View Poll Results: Is asking 3 nights a week alone with my girlfriend an acceptable request?

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  • Yes

    98 83.76%
  • No

    19 16.24%
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  1. #41
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiune View Post
    Well according to OP's post, he was talking about her storming out after she escalates the argument when he starts to talk about spending more time together without the friends. Once people are angry then everything negative comes out. It would be better to approach the deeper issues by themselves in a situation where she is not already angry (ie. before you talk about spending more time together, talk about what is making her unhappy). I wouldn't say his situation is unresolvable, since we don't know either of them. That's only for them to decide, but at the most it sounds more like a simple failure to communicate at present which can be overcome hopefully with talking in a calm environment and/or couples' counselling.
    You could be right, and I know I'm making a lot of assumptions in my posts. However, the whole thing just stinks of situations I've seen a million times before. You also have to question the girlfriend's reaction to her unhappiness. I mean, why is she acting so irresponsibly with the friend situation instead of trying to resolve things in a more reasonable fashion? Is the OP really a crazy dude who has given her every reason to hate him that we just don't know about? Is the OP approaching the discussion in an inflammatory way that pisses his girlfriend off to the point that nothing good happens? These are the questions we obviously can't answer.

    Yet, like I said, the whole thing just doesn't come across to be that deep. It seems a lot simpler to me and a lot like the situations I've seen time and time again.

  2. #42
    Sorry to disappoint you but any female with a strong sense of self-worth will just dump your ass if you are ice cold in a situation where she feels misunderstood or unappreciated.
    That's extremely selfish and unreasonable. I don't see how playing victim equals self-worth, especially when you take the scenario described by the OP in his post.

    I think your request is more than reasonable OP. She's just playing the 'sullen and misunderstood' card to get what she wants. Approach her firmly and show her why her ways are wrong.

  3. #43
    Epic! schwank05's Avatar
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    LOL Funny this is the arrangement my wife and I have in regards to gaming/ working on my car and spending time together. I get 3 nights a week to do my shit and the other 4 are hers.

  4. #44
    As a guy who dates women and men the best way of getting your way is guilt tripping someone. You gotta let her know that you want to be with her more and that her friends are getting in the way of your alone time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Symby View Post
    so if you see them making a class change a buff or a nerf that means they know what they are doing, they have skilled emplyees that are specially trained for such things(ppl that are balancing the game mechanics)!
    Until they kill the viability of your spec/class in PVE and PVP for nearly an entire expansion. But I guess that doesn't count because it makes your Gods look bad, am I right?.

  5. #45
    Dreadlord mludd's Avatar
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    My experience is what has already been said, she's losing interest and handling it poorly. It's one thing to want to hang out with your friends but when you get to the point where you're always giving friends higher priority than your significant other then something is probably wrong.

    I'm wondering if OP has also experienced that she's canceled plans they had together at the last minute to hang out with friends but refused to cancel or alter plans with her friends regardless of the circumstances when the situation is reversed, because that's definitely another warning sign…
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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinitar View Post
    That's extremely selfish and unreasonable. I don't see how playing victim equals self-worth, especially when you take the scenario described by the OP in his post.
    With that comment I was replying to the guy that said that treating women coldly is the only way to "get the power back" in the relationship... I'm a bit confused why you think it's selfish to not fall for such manipulative (and selfish!) behaviour?

  7. #47
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiune View Post
    Sorry to disappoint you but any female with a strong sense of self-worth will just dump your ass if you are ice cold in a situation where she feels misunderstood or unappreciated.
    well obviously she doesn't have a strong self-worth if she can't handle confrontations about this.
    Why should the op take all the responsibility in this?

    now, this is a very one-sided debate, since we've only heard one side of the story, so I can't really make a judgment.
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  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterHamster View Post
    well obviously she doesn't have a strong self-worth if she can't handle confrontations about this.
    Why should the op take all the responsibility in this?

    now, this is a very one-sided debate, since we've only heard one side of the story, so I can't really make a judgment.
    With that quote I was replying to the guy that I quoted who was trying to be cool with his "Game" manual, wasn't aimed at OP. Edited my post to make it more clear since people seem to misunderstand my intentions...

  9. #49
    Frankly, dump her... move on. Sounds like you're not enough to keep her interested or that you are not the reason she's staying with you.
    Pity about the kids though. It is inevitable, in my opinion that if you can't get along with each other without friends around that there is a problem.

    I agree with poster above me, however, one side of the debate is difficult to offer advice

  10. #50
    How does anyone here know her frame of mind? There are two sides to every story and we are only getting one because OP "wants to prove a point".

    There could be many reasons why she has friends over on a consistent basis, but we don't know any of them. There isn't enough information to determine if she is just a bitch or if she really doesn't want to be with the OP. These are wild assumptions made on "I've seen this happen too many times before and I know that X, Y or Z is going to happen because it happened to my brother".

    It's nice to get some opinions and frame of mind so you can approach the situation differently and hopefully resolve a solution that works for BOTH parties involved, but all the people screaming that she is a horrible mother and a bitch really need to consider that we know nothing about these people's lives. For all we know he spent years *insert activity that didn't include girlfriend* every night, so her friends starting hanging out and now they are both getting bitter with each. He did say it himself, she brought up a bunch of "old shit" that "doesn't matter"; like other people have said, it does matter and it bothers her somehow.

    I might find it unacceptable that my wife and I don't spend 7 nights out of the week together or I might be okay with one day. The problem isn't what your asking for, it's probably how you ask for it. Fights ensue and the world blows up. You can ask us every day what we find acceptable and it isn't going to hold any merit over your relationship because not every couple is the same. This situation might work for some and not others. In the end, these are all just our opinions and aren't going to help prove anything. Talk to her, find out where she stands in your relationship and you can figure out then if it is worth working for. But you have to do that with her. And coming here asking us to help you prove you're right isn't going to help you fix anything, because you can't weight your relationship on our values.

  11. #51
    Quote Originally Posted by elegorn View Post
    It sounds to me like you got kids too young and your girlfriend can't handle the pressure and rensposibilities. It sounds like she is missing the old days of hanging out and doesn't really want to work for your situation.

    I can't give any advice as I haven't been in your position. But my opinion is that, if ofcourse you can handle it, you should offer to hold the kids for one night a week so she can have a girls night. No I don't propose anything filthy, just go out with her friends and be back at home at a reasonable hour. Maybe she ll chill with the seeing her friends everyday then.
    This sounds dead on. Why on earth would she want people over what seems like 24-7 with CHILDREN in the house? That's not even remotely responsible parenting nor an environment children need to be exposed to.

    You aren't being unreasonable, in fact she's sending up a lot of red flags of a deeper underlying issue. Once she calms down I'd suggest talking to her to see if there is anything else bothering her that makes her not want to spend time with you (also, possibly even your children). The fact that she doesn't even want to spend a single night during the week with just you is very troubling. Does she act this same way with the children? Regardless, if you can't compromise on even a night a week then maybe it's time for some family counseling. I see this going very poorly for you AND the children (they are the most important thing in this situation) if it continues.
    Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
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  12. #52
    I would be curious to know more on the specifics of the conversation. I can see where your girlfriend could become upset depending on how you brought the subject up - especially if you threw out a specific number of dates you demanded were just for the two of you. Consider the following arguments:

    - I want to have 3 days a week where we don't have friends over and it's just you and me.
    - I want to spend more time with just the two of us, can we set aside some time each week for that?

    The first one is much more demanding and doesn't leave your girlfriend much room for a discussion. It's essentially either "Okay" or "No". The second argument allows for an actual discussion where the two of you can cement out details over how many days you each feel is reasonable; whether it should be the whole day or whether it's okay if her friends are around but leave by like... 5 or whatever.

    Some people simply do not respond well when they feel they are being given ultimatums. You can see that as a character flaw or you can just see it as part of their personality and work around it. Communication is key (obviously) but people often neglect that HOW you communicate is equally as important.

    Also on a semi-tangent... the people who see having friends staying the night when you have young kids as irresponsible.... What the hell? Are we just assuming that they are staying over because they are drunk? Are we assuming they are criminals or something? People staying the night... isn't really a big deal in the whole "and they have kids!" department.

  13. #53
    Herald of the Titans Hargalaten's Avatar
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    Your Girlfriend sounds like she gave up her freedom too fast. obviously 3 days out of 7 shouldnt be a problem at all to spend without friends.

    When you look long enough, Diglett's nose turns into a mouth with 1 tooth!

  14. #54
    Stood in the Fire c1nn4m0n's Avatar
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    Maybe her friends are going through major issues (abusive relationship, homelessness, etc) and they don't want to open up to you about it?

    I don't think you should stop her trying to see her friends.

    Throwing a tantrum is a stupid idea, it will only make her want to avoid you more.

    What you should be doing is telling her that you miss her and you want to take her out for a romantic dinner/movie etc.

  15. #55
    what you do when they not there,is my question . if you play wow or play alot of wow i understand her friends come along . cause you just watching ur screen instate putting time in her . my opinion as ur family man with kids etc leave gaming and spend time to them try to get more knowledge about her friends maybe will work out .

  16. #56
    3 nights a week is not an unreasonable request. My hubby and I sadly don't have any children, but if he was inviting his mates over ever night, I would be concerned. I'm happy for his friends to pop over for a visit, I'm happy for him to go out with his friends if he wants to, but if he preferred their company to mine every night there would be something very wrong.

    Can you find a time when you're alone to try and get her to tell you what's wrong? I'm guessing it'll be a bigger issue than her friends and she just hasn't told you. Best of luck sorting it out

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