlerickhrday"

"Is the virgin eye present in your company? Essential for innovation! #VlerickHRDay #virgineye"


Anyone who has ever attended a meeting with senior management probably knows that you can fill in your bullshit bingo sheet before the introduction is done.




Why do we collectively bullshit around like this? It's a type of behavior that is incentivized in most organisations because that's how the senior management communicates: vague statements that can be interpreted however you please and don't really tell you what is needed/what is expected.
What's the benefit, except to create an in-group culture of narcissists? Is it more than a corporate circle-jerk?

[Deleted]

Just stay ahead of the curve and be sure to create synergy with your colleagues so you can progress to the next level in this dynamic business world in which we are all a stakeholder.

[chazus]

I feel like you have two different dialogues going on here. The first part has quotes, and unless I'm misreading them, they're entirely valid and valuable statements.

The second part is just buzzwords, which really don't mean anything, nor are they intended to mean anything.

EDIT: To be clear, yes, there is a lot of bullshit in business. My last company, the CEO believed the entire company hinged on buzzwords, instead of say... a good product or customer service. And those quotes don't mean much in a void, especially if people don't understand them.

[belfpala]

Why do we collectively bullshit around like this? It's a type of behavior that is incentivized in most organisations because that's how the senior management communicates: vague statements that can be interpreted however you please and don't really tell you what is needed/what is expected.
What's the benefit, except to create an in-group culture of narcissists? Is it more than a corporate circle-jerk?

At the end of the day the net-net delta is running my bank account up the flag pole until I take that deep dive out of the box from my helicopter view get my buy-in bought-out. It's a win-win with this penetration pricing and from down here the paradigm shift will hand me low-hanging fruit FREE SQUARE and a scalable tropical cocktail. It'll totally incentivize the islanders to limbo to where the luau's going to be. We'll bootstrap that pig up on that spit. It'll be a totally game changing when that action item we met last night shoes up with ...k

oh shit is this the business meeting? Sorry guys.

Ahem. So right, we peel that onion when we get to it. I have some face time with the client now to go over some data points. Could be mission critical. It'll be a tough sale, but this dog is in the fight.

Peace.

...in short, a business plan has to sound like something more than, "We're going to do stuff with stuff and people will give us money for it," which, ultimately, is every business plan.

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I feel like you have two different dialogues going on here. The first part has quotes, and unless I'm misreading them, they're entirely valid and valuable statements.

The second part is just buzzwords, which really don't mean anything, nor are they intended to mean anything.

Oh right, that thing. Here, take any semi-intellectual/spiritual/inspirational sounding quotation, like... "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

Then put it on a nice scenic picture of a mountain or something.

Print it poster-size.

Hang it in the breakroom.

Give yourself title of Senior Assistant to the Deputy Supervisor of Resource Productivity Management or something ridiculous.

Get direct deposit.

Buy a house near that scenic mountain.

Show up every year or two to change the poster.

[chazus]

Oh right, that thing. Here, take any semi-intellectual/spiritual sounding quotation, like... "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

I'm.... honestly not sure what statement you're trying to make. Those aren't 'semi intellectual' 'spiritual' sounding quotes. They're actually pretty solid foundations for preventing business failure. But, again, in a void their meaning might be lost, so people might not understand the significance or why its being said or reminded.

[belfpala]

I'm.... honestly not sure what statement you're trying to make. Those aren't 'semi intellectual' 'spiritual' sounding quotes. They're actually pretty solid foundations for preventing business failure. But, again, in a void their meaning might be lost, so people might not understand the significance or why its being said or reminded.

You picked one of three words. Good job! Great! I'll note that in your performance review!

Short version of what I meant? For almost every one of those kinds of quotations, I can find ones just as profound that say the opposite and are equally valid for running a business. Try and try again? Nah, sometimes cut your losses. And so on.

A deeper answer to your question would involve discussion of the fundamental nature of communication, which I'm too tired to do right now.

[Ryme]

I feel blessed that I have none of this at my job, looks irritating.

[chazus]

Short version of what I meant? For almost every one of those kinds of quotations, I can find ones just as profound that say the opposite and are equally valid for running a business. Try and try again? Nah, sometimes cut your losses. And so on.

I'm not talking about YOUR quote. The one you posted is just the silly stuff you were addressing.

The ones above actually mean something (and you're welcome to find conflicting statements).

The first one is largely focused on Lewin's models of unlearning.
The second one is honestly pretty vague, but could easily be appointed to the fact that innovation often comes from finding opportunities.
The third is in regard to having audit/external views on organizational structure. It relates to the first in that business stagnation often comes from routine.

[Afrospinach]

Why do we collectively bullshit around like this? It's a type of behavior that is incentivized in most organisations because that's how the senior management communicates: vague statements that can be interpreted however you please and don't really tell you what is needed/what is expected.

Probably because it is your job to get into specifics. I assume if you are attending senior management meetings you have some measure of responsibility. It is not senior management's job to do your job. They set the direction, you align whatever you are doing with that, however your choose. Otherwise you can get back on the assembly line where everyone will be really specific about what you need to do.

Most of those words in that square mean something, this is faux outrage at it's finest. If your manager really is just winging it he won't be around long one way or another. Seriously, if you have to pitch to your employees like a used car salesman your company's direction...

It's funny, here you are kind of yearning for micromanagement which is one of the most damaging styles of management.

[Deleted]

Probably because it is your job to get into specifics. I assume if you are attending senior management meetings you have some measure of responsibility. It is not senior management's job to do your job. They set the direction, you align whatever you are doing with that, however your choose. Otherwise you can get back on the assembly line where everyone will be really specific about what you need to do.

Most of those words in that square mean something, this is faux outrage at it's finest. If your manager really is just winging it he won't be around long one way or another. Seriously, if you have to pitch to your employees like a used car salesman your company's direction...

It's funny, here you are kind of yearning for micromanagement which is one of the most damaging styles of management.

I think you are projecting your frustration at your own micromanaged assembly line job on me. Of course the words mean something, corporate discussion don't go "I want you to put the zoinfgk back into our plfgoink while we doink the stoink".

The fact is that even in a given context those words don't mean much at all. "Going forward, I want you to come up with an out of the box initiative that is scalable and adds value while slicing the elephant" is an actual statement that our CFO has once told me. I can interpret this in a multitude of ways, some quite distinct from the other.

It *is* a corporate circle-jerk. It's the creation of a culture that everyone outside of the in-group does not understand. The sole purpose is to feel like you belong to that group and to exclude outsiders. It serves no functional purpose. It's a cause for a mismatch in expectations and execution due to the lack of clear communication. We're not talking about new jargon to define new technological advancements, or innovations in the methodology of how to manage a project, but bloated words that are unnecessarily vague.
Due to the fact that it defines a corporate culture, it's too often used by those who don't really know what they are talking about in order to include themselves in that group, show they belong or try to show they are knowledgeable. Do you really think those people won't be around for long? Your naivety is endearing.

Peter Robinson once wrote a book about his time at Stanford where they were urged to dump as much jargon as possible in their exams. When MBA students/consultants are urged to be intentionally vague, you know it's not because it improves clear communication.

[Captain N]

Corporate life seems to suck something fierce.

[Ozzyorcborne]

I fear part of this buzzword issue stems from the "me too" mentality. They heard it from someone or somewhere else and feel they would be "innovative" or "recent" if they started using them as well, and they insist everyone around comply. Meanwhile, there is a little too much sugar coating going on in the corporate environment and blunt responses are seen as "confrontational" or "mean" when they would have the most meaningful impact.

[Afrospinach]

I think you are projecting your frustration at your own micromanaged assembly line job on me.

Lol.

So where does this example in the OP actually happen then? Want to talk about projection?

The only place I have seen it is self help seminars and the like and never in person. Everyone else uses the terms in a professional fashion, because again aside from the buzzwords most of those terms actually mean something.

[Zoibert the Bear]

At the end of the day, the action item you should be acting upon is the fact that incentivizing the out of the box deltas is but a scalable helicopter view of the paradigm shift.

It's a game-changer for sure.

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"Going forward, I want you to come up with an out of the box initiative that is scalable and adds value while slicing the elephant"

"Tomorrow, I want you to decapitate an elephant using a cheap to produce weapon that nobody has used to kill an elephant yet."

That was pretty obvious, take the elephants head and weapon of choice to your boss and enjoy your promotion.

[GennGreymane]

Just stay ahead of the curve and be sure to create synergy with your colleagues so you can progress to the next level in this dynamic business world in which we are all a stakeholder.

You should teach more business people to not be bullshit peddlers.

[Kathandira]

"Learning is a constant. Unlearning is a necessity #vlerickhrday #wisewords"

"Like in Judo, the smaller one sees the size of the opponent as leverage #vlerickhrday"

"Is the virgin eye present in your company? Essential for innovation! #VlerickHRDay #virgineye"

1. Learning is a constant, you should always be expanding your knowledge and learning new ways to perform your tasks and new ways to grow. Unlearning is a necessity, as you have to be able to grow and not let the old ways hold you back. You have to be able to be agile and change along with a ever changing professional ecosystem.

2. This one I don't exactly understand. I have my assumptions, but nothing that is certain.

3. The virgin eye is the new blood. The person who has not been tainted by your companies particular culture/history. This certainly is essential to innovation and progress. New ideas are often brought in externally.

Although the bingo square is a collection of corporate lingo, they do hold meaning based on the context. If you listen closely, you should be able to discern the message they are trying to convey.

I sit through these meetings quite often as I too work on a corporate environment. I am a very attentive listener, and can almost always come away from the meeting understanding the objective.

[Guyv3r]

My take on a big part of the Corporate work force nowadays:

Monkey see, Monkey do.
(even if they don't really know what they're doing)

Buzz words are just there because they attract attention. Most is fake with no substance at all.

[unbound]

So, while I did get a bit of a chuckle out of the bingo board, your premise isn't really accurate.

Some of the squares are indeed BS phrases (e.g. game-changer), but many actually have meaning and are useful. Perhaps you don't understand what they mean?

[chazus]

Edit: Oh, and the yearly "New Buzzword of choice" can bugger off too. Synergise, contigency, and Lean Manufacturing were my old favourites. Cloud being the newer one, with many people not quite understand what the hell a "Cloud based system" is, but believe it is the answer to anything and everything...

I'm not sure if you mean the words themselves are stupid, or that people use them so often and don't understand what they mean. Lean Manufacturing is very much a real thing and a rather important business feature in the past decade.

So, while I did get a bit of a chuckle out of the bingo board, your premise isn't really accurate.
Some of the squares are indeed BS phrases (e.g. game-changer), but many actually have meaning and are useful. Perhaps you don't understand what they mean?

Exactly. A lot are bullshit, but can the OP tell me what "Win-Win" actually means, who Covey is, what scalability or value adding is? Can they tell me why Porter's systems are why many of these words are misunderstood and how Lewin's is the reason people ACTUALLY ought to understand them?

[Afrospinach]

I'm not sure if you mean the words themselves are stupid, or that people use them so often and don't understand what they mean. Lean Manufacturing is very much a real thing and a rather important business feature in the past decade.

The media often picks up on things and it is all you hear for a year or two. Even if it correct it is irritating. Synergy is a good one but add disruptive, innovative. I had a long list but I forget and I am making samosas.

Cooking is great for this too, "deconstructed", "reduction", "infusion".

Hate it Hate it Hate it. You are too lazy to put together a sandwich and you named it.