Using physical force to punish a kid

[Strawberry]

There's a difference between spanking and physical abuse. It's not the same thing.
Anyway, I really don't want to continue this discussion as I've only managed to divide people.

I was a really naughty kid. I was always curious and that often got me into trouble. I would cut open tires on my friends new bike to see what would happen. Or smash a tv with a hammer because I wanted to know what makes it work.
Boy did I get good beating because I did that.

So to my point, why is it forbidden in many places to give beating to kids when they do something stupid?
I don't mean hurt the kid badly, but make him remember he did wrong.
When I was about to do something stupid, I would think first "hmmm how much beating will I get if I do this?". And I can tell you many times I didn't do it because I figured it wasn't worth the beating I would receive.

I can't think of any good reason to forbid giving your kid a nice beating because they did something really bad.
Today's kids are extremely spoiled by their parents.
Many kids from my generation and older were physically punished and there is nothing wrong with us. On the contrary we had a lot more respect for the elders and behaved better.

[Freighter]

So to my point, why is it forbidden in many places to give beating to kids when they do something stupid?

Because it's harmful? It breeds resentment? Abuse at home is a significant factor in maladaptive behavior.

[primalmatter]

Because it's harmful? It breeds resentment? Abuse at home is a significant factor in maladaptive behavior.

The use of force is effective and even helpful but a beating is pointlessly cruel. The idea is for it to be a shock and a sting not assualt...

[Strawberry]

Because it's harmful? It breeds resentment? Abuse at home is a significant factor in maladaptive behavior.

How is it harmful? Did you read my post? Most of us born in early 80s and before were beaten. But we were far better kids than what today's children are.

[Jimusmc]

give the kids spankings they'll behave because they do not want another.

kids these days need them BAD

[Fonduset]

I only got smacked once and my behaviour changed for the better.

[Freighter]

How is it harmful? Did you read my post? Most of us born in early 80s and before were beaten. But we were far better kids than what today's children are.

How is it harmful? Are you serious? Have you not kept up to date with research lately?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...s-bad-all-kids

Researchers have looked at effects on three undesirable behaviors in children who are spanked: noncompliance in the short term, noncompliance in the long term, and aggression. This area is hard to study in the home, because spanking rarely occurs at all and rarely in front of strangers. It is hard to study in the laboratory because of the prohibition against hurting subjects.

Researchers have looked at effects on three undesirable behaviors in children who are spanked: noncompliance in the short term, noncompliance in the long term, and aggression. This area is hard to study in the home, because spanking rarely occurs at all and rarely in front of strangers. It is hard to study in the laboratory because of the prohibition against hurting subjects.

Nevertheless, some studies have been done. In one set of analyses with young children in the laboratory, time-outs worked just as well as spanking for (immediate) subsequent compliance on 30 tasks assigned by the mother. Long-term compliance is decreased after spanking (Gershoff, 2002; Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor, 2013).

In terms of whether parental aggression (spanking) decreases aggression in the child, the answer is no. In fact, spanking tends to increase child aggression: “Spanking predicted increases in children’s aggression over and above initial levels [of aggressive behavior]” and “in none of these longitudinal studies did spanking predict reductions in children’s aggression over time” (p. 134). Instead, spanking predicted increases in children’s aggression.


Why else is spanking harmful?

It undermines trust. Children trust their parents just a little less. They are more likely to step back from the relationship and build a self-protective shield around themselves in terms of relationships generally. Children can learn to mistrust the motives of others and become more threat-reactive in social situations. It can lead to aggressive expectations — they are ready to aggress first before they are aggressed against.



Spanking is harmful for even more reasons, the review indicates:

Spanking destroys mental health.
Spanking increases delinquency and criminal behavior.
Spanking makes it more likely the child will be physically abused.


Just a quick search on google and you can see for yourself.

[Strawberry]

How is it harmful? Are you serious? Have you not kept up to date with research lately?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...s-bad-all-kids

Researchers have looked at effects on three undesirable behaviors in children who are spanked: noncompliance in the short term, noncompliance in the long term, and aggression. This area is hard to study in the home, because spanking rarely occurs at all and rarely in front of strangers. It is hard to study in the laboratory because of the prohibition against hurting subjects.

Researchers have looked at effects on three undesirable behaviors in children who are spanked: noncompliance in the short term, noncompliance in the long term, and aggression. This area is hard to study in the home, because spanking rarely occurs at all and rarely in front of strangers. It is hard to study in the laboratory because of the prohibition against hurting subjects.

Nevertheless, some studies have been done. In one set of analyses with young children in the laboratory, time-outs worked just as well as spanking for (immediate) subsequent compliance on 30 tasks assigned by the mother. Long-term compliance is decreased after spanking (Gershoff, 2002; Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor, 2013).

In terms of whether parental aggression (spanking) decreases aggression in the child, the answer is no. In fact, spanking tends to increase child aggression: “Spanking predicted increases in children’s aggression over and above initial levels [of aggressive behavior]” and “in none of these longitudinal studies did spanking predict reductions in children’s aggression over time” (p. 134). Instead, spanking predicted increases in children’s aggression.


Why else is spanking harmful?

It undermines trust. Children trust their parents just a little less. They are more likely to step back from the relationship and build a self-protective shield around themselves in terms of relationships generally. Children can learn to mistrust the motives of others and become more threat-reactive in social situations. It can lead to aggressive expectations — they are ready to aggress first before they are aggressed against.



Spanking is harmful for even more reasons, the review indicates:

Spanking destroys mental health.
Spanking increases delinquency and criminal behavior.
Spanking makes it more likely the child will be physically abused.


Just a quick search on google and you can see for yourself.

Seriously? You're going to pull some shitty research on my first hand experience?
There is absolutely no proof of kids becoming more aggressive from being punished physically.
Physical abuse. YES. But that's a COMPLETELY different thing.
What are you? Born in the 90s or younger?

[Steelcryo]

I feel like using physical force against a kid has an extremely fine line between what is beneficial and what is detrimental. When I was a kid I'd occasionally get a gentle slap around the back of the legs from my mum when I was naughty. Never enough to leave a mark or actually hurt, just enough to make me think "I don't want to do whatever I did wrong again" and personally from my own experience I think that did me a lot of good behaviour wise.

Unfortunately there's so many factors involved that there's not a "This is ok, this isn't ok" marker that can be applied by law that works for every situation so it's much easier to flat out ban it. As I said it benefited and worked for me but another child in the exact same circumstances could have a bad reaction and grow up thinking violence is ok, end up resenting their parent or it could end up causing more behaviour problems and a load of other issues.

Besides there's 1000 other ways to punish a child such as taking away their electronics, stop them seeing friends, making them do chores etc. The issue is finding the one that's effective for each child and some parents are just lazy and rather than battling with the kid to make them learn they lash out because it's the quick and easy choice.

That being said there are a lot of kids and teenagers today that you see who could probably have benefited from a good slap or two. I'd never condone a full on beating like you're suggesting though OP. Sorry, even if it did you no harm I know from experiences of many people in mental health work that it rarely leads to good results.

[I Push Buttons]

I only got smacked once and my behaviour changed for the better.

Same.

For a few weeks one summer when I was nine I stole cigarettes from my mom and smoked them with my friends behind my garage. My dad caught me sneaking some one day and smacked the shit out of me. I never smoked again, probably never going to smoke for the rest of my life.

[Templar 331]

How is it harmful? Did you read my post? Most of us born in early 80s and before were beaten. But we were far better kids than what today's children are.

Save your breath dude. There are posters on here who don't differentiate a "spanking" from child abuse.

I myself was like you as a child, a total little shit. It took a lot of spankings to straiten me out. But after I was straiten out my step-dad didn't stop with the actual abuse. So to me a spanking isn't too harsh when used for serious offenses.

[McFuu]

I was a really naughty kid. I was always curious and that often got me into trouble. I would cut open tires on my friends new bike to see what would happen. Or smash a tv with a hammer because I wanted to know what makes it work.
Boy did I get good beating because I did that.

So to my point, why is it forbidden in many places to give beating to kids when they do something stupid?
I don't mean hurt the kid badly, but make him remember he did wrong.
When I was about to do something stupid, I would think first "hmmm how much beating will I get if I do this?". And I can tell you many times I didn't do it because I figured it wasn't worth the beating I would receive.

I can't think of any good reason to forbid giving your kid a nice beating because they did something really bad.
Today's kids are extremely spoiled by their parents.
Many kids from my generation and older were physically punished and there is nothing wrong with us. On the contrary we had a lot more respect for the elders and behaved better.

Where is it forbidden to "go upside your kids head"?

[Deleted]

Freighter is correct - physical punishment is retarded: Parents have to realize that they are the very first idols in their children's life. Parents should educate themselves - we don't live in some ancient civilization anymore.

[Freighter]

Seriously? You're going to pull some shitty research on my first hand experience?
What are you? Born in the 90s or younger?

There's nothing shitty about it, it has been researched extensively and they've come to the conclusion it's harmful and detrimental to the child.

[LiiLoSNK]

Beatings done right don't need to be applied often. The fear of another beating is what deters bad/stupid behavior.

[callipygoustp]

LOL @ "a nice beating".

[FriendOrTraitor]

It doesn't work in the long run and will eventually do more harm than good.

[The Stormbringer]

Seriously? You're going to pull some shitty research on my first hand experience?
There is absolutely no proof of kids becoming more aggressive from being punished physically.
Physical abuse. YES. But that's a COMPLETELY different thing.
What are you? Born in the 90s or younger?

Ahh, I see. Nice troll, bro. Good b8, I r8 8/8.

[zephid]

How is it harmful? Did you read my post? Most of us born in early 80s and before were beaten. But we were far better kids than what today's children are.

Uhm, no we weren't. I don't know a single person younger than my grandparents who were beaten as a child.

[Steelcryo]

There is absolutely no proof of kids becoming more aggressive from being punished physically.

Except you know, all the research that has been done...