The Story of Cataclysm, by Richard A. Knaak

[Crawford]

This continues the saga of Rhonin. You can read the first part here:

http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...naak-(Spoilers)

Deathwing woke up one morning and ate a banana and a bowl of Total cereal, which his doctor recommended for his colon. Then he tore the goddamn world in half.

"What the fuck is happening?" asked Rhonin. "I didn't authorize this."

And it was on.

About the same time, one Naga got the idea that it would be awesome if they had a Kraken like in "Pirates of the Caribbean." The other Nagas thought that was a good idea, so they went out and found a Kraken.

The Naga sent the Kraken to eat a bunch of Horde and Alliance ships, which wasn't as good an idea as it seemed initially, because it turns out that the Horde and Alliance dudes can breathe underwater and ride around on giant seahorses fucking shit up. Also, the Gnomes had a submarine. A lot of Naga died.

Then Neptulon the Tidehunter showed up, and he was like: "No way. I'm not cool with any of this."

"We don't care what you think," said the Naga. "We don't have to listen to you anymore, because our Kraken is part Cthulhu." And then they sent it to eat Neptulon's face off.

With Neptulon powerless, the Naga plan would have been successful, but Rhonin was in the mood for calamari. By this point you should know how that turned out.

Then Rhonin went to Uldum. There are sphinx guys there, which are basically lions the size of rhinos with man-arms that can hold guns. So, of course they needed Rhonin to save them. Rhonin teamed up with Indiana Jones and the two of them basically just beat the shit out of everything in that zone.

Then, at last, it was time to confront Deathwing.

"We don't like the way you run things, Rhonin, so we are taking over. For I am Neltharion the Earthwarder, turned Deathwing the Destroyer." Deathwing said this because it takes a really long time to write a book, and Richard A. Knaak is very busy, so it helps to pad things out if the characters spend a lot of time introducing themselves to each other.

"I've got Ragnaros the elemental lord of fire on my side, and Cho'Gall who is a huge freaky-ass ogre. And Al-Akir, who is king of the genies or some shit like that. Together, I am pretty sure we can take you on."

"Oh yeah?" said Rhonin. "Well, I've got Reginald Whipplebottom the Fourth, here." As he said this, he brandished his right fist. "And I've got Agamemnon W. Jackson, as well," he said, indicating his left fist. "And they brought their buddy, Peter T. Thickness, the Piston of Devastation." As he said this, he did a pelvic thrust, in case it wasn't clear that he was talking about his penis.

Fear flickered for a moment in the dragon's blood-red eyes. "Well, I also have my resurrected children, Onyxia and Nefarian."

"I don't care how many dead babies you brought," Rhonin said. "Your whole posse looks like Tier 1 content to me, and I already learned their moves in Beta. You're all going down."

<<more to come>>

[Askander]

I've got Ragnaros the elemental lord of fire on my side, and Cho'Gall who is a huge freaky-ass ogre. And Al-Akir, who is king of the genies or some shit like that. Together, I am pretty sure we can take you on."

When I read this and got to "together", for some reason all I could see was "Together, we form Voltron!"

[Peroxide]

"What the fuck is this?" asked Rhonin. "I didn't authorize this."

That does sound a lot like Knaak lol.

[Natrii]

you forgot the part where he unleashes a raptor army on Deathwing :P

[Snuggli]

Haha, was funny MOAR PLZ.

[Failmuffins]

I think it could use a few more mentions of fiery red hair in order to Knaakify it.

[Crawford]

you forgot the part where he unleashes a raptor army on Deathwing :P

The raptor army ate Cthun in the original Warcraft Lore by Richard Knaak thread.

[Aerikx]

I'm not normalyl one to reply to a thread of this type. No offense.

But Rhonin introducing his left and right fist made me laugh real hard.
Today has been a horrible day but this was one hell of a day brightner. =]

haha I look forward to see the ending. =]

[iknowulol]

I lol'd.

SOOOOOO hard.
(That's what she said)



Seriously, Y U NO KEEP WRITIN'?

[ketzil]

haha funny OP. Keep it at this length, I've seen a few people ruin their "knaak" stories by rambling on too much. Good job tho looking forward to the rest.

PS What the fuck kind of last name is Knaak?

[Crawford]

Knaak is a far better writer than you, unfortunately.

I'm not sure you get the joke.

[Drakhar]

Rhonin introducing his left and right fist made me laugh real hard.
Today has been a horrible day but this was one hell of a day brightner. =]

Likewise for me.

I think it could use a few more mentions of fiery red hair in order to Knaakify it.

Also, this.

Knaak is a far better writer than you, unfortunately.

Not sure if serious...

[Doombringer]

You had me at "I didn't authorize this." and really delivered with Rhonin's trip to Uldum.

Rhonin and Indiana Jones... god help us.

[Deleted]

Oh crawford, you always so silly, bringing on the brilliant cynical content. We request more! :>

[Reid]

Knaak is a far better writer than you, unfortunately.

This guy is so butthurt...you insulted his life hero.Now all he has left is /wrists.

[Drakhar]

This guy is so butthurt...you insulted his life hero.Now all he has left is /wrists.

Lmfao, maybe that poster IS Knaak, as I don't see how anyone would defend him.

[conscript]

And it was on.

Someone get this guy a unique title or something.

[Powerogue]

that shall now be my new nickname. Reginald Whipplebottom the Fourth. All shall cower before my power and flaming blue hair.

[Crawford]

And it was on.

Someone get this guy a unique title or something.

All my posts should be in a glitter font.

[Alixie]

Ahh, warcraft novels. I read one page, and set it down forever. But this is funny.